I have recently heard about a girl in our community who is pregnant but not married. My first reaction was OMG, that’s so bad but then I found out a little bit more about her situation and I don’t think its that black and white. She’s in her late 30’s, has been waiting for her parents to find her a suitable rishta but no luck, she has always wanted kids. So, faced with time running out biologically and not much prospect of finding a decent rishta, is it so bad that she’s at least fullfilling one of her wishes? my question is how would you feel if your sister/daughter was in the same situation? would you disown them or support them?
Also, came across someone i know on facebook and saw that she is now living with a white guy and not married to him. She is in her 40s and tried to find someone on the rishta scene but it didn’t happen.
To me it seems in the UK these types of situations will increase as there is such a problem with finding rishtas for girls. So, is it better that she’s at least found someone or is the haraam nature of their union just too much? again, what if your sister/daughter were in the same situation? would you completely disapprove or take the view that at least she’s found someone and is happy?
Re: Pregnant but not married
It looks like two different topics here...being pregnant before marriage vs someone not finding a partner the desi way.
How did she get pregnant? Sperm donor ya some dude?
If people can have kids when they're young and stupid teenagers, stuck in a crappy marriage, or broke, then i dont see why a woman n her 30s cant have a kid.
Re: Pregnant but not married
If she could find herself someone to sleep with, wh coudn't she find smeone to marry her on her own?
Re: Pregnant but not married
sorry ajuba but wanting a baby should not be a reason good enough to go out and sleep with others.
Re: Pregnant but not married
Um, considering how many desi guys go around sleeping around before marriage and don't get any heat for it? Likewise, I don't see any reason she should get heat for it, unless society is willing to change their ways and start berating men for doing the same crap.
The situation by itself, is pretty understandable. I'm nearly 27 and alone still, and quite honestly beginning to lose it. If I was faced with enough temptation, I might as well go ahead and have sex and end up being pregnant. I wouldn't care what society said, because I'd have an angel, and at least be able to afford to take care of the baby. That's not a good situation for everybody though.
What I am wondering is, fine you end up finding someone non-desi that you click with. Why not explore marriage as an option with that man?
And there are honestly plenty of venues to meet muslim people if you look hard enough. Like my other thread says, I feel people get too picky about their rishtaas. At some point, you have to accept what you get and thereby enter into a halaal relationship. If not, then you can end up with these sort of situations.
Is it just me or are there A LOT of desi girls getting up there in age and not finding a good rishtaa? I don't understand why, honestly, other than that guys really need to cut it out with going back to Pakistan and finding girls there and going and marrying white girls, because then you end up having a surplus of girls like the one described in this thread. And when we ourselves make the situation so tough for girls, why are we criticizing them when they do end up having relations with other men and making these sorts of mistakes? Think about all the guys who could have married this woman, and instead went back to Pakistan to get married or married gori girls.
Re: Pregnant but not married
Maybe I missed it, but I dont see her specifying whether she slept wiht the guy or it could have been a sperm donor...who knows.
But if it wasn't specified..funny everyone assuming she slept with someone.
She slept with him. they had some kind of brief relationship but it didn't work out.
PCG, this is exactly my viewpoint. Our society creates this situation, leaving behind a surplus of girls, who have probably done everything by the book and been good girls. But then they get to their 30s and realise that being good is not going to get them a decent guy and they want to move on with their lives. Whether that's by hooking up with a non-desi or having a child.
And to whoever who said well, if she can get pregnant then why can't she find someone by herself to marry. Well, I'm sure that would have been her ideal scenario but life doesn't always work out how we want it to.
Re: Pregnant but not married
Thinking of donated sperm is a long shot.
The woman in this scenario is living with a guy! He might have just donated her the sperm by a funnel....!?
Basically if a woman cannot find someone to marry her, then the need to have a child is good enough reason for let the man have a one (or more) nights of fun with the desperate woman.
Both happy?
Nope!
Thinking of donated sperm is a long shot.
The woman in this scenario is living with a guy! He might have just donated her the sperm by a funnel....!?
Basically if a woman cannot find someone to marry her, then the need to have a child is good enough reason for let the man have a one (or more) nights of fun with the desperate woman.
Both happy?
Nope!
Well, they both get what they want. so, happy. Yes.
She slept with him. they had some kind of brief relationship but it didn't work out. PCG, this is exactly my viewpoint. Our society creates this situation, leaving behind a surplus of girls, who have probably done everything by the book and been good girls. But then they get to their 30s and realise that being good is not going to get them a decent guy and they want to move on with their lives. Whether that's by hooking up with a non-desi or having a child. And to whoever who said well, if she can get pregnant then why can't she find someone by herself to marry. Well, I'm sure that would have been her ideal scenario but life doesn't always work out how we want it to.
So what do yo want s to say?
Re: Pregnant but not married
I am a little skeptical for the reason cited here. Need to have a child!
He might run away! Hope not.
She will be the loser in that scenario.
Again the story seems pre-meditated to achieve a set goal and ending.
I am a little skeptical for the reason cited here. Need to have a child!
i am little skeptical of story itself.
I am a little skeptical for the reason cited here. Need to have a child!
Why? Its a natural desire and for some women gets stronger when they realise time is running out.
Why? Its a natural desire and for some women gets stronger when they realise time is running out.
:-) Not enough reason.
I think to avoid these situation girls have to lower their egos and stupid conditions and not wait for a charming prince on a white horse.Live in a real world , stop fatasizing white guys or something! if these attitudes dont change only these girls are gona be "ULTIMATE"losers as guys have much more options.
1.Either they will end up alone
or
2.End up with a non muslim guys which makes them shunned by the community as a whole!
Re: Pregnant but not married
Haram is Haram . As Muslims we live by religion and not by our society . There are few basic ethical rules that must be followed . If everyone in a society start lying , it still won't make it kosher .
There is a halal way of having a baby that she could have adopted , and it is not like doomsday that she couldn't find anyone out there to marry . It is more of our personal mindset that stops us from marrying and less of unavailability of a man .
Re: Pregnant but not married
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-relationships/391477-sleeping-bt-not-married.html
Do some brainstorming there^
Re: Pregnant but not married
Well shes in her 30's she got pregnant. Well done. Theres been 12 year olds that are pregnant. Atleast she will be mature enuff to raise a baby.
My aunty was married, arranged never worked out. Moved in with a white guy and has been with him for 12+ years. I dont see the problem.
But like someone said, who exactly refused the rishta's? her parents? Or her self?
And why cudnt she put her foot down, Or better still get a nikkah without bringing 'shame' on her family??
Anyone can do anything, but i wud rather put my foot down and get a legal nikkah than shame my mum n dad.
Um, considering how many desi guys go around sleeping around before marriage and don't get any heat for it? Likewise, I don't see any reason she should get heat for it, unless society is willing to change their ways and start berating men for doing the same crap.
.
Its not about sleeping around, its about bringing a baby in this world just for the selfish reason, that is, because she WANTED one. Bringing a baby without having an established, secure home team is the stupidest thing a person can do. She should be publicly lashed.
Re: Pregnant but not married
those are all excuses. someone who does it for money is a prostitute but lets get people's sympathy by making child a reason and now it's a whole new thing.
there is always some reason to sleep around, but no matter what creative reason you come up with its haram and gunnah