Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
blasphemous post 
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
^
Acha ji 
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
As a child who was brought up in this whole 2 wife drama because 'men can have multiple wives' in Islam I'd like to break it down for the OP.
Firstly; if my husband said he was remarrying, or was considering it then as a Muslim I also have rights too so Whoop I'd use them too. Why not get myself a shiny new husband if he can get a nice new wife?
Newsflash people: the majority of those taking on second wives are not marrying a widow, a prostitute, a poor woman, a divorcee (oh God forbid!) etc. They are marrying girls often younger or those they've taken a shining to. I
It's not about being a good Muslim now is it? The majority do so because they can. Simples. Those brothers who say we can marry more than one woman it's our right. Good on you brother. However when was the last time you fed the poor in your neighbourhood? When did you last give the Masjid a good clean? When was the last time you gave your widow Aunt a call to see if she was okay? What about your kids from the first marriage? Do you know how they are performing in School? Do you even know your first wifes shoe size?! See you can marry up to 4 times but if you are lacking as a good Muslim in the first place no amount of justifying can say 'oh what a noble Muslim man he's married again'.
No one in the right mind can even contemplate loving two people the same. When a man takes on another wife he has responsibilities to match both wives needs. Can a man of today do that? Erm well OP you seem new around here so let me give you a hint. Take a look at all the posts where husbands are struggling to meet the needs of 1 wife, a sister, a demanding Mother etc etc. Unrealistic? Much!
Some women (especially those raised in countries were it's practiced) see nothing wrong with the husband marrying a younger bird, bringing her into the home and casting off the first wife as the older one who bore the family name blah blah blah. It happens; and I've read various reports in which certain Arab countries wish to limit or even stop foreign maids from gaining entry into their countries because their country divorce rate is becoming higher and higher especially in the older women. As the men have 4 wives and they find another new one guess which one is the first to go?
I personally don't think this many good men do it; because they are aware of the struggles they face on a daily basis to meet the demands of being a good human in the 21st century so why would he want to complicate his life?
I'm aware of many men in my local community who have two wives-one lives with their parents and looks after their parents and the other one lives on Government benefits and is visited for 'couple duties' three times a week. Good Muslims? Good men? Hmph! There more likely to give Islam bad publicity.
If a man is quick to express his rights then I see no reason why I shouldn't do the same. Allah gave me enough brain power to gain an education and I can happily work and provide for my child if need be.
As for men taking on a second wife because his sexual needs are not being met; how comes it's acceptable socially and culturally for a man to give this reason but if a woman does (e.g. she leaves her husband and wants a divorce) on the same grounds she's given colourful names? Double standards stink.
Now OP; are you attempting to justify the whole 'men have rights let them use them' because you are planning to be the OTHER wife?
The first response from a Muslim is because Allah said so. This is why men can have more than one wife at a time and women cannot. Second Allah does for a reason. I have already said the reasons why Muslim men can have more than one wife. The reason women cannot have more than one husband is that how would one know who the father of the child is? Yes, today we can tell with science but science cannot change the laws of Allah. Even in the most open countries if a girl is with multiple partners it is considers a bad thing and if a boy is then it is all good. Even in heaven women will only be with one husband. This is the way Allah wants it. Having more than one wife is in the Quran itself. This Quran can never be changed and is under the protection of billion of Muslims and memorized by even little girls and boys. It is also the sunnah of the greatest men to even walk this earth.
One can ask the question why heaven is under the feet of the mother and not father? Why raising two girls leads to heaven and not two boys? Why does a woman get to keep all the money she earns will the man has to spend on his family? Why do women get to wear gold and silk? Why do I have to die for my little girl before by little boy? Why does this little girl or boy automatically go to the mother in a divorce? There are somethings women have over men and some men over women. This is one of those things men have over women. It is true that most women are not OK with this but some are. If Allah says it is OK and everyone voluntarily agrees to it then who is anyone else?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
... aajkal single mardooN ki bhar-maar hai... saalay shaadi-shuda mardooN ko hi kiyon sawaab kamanay ka khiyaal aata hai???
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
The first response from a Muslim is because Allah said so. This is why men can have more than one wife at a time and women cannot. Second Allah does for a reason. I have already said the reasons why Muslim men can have more than one wife. The reason women cannot have more than one husband is that how would one know who the father of the child is? Yes, today we can tell with science but science cannot change the laws of Allah. Even in the most open countries if a girl is with multiple partners it is considers a bad thing and if a boy is then it is all good. Even in heaven women will only be with one husband. This is the way Allah wants it. Having more than one wife is in the Quran itself. This Quran can never be changed and is under the protection of billion of Muslims and memorized by even little girls and boys. It is also the sunnah of the greatest men to even walk this earth.
One can ask the question why heaven is under the feet of the mother and not father? Why raising two girls leads to heaven and not two boys? Why does a woman get to keep all the money she earns will the man has to spend on his family? Why do women get to wear gold and silk? Why do I have to die for my little girl before by little boy? Why does this little girl or boy automatically go to the mother in a divorce? There are somethings women have over men and some men over women. This is one of those things men have over women. It is true that most women are not OK with this but some are. If Allah says it is OK and everyone voluntarily agrees to it then who is anyone else?
Erm I never said Islam forbids it. I also never questioned Islam or it's teachings. Realistically though you can never ever match today's man to those who practiced Islam when it first graced earth. Those men were aware of how important it was to obey the rules of having more than one spouse.
Clearly someone isn't reading what I wrote. I'm a product of the whole 'two wives set up' and I'm stating what I have seen, felt and God forbid understand from living in the 21st Century. I can also tell you it's easy for a man to say 'I'll keep both wives equally' and after go back on their word and the KIDS LIKE ME in the situation wouldn't even wee on their own fathers grave because why waste my wee on him?! Is that plain enough for you? Don't lecture me on Heaven bro; parents also have responsibilities towards their children.
I also never said women should have more than one husband. I mean seriously one is bad enough for most women why torture them further.
Islam tells us many things-as does the Holy book. If you read my post you and understood what I was saying you would understand that it's not as easy as people sometimes make out to have more than one SPOUSE and treat them Islamically. How's about neighbours rights? Rights of orphans? The charity we should contribute on top of Zikaat if one can afford to do so? To take part in the whole multiple marriage situ but ignore the wider picture of what else Islam says is like pick and mix sweets; you leave out the ones you don't like and go for the ones you do.
It was my opinion; based on actual things I've seen; not some random poster not actually aware of what the situation is in the majority of cases. There is a small minority who could work around the clock, ware themselves thin and treat two spouses the same but these brothers are usually the type that have one wife, children, work hard and after often found fundraising in their 'spare time' away from their daily duties.
[quote="PashtunWarrior, post:845, topic:282444"]
The first response from a Muslim is because Allah said so. This is why men can have more than one wife at a time and women cannot. Second Allah does for a reason. I have already said the reasons why Muslim men can have more than one wife. The reason women cannot have more than one husband is that how would one know who the father of the child is? Yes, today we can tell with science but science cannot change the laws of Allah. Even in the most open countries if a girl is with multiple partners it is considers a bad thing and if a boy is then it is all good. Even in heaven women will only be with one husband. This is the way Allah wants it. Having more than one wife is in the Quran itself. This Quran can never be changed and is under the protection of billion of Muslims and memorized by even little girls and boys. It is also the sunnah of the greatest men to even walk this earth.
One can ask the question why heaven is under the feet of the mother and not father? Why raising two girls leads to heaven and not two boys? Why does a woman get to keep all the money she earns will the man has to spend on his family? Why do women get to wear gold and silk? Why do I have to die for my little girl before by little boy? Why does this little girl or boy automatically go to the mother in a divorce? There are somethings women have over men and some men over women. This is one of those things men have over women. It is true that most women are not OK with this but some are. If Allah says it is OK and everyone voluntarily agrees to it then who is anyone else?
Erm I never said Islam forbids it. I also never questioned Islam or it's teachings. Realistically though you can never ever match today's man to those who practiced Islam when it first graced earth. Those men were aware of how important it was to obey the rules of having more than one spouse.
Clearly someone isn't reading what I wrote. I'm a product of the whole 'two wives set up' and I'm stating what I have seen, felt and God forbid understand from living in the 21st Century. I can also tell you it's easy for a man to say 'I'll keep both wives equally' and after go back on their word and the KIDS LIKE ME in the situation wouldn't even wee on their own fathers grave because why waste my wee on him?! Is that plain enough for you? Don't lecture me on Heaven bro; parents also have responsibilities towards their children.
I also never said women should have more than one husband. I mean seriously one is bad enough for most women why torture them further.
Islam tells us many things-as does the Holy book. If you read my post you and understood what I was saying you would understand that it's not as easy as people sometimes make out to have more than one SPOUSE and treat them Islamically. How's about neighbours rights? Rights of orphans? The charity we should contribute on top of Zikaat if one can afford to do so? To take part in the whole multiple marriage situ but ignore the wider picture of what else Islam says is like pick and mix sweets; you leave out the ones you don't like and go for the ones you do.
It was my opinion; based on actual things I've seen; not some random poster not actually aware of what the situation is in the majority of cases. There is a small minority who could work around the clock, ware themselves thin and treat two spouses the same but these brothers are usually the type that have one wife, children, work hard and after often found fundraising in their 'spare time' away from their daily duties.
[/QUOTE]
Well said!
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
I know someone who recently became a second wife. the guy didn't like his first wife much and kept complaining to the second wife ( girl friend) at the time) that he was sick of her. he helped the second wife( girl friend back then) **get a divorce since she was married to a man **with a mental illness and he didn't want to be cured and was abusive towards her and her child as well.
he bought the second wife her own apartment and something tells me the first wife isn't getting too many visits from him anymore. i know for a fact that she was extremely unhappy with the whole second marriage situation but she consented because she would have been given the boot if she hadn't.
now the guy thinks he did nothing wrong at all, in fact he earned sawab by marrying a young helpless girl who was stuck in a bad marriage ; but to me he emotionally cheated on his first wife and earned a whole lot of gunah during the whole process.
poor first wife; i really feel for her and her children.
Good grief. So let me get this straight. They were both already married and she agreed to marry him knowing he was slagging off the first wife to her? Saying he didn't like her much but still managed to pro-create with her?
So the first wife is getting visited less? Does he see the kids often (more than the wife). At a guess soon enough the visits will become less and less. Even if the bloke said at the start (not sure if he did) that he would support both it's near impossible if he didn't even like the first wife much. Why not do the right thing and instead of stringing her along explain his feelings and if they cannot sort it part rather than her being unhappy? He'd still have to financially support his kids if that is something she is worried about. Zulm is not acceptable; even if it's just her being unhappy because her hands were tied to accept such a decision.
The first wife is in the dilemma of many first wives-if you don't accept the decision you are kicked to the kerb as often the kids are too because shiny new ones will take their place soon enough.
He helped a married women basically leave her valid nikkah, and marry him and he doesn't see that as wrong? The right thing possibly for the brother would have been is to say "I like you I really do; however you are in a nikkah with another man even if he has got mental problems. If you become single call me!". But oh no why do that.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Erm I never said Islam forbids it. I also never questioned Islam or it's teachings. Realistically though you can never ever match today's man to those who practiced Islam when it first graced earth. Those men were aware of how important it was to obey the rules of having more than one spouse.
Clearly someone isn't reading what I wrote. I'm a product of the whole 'two wives set up' and I'm stating what I have seen, felt and God forbid understand from living in the 21st Century. I can also tell you it's easy for a man to say 'I'll keep both wives equally' and after go back on their word and the KIDS LIKE ME in the situation wouldn't even wee on their own fathers grave because why waste my wee on him?! Is that plain enough for you? Don't lecture me on Heaven bro; parents also have responsibilities towards their children.
I also never said women should have more than one husband. I mean seriously one is bad enough for most women why torture them further.
Islam tells us many things-as does the Holy book. If you read my post you and understood what I was saying you would understand that it's not as easy as people sometimes make out to have more than one SPOUSE and treat them Islamically. How's about neighbours rights? Rights of orphans? The charity we should contribute on top of Zikaat if one can afford to do so? To take part in the whole multiple marriage situ but ignore the wider picture of what else Islam says is like pick and mix sweets; you leave out the ones you don't like and go for the ones you do.
It was my opinion; based on actual things I've seen; not some random poster not actually aware of what the situation is in the majority of cases. There is a small minority who could work around the clock, ware themselves thin and treat two spouses the same but these brothers are usually the type that have one wife, children, work hard and after often found fundraising in their 'spare time' away from their daily duties.
I did read you post and I responded. I understand you wrote from you experience and that is fine. The issue is that you are over generalizing. You are assuming that most or every case will be like yours which is incorrect. There are cases in my family (uncle) where someone has two wives and they actually defend each other against some of my other relatives who are not happy about the two wife situation. My local imam has three wives and they are all happy. I also have a friend who has two wives and they hate each other. It just depends on the situation.
Indeed both men and women today are not like the ones closest to the prophet. We are not at that level. This does not mean that we should not practice or follow the way they did . This religion is until the last day. Allah knows everything from the time of the prophet to the last day. This religion will be the same until the last day. It can never be outdated.
I agree with you that we must fulfill all the responsibilities of being a Muslim, this includes those to our wife or wives. This does not mean that one cannot fulfill the responsibilities of having more than one wife although it does become harder. Most Muslim men who have multiple wives might not be the greatest of husbands but that does not mean that we don't try to be.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
I never even thought about the child's perspective on this - the one who is actually affected by the set up.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Most men only fulfill one responsibility towards their first wife: financial and that too grudgingly.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
People are bringing Islam unnecessarily into this topic. Islam says that if a man can't be just he should stick with just one wife. And clearly most men are not being just, so its out of the question.
On a related note, I wonder why our Mullahs don't cry about a Muslim man's right to marry a Christian or Jewish woman who is chaste. Such marriages are just as problematic as polygamous ones these days. Yet polygamy is everyone's biggie for some reason when it comes to Islam and what it permits.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Most men only fulfill one responsibility towards their first wife: financial and that too grudgingly.
Actually many men fail to do even that.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
The first response from a Muslim is because Allah said so. This is why men can have more than one wife at a time and women cannot. Second Allah does for a reason. I have already said the reasons why Muslim men can have more than one wife. The reason women cannot have more than one husband is that how would one know who the father of the child is? Yes, today we can tell with science but science cannot change the laws of Allah. Even in the most open countries if a girl is with multiple partners it is considers a bad thing and if a boy is then it is all good. Even in heaven women will only be with one husband. This is the way Allah wants it. Having more than one wife is in the Quran itself. This Quran can never be changed and is under the protection of billion of Muslims and memorized by even little girls and boys. It is also the sunnah of the greatest men to even walk this earth.
One can ask the question why heaven is under the feet of the mother and not father? Why raising two girls leads to heaven and not two boys? Why does a woman get to keep all the money she earns will the man has to spend on his family? Why do women get to wear gold and silk? Why do I have to die for my little girl before by little boy? Why does this little girl or boy automatically go to the mother in a divorce? There are somethings women have over men and some men over women. This is one of those things men have over women. It is true that most women are not OK with this but some are. If Allah says it is OK and everyone voluntarily agrees to it then who is anyone else?
Good post, but I don't know why you mentioned this
[quoted below]
. It sounds behooda and unislamic, no offense.
[QUOTE]
and if a boy is then it is all good
[/QUOTE]
On another note, when we talk about bad polygamous marriages that is within the confines of Islam because Islam forbids it if one is going to behave unfairly.
And does everything in Islam have to have reason? I mean if reason was the basis of our religious laws then why would we wipe our feet over and not under as logic dictates that we wipe under and not over but Allah tells us to do the opposite?
Coming to the Sunnah bit, polygamy is not encouraged in Islam. its optional. The Prophet was an exempt case since he was allowed to have more than four wives while all other Muslim men can not. So this rule does not apply to us. We must also remember that he married mostly widows/divorces. And another thing to remember is that despite living in a tribe/city where most men had numerous wives and monogamy was uncommon, he had only one wife-Our Mother Khadijah [RA]- for most of his marital life, who was nearly double his age and it was only after her death that he married other women, mostly on a humanitarian basis.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
It's sad when muslims misinterpret and abuse this verse.
You do not need to marry someone to help them. Next time, if your husband talks about charitably marrying his secretary, tell him that there are old men in Pakistan dying of cancer, why not marry them?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Men bring Islam into this much like women bring Islam into the argument of living separate from in-laws. I don't find this to be a such a big deal anymore...women are educated and independent these days. Make yourselves so strong he is forced to respect your presence in his life. If he wants a second wife - let him have one but know that if the arrangement doesn't work for you - YOU can give HIM the boot.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Good post, but I don't know why you mentioned this [quoted below] . It sounds behooda and unislamic, no offense.
On another note, when we talk about bad polygamous marriages that is within the confines of Islam because Islam forbids it if one is going to behave unfairly.
And does everything in Islam have to have reason? I mean if reason was the basis of our religious laws then why would we wipe our feet over and not under as logic dictates that we wipe under and not over but Allah tells us to do the opposite?
Coming to the Sunnah bit, polygamy is not encouraged in Islam. its optional. The Prophet was an exempt case since he was allowed to have more than four wives while all other Muslim men can not. So this rule does not apply to us. We must also remember that he married mostly widows/divorces. And another thing to remember is that despite living in a tribe/city where most men had numerous wives and monogamy was uncommon, he had only one wife-Our Mother Khadijah [RA]- for most of his marital life, who was nearly double his age and it was only after her death that he married other women, mostly on a humanitarian basis.
I was talking about what open minded countries think when it comes to girls and boys having multiple partners. It was not supposed to be Islamic. Our religion is not completely based on logic and reason but Allah himself has a sunnah way of doing things and a lot of things in our religion are logical from washing our hands before eating to waiting 40 days before having relations after birth of a child.
Most Muslim men have only one wife. It is also true that a lot who have more than one wife are not totally fair with them all. I agree this is bad. However A Muslim man is allowed to marry up to four wives for whatever reason. It is preferred that it be for a humanitarian reason but not required. If the man is trying his best to be fair and his 4 wives are Ok with it and so is Allah then who are we to judge is my point.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Most Muslim men have only one wife. It is also true that a lot who have more than one wife are not totally fair with them all. I agree this is bad. However A Muslim man is allowed to marry up to four wives for whatever reason. It is preferred that it be for a humanitarian reason but not required. If the man is trying his best to be fair and his 4 wives are Ok with it and so is Allah then who are we to judge is my point.
No, its not required but its not required that men marry four times either to feel like men, right? I don't understand this debate - why is this even being debated? Yes, you're allowed to marry four times. We all know that. Will you marry four times just to prove you can?
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
No, its not required but its not required that men marry four times either to** feel like men**, right? I don't understand this debate - why is this even being debated? Yes, you're allowed to marry four times. We all know that. Will you marry four times just to prove you can?
I came across the incident of the Prophet's daughter Zainab(ra)'s husband-Abu Al Aas, who was offered the most beautiful women in the tribe to divorce Zaynab and bring the Prophet(saw) dishonour but he retorted that he loved his wife and thus would have no other woman. He also said he respected Muhammad [SAW]. See, marrying more women does not mean that you are a man.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Things change when your father in law is a Prophet and your tribe's boss.
Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife
Good grief. So let me get this straight. They were both already married and she agreed to marry him knowing he was slagging off the first wife to her? Saying he didn't like her much but still managed to pro-create with her?
So the first wife is getting visited less? Does he see the kids often (more than the wife). At a guess soon enough the visits will become less and less. Even if the bloke said at the start (not sure if he did) that he would support both it's near impossible if he didn't even like the first wife much. Why not do the right thing and instead of stringing her along explain his feelings and if they cannot sort it part rather than her being unhappy? He'd still have to financially support his kids if that is something she is worried about. Zulm is not acceptable; even if it's just her being unhappy because her hands were tied to accept such a decision.
The first wife is in the dilemma of many first wives-if you don't accept the decision you are kicked to the kerb as often the kids are too because shiny new ones will take their place soon enough.
He helped a married women basically leave her valid nikkah, and marry him and he doesn't see that as wrong? The right thing possibly for the brother would have been is to say "I like you I really do; however you are in a nikkah with another man even if he has got mental problems. If you become single call me!". But oh no why do that.
this all happened rather recently, so i don't know how the first wives kids are being affected by this whole situation, but she is unhappy with it. from what i know, this man helped his second wife with her divorce proceedings since her first husband kept dragging on the divorce proceedings in court by not showing up and all. i don't know how he helped speed up the divorce but he did.
its sad though, that the first wife had to suffer so much. the second wife is completely happy though, she's in a much better position now then she was before.