To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

[Insaaniyat]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@PyariCgudia

Things change when your father in law is a Prophet and your tribe’s boss.

The Prophet was severely persecuted at that time by the Quraish and it was the Quraish who gave this offer themselves to her husband and this son in law was actually a non-muslim but later on he accepted two years before he died.

[Princess1983]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@PyariCgudia

It’s sad when muslims misinterpret and abuse this verse.

You do not need to marry someone to help them. Next time, if your husband talks about charitably marrying his secretary, tell him that there are old men in Pakistan dying of cancer, why not marry them?

PCG has broken it down nicely IMHO.

Also; when it comes to ‘helping the needy’ I do have something to add. My Aunt who became a widow last April has 5 kids. Would you believe in a nation of so many helpful people none of these rich brothers have come forward to ‘help out’? No neither can I

PW-assuming from your username you have a lot more experience of the whole two wifey set up…both my Great Grandmothers came from Pushton Tribes. Both were married outside of it as their Father didn’t want them in the same set up as he felt it was doing his family no good.

I will agree to disagree with you PW; peace.

It’s not just my Father I’ve seen take the biscuit out of this; my husbands cousins, people within my social circle and so on. I never said all men fail at it. I’m saying the majority will in this day and age. The demands of today are increasing. The culture in which more than one wife is the norm of course are to some degree exemption because they’ve never really had it any other way and I’m assuming may have adapted to the times although I am aware of a family from Peshawar where the husband is married twice; both women live in the same house and the first wife is constantly abusing the second wife but because it’s the norm for his family to have more than one wife and shes the Mother of his kids he’s accepting the behaviour.

Again I’m not saying Muslims should drop it; what I’m saying is not many brothers in the right mind who have no experience of this will walk into it. Why? My opinion is those who think will understand the demands on their time, wallet, emotions etc are so great with one family having another will thin it out and create if anything tension for him in the long run and potentially destroy his first happy home. It’s something that is optional in Islam; a lot of things are optional in Islam but no one wishes to pick those? How’s about living a simplistic lifestyle similar to ancestors and founders of Islam? No? Why not? You see I’m not saying it’s wrong to marry more than one wife; however if someone is willing to say ‘Islam allows it’ why would no one turn around and say ‘it also says a million other things care to look into them too?’.

I’ve yet to see a set up where EVERYONE including the kids who are being effected without a choice in the matter are happy.

It’s not just me either-my siblings (from my Fathers other marriage) never liked the set up either because it was a constant struggle for attention (or at least it was when we were that small; now it’s a case of none of us deal with him-he failed everyone).

[Princess1983]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@Reha

I never even thought about the child’s perspective on this - the one who is actually affected by the set up.

Children are often the forgotten victim. You see when a woman is forced (can’t comment on the women who are happy with the set up as I have yet to meet one) into accepting their husbands second/third/forth union family often bring up the fact ‘your children need a Father’ ‘he will still provide for them’ ‘he’s not replacing his children’ when in essence all comes caving down after a while when the man is tired of it. I’ve been there; it’s dog ugly I tell you.

[Puchi_Kuchi]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

seriously!!! get A grip OP…multiple marriages do more harm than good. FACT.

NO man can treat more than one woman equally. FACT.

A woman will never want to share a man she loves. FACT.

I am not islamically obliged to stay with a man who wishes to marry again. It is NOT haram for me to leave that marriage, some things are unbearable. For me this is something I know which would make me bitter twisted and jelous. NOT a happy secure wife and mom so hence I would leave rather than suffer.

Personally i’d rather live alone than share my spouse. End of.

[LittleFairyPrincess]

Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another

Well said I agree.

[uzair1]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@Reha

Most men only fulfill one responsibility towards their first wife: financial and that too grudgingly.

In many cases, the first wives aren’t really enthusiastic about their husbands fulfillment of other responsibilities.

Its not their qualities as lovers that allow them to take multiple wives.

[rolla_coaster]

Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another

@Lusi

No husband… I can take care of myself, I didnt marry him because I needed someone to take care of my basic needs.
Ps. You can’t love two women (wives) at the same time. That is just being unfair to yourself and both the women you have married.

haww , in defence i can use a cheesy line i heard in a paki drama which said “jab maan do bachoon ko pyar kar sakti hai tou shohar kyun nahi”?

[redvelvet]

Re: To those women who would want a divorce just because their husband takes another

@rolla_coaster

haww , in defence i can use a cheesy line i heard in a paki drama which said “jab maan do bachoon ko pyar kar sakti hai tou shohar kyun nahi”?

Please twirl the edge your thaakur jaisi moochain when u say that.

[cancerian87]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

this is nature of many husband they always says asii biwii honi chaiye etc after seeing any girl …becoz they dont realize what they have ..insan ko qadar nai hoti jo uske pass hain yeh jo ALLAH ne uske liye banya … and about right of husband for 2 marriage is when they sure that he will do justice with both of them …but now days mostly people give divorce to their first wife to get married …

[prototype]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

I’d rather be ok if he does that. sometimes we need to go through hell to appreciate the heaven we were living in even more ! kisi aur ko bhi yeh “tuhfa” milna chayay jo mujay mila hai

[bao_bihari]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

Scholars have difference of opinion on this.I know people who have more then one wife and is very happy , and i know people who have only one and cant handle her properly.

Reasons in support of Taddud
http://taddud.blogspot.com

Against Taddud
See for example page 423 onwards (sorry missed the link) will add it later.

meanwhile read what taddud supporters has to say

[Iyla]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@partyslims

Meanwhile in GroupShoop Farum’s Wife4 subsection this topic is being discussed: “My 4th wife thinks I spend too much time with my 1st wife who thinks I take out the 3rd one too much who thinks I spend too much with the in laws of 2nd who thinks I play favorite with the 4th one’s kid. Halp”

which sane husband would honestly want two wives anyway?

two wives = two mother in laws = double expenses = double nagging

[_Iraj]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@Sara_Abeeha

I EXTREMELY EXTREMELY disliked polygamy before my husband married another woman three years ago and I hated it like nothing else on the planet. I was in pain for the whole next year. Then I found a blog called Polygamy 411 which is run and frequented by women [Muslim women] living in polygamous marriages. We all help each other cope and have now accepted that this is Allah’s will for us, we are not to question what Allah has written for us in our fates.

I was initially going to divorce but the bloggers advised me, why would you let the other woman win by taking all yur husband? IMPROVE AND WORK ON YOUR OWN MARRIAGE. His marriage with the second wife is *his *business, not yours.

And make Allah your focus in your life, he should be your first love, not your husband. Once you live for Allah everything becomes easy on its own.

I recommend you all visit this great and helpful blog run by an American Muslim revert woman who went through a traumatic experience with polygamy [Its in the section of the blog called ‘‘My Story’’] and she has now after many years accepted it and now lives in peace.

besides fate the 2nd, 3rd or 4th marriage was allowed so that women are not left out alone which is commonly seen these days.

many spinsters are easily found everywhere

also i know a lady whose husband dates every other women and she prays to god that her hubby may bring a second wife and leave the rest.

so 2nd , 3rd or 4th is better in other situations.

its not to feel insecure or degraded

or not the beauty competition

[Iyla]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@Sara_Abeeha

I EXTREMELY EXTREMELY disliked polygamy before my husband married another woman three years ago and I hated it like nothing else on the planet. I was in pain for the whole next year. Then I found a blog called Polygamy 411 which is run and frequented by women [Muslim women] living in polygamous marriages. We all help each other cope and have now accepted that this is Allah’s will for us, we are not to question what Allah has written for us in our fates.

I was initially going to divorce but the bloggers advised me, why would you let the other woman win by taking all yur husband? IMPROVE AND WORK ON YOUR OWN MARRIAGE. His marriage with the second wife is *his *business, not yours.

And make Allah your focus in your life, he should be your first love, not your husband. Once you live for Allah everything becomes easy on its own.

I recommend you all visit this great and helpful blog run by an American Muslim revert woman who went through a traumatic experience with polygamy [Its in the section of the blog called ‘‘My Story’’] and she has now after many years accepted it and now lives in peace.

wow - hats off to you. ma sha allah i’m glad you found a way to accept it even though it all sounds like it was forced upon you to accept it. may allah swt always keep you so happy.

while you were in pain for a year what was your husband’s reaction to your pain?

has your husband given you a separate home or do you all live together?

do you all go out together to a restaurant etc?

[system]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@muqawwee123

Not at all. I just want to understand psyche behind the most prevailing thought in this thread (khula in such circumstances). I don’t believe in either Shokat Thanvi’s role model woman in Behshati Zewar or Umera Ahmed’s compromising heroine.

Bhai ji, to believe or not to believe in something is one’s divine right, but Shokat Thanvi marhoom o maghfoor had nothing to do with Bahishti Zewar. It was compiled by Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi R.A.

[Maanokhan1991]

@Sara Abeeha:9636074

So you would divorce him just because he is exercising his god-given right?

If he treats you good, fulfils all your needs then why would you divorce him just because he took on another? Which btw is his Islamic right if he can be fair with you and your co-wife.

Would you rather have half a good husband or no husband at all?

I do know why people say its a man’s right but same time forget this important thing which is ‘a man cannot marry another woman without his first wife’s consent’ and from what you said that first wife wants to divorce i can deduce that husband did not ask for first wifes permission before marrying .

[muqawwee123]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@Lucid

Bhai ji, to believe or not to believe in something is one’s divine right, but Shokat Thanvi marhoom o maghfoor had nothing to do with Bahishti Zewar. It was compiled by Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi R.A.

lols. Thanvi to tha na

[system]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@muqawwee123

lols. Thanvi to tha na

Naam to khair say aap nay bhi muqawwee rakh chorha hay, kia aap ko khameera e gao zabaan ki jagha ek chamach subha ek chamach shaam istamaal kia jasakta hay?

wesay khasa dilchasp mubahesa parhnay ko mila yahan agarchay kay mastoorat e gup shup ki aksaryat k afkaar mard hazraat k aqd e saani k haq par amal ki zimn main yaksaan hain aur kisi danishwar nay kaha tha k kabhi kabhi insaan yaksaanyat say ukta kar bhi dosri shadi k mutalliq sochnay lagta hay..

[prototype]

Hats off to you abeeha !!!

[Reha]

Re: To women who would want a divorce just because husband takes another wife

@Maanokhan1991

I do know why people say its a man’s right but same time forget this important thing which is ‘a man cannot marry another woman without his first wife’s consent’ and from what you said that first wife wants to divorce i can deduce that husband did not ask for first wifes permission before marrying .

Correct me if I am wrong…but the husband does not have to have his wife’s permission to remarry.