It honestly may just be my inlaws. They’re a little…TOO…chill about stuff. I also think that Punjabis tend to be more…showy…in their mehmandaari. I don’t know how to explain it. If anyone comes over to our house, 5-6 dishes are “normal”. But this isn’t something unique to Punjabis because I’ve been to quite a few punjabi houses where I wasn’t ever even offered chai. lol
And I really do think it also stems from just being more simple, down to earth. Most of the hydros I know are very educated and pretty well off but you wouldn’t be able to tell. Then I have pakistani family/friends that max out credit cards to pay for things they can’t afford just for showing off.
I mean, obviously I’m generalizing and I know lots of hydro girls with lots of saleeka. I was just basing it off of my very intimate interactions I’ve had with my in laws and friends. I think I was just a little more uptight anyways because of my family (which probably has nothing to do with the geographic location I’m in).
Also, hydro weddings are the only ones I’ve even heard of that are still segregated.
Lol, I’ve been to chicago numerous times–it was those friends that live there that told me to stay away from hydro guys.
I’m just messing. =)
Really? In my experience it’s been the opposite. Not that the guy takes them to the cleaner, but the guy ends up having a LOTTT of dirty laundry that comes out. Even the reformed ones I’ve met have sketchy pasts that put my “dirty laundry” to shame. I think the drinking/partying/going around with girls (again, may have a lot to do with the fact that most hydros I know are drs/drs’ kids) is fairly rampant; I haven’t heard of very many hydro guys with a completely clean past.
Again..generalizing…
I will say, hyderabadi biryani is AMAZINGGGG. And I love the saath laara / gulubund the girls wear at weddings; not a fan of the khada dupatta.
I mean, it’s completely based on one’s experience, but from my social circle and what I’ve seen, all the hijabis/hafizes/etc I know are hydro. With the exception of 2 that are punjabi. It might also be where I’m from because the hydrabadi communities here are very involved in masjid life whereas the punjabi families aren’t. But yes, good God fearing people everywhere, not that all punjabis are heathens, etc.
Where did I say Punjabis aren’t mehman nawaz?? Where did I say they don’t know their food? I am sorry I went back to read my post again and I still don’t see where I said that. My post only talked about hyderabadis not generally like what soconfused’s in laws are like. Please read my post again. I am married to a Punjabi so I know what they are like. I only wrote about hyderabadis not being saleeqa mand, mehman nawaz etc…
When the issue of dialect comes up…I don’t know…I don’t think its that difficult to get. In fact, the Punjabi twang is harsher at times because of the distortion of words. That’s my opinion and experience.
When the issue of mehmandaari comes up…5 dishes is normal for my house and I am not Punjabi. My mom has countless Hydro friends…they love her and she loves them. They are sooooo agay agay in mehmandaari…it’s nuts. Punjabis are a bit more blunt. Like I was at this lady’s house once and after I was done with dinner, I was looking for a trash can to toss my plate. The HOST just told me to go to the kitchen and throw it out myself. I was a bit taken aback. At my place…I don’t let people wonder where things are or tell them to do it themselves. I am proactive about making them feel comfortable and taking care of them. She wasn’t being rude…in her book she was just being normal since she said it with a smile. But an Urdu speaking family would probably raise an eyebrow. Hydros are more careful about things like that.
Its fine though…we’re not supposed to be the same. If you want to marry INTO a Hyrdo family, you’ll have to understand that in their family…YOU’RE the abnormal one. Its you who will adjust since you’re the one marrying into their family…its not the other way around. Not only that, but you’ll also have to learn to love the differences which aren’t that many in my opinion. Is it so hard to learn a different variation of desi food and understand a dialect? I don’t think so.
^Had a hydro coworker…older lady… In her 40s at the time. Had I met her outside of work, I’d call her aunti. Brought a cake to her home once…her family at all the cake in front of me…before I was offered any food. There were no 5-10 dishes made for me. It was sammiches…made impromptu. The host would sometimes leave the guest to take a nap or do other things. So, what should I make of this folks? I wasn’t offended by any of her laxity while being her guest. In fact I just remembered these details after ages because of the topic…or rather stereotypes being discussed here.
And another example comes to mind. The Hyderabadi aunti in the above story and I were at another Hydrabadi woman’s home and they were speaking in their dialect with one another…at times one of them was taking condescending shots. And the former had later on remarked, “Look how late it is and she did not even offer us dinner. She should have cooked something for us.”
So what am I to make of this andaaz of mehmaan-nawazi? Again…at the time I didn’t care. I wasn’t offended…a little uneasy but not angry. These experiences did not prevent me from befriending Hydros in the future…it didn’t make me develop a dislike or anything toward them nor do I think that my experiences are the "norm " in Hydrabadi culture. But I shared them as they’re relevant to the discussion at hand. Maybe I’m wrong and I hope that I am…but it kinda seems like Punjabis are the ones being portrayed as “LESS” this n that compared to other groups in this thread.
I personally don’t see a host telling me to throw a utensil away myself as a sign of deficient hospiitality. And I don’t see the host taking it from my hand and throwing it away as the height of mehman nawazi. I have seen hosts so bogged down with errands in the kitchen…from warming food to setting the table to cleaning up…and when there are several guests the host has a myriad of things on their mind so if they politely direct you to where their disposal bin is…I personally don’t see it as blunt. Maybe it’s a bit lax compared to others…but I personally don’t see it as even a faux pas in etiquette. But that’s just me. And we all differ in how we perceive/practice hospitality.
I went to a friend’s house once and she was Urdu Speaking…I wasn’t even offered pani and I stayed a considerable amount of time in her home…though when she had come to my home, we made more effort in terms of hospitality. And…I remember she had come to my home first…and so it could be argued that she wasn’t inspired to reciprocate the hospitality my family had shown her at a much earlier point. I had other Urdu-speaking friends that showed greater hospitality in comparison to this one friend…so I can’t use that one example to represent the rest of the group. Growing up…majority of my friends were Urdu-speaking.
^ we once had hyderabadi people over at our house, they didn’t even bring anything lol. it was such a big party too and everyone atleast brought something.
I’ll see myself out, too much life1 for one day.