Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
^ She don't do that to male relatives of your?
No the only male relative on my side is my dad n he isn't the affectionate sort.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters’ interaction with Uncles etc
At age 8-12 I started getting uncomfortable being around my mamos and uncles. So, I deliberately would fake being sick to get out of going to dawats.
I had a gut feeling about a very particular uncle, every time he was around I would start to feel anxious. He was playful with kids and would always pick us up. One day he came to our house and the whole family spent time with him while I pretended I had constipation and sat in the bathroom the whole time. I would come out quietly and peep to check when he was gone. That brought on a whole different anxiety about getting beat up for not having good manners and coming out to say salaam. 
Your own children may have a good intuition about these things. Always watch your children for odd behaviors.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Why just daughters? We are pretty strict about it even with our son. And why just uncles? rule is applicable for aunts too.
I have seen parents being protective of their daughters but letting sons spend time with uncles/neighbors etc etc which IMO is totally wrong.
No one is allowed to show affection to them physically except for perhaps handshake or a Eid hug. Teach kids that they should respect their bodies and enforce it on other to respect too.
and no it does not mean lack of trust but WHY should someone be allowed to get physical with kids? Kids normally get scared because of unwanted advances and will never share their feelings so why let it come to situation where it becomes a possibility?
One little scar, intentional or unintentional can live with kids forever.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
^ talking about your brother/ your wife's brothers - not random schumuchs.
In that case I will talk to them and tell them I don't like it.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Do you guys also have rules for grandparents about not touching your children in an affectionate way?
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
My daughter has just turned 5 and she loves getting hugs and kisses which seems cute. But it bothers me. I have tried explaining to her not to hug or kiss any uncles/ men but she won't stop. She always goes out of get way when leaving to hug and kiss everyone.I don't know what to do. It doesn't bother hubby. Don't know what to do. She says but it's only chacha, meaning her dads bothers/cousins or friends as that's what she calls them all.
If you are not comfortable with this then hold her hand through the process of saying goodbyes and gently tug her away when you see that she is about to do what you don't want her to do. Make sure that the motion is not obvious and then take her aside when home and explain what you did.
It may be necessary for you to say no hugging or kissing ANYONE, male or female until such time as she is old enough to understand the reason for your discomfort.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters’ interaction with Uncles etc
I would be very much disturbed if I was classified that way. Which is why I make efforts to educate my child and make sure that no such opportunity to offend anyone arises.
I might have missed your point because I don’t understand what you are trying to say.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Ok I actually have some thing constructive to say. All that because one women addresses on disturbing topic boldly.
One of my aunt. Was prof. But religious too. And was raised with only sisters. So was kind of type who watched every step.. etc.
She had one son(my best cousin) and 2 daughter. I found out she had different towels of boy and girl. Well that's how it is in every house hold. But her action was more pronounced and clear. I heard some thing.. some she said... I think.. I felt disturbed. For mere fact some one draw attention to this fact. It remained in my head as .. a different event. When I was in Canada and worked at store.. few mother from housing complex told me... "if you have son and daughter ..you get bigger house.. so daughter and son have difference rooms " That time it occurred to me...My aunt who I thought was .. thinking strange.. and islamic.. actually was ahead of her time.
So be bold... Don't put so much weight only on daughters. Even if you earn little strange reputation.. you already a mother... its not you going to be pushing tea trolley for some one... You know..
Ya Allah...Monk...
Re: How do you go about managing daughters’ interaction with Uncles etc
Please summarize
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
:(
baat kerni Mujhay Muskil Kabhii Aisi Tu Na Thi
Jesi Ab Hay Teri Mehfil Kabhi Aisi Tu Na Thi
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Wow. I always wondered about this too. My father rarely hugged and kissed us when we girls were growing up (puberty stage). Perhaps he did when we were younger, but after a certain age, he stopped. But he is not a very touchy touchy man, even towards mom.
Anyways, we grew up without any extended family around. We saw our mama yearly and mamu really kissed us a lot and gave pappus etc. Till the age of 10 or so. Mamu is like 20 yrs older than me. Anyways, after a certain age, I did feel uncomfortable with it. Not because he did any thing inappropriate, God forbid- but I was starting to feel conscious about my body. Even when mum's friends kissed me I would feel awkward.
Anyways, IA if I have kids, i will ensure that no one other than close relatives like khalas, grandparents are allowed to kiss and hug them after the age of 3-4.
I teach kids age 5-7 years old weekly and I refrain from showing them too much love in a huggy kissy way although they're so cute that I feel like it. I know that it is not appropriate at all. Kids may feel weird about it. And I feel weird about doing that too. After all they're not my kids.
Anyways any one who isnt related to the kid shouldn't even be touching the kid. Boy or girl. Any random uncle, even if your husbands good friend should not be kissing your daughter if she is beyond the age 3-4. That's what I think. I know it's very very natural to show love to kids but we as adults should know when to draw the line.
Be careful about kissing other peoples' kids too. Many parents mind it.
One of my cousin's had her chacha coming over weekly and staying at her place, and he used to move around shirtless. My then 12-13 yr old cousin felt weird and awkward about her chacha doing that and told me. I raised the issue to her brother and the chacha never did it again. Some times even adults need reminders. Don't behave inappropriately, esp in front of growing kids.
I know it can be super awkward to tell your brother that can you please not smooch my girl or boy any more... but it has to be done.
ALWAYS ALWAYS guard your kids. Don't let girls sit on any random uncle's lap after they reach a certain age. Perhaps not even father's or mother's brother.
Also, always advice your daughters never to be in a lift with a stranger at odd times of the day. I don't do it too. If it is 11pm, and I am going home (i live in an apt), I always try not to be in a lift with any man alone. Just to be careful... And this is because a lot of my friends have had men flashing at them in lifts... :/ i am sure at the workplace and perhaps at malls this may not be possible but always stop to think for a few secs if you want to go into a lift for a min with a man (who may or may not look suspicious) it is better to be safe than sorry.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
ALWAYS ALWAYS guard your kids. Don't let girls sit on any random uncle's lap after they reach a certain age. Perhaps not even father's or mother's brother.
Own father??
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Do you guys also have rules for **grandparents **about not touching your children in an affectionate way?
Why just daughters? We are pretty strict about it even with our son. And why just uncles? rule is applicable for aunts too.
I'm curious about this too. Why is the focus only on daughters? Why not the same level of concern for sons? It's not like young boys don't get abused.
On the same note, why only "uncles"? Do you also feel the same level of discomfort/concern if grandparents (your own dad or spouse's dad), your own brother etc. are affectionate with your daughter (and sons)?
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Own father??
Plenty of children are sexually abused by their grandfathers. Heck there are children out there being sexually abused by their own biological fathers! If there is a "concern" when it comes to uncles, why shouldn't the same concern extend to other men in the family?
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Grandfathers, uncles, cousins, brothers..... So it's always men who sexually abuse kids and it sounds like all of them would do it the first chance they get. Like women don't ever do wrong.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Family: Hey. Can you babysit my kid tomorrow? I know you are off work tomorrow.
Me: Haven't you read that thread on GS? You know I'm a man.
Family: What thread? What do you mean?
*Tap tap tap . Click click
Family: Holy mother of God! Get out of my fricking house. I don't ever wanna see you again. Never.
And that's how you get out of sitting kids for free.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters’ interaction with Uncles etc
^ 
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Plenty of children are sexually abused by their grandfathers. Heck there are children out there being sexually abused by their own biological fathers! If there is a "concern" when it comes to uncles, why shouldn't the same concern extend to other men in the family?
I took it to mean a child's father rather than grandfather.. Of course kids can be abused by their biological father as well but if the default position is to limit contact with their own father 'just in case' (or not want him to show affection like the mother) I think there's something seriously wrong..
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
This is a very good question and my answer is "No". No uncle is kissing/playing with my daughter, whatsoever. With all kinds of animals living in the society, you can never be too careful and being a father, it is my responibility to keep my children safe and out of harm's way.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
As an uncle to several kids, I feel like a pervert pedophile going through this thread. If my brother can't trust me with his kids, I should rather not be called a brother.