Like if the uncles are holding the baby girls, kissing them etc. At what age do you teach little girls to mind these things? Like, what is considered appropriate.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Like if the uncles are holding the baby girls, kissing them etc. At what age do you teach little girls to mind these things? Like, what is considered appropriate.
i hope you know already that there isnt one right answer fir this question. it will vary according to individual experiences and specific family dynamics.
I personally dont and wont leave my girls alone with anyone I dont feel comfortable with regardless of gender. They can hug/kiss and be hugged/kissed as long as its in my presence.
Im curious ... why did you ask specifically about girls with uncles? why not about girls with aunts or boys with aunts or boys with uncles? how about grand fathers/ grand mothers? school teachers? fathers? mothers?
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
I was asking for the age bracket where u start concerning.
Im curious ... why did you ask specifically about girls with uncles? why not about girls with aunts or boys with aunts or boys with uncles? how about grand fathers/ grand mothers? school teachers? fathers? mothers?
ermm. thats because i have seen some mothers who are concerned even if the kid girl is less than 10 year old - an assumption perhaps that girls are in danger of abuse/exploitation at the hands of chacha. They teach the kids not to go near the uncle etc.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Disturbing thread.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Disturbing thread.
how. you have women claiming that the BIL is out to rape them. and then some who think the BIL might abuse their daughters etc. You think this kind of thinking doesn't exist?
Re: How do you go about managing daughters’ interaction with Uncles etc
hmm interesting. There isnt really an age bracket where one starts worrying. rape/molestation can and does occur at all ages.
Ive taken care of molested babies as little as 8 month old to raped bed bound elderly in their 80s … there really are no limits to human depravity.
@hareem01 … I agree. its disturbing and scary.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
I started teaching her when she was about 3 or 4 years of age.
But the "teaching" was not geared towards anyone. Rather we talked about respecting one's own body and modesty.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
If I had a daughter...I wouldn't leave her alone with any male aside from her own father or brother. No one else. And it has nothing to do with trust...its just how I want things for her.
There is no age bracket and its never too early to teach them to be careful. I've seen some pretty crazy things...like sagay chacha and mamoo giving their nieces nasty looks. Once I saw that I decided...human nature is not in our control but our safety can be.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
My little one is very social so I have had to teach her to be remember not to be over familiar. She knows now. You have to remind them. When one says Uncles, I assume, men in general not essentially real uncles.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
i swear i know a girl (in pakistan) who has been molested by her own real father and she was only 12 years old at that time. so friends, please take really good care of ur daughters . try to make them enough bold when anyone even ANY MALE tries to touch them at wrong place or whatever.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
OK. So what you suggest to the uncles (those who genuinely adore kids as kids and not 'that' way) ? Should they just not expect to hold or cuddle kiss on cheeks little girls etc??
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
I was asking for the age bracket where u start concerning.
ermm. thats because i have seen some mothers who are concerned even if the kid girl is less than 10 year old - an assumption perhaps that girls are in danger** of abuse/exploitation at the hands of chacha**. They teach the kids not to go near the uncle etc.
What about Mamus?
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Let me tell y'all a story.
Growing up, my Dadyaal did not want myself n sibs to mingle with the Nanyaal.
My Phopho, may she RIP, spun stories abt my Mamus touching me up and being inappropriate with me. I still remember her asking me "Did someone do this? Did someone 'touch' you there"? I said No. But she told my father that something had happened.
She made life miserable for my mother. Any trouble, you , you knew Phopho had something to do with it.
We were not allowed to be with my Mamus or any male from Mums side of the family ever. But we were in touch with them. ew were CHAPERONED to visit them, and that for a 2-3 hours only .
My father passed away , been good few years now. Since then, we are extremely close with my Nanayaal side of the family. We are also close to my Dadyaals. the ones who accused and caused trouble have passed away. Wounds are still there.
My cousins from this Phopho have always been like extra sibs to me, we put aside some of our issue, namely the trouble caused by my Phopho.. and are close to this day.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
OK. So what you suggest to the uncles (those who genuinely adore kids as kids and not 'that' way) ? Should they just not expect to hold or cuddle kiss on cheeks little girls etc??
Up to a certain age it is okay for the uncles to be hug/hold and cuddle....beyond that it is a good idea to establish a healthy distance and respect.
Cuddles and kisses on the cheeks are not the only way to show how much you love your niece. In fact, switching to a hand on the head is a good way to reinforce the lesson that, once you are older, there needs to be a distance.
There is this one guy in my extended family that used to make a point of inviting my daughter to sit in his lap while he talked with her. It was all very open in a public setting where everyone was seated but it bothered me nonetheless. One day he suggested that the kids should have a sleep over. That was all that I needed to freak me out. I had a conversation with her and explained that she was a big girl and that it was now immodest of her to sit in any man's lap except her father's so if he tried this again she should politely say that she is not comfortable and ideally stand up or sit next to him with some space in between.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
how. you have women claiming that the BIL is out to rape them. and then some who think the BIL might abuse their daughters etc. You think this kind of thinking doesn't exist?
If this kind of thinking exists, it is because sick behaviour is prevalent in our society and not just among desis. So one should take all precautions. Better to be safe than sorry.
I like Muzna's approach. Train the girls on what is acceptable behaviour and how to look out for yourself from an early age. Unfortunately, no matter how careful you (as a parent) are, slip-ups do happen. You can't be around your kids 24/7 to protect them from the evil that exists around us. Teaching them about the boundaries and establishing trust with your kids seems like a good idea, as they'll be more likely to confide in you if something does happen.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters’ interaction with Uncles etc
I find guy kissing kid… not so kool.
Father never kissed us we don’t kiss any one.
Thats what mothers are for.
Well our mother did not kiss us either… now this is just bad 
May be we were not so adorable back then.. now I totally am 
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Ok I actually have some thing constructive to say.
All that because one women addresses on disturbing topic boldly.
One of my aunt. Was prof. But religious too. And was raised with only sisters. So was kind of type who watched every step.. etc.
She had one son(my best cousin) and 2 daughter. I found out she had different towels of boy and girl. Well that's how it is in every house hold.
But her action was more pronounced and clear. I heard some thing.. some she said... I think..
I felt disturbed. For mere fact some one draw attention to this fact.
It remained in my head as .. a different event.
When I was in Canada and worked at store.. few mother from housing complex told me... "if you have son and daughter ..you get bigger house.. so daughter and son have difference rooms "
That time it occurred to me...My aunt who I thought was .. thinking strange.. and islamic.. actually was ahead of her time.
So be bold... Don't put so much weight only on daughters.
Even if you earn little strange reputation.. you already a mother... its not you going to be pushing tea trolley for some one...
You know..
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Up to a certain age it is okay for the uncles to be hug/hold and cuddle....beyond that it is a good idea to establish a healthy distance and respect..
Whats the age. Thats what I asked in the OP.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Whats the age. Thats what I asked in the OP.
I would say about 3 years old. When they are still young enough to be held in arms and laps but old enough to have a voice and be able to exercise their own will.
Laiha is right....not only are you unable to be around our kids 24/7, even when we are, there are situation where we are unable to take action......for example when my daughter was in the guy's lap in his home at a dinner hosted by him and his wife. What could I do? Rush over and remove her? No.....that would have been rude and awkward for me to leave the conversation I was having simply to go and get her. So we have to teach the kids what is right and what isn't.
Re: How do you go about managing daughters' interaction with Uncles etc
Ok I actually have some thing constructive to say. All that because one women addresses on disturbing topic boldly.
One of my aunt. Was prof. But religious too. And was raised with only sisters. So was kind of type who watched every step.. etc.
She had one son(my best cousin) and 2 daughter. I found out she had different towels of boy and girl. Well that's how it is in every house hold. But her action was more pronounced and clear. I heard some thing.. some she said... I think.. I felt disturbed. For mere fact some one draw attention to this fact. It remained in my head as .. a different event. When I was in Canada and worked at store.. few mother from housing complex told me... "if you have son and daughter ..you get bigger house.. so daughter and son have difference rooms " That time it occurred to me...My aunt who I thought was .. thinking strange.. and islamic.. actually was ahead of her time.
So be bold... Don't put so much weight only on daughters. Even if you earn little strange reputation.. you already a mother... its not you going to be pushing tea trolley for some one... You know..
What do you mean?
(The towel thing and the aunt with the son and daughter)