I have been lingering on this forum for quite a while. I live in lahore and has a job, fair enough to meet my needs. I have been engaged for almost a year and my wife to be was raised and lives abroad. I like desi dressing but the issue here is not which dressing my wife to be should do. Since we have gotten engaged, i have had this feeling that she too rigid about this relationship.
She wants me to move aboard leaving my own job, so she can concentrate on her. Now like everyone I want a stable career but I want to do it on my own, with my own efforts. I want to be a self made man and expect my fiancee to have that much self respect . Everytime we speak, the way she talks it seems she is not comfortable living here in pakistan. I also want her to be a housewife and expect her to leave her career. IMO no place is bad as long as family sticks together. And my career is > than her career.
All my friend’s wives opted to compromise their career after shadi and clearly had no issues. Now how do i convey my POV across without creating a fuss. I understand shes been raised to be confident and strong but when did being strong and confident meant being rigid and uncompromising?
Its very hard for a man to share his problems ,unless a woman is given the job.
Everytime i read one of those threads where people are worried about men back home, I thought what their perspective was , and noone of them come here to rant. Is what I wrote close to a desi mans perspective? How would you respond to his problems?
19 out of 20 Lahori mundas wouldn't give up on moving abroad.. The odd 1 out those 20 might have this perspective, but then he'd marry someone from Pakistan. That'd be a lot easier. 1 in 50 of those not wanting to move abroad would marry an expat, so that brings down the total number to 1 out 1000.
Crap Crap poo poo
I think if u carry on to marriage that will create lot lot of problems for u. She will compromise to live here or leave her job. so think twicely before getting married.
19 out of 20 Lahori mundas wouldn't give up on moving abroad.. The odd 1 out those 20 might have this perspective, but then he'd marry someone from Pakistan. That'd be a lot easier. 1 in 50 of those not wanting to move abroad would marry an expat, so that brings down the total number to 1 out 1000.
Crap Crap poo poo
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Because she has a life and a choice...Just because she is marrying you..doesnt mean she has to leave her way of life...>Next you will be telling her what friends she can and cant have, what she can and cant wear ..oh and of course her facebook password! :)
its not about being smart...just trying to be logical. you dont want to give up anything and neither does she...where do you think then, your relationship will end up?
1) Its great that his job is "fair enough" to meet HIS needs. But does he make enough to provide a comfortable, stable life for his wife and future children?
2) What is preventing him from being a "self-made" man in a foreign country? Is his qualifications or intelligence not good enough for somewhere other than Pakistan?
3) If he wanted a housewife, why did he choose a woman who wants a career? Is there a lack of girls in Lahore who want to be a housewife?
4) Hmm....if all his friend's wives cheated on their husbands....would he be ok with his wife doing it too?
5) Since his belief is that "no place is bad as long as family sticks together"....then what's the problem with moving? After all....according to his own statement, living abroad won't be bad as long as him and his family (ie. wife/future kids) stick together right?
its not about being smart...just trying to be logical. you dont want to give up anything and neither does she...where do you think then, your relationship will end up?
You misunderstood me. I meant you were right about her being obligated to live her life according to the OPs wishes and desires.
1) Its great that his job is "fair enough" to meet HIS needs. But does he make enough to provide a comfortable, stable life for his wife and future children?
2) What is preventing him from being a "self-made" man in a foreign country? Is his qualifications or intelligence not good enough for somewhere other than Pakistan?
3) If he wanted a housewife, why did he choose a woman who wants a career? Is there a lack of girls in Lahore who want to be a housewife?
4) Hmm....if all his friend's wives cheated on their husbands....would he be ok with his wife doing it too?
5) Since his belief is that "no place is bad as long as family sticks together"....then what's the problem with moving? After all....according to his own statement, living abroad won't be bad as long as him and his family (ie. wife/future kids) stick together right?
Number 3 is the only question OP needs to ask himself, as he clearly doesn't want to move and we should respect this decision of his.