I have been thinking of an issue lately. A lot of my friends in the past have turned out to either just use me or just leave me when they met new people. For a very long time I have been depressed and sad to realize the fact that I have lost these friends for good. A lot of you might remember my posts about friends and also that I have moved to another country after I got married. It has been like cutting off someone’s bonds harshly. That’s how I have felt when I have moved and later realized that those persons I had considered to be close friends for the past 10+ years actually turned out to be selfish and jealous creatures. Still I tried to rationalize that these girls have problems with their families etc etc but it just didn’t make any sense to me after all.
Anyhow, so once I was done rationalising and realizing things I decided to move on and get to know new people. I am a person who value friendship a lot and do my best to make my friends and loved ones happy. Once I started meeting new people I felt that I don’t trust anyone like I used to do. But then I tried to open up and unfortunately I realized AGAIN that this was just the wrong person. She happens to know my SIL and seems like a person who talks a lot about other people. I am afraid that she might tell SIL about stuff that I have openly spoken to her about. So now I have decided not to be in touch with her since I don’t want to be part of the gossip she tells here and there.
Likewise I have met other people here who have just disappointed me or hurt me without any reason. Like ppl who I don’t even know very well – they can say such harsh stuff to me one time and another time just pretend that nothing happened.
I feel that I have become even more sensitive than I was ever!! And at the same time I know that I am not demanding too much when I expect people to behave properly with respect to each other. I feel that I am so unlucky when it comes to friendship. Hubby says that I shouldn’t worry too much and that he is my best friend. Yes he is. But I also feel the need to have girls as friends since one can talk girly stuff with them and do stuff that hubby might not find interesting.
I actually feel so lonely here. I am used to a large family and here I only have my husband and his family which isn’t too bothered to even give a call in all the months I was sick and not working due to this illness!! I miss the warmth that a family shares and I miss the bonds of friendship!!
Perhaps I am just living in a dreamworld thinking that all families are warm and that there are still people who can be good friends. Do you think that this is normal or have you also experienced that this world is just becoming a cluster of selfish ppl who only contact you when they are in need of something?? Or is it just me getting depressed without any reason? And should I just leave the option of finding good friends here and just have fun with hubby and go for outing and do stuff with him only …..
awww... i can relate to your situation. ive been extremely unlucky when it comes to friendship. the reason why i drifted apart was mostly incompatibility, lack of time and secretiveness. when i m friends with someone i expect them to find time for me(and believe me u can if you really care and love someone), someone who dusnt hide things from me(i want COMPLETE transperancy) and someone who understands me. unfortunately ive never had even a single friend who i could b happy with. maybe its just me. like u think somethin is wrong with u... i do too, every single day. maybe i m a bit too demandin but this is how i want the relationship to me. pure and transparent and alot of timne together.
honestly i have lost hope and am no longer interested in makin friends. although on numerous occasions i feel so vulnerable and alone, i cant tell u. but u gotta find a friend u can just hang out and chit chat with, nothin to serious and stuff... one of my cousins just shifted from pak, shes like 10 yrs older than me but i really enjoy her company once or twice in a month. we do shoppin, talkin, gossiping and all girly stuff... so just dun stress urself out on the friend bit. let nature take its course. if u find someone nice in between... stick to them but remember not to b v emotionally attach. hope this helps :)