Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

[NomiCA]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

nope.........wrong...desi man just wouldn't marry her.........simple.

[STONECOLD]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

You misunderstood me. I meant you were right about her being obligated to live her life according to the OPs wishes and desires.

sorry, i misunderstood you.... :)

[arain_munda]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

Because she has a life and a choice...Just because she is marrying you..doesnt mean she has to leave her way of life...>Next you will be telling her what friends she can and cant have, what she can and cant wear ..oh and of course her facebook password! :)

if she wears as per khwahish of hubby whats the big deal. and if she also has friends that are disclosed to ur hubby i think dts great.

[STONECOLD]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

if she wears as per khwahish of hubby whats the big deal. and if she also has friends that are disclosed to ur hubby i think dts great.

so the biwi needs her husband's permission in everything she does>?

Of course its fine if the wife discloses her friends...but why should she have to....shouldnt the husband just trust her enough not to know ?

[arain_munda]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

so the biwi needs her husband's permission in everything she does>?

Of course its fine if the wife discloses her friends...but why should she have to....shouldnt the husband just trust her enough not to know ?

y all parents keep an eye of friends of their children specially daughters. do they not trust their children. No dts not the case. dear brother mian biwi should have such a relation that each one knows each and every aspect of other's life, friends, family. If this is not the case then do u think just sleeping on same bed makes relation strong.

[STONECOLD]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

y all parents keep an eye of friends of their children specially daughters. do they not trust their children. No dts not the case. dear brother mian biwi should have such a relation that each one knows each and every aspect of other's life, friends, family. If this is not the case then do u think just sleeping on same bed makes relation strong.

i agree but I am also saying that the Mian should give the biwi the right to make her decisions as well. As opposed to just thosing your decisions on her! She is your wife but an individual too!

[jiwani]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

Break off this engagement immediately...if you do not share the same values and perceptions as her, there is no need to continue this "arranged" thing anyway....go look for a wife who meets your standards...do not try to alter her standards

[arain_munda]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

i agree but I am also saying that the Mian should give the biwi the right to make her decisions as well. As opposed to just thosing your decisions on her!** She is your wife** but an individual too!

who is my wife

[queen_24]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

@rolla_coaster

I have been lingering on this forum for quite a while. I live in lahore and has a job, fair enough to meet my needs. I have been engaged for almost a year and my wife to be was raised and lives abroad. I like desi dressing but the issue here is not which dressing my wife to be should do. Since we have gotten engaged, i have had this feeling that she too rigid about this relationship.
She wants me to move aboard leaving my own job, so she can concentrate on her. Now like everyone I want a stable career but I want to do it on my own, with my own efforts. I want to be a self made man and expect my fiancee to have that much self respect . Everytime we speak, the way she talks it seems she is not comfortable living here in pakistan. I also want her to be a housewife and expect her to leave her career. IMO no place is bad as long as family sticks together. And my career is > than her career.

All my friend’s wives opted to compromise their career after shadi and clearly had no issues. Now how do i convey my POV across without creating a fuss. I understand shes been raised to be confident and strong but when did being strong and confident meant being rigid and uncompromising?

Its very hard for a man to share his problems ,unless a woman is given the job.

---

Everytime i read one of those threads where people are worried about men back home, I thought what their perspective was , and noone of them come here to rant. Is what I wrote close to a desi mans perspective? How would you respond to his problems?

Dont tell me that you are mfcesarah’s husband-to-be by any means??

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/565902-tell-me-what-to-do.html

[chitchat]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

ok what you do is important but what she does or wants to do is not important................ thk thk

[aras]

Re: Help me .( ek mazloom admi)

I completely understand the OPs issue and all I have to say is that a situation like that doesn't change.

She has extremely different views and beliefs of her lifestyle and what she considers right and wrong about it. You guys may never see eye to eye on issues and the compromise (if you feel she is too rigid) may not be easy to make on either side because she might want the equality in marriage that it seems she won't find in your ideas. She may not agree that staying at home is necessary and that she needs to be a housewife.

I highly suggest you speak to her in detail about her expectations because being engaged is still better than being married and its meant to be the time to figure it out before its too late. Please make sure you guys talk everything out and don't be afraid to lay everything out on the table otherwise after the wedding it may become difficult to deal and compromise. It may end up being a power struggle if she is too rigid about the relationship.