Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
!!
Too bad for them I say. Haven’t you read what I wrote? It OBVIOUSLY matters what our parents say BUT WE (the boy/girl) have to have the FINAL say. As its our life and **not **theirs.
But according to you you’ll only marry whoever your parents want you to. Good for you :k:. Frankly speaking I don’t know anyone’s parents here but I can say for mine that they expect me to take advice from them but they also accept that the final say has to be with their children and if I am happy, they’re happy. Simple really.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
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Fun spoiler 
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
*Since you're only concerned about your sister and her future, keep her close to you so she can rely on you at all times. Whatever she does (good or bad) she should be able to discuss it with you, because as i can see she can't go to her parents. But at the same time you have to give her, her space, no matter how much you tell her, she will only learn from her mistakes. You turned out to be okay so shes gonna be okay too. *
As far as the whole brother thing, believe me if your sis ever does something wrong, your brother will be the first to knock some sense in her. He sounds like a good guy, so give him some credit for that, because only a guy with true clean intentions would slowly intergrade his gf into his family. Which means he's putting his family on top of his list.
Ok, so I just read what all of you have to say. See, first and foremost my parents don't dislike or like the girl particularly. They haven't met her or her family in person. I did invite her to my wedding and my mom introduced her to my khalas as my bro's "friend" and stuff but that's that. My dad is obv a lot more conservative than my mom and he wouldn't have held no respect for her anyways, even if either of us made the intros. Like to go up to my dad, and say, dad, this is my bro's gf. Yeah, not a pretty picture.
So yeah, my point is that no girl like that would honestly hold any respect in my family if she's not my bro's wife (or even fiance -- I'm assuming that stage would happen after your parents approve of the whole thing). My parents say to my bro, we're not willing to make that take-the-rishta-over move for you right now cuz we have nothing to offer. When we deem you responsible enough to handle a marriage, we will do so. Ideally they would want to scrutinize the family and the girl he marries, but if my bro already has a preference, then they would obv have to prioritize her. But all that is just a fanciful situation. It is after all my bro's life. He can marry whoever he wants. I wonder why he's wanting and waiting for my parent's approval anyways. And I'm not saying my parents are haters. They might just give it, but certainly not now.
And now for disliking her, perhaps most of it has to do with the impression she draws on me. Like everyone in our family now kinda knows that my bro likes someone but noone has ever seen them together, real-life or pictures. Neither does he talk to her on the phone when he's home. Just doesn't mention her in that informal way. The most he'd do is go tell my mom that she said salam for eid day. I wonder why, like most of you said, it's his life, he can totally do what he wishes. He's obv doing that cuz he knows my parents wont go thump his back for being the great bf he is! Perhaps he's doing that out of respect for my parents. Aka, he's committed enough to do it behind their backs, and respectful enough to my parents to not rub it in their face either. (Hypocrite or not, it definitely saves a lot of bitterness in our daily lives).
Now for this girl, she's the total opposite of all of the above. As in, her mom knows about this and dad doesn't. (I'm assuming he's conservative too) So everytime they have to meet up, she confides in her mom only. Now she's also the only sister and has a few brothers and tons of cousins. There are her pictures with my bro, all over her fb, all of her cousins refer to my bro as ---- bhai. My point, dating is not really a big deal in her family. She's comfortable telling her mom, bros, cousins, friends that yeah this guy's my bf. Obv, except her dad. My bro's been invited to all of her cousin's shadis, their house warmings and what nots. She could've waited till things were moving forward to save herself from telling the world she has a bf anyways.
Majorly, I just dislike the fact that my bro being a guy still doesn't flaunt her around in my family's face like she does. (And obv her dad is the only one who's in the dark). At the end of the day, it's all a difference in the school of thought.
This discussion certainly got all off-topic cuz of the title I put on. There's a time and place for everything. My getting all familiar and friendly with her will not lend a hand to his cause anyways. I've said that to my parents before and they just say, whatever is for behtri. We don't wish for hhim to be with her, or w/o her. Whatever is for their behtri. And that kinda attitude you can't have if you already like someone. Every bf and gf realistically pray for things to work out for them, not for whatever is better!!
Oh, and I don't remember but one of you mentioned something along the lines that it is YOU who decides who you wanna marry in your family. As in, your parents can give you their opinion but at the end of the day, you do what you want to do. Same thing holds for my family too. I wasn't forced into my marriage either!! My parents wouldn't have taken things forward with my husband either if I were to refuse on it. Even with my fiance' I was certainly not allowed to hang out with him after our casual dinner meet ups. They would keep on calling to make sure that I'm headed back. Why? They were very happy with their decision on choosing my husband after all. And we were formally engaged and the wedding was only a few months away. They obv didn't want my mIL to think weird things about me. And I can't thank them enough for drawing this line on me. My parents have just the same right to judge any girl who's not my bro's wife in the same way. It's all in the school of thought, I'm not even bringing Islam or what's wrong/'right into this.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
You should probably stop talking. You keep digging a bigger and bigger hole for yourself
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
I still dont get ur post...This feels like the situation i was in. Poor girl. Best get out NOW!!. She deserves better.
Yeah we've been down that road too. My parents have a say in this but obv it's all upto my brother to do what he does. As for my parents approval, it may come at some point, but definitely not right now. He's still too young for marriage with our family standards. Most of the guys in my family get married late 20's. It's just been that way. I mean my bro's tried talking to my parents to take a rishta to her place and what not. They just say "all in good time". Right now he has to focus on his school. Which is also true. If he doesn't graduate, get a job, he can't support the larki anyways. And yeah, that's all VERY essential before we accept a rishta in our family, or send one :)
And I've seen tons of guys and girls married who are really not mature enough to handle inlaws and everyday life which happens after you've gotten comfortable with the newly married phase. This is why perhaps my parents are not sending in their approval. And given my bro's volatile nature, they're prolly right. He still needs a lot of growing up. But that's not the point. I just don't want my sister to be associated as someone's gf.
And you all hate me for being a typical sil. Someone or the other will eventually hate my sister too. She could have a happy secure life too like I did. Dating doesn't always end up happy!
i haven't read any subsequent posts but this attitude is not right imo.
if they love each other and want to marry, they should and asap. your parents, unless they oppose it due to 'real' reasons, should not be prolonging this. there is no way they can islamically justify this.
yes, all involved might not be acting in a proper islamic way according to some but two wrongs don't make a right. best to make it halal asap unless they are just hoping this relationship will just come to an end of its own accord. quite sad really.
i more or less agree with Rasmalaii, your brother doesn't need your parents approval to marry her - we do this out of love and respect for our parents. if he has his heart set on her, you should help him in convincing your parents not to delay if anything.
You should probably stop talking. You keep digging a bigger and bigger hole for yourself
Not exactly. I hold my opinions and judgements as infallible as you hold yours.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
I didnt see the last paragraph of ur post. You know the way of thinkin 'if a girl has a boyfriend she cant be a respectable wife or she hasnt got respect' I know some older generation think this. But if today's generation think this. Whens it gonna stop? Just because a girl and guy fell in love, Hav pure intentions and want to get married. Wheres the harm? The girl IS respectable because shes not 'cheating' on him shes only got 'one' guy that is her bf, so she see's him as a potential life partner. e.g her husband. In that case why shud her mother think UR brother hasnt got respect either? No instead she opens her arms to him and welcome's him. And look at the respect her cousins hav for ur brother by calling him 'bhai'. Yet you cant help and convince ur parents about this girl? Whats wrong with you people? If i knew that girl i would tell her to get out asap.
Oh and as for ur parents ringing you up when u was having a meal with ur fiance. That jus shows that dont trust their children.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
You and your family are not behaving Islamically so i dont ubderstand what conservatism you speak of.
i more or less agree with Rasmalaii, your brother doesn't need your parents approval to marry her - we do this out of love and respect for our parents. if he has his heart set on her, you should help him in convincing your parents not to delay if anything.
Yeah and that's exactly what I'm saying. I can go meet her up all I want and so can my sister. Till my parents approve of it, my bro's getting no signal. It's a different story that he goes ahead anyways and does what he wants. It's a compromise eitherways. He can either please my parents and hate his wife, and that would never make my parents or us happy. Or he can choose to go and marry her rightaway which wont make my parents happy either cuz he did what they didn't want him to RIGHT NOW. And again, cuz of that we would all hold grudges against his gf/wife so the situation wouldn't change. If they let him date and choose who he wanted to marry, they wouldn't be conservative, now would they be? The other thing is the family racial difference. We're urdu speaking, and she's not... Tons of other issues. Like I said, I'm indifferent.
And for all I know, they might've already done a secret paper-marriage/ nikah.. who knows!! See, you can't please everyone. That is why I would rather watch out on my sister while I can.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
^^ omggggggg, she doesnt speak urdu so thats a reason to HATE HER?????
what other reasons r there?? i'd love to read this!
Oh and as for ur parents ringing you up when u was having a meal with ur fiance. That jus shows that dont trust their children.
Umm no. That actually shows that they care for what I'd have to deal with later in life. My sil's engagement lasted 4 years. My mil still hasn't stopped telling me how she never "dated" her fiance and never went out for private dinners!! I hated my parents then for always calling me up after it was dark and asking me to head back home, or to be on the way. But now I can't thank them enough for it!! It has nothing to do with trust issues. Plus, trust issues arrise when you're doing things behind their back with ppl they don't approve of. Not when you're sending them out with your fiance (who took your permission) !
^^ omggggggg, she doesnt speak urdu so thats a reason to HATE HER?????
what other reasons r there?? i'd love to read this!
Seriously.
^^ omggggggg, she doesnt speak urdu so thats a reason to HATE HER?????
what other reasons r there?? i'd love to read this!
umm I don't see no haters in the club?? Who're you talking about??!!
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
Well, Like i said your mil is the OLDER generation. Look how much of a tough time she's givin u JUST for having a MEAL with YOUR FIANCE!
So why cant u help ur bro's gf out?
If it isnt trust issues, Why else would they be ringing you non stop?
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
^ Guys.. read what I wrote. Don't just speak out from your personal experiences!
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
Bhenjee, you said she doesnt speak urdu 'we do'.
WHY is that even a issue???
What other issues are there?? Her hair's not black enuff? she cant make a perfect round rotti? she puts too much chilly in the biryani??