brother and his irritating girlfriend

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

Don't your parents already know your sister hangs out with your brother and his gf?

Never mind, got the answer.

22

Why don’t you enlighten us what happens when you meet up with a na-mehram that you’re attracted to…since you seem to be an expert on it? :hehe:

PS: we’re not illiterate. we read exactly what you wrote.

23

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

24years old is NOT MATURE yet??
Did i read this correctly??.... Oh my GOD! Everything i read in ur posts. Your such a judgemental person. I pitty ur brothers girlfriend! Poor thing! getting accussed of God knows what. Jus because shes fell in love!

24

Maybe our families are bad because they allow us to date (and WOW what a huge generalization that is) but at least its so much better than a family that is full of control freaks and hypocrites.

PS: generalizations suck don't they?

25

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

Usually when someone tries to 'solve' a problem by involving outside parties instead of the people directly involved, the intentions are not pure. Despite your claim that you don't care whether or not your brother marries this girl or has an arranged marriage, etc., it sounds to me like you're trying to influence the situation to put another black mark on this girl.

You're concerned about your little sister----so talk to her directly and in private and tell her you're concerned about her future and the development of her morals, etc. And perhaps separately have a respectful conversation with your brother and ask him to consider your little sister's impressionable state. Getting anyone else involved is totally unnecessary and is only going to serve your own need for drama or to 'stick it' to your brother's GF in some new, supposedly 'mature' way.

Timepass February 2015 _ Jashn e BaharaN
Timepass February 2015 _ Jashn e BaharaN
26

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

if your post is TRULY out of concern for your sister, then read on!

if your sister wanted to do something "bad" ... she'd already be doing it! shez in grade 10 for the love of God! you're talking as if shez 11 or something. and will get influenced by your brother!
have some faith in your sister as well .. shez a grown up girl ...

regardless of how good or bad i've been in my life, it's my open relationship with my 8 years younger sister that she trusts me enough to share secrets with me than anyone else. and trust me with my opinions. when i need to be strict, i need to be that as well ... but act like her sister please, not an evil aunt.

27

I understand about the mahram/non-mahram thing...from an Islamic point of view, you shouldn't be socializing in such a way with non-mahram members of the opposite sex and then involve your siblings.

But NYCGori is right. You bring your parents or someone else into the mix and the situation is guaranteed to explode. Your parents will undoubtedly be upset and it will only give them one more reason to be dead-set against this union. Your brother will be upset and it will give him one more reason to be even more dead-set in his current behavior. Your sister will be upset and it will give her a reason to be dead-set in her current behavior.

Talk to them...individually, privately. Start out with the positive stuff...that you love them and are concerned about them, that it's awesome that gf has started doing hijab, etc. Share your concerns and listen to what they have to say. And if after that, nothing has changed...then you've done your job. You stepped in as discreetly as you could, discussed the Islamic implications/consequences of what they were doing, and kept calm while doing it. They are adults (yes, even your little sister) and ultimately, they have to make their own choices and answer for them.

28

What crap! Why can’t your parents see to it that THEIR SON was the one to OFFER the GF a seat in the first place. Why don’t they just like - disown him!

Let him live - and be happy with someone he found - who IN TURN EQUALLY LOVES him.

What’s wrong with you?

About your sister getting influenced - I think she is not getting influenced. She is actually getting a life’s experience!

Your parents will have to eat their heart out when your sister will find a guy - who’s parents say that to her.

just fishing off on the topic - not personally you :hehe:

29

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

I am gonna have to say that this girl is REALLY nice if she is trying her to best to win ur family member's hearts. I mean in this situation, most girls would tell the guy to pack his stuff and move out n get married. I dated my fiance for 3 yrs before we were engaged. I know its wrong but I used to see him behind my parents back too. Obviously we knew our limits but still. I was 18 when I met him so I did not feel like I was doing something really wrong. He is shi'a and I am sunni and our families were not happy... specially his mom. I think she still kinda dislikes me (hehe). But after the engagement, my parents LOVE him n his parents find me passingly ok too :P.
Anyways, abt ur sister. u need to take action. This is bad. Ur brother needs to understand that he is becoming a bad influence on his baby sis. U need to explain to him that wat he's doing is wrong. But please, I wouldnt blame his gf for this.. that poor girl is doing her best to win ur family's heart so dont call her irritating.. instead knock some sense into ur brother and also help him out. Try n convince ur parents to accept that girl.

Good Luck! :)

30

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

Question you need to ask is, why is your baby sister closer to your brother than she is to you?

31

i agree.

maybe you should get to know your brothers gf, she might not be so "irritating" after all. you'll get to know more about her as well. and like most people already mentioned, just because they've been dating for a while doesn't mean they've gotten physical.

i understand the issue is that your family is conservative and if your parents were to find out, they probably wouldn't like the fact your sister knows about the girl, so just have a talk with your brother. but for some reason it seems as though even if your sister wasn't involved, you still wouldn't like the girl. if a girl is "trying obviously" for you guys to like her then why don't you give her a chance? the whole blocking her thing when you're pissed off..that's a clear sign you haven't liked her from the start.

oh and considering your brother has told you and your other sister about his gf, tells a lot about him. he doesn't seem like a pimp who jumps from girl to girl. he introduced you guys to his gf because he wants to MARRY her. you're saying he's already having trouble convincing your parents, don't make it any more difficult for him, help him! put yourself in his shoes

32

Okay, someone enlighten me as to HOW on earth your little sister would be associated as someone's girlfriend? Hm? Over reacting a bit?

Ive seen tons of guys and girls get married in blindly arranged marriages...some of which are on this very forum and end up SEVERELY unhappy.

Look at it this way:

If you decide to get involved then you will only be seen and hated as the SIL that cant seem to stay out of the drama and just wants a piece of it for herself. Its not your life and definitely not your place to be telling on your brother - especially if he is intending on marrying this girl.

What you could do again, is maybe try to do some damage control. You say your parents are diabetic and have health issues and you are worried about them? Why are you going to stir up trouble if you are so concerned about their well being? Why would you not want to do what is best for both parties and try to help your parents by calming them down? Your place is not opposite of your brother, its next to him and your parents. How old are you? Why am I explaining your responsibilities to you? Even your thread title reeks of immaturity..."my brother's irritating girlfriend" And by the way, you havent mentioned a single thing she has done that would affect YOUR life in an irritating way. Its YOUR BROTHER that is misbehaving by taking his sister out and hanging out with girls.

You want to talk about family values? What kind of family values is your brother displaying by dating? Is this how you guys were raised? In your home, dating is okay'd by parents?????

I feel sorry for your brother's girlfriend, she has no idea what she is about to get herself into and is blindly believing your brother. Maybe you should refer her to this forum so she can make her own decision if SHE wants to have anything to do with YOU.

From where Im sitting, it doesnt seem like she will be losing much if she does end up rejecting your family.

33

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

u need to get real. Ur sister is in grade 10 for crying out loud, she's going to see and hear a lot worse than her big brother dating a girl. How can u say that ur brother has chosen the path for her? Umm she has her own mind and will choose whatever path she wants. If you really are concerned about her dating etc then talk to her about it. There's no need to drag in ur parents, brother and his gf.

By the way stop generalising and bashing posters that give you opinions that don't match your own. If you are prepared to post a question then be prepared to hear all sorts of answers.

34

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

Dude, your brother n his gf did the damage, jo hochuka usko choro.

If you care about your Deen so much then why do you NOT care about what your brother does? Do something about it. Ok, he's old enough to make up his mind, so what, we're never old enough to CHANGE. It's your responsibility to bring change into him, rather than him bringing change into your sister, you should take up your job in teaching him what's right/wrong. Next step is to get them married, which won't happen overnight. God gave you this opportunity to make things right, so take it and run!!!!!!!

35

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

[QUOTE]
Originally Posted by bhenjee

Seems like most of you come from families where dating is ok, and you all marry who you want, at whatever age/time suits you best. That's not the case with my family.

[/QUOTE]

I hate to point this out to you, but its YOUR brother thats dating and its YOUR parents that are aware of it and seem to be okay with it (they haven't stopped him have they?). So instead of generalising about the people who are trying to help you out here, READ their posts and try and understand their point of views.. their giving you alternative perspectives since your clearly wayyyy too biased when talking about your brother. About your sister, I can understand you feel annoyed that your brother took her along to meet his gf and you don't want her to think its okay to date around BUT hey, thats something only YOU can talk to your sister about.. and its got nothing to do with your bro's gf either.

Are you close enough to your own lil sis to have a quiet word about whats acceptable and what isn't for her? If not, then maybe you should try and work on your own relationship with your siblings, rather than attack your bro's gf who has nothing to do with it. If you are, then what are you waiting for? Go talk to her! Because if thats your main concen like you say, then you don't even have to involve your bro, his gf or even people here to try and sort it out.

36

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

bhenjee, just send your brother's girlfriend here...we'll take care of the rest for ya.

37

Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend

I agree with the lot of people here that are saying your sister is not that young and is old enough to make her own decisions. You say that you come from a conservative household... then remain confident that your sister's morals and opinions have remained the same. She is not a little kid...she is old enough to also realize that your family does not do the whole love marriage thing. She is also old enough to see probably the hardship of what your brother is going through. If anything, this is a lesson to her of what "could" happen if she decides to go against the arranged marriage path.

Your brothers intentions are not that of "exposing" your sister to all things haraam. Seems like he is trying really hard to get his own family to understand his situation. And by his situation, the first step is to accept and get to know his girlfriend. The "irritating" girlfriend has done nothing wrong either. She is trying hard to build good relations with you guys. If only every future bhabi/bhabi was like this.

You should talk to your parents about taking this rishta over to the girls seriously. You have mentioned that your brother has already talked to them about it. So its not like this will cause them any more stress or will be something out of the blue. No one has to get married asap. But what is wrong with a baat paaki and engagement???? Or a Nikkah and just not do rukhasti? Atleast your brother and gfs rishta will have a more appropriate name and it will make everyone less uncomfortable of having her trying to socialize with you guys. My own cousin is engaged and there will be no shaadi for like 5 years because my mamu wants her to finish her studies. So its not like long engagements are unheard off.

And lastly, I also agree with others in that I do not understand why you can not have a heart to heart conversation with your own little sister and discuss your fears with HER. Isn't that what big sisters are supposed to do??? I would act in this manner towards my own younger sister. You might be surprised by what she has to say. She might just calm your fears and simply tell you she understands how your family is and does not plan to go against the grain. Or if she says something like that she sees nothing wrong in what her bhai is doing..then you can rationally talk to her and tell her that that is a difficult path and things go smoother in your khandaan the way your own marriage was held.

But stop overreacting and jumping to conclusions. Give your sister the benefit of the doubt and give her self the chance to explain why she has been hanging with her bhai's gf and what she thinks of the whole situation. If you or your sister can not openly discuss these issues then I think the biggest problem of all is that. Where is all the sisterly communication at?????

38

Maybe you’re jealous he’s found love and you haven’t?

:yawn:

39

!!

Timepass February 2015 _ Jashn e BaharaN
40

[QUOTE]
.its about love 4 ur parents..
[/QUOTE]
Marrying someone has nothing to do with the 'love of your parents'. I'll marry whoever I like e.g., I'll OBVIOUSLY take my parents' advice but the final decision HAS to be left to the boy/girl as THEY are the ones supposed to spend their lives together with each other and NOT the parents.

[QUOTE]
u can desert them in their old days! Enough said!
[/QUOTE]
You seem very confused as marrying someone of one's own choice doesn't equate to 'deserting' our parents.

As for the thread starter, she sounds very bitter for some reason, as someone (PSQ I think) has said you only have to look at the thread title, she's labelled the poor gf as irritating without giving ANY reason. Says it all really.

Timepass February 2015 _ Jashn e BaharaN
Timepass February 2015 _ Jashn e BaharaN