Being a desi girl living in the Middle East, I have been receiving a lot of proposals of guys in the USA and Canada who wanted me to be house wife and care for the kids and extended family. One guy’s mom even asked my mom whether I would be able to make 20 rotian each time after shadi as they had a large family
When my mom asked for advice from my uncles, they were like :no: and asked my mom to reply to them k agar larka $20,000 pm earn kerta hai tau 20 rotian paka le gi larki . Anyways, mom did not say this to them but the rishta did not proceed for other reasons.
So the reasons for men marrying girls from eastern side of the world is definitley that they do not know the freedom and rights of wives in the US and the husbands can be typical pakistani husbands and expect their wives to be obedient and caring for the whole of the in-laws which I wonder how many of the Western brought up girls can be. The guys in the West also think that girls in this part of the world do not have that bad past which many of the girls brought up in the West might have. They want a pure ‘pak daman’ girl as their wife.
But these guys are sadly mistaken. I have heared many seedhi saadhi desi girls from pakistan ruining the lives of their husbands in US after they got their citizenship. Many girls from pak just cannot control themselves in the open and modern environment of the US and end up being more liberal than many of the US bred girls. I heard divorces of such couples which prove that bringing wives from back home does not guarantee a happy successful marriage all the time.
So you could have made 20 rotiaan if he had been earning $20,000 per month.
Lollzzz... This was the sarcastic response made by one of my uncles when my mom asked for their advice. I had never thought about 20 rotiaan although I am willing to manage a household happily. But this example truly shows why desi guys in the West are more inclined to marry girls from Eastern part of the world.
Okay so everyone is angry if someone says that girls from abroad aren't good enough for the desi guys or whatever but in the mean time no one minds when some of you around here imply that girls from Pakistan are slutty and are not good enough for anything i.e motherhood or shaadi. It goes both ways, there are every sort of people around the world, the good ones and the bad ones and being sarcastic or judgmental about this fact just makes one shallow.
^ Ashy, you nailed it :) ... "CONTROLLING THE WIFE" is basically the main reason...
Its sad but true. This attitude is disadvantageous for girls bred in West as there tend to be less suitable rishtas available there but it is also not a very colouful scenario for desi girls like me living in Eastern part of the world that we have to come up to the expectations of these guys and their families who want a typical bahu and we will have to work hard to prove ourselves.
I know of my cousin who was not so used to doing household chores because of availability of maids in Pakistan and now she is managing her house completely after marriage in the US and caring for her large in-laws family. It was a good proposal otherwise so her family accepted the proposal at once.
No that was not the reason for rishta failure. The aunty asked my mom about my gharelu pan by asking whether I knew how to make rotis and my mom told them that I knew that and I cud make gud roties. But then she stretched a little more and asked my mom whether I cud make 20 rotis at a time. This shows the image of an ideal bahu she might be having in her mind.
Okay so everyone is angry if someone says that girls from abroad aren't good enough for the desi guys or whatever but in the mean time no one minds when some of you around here imply that girls from Pakistan are slutty and are not good enough for anything i.e motherhood or shaadi. It goes both ways, there are every sort of people around the world, the good ones and the bad ones and being sarcastic or judgmental about this fact just makes one shallow.
The place of brought up has nothing to do with the character of a person. Its all about TARBIAT which parents give to their children. So girls bred in Pakistan can be character-less and cheap while some girls in Western world can have strong moral and Islamic values. You cannot generalise people according to the place where they have been brought up.
No that was not the reason for rishta failure. The aunty asked my mom about my gharelu pan by asking whether I knew how to make rotis and my mom told them that I knew that and I cud make gud roties. But then she stretched a little more and asked my mom whether I cud make 20 rotis at a time. This shows the image of an ideal bahu she might be having in her mind.
Exactly, so she most likely had not been interested for other reason and deliberately made the task difficult or made an absurd demand. So your family gets first chance to refuse and you keep your dignity?
Well whose fault is that? Most parents who raise their kids with the proper values, love and attention their kids aren’t going to act out or “go the wrong path”–sons and daughters.
I really hate this mentality that marriage is somehow a cure for all things, how messed up is that? They’d rather pass the “problem” off to an innocent person rather than deal with their kids themselves.
Dude what country do you live in? Do you really think that there are no Pakistanis who teach their kids values
Agree–it’s not fair to bash Pakistani women either as they have their own struggles and it’s not all that easy or roses either for them.
Exactly, so she most likely had not been interested for other reason and deliberately made the task difficult or made an absurd demand. So your family gets first chance to refuse and you keep your dignity?
May be, who knows. But she was serious in 20 rotian things coz the whole family stays together with 3 unmarried daughters who were working.
Glad that the message got across. It seems she had to sound serious to make that work. :)
Move on and no need to think bad of all desi men/families/rishta process.
Everyone has reasons for not liking which other person may not understand.
Good luck.
Follow this rule:
Tou Nahin Aur Sahi, Aur Nahin, ....Aur Sahi. :)
Yeah it was gud for me. I am not dying to shift to US or Canada and am not thinking that marriage is a way I can shift to west. The guy and the family has to be gud and it does not matter where they live.
By moms of desi guys in the West do look for desi 'shareef' 'seedhi' girls as their bahus which they can ONLY find in eastern part of the world.
Yeah it was gud for me. I am not dying to shift to US or Canada and am not thinking that marriage is a way I can shift to west. The guy and the family has to be gud and it does not matter where they live.
By moms of desi guys in the West do look for desi 'shareef' 'seedhi' girls as their bahus which they can ONLY find in eastern part of the world.
That you might wanna find out from 'western' raised girls why? ;)
If you were born and raised in US, it makes sense to marry someone from USA instead of marrying someone from Pakistan. But then why do Pakistani guys in USA still end up looking for a wife in Pakistan rather than USA (besides cousin marriage ;))? Just wondering.
I dont know any family that doesnt teach their children Urdu or Punjabi and doesnt stress religious education.
It depends what kind of religious education, but I might concede that point but not about culture. I know many many families whose parents talk to their kids in english; heck, my cousins can now understand some urdu but they were never taught here by any of the parents.
I feel so unpakistani sometimes, grew up in the west, married a USA born and raised girl, my bhabhi is also a local, I look at my cousins and not a single one imported a spouse from Pakistan. Then I look at my cousins in Pakistan and except for two girls who married dudes in UK and US everyone married locals there.
But based in reading this thread looks like we are the exceptions not the norm.
. Anyways, mom did not say this to them but the rishta did not proceed for other reasons.
…since those traits can only be found in east…