It's true that in Islam a husband has no right over his wife's money but Islam also allows a man to marry a woman for her wealth and status.
Huh?
It's true that in Islam a husband has no right over his wife's money but Islam also allows a man to marry a woman for her wealth and status.
I believe in keeping dunya in your hand not in your heart so I'd give my money to my husband or to my brother if they need it.
Huh?
You missed this part.
Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?
Islam also allows a man to marry a woman for her wealth and status.
You missed what I'm huh'ing at. I'm huh'ing at this statement. Where did you get that from??
Islam also allows a man to marry a woman for her wealth and status.
You missed what I'm huh'ing at. I'm huh'ing at this statement. Where did you get that from??
A man is allowed to marry a woman for four reasons,
1)her deen.(values and character)
2) her wealth and status
3) her beauty
4) her lineage
Best thing is to marry her for her deen.
Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?
I don't think you understood that hadith...
It means those are 4 reasons typically why men marry women, and of those 4 only the first one is sanctioned by Islam...
So...no, you cannot marry for wealth and status...
Wow...looks around I feel like I'm in a twilight zone.
Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?
I don't entirely agree with the "when you get married, there's no yours and mine" view.
To a certain extent, I agree with it. However, I do think that since relationships don't come with a guarantee and since life is so unpredictable, there's nothing wrong with a wife having some financial security of her own. For example, she can have a joint account with her husband where they both contribute toward expenses, but I also think she should have a personal account that is her own for emergencies.
I agree with PCG that if the guy is assuming that she'll sell her land, which was given to her by her father, without even asking her, it's a turn off. I think that was the case with my friend as well. From what she told me, I got the vibe that her husband never asked her if she'd be willing to contribute money to build a house in Jordan. He just assumed that she'd give her money and that she'd want to settle there. I also agree with RupayHalwa that since the poster has only been married a short time, she should wait a while before undertaking such huge decisions.
Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?
Sara_Pathan, you've only been married for a while. Do you both absolutely have to purchase a house right away? Could you not start off with something smaller and less expensive? Spend some time developing your relationship and building trust. Talk to him about this issue if he brings it up again and explore other options together as a couple. For all you know, that land that you have could be used toward something else. It might even be used for toward children's college education in the future, for example.
I don't think you understood that hadith...
It means those are 4 reasons typically why men marry women, and of those 4 only the first one is sanctioned by Islam...
So...no, you cannot marry for wealth and status...
Wow...looks around I feel like I'm in a twilight zone.
These are for VALID reasons for a man to marry a woman, hadith doesn't say that you cannot marry for beauty, wealth or lineage, you are saying that. Islam encourages you to marry who you find attractive and Jaweria(ra) married Prophet(SAW) due to his lineage.
And also, if you have all of these four qualities you'll have greater reasons to demand your rights from your husband.
Also, women who support their husbands in finances have a bigger reward than a man who supports his family because he does it out of his obligation when the woman does it out of being altruistic.
So by discouraging women from helping you are depriving them of the extra reward if they're in the position of helping.
And I'm not saying this based on one hadith rather an opinion is formulated as a result of scholarly readings of a collection of relevent hadith.
My source is Shaykh Hamza Yusuf Hanson.
Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?
If you have all four qualities you have more right to demand from your husband? What the hey????
Your interpretation is totally not valid...
Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?
You are allowed to have your own property and keep it.
You are allowed to be a millionaire and not contribute to the household expenses.
You are alowed to demand payment in exchange for taking care of your very own children.
You are allowed doesnt mean its mandatory for you to do this.
If your husband is suffering, help him. If he needs you, be there.
You're not an individual anymore, you're a team. His problems are your problems. He isnt living in this home alone, he is buying it to start a familly with you.
Maybe what you can do is have a small nest egg for yourself so you dont feel so vulnerable. Keep a portion of the money from the sale of the land.
Better yet, get a job to help him out.
It is true that husband doesn't have any right on woman's possessions but when you are married and you have a good relationship you don't think like "its my money or his money" You think like "our money" .I can always share my money but I will never share my husband.
I see most of replies from people who are scared to make a commitment or who are unmarried. Note for those people marriage is build on trust if now at this moment Sara Pathan will give money to her husband it will make more healthy relationship between both of them. And husband usually don't buy home only on their name either its on wife's name or both of them have equal share in the house.
Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?
No I wouldn't want to share food or money with him. Call me selfish. what.ever.
say, *you own a piece of land given to you by ur dad, and your husband who has seen halaat in pakistan worsen, wants to buy a house here in the uk but both of u have no mony for deposit, so would you sell that piece of land you have been given by ur dad in order for u to be able to buy something here. **now this idea is coming from the husband, who is a decent guy so pls no money grabbing stories here, **he wanted to go back to pakistan, however seeing the situation there now is thinking of buying something here so we can live here and stuff. *
for the girl, this makes sense, however she still feels like hey its my land given to me, so its mine, not urs to do anything with, i dnt know why, i cant share, or feel like its all mine, why shud he ask, however i know this is also a wrong atitude as whats mine is his, and vice versa, and what hes saying is a solution anyway.....cant help feeling like wtf,...is thisweird...
ok, so you have the reasoning (halaat) which seems valid, you guys don't want to go back to Pak by the sound of it, and a solution so you can live here comfortably. ok, he's the one suggesting it but maybe he's the one actually thinking about your present and future more carefully?
it's your land and it can be your house too, since you're the one putting down the deposit. he's coming up with a suggestion to your present situation and you're getting all weird about him even asking. go teamwork.
anyway, like others have said, it's your choice. seems the decision is more sentimental than anything.
lots of people in my extended family sold off their land in recent years. my nani sold hers a few years ago and split the money between my mum and khala. she knows shes gonna pass soon and no one would have bothered with it... she didn't herself either.
Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?
hey sell the land and buy a home and put in in your name. ur land ur home...if husband puts in a share he gets some percent in home too. if Allah has allowed that husband does not have any right over womans inheritance then why fight? hazrat Khadija gave all her money to rasool allah.....without asking. hoon gi itney baray dil ki khawateen . but i say put ur name on property bcz thats what i will do.
If you have all four qualities you have more right to demand from your husband? What the hey????
Your interpretation is totally not valid...
Besides these aren't my interpretations.
It's a man's duty to maintain his wife's lifestyle according to her upbringing, for example, if she's used to of a dish washer before marriage than it is incumbent upon her husband to get her a dish washer.
It is true that husband doesn't have any right on woman's possessions but when you are married and you have a good relationship you don't think like "its my money or his money" You think like "our money" .I can always share my money but I will never share my husband. I see most of replies from people who are scared to make a commitment or who are unmarried. Note for those people marriage is build on trust if now at this moment Sara Pathan will give money to her husband it will make more healthy relationship between both of them. And husband usually don't buy home only on their name either its on wife's name or both of them have equal share in the house.
I'm not married yet but that's the way I see it as well. I know it's my right not to have to give money but personally I would want to (seeing as tho the house will IA be in both our names)..
Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?
ok,
he merely suggested it, he asked me if i didnt mind, secondly he only asked as he has nothing to support me if we were to live here. thirdly, its not worht that much, maybe les than 15,000 pounds, and fourthly, my parents offered to buy us a house here as in give a deposit and he refused and said we should do it ourselves.
finally, if we were to buy somehting 15,000 would be a small deposit, he would then be paying the mortgage for ever, so my 15,000 would be nothing to him paying a 100,000 pound mortgage,,,,,,,
Besides these aren't my interpretations.
It's a man's duty to maintain his wife's lifestyle according to her upbringing, for example, if she's used to of a dish washer before marriage than it is incumbent upon her husband to get her a dish washer.
This fact is lost on a lot of people, sadly.
say, you own a piece of land given to you by ur dad, and your husband who has seen halaat in pakistan worsen, wants to buy a house here in the uk but both of u have no mony for deposit, so would you sell that piece of land you have been given by ur dad in order for u to be able to buy something here. now this idea is coming from the husband, who is a decent guy so pls no money grabbing stories here, he wanted to go back to pakistan, however seeing the situation therenow is thinking of buying something here so we can live here and stuff.
for the girl, this makes sense, however she still feels like hey its my land given to me, so its mine, not urs to do anything with, i dnt know why, i cant share, or feel like its all mine, why shud he ask, however i know this is also a wrong atitude as whats mine is his, and vice versa, and what hes saying is a solution anyway.....cant help feeling like wtf,...is thisweird...
If I had some inheritance/gift from my parents I would not hesitate to spend it for my family. Not even for a second.
The problem in marriage comes when the me mine and I sets in. We will both benefit from it right?
ok,
he merely suggested it, he asked me if i didnt mind, secondly he only asked as he has nothing to support me if we were to live here. thirdly, its not worht that much, maybe les than 15,000 pounds, and fourthly, my parents offered to buy us a house here as in give a deposit and he refused and said we should do it ourselves.
finally, if we were to buy somehting 15,000 would be a small deposit, he would then be paying the mortgage for ever, so my 15,000 would be nothing to him paying a 100,000 pound mortgage,,,,,,,
Ok, so you have other valid points. Yes, 15,000 is nowhere near enough of a deposit at the moment unless the property is much less than 100k.
To be fair, if your parents can afford it, he should think about letting them pay the deposit and paying them back when he can. I'm sure your parents would much rather you have money from them now when you need it, rather than in the future as an inheritance. Maybe you can offer your parents back the land in exchange for them helping buy you a place, in your name, instead? That way it stays in the family.
I'm all for standing on ones own feet but sometimes pride just causes more problems than it solves.