would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

Lifestyle Relationships
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say, you own a piece of land given to you by ur dad, and your husband who has seen halaat in pakistan worsen, wants to buy a house here in the uk but both of u have no mony for deposit, so would you sell that piece of land you have been given by ur dad in order for u to be able to buy something here. now this idea is coming from the husband, who is a decent guy so pls no money grabbing stories here, he wanted to go back to pakistan, however seeing the situation therenow is thinking of buying something here so we can live here and stuff.

for the girl, this makes sense, however she still feels like hey its my land given to me, so its mine, not urs to do anything with, i dnt know why, i cant share, or feel like its all mine, why shud he ask, however i know this is also a wrong atitude as whats mine is his, and vice versa, and what hes saying is a solution anyway…cant help feeling like wtf, …is thisweird…

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

In principle, your hubby does not have no right over wealth u inherit.

Now go shopping.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

A friend of mine was given a good amount of money by her grandmother. Her husband was hoping that she'd use some of the money toward building a home in Jordan. She, however, had no desire to live there.

The land given to you by your father is yours. There is no doubt or question about that. You may choose to do whatever you want with it. If you don't want to use it toward building a home in the UK, then so be it. There are some questions you should try to answer before deciding what do do with the land.

Do you plan to live long term in Pakistan or the UK?

Considering the unstable condition of Pakistan, even if things were to improve, which country would best support your lifestyle (health, job, finances, raising children, education, etc)?

Where do you both see yourselves living?

If you don't want to use your land toward buying a home in the UK, how ELSE do you plan to use that land? What else can you do with it?

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

"hey its my land given to me, so its mine, not urs to do anything with". What pathetic attitude shown by his wife, if you care so much about your stuff then why bother living with your hubby? Why do you expect him to take of you when you don't want to help him out? With pathetic attitude like this, it's no wonder why women moan about their hubbys.

If my wife were to ask me for money or any other assistance, i would be more than happy to help her out. Since she is my wife, it's my duty to take care of her & her needs. The same applies to women; if her hubby is in need then she should help him out, not show this pathetic attitude.

Now here in this situation the hubby is in trouble & wife has what the habby wants. Why is she so insecure? Afterall he's doing all this for his & her future, right? Ofcourse, she should help him infact she should've offered him this 'help' without him asking for it.

.....but sadly not all women think like this.

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good investment is good anywhere and if the guy truly wants to do it for the wife.. so that she'll have property/investment for the future with the money she has now... I don't see a problem with it.
If the guy wants to build something on the girl's money, girl should be happy and equally willing to do so. I don't see a problem with buying something with her money as long as she is happy too with it.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

When you marry, there is no more "mine" or "yours". There is only "ours". And decisions should be made by both.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

The fact that he is asking is such a turn off. If you volunteer it and he accepts it is a different story. You can give him the land but then don't cry if you get divorced an you lose that wealth in a settlement. Islam gives you the right to keep your wealth for that very reason. Not all guys are scum but some will run off with your money and it is YOUR responsibilty to protect yourself.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

I'd share everything including my hubby with my money.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

are you nadz?

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

ill share my hubby but not my money.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

ask yourself a couple of questions:
- what will you do with that land if you dont sell it? will it just sit there?
- is your husband a good decision maker? is he good with money? is he responsible? OR is it the opposite
- do you trust him? take out feelings and analyze if he is a trustworthy/honorable person
- is he mentioning this for the welfare of the both of you? or is it selfish?

you should be able to come up with a decision when you analyze some of these

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Pathetic attitude? Nice. You just called God “pathetic” because the right for a woman to keep her inheritance and earned wealth is her Islamic right.

Secondly, don’t BS us. If YOUR damaad took 1/2 million worth of land from your daughter’s hand that YOU worked hard to earn and purchase and that you passed on to your daughter, you’d be pretty annoyed. You’d be even more annoyed if he gambled the wealth away, or left your daughter and ran off with the wealth.

:rolleyes:

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Right on :k:

It’s truly your decision, Sara. If you don’t feel comfortable with it, you don’t have to pass it on to him. I do understand, by the way you describe it, that he has both of your interests at heart, and if he doesn’t have any land or money to work with…I can understand why he wants to take this decision. But it is your land, and make sure that the deeds to that land remains in your name as oppose to passing onto his, because the day push comes to shove, that land should remain your own.

Keep in mind the repercussions of putting his name on your land. It becomes his property as well, which means when he dies, Islamically, his relatives can come over to lay claim to their half. Unlikely to happen in some families, more likely to happen in other families.

My father has taken whatever he has and put it in the name of his wife (my mom) and us daughters. In that case, if his brothers and sisters come over to lay claim, they can’t. Even though, Islamically it is their right. He just chose to give it to his wife, because she has no way of fending for herself after his death, although his 3 brothers have ample for themselves.

So, keep in mind what could happen if you hand over your land to him. Again, there might be consequences you may not like, and you’ll have to deal with it, because this was YOUR decision. No one is forcing you to give anything to him.

I mean, if it was me, I’d honestly have my separate account and all my inheritance would have my name on it only, and my childrens’ name on it. I don’t have any land, but if I did, I’d probably be willing to have a house built on it, but the deed for the land would remain in my name only. And my hubby would have to deal with it. The court case would just get nasty in the event there would be a divorce.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

PCG

… and yet you expect your hubby to take care of you? When your hubby asks for your help you just use this lame excuse “God gave me the right to keep my inheritance with me” and get away with it.

When you are not ready to help your husband then how can you expect him to help/take care of you?

Husbands work for his wife, provide her everything she wants just because it’s his duty but when he asks his wife to help him, your bring Islam in to defend yourself?

Nice Attitude : )

PS: Funny how you worked out the size of land already, despite the fact OP didn’t say what the value of land is.:omg: :omg: You are really good at assuming things, aren’t you?

LHC asks govt to remove Maryam from loan scheme
LHC asks govt to remove Maryam from loan scheme
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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

Sara, u r only very recently married? So u don't really know how your husband really is when it comes to decision making with money etc. Maybe u should wait for at least a year to see.

It IS possible to save some money for a deposit in the next few years and get your own place here AND keep your land.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

Wow, a hubby needs his wife help in this thread and people like PyaricGurdia are loosing their sleep over it?

You hardly know anything about that guy and yet you are judging him ? Tell's us a lot about your mentality.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

***This is where it comes to CRUNCH time ?

This is where U decide , "Do I trust this person or not "

Its not easy especially when the request is coming from the husband and it is not something the girl has volunteered !

What U need to do is evaluate the situation ?

First How important is it right now to buy or invest in property ?

Secondly Has this husband shown any signs of being trustworthy ?

And Yes before people start hurling accusations TRUST is EARNED , It is not a BIRTHRIGHT neither the husband nor the wife should take it for granted !

You EARN each other's TRUST and RESPECT ! U do NOT get it in the jehaiz !

If U still have doubts but feel that U have to dispense with your property then get him to write whatever property he does settle on buying (with the money from ur inheritance) in your name ! I think he shouldn't have qualms about that if he is honest and man enough to admit that it is your property ur helping him with !

Pakistan gave loan to Germany in 1963
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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

iShaz, it is the Quranic duty of a husband to provide for his wife. It is also the Quranic privelege for a woman to keep her inheritance for herself. Including money she has earned herself. There is no hard fast rule that says you need to share it, but OP is clearly uncomfortable, and she should probably explore why she's uncomfortable before she forks anything over. I've seen a lot of cases of boys running off with their wife's wealth, or irresponibly investing it and losing it. Then the girls cry that they lost wealth that their FATHER earned, not their husband.

It really surprises me that Pakistani men will grow 10 foot beards, but think nothing of taking away their wife's Islamic right, and in fact, throw accusations at girls who stand up for these Islamic rights.

I'm using the figure of 1/2 million as just an example.
cool it

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

I agree with PCG totally. Sara its okay to use the money of your land to build a house in UK for yourself and your hubby but, make sure that the deed to that land remains in your name.

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Re: would you share everything incl ur money with hubby?

Yeah, and if he's a reasonable guy and you explain your fears and concerns to him, he'll totally be ok with keeping the property entirely in your name, in fact.