Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Sounds really stupid but I’ve heard some parents (esp mums) say men don’t like a girl who’s too ‘clever’/ambitious.. According to these morons get a job that’s ‘too good’ and the guy will feel intimidated or worry you won’t listen to him :smack:

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

So what kind of a mother would would want her daughter to be “not so successful” just so that other men don’t get an inferiority complex? Can such a person even deserve to be called “mother”

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Agreed. That's why I keep mentioning WWII and how it made the most insecure of all women breed come out and work hard to earn money. It's a beautiful but cruel example just to show what will it take for Pakistani women to revolt against the system regardless of what Mushkilaat they may face

It's not to say that all women WANT to work. Some no matter what you do will prefer to be housewives. But i think at this point most women in Pakistan just don't want to stir up things as it's already really bad. Let's be realistic, would you send your daughter out in a city where she could be an easy target for rape, murder, robbery...women ARE physically weaker than men and this just might be too much. And let's not forget that women in Punjab do all types of work in their Khet...

44

Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Not really imo but so many have been brainwashed to believe parents/elders can do no wrong.. The whole system would prob break down if more ppl actually started questioning what is going on around them..

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

They do. Unless I'm living in Cuckoo land or something, most women I know do earn money and are not afraid to earn money.

And what is with all the culture bashing here? I do understand that there are some desi's who hold extremist type views where a girl's right to an education is not a right. But believe me, the tide is turning and there are very VERY few desi's who hold these views nowadays.

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Looks like you do live in Cuckoo Land. Or just among the ultra privileged...

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

It's a desire born out of being told to follow the rule book.

If you're told all your life that marriage is NOT a choice but rather a rule, that your true worth is only in being a wife..then yes as you get older you get obsessed with finding a spouse and "settling" down.

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

It does. Men (supposedly) are an investment because they will stay with you and eventually pay you back for whatever you put into them. Women are “paraya dhan”…this is of course only in our culture.

It IS love Deeba…in its own way. A traditional parent from our mom and dad’s generation will NOT rest knowing their daughter MIGHT be left “be-sahara” or alone. A woman in their eyes has always needed someone with her…a man. Leaving their daughters without a man to care for them is equivalent to being a bad parent - in their own eyes. They feel they failed as a parent.

I’ve seen it my whole life…my mother worried about what will happen to her daughters if they’re not married. Its not ALL about money though Deebs. Its about security, protection and a sense of sukoon that your child is not being left alone. Someone will be there for her to protect her. She will have children and those children will have a father. She will have someone to grow old with. All of those things.

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Isn't money in your own hands better than your husband's?

[QUOTE]
IThey feel they failed as a parent.

[/QUOTE]

Indeed, they have.

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

You guys cannot undo generations of conditioning with a few years in the West. And some of it wasn't impractical because in those days women DID need someone with them. They DID need support so parents were obsessed with making sure they got that. That obsession trickled down into future generations. It will take time for a more modern outlook to emerge but it will happen.

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Thats what you say NOW.

Look, you may not understand these things right now. They make no sense to you because they stem from a super traditional lifestyle...one you don't know.

And for the families that view their daughters as a burden...yes they failed.

But for parents who genuinely worry about their girls being with someone to care for them...they have not failed.

This is what they know...you can't criticize someone for having a different upbringing than yours...how does that make sense?

52

Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

I live in Pakistan.

However, it is irrelevant what previous generations thought. What matters now is what WE think. So my answer to all the women here is, will YOU do as your mothers did?

[QUOTE]
I've seen it my whole life...my mother worried about what will happen to her daughters if they're not married. Its not ALL about money though Deebs. Its about security, protection and a sense of sukoon that your child is not being left alone. Someone will be there for her to protect her. She will have children and those children will have a father. She will have someone to grow old with. All of those things.
[/QUOTE]

Will you have the same attitude towards YOUR daughters? Please answer truthfully :)

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Unfortunately, I know it only too well. My dad's family is the very personification of "Tradition" and I'm really grateful to Allah SWT that dad had the good sense to just ignore them in each and every stage of his life. He listens to their senseless rhetoric, but always laughs it off.

54

Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

What matters now is what WE think...sure. Absolutely.

But what exactly are you thinking has happened here? The previous generations are still alive and kicking and that mentality is still going strong and will for a while. You cannot just wish it away. It will go...but with time and education.

My daughters will never believe they need anyone else to survive in this world. If I have a girl, she will be independent and I will make sure of it.

My parents never held us back from doing anything. My dad has always told us "meri larkiyan larkon se kam nahin hein". He has unbelievable faith in us and our abilities. My mother just worries about us being alone because she came from a world where a woman NEEDS a man. That's what they were taught so naturally in their eyes being a good parent = making sure your daughter has a good man next to her.

55

Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Because its up to US how we raise our children and with what values, not our parents.
The real problem however, lies in the fact that the majority of people today are too influenced by their parents. And its not only the underprivileged. A girl I knew from A-Levels was married at 20 to a doctor in the US even though she protested, fought with and in the end begged her parents not to.

The same old reasoning: “Rishta acha hai, hath sai nai janay daina”

:k:

Hmmmm… Your dad and mom obviously came from the same generation, so why this large difference in their views about their daughter? Something must have happened differently in their lives?

56

Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

One guppan was eagerly waiting and was counting days, rolling tasbeeh... for CM to be unbanned. :)

I also say............Welcome back CM :D

On topic:

Girls are not obsessed with marriage, it is their need.

Off course some deny.

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

for us its a ticket of hope that we [might] get to explore a different life. we will be independent, and our prince charming will be there to take of us and our needs-wants-dreams-wishes.

we women are in constant surveillance, and if we are living in Pakistan than this surveillance is even deeper. you can say we want to break free and marriage seems like the only way where we only have one person to deal with.

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

mabye the women are obsessed because they could talk about their MILs and inlaws in LiFe1

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Agreed, I have no idea why you keep saying the same thing. Yeah, its up to us how we raise our children. Obviously, this won't be seen in our kids, Inshallah.

My dad came to the States when he was 19 or so and my mother came after marriage. He has traveled the world whereas she has been to Pak and then the US. My mom is not a typical housewife though...she has worked, had a career and raised 4 kids. Even though she is fairly open minded, she still has her moments where she will get really worried about her kids and making sure her daughters are married.

They've just led different lives up until their marriage.

hunh?

diwana, here you go with your usual gender based attacks.

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Re: Why are girls so obsessed with marriage?

Its not an attack. :chai:

Merely truth.

You will not find too many women wishing/looking forward/ to live single, yet you will find lots of men who do.