lol yes, but those “sparks” can come in unexpected ways…My fiance and I met each other (not arranged) and we definitely had no sparks (at least from my end) but I got to know him and the sparks…somehow appeared. There’s also been times (only a few because I didn’t do the chai-trolley rishta thing very much) where I definitely thought there was a spark between us and that was in an arranged setting. And you can definitely get to know someone outside of 1-2 meetings at home without being “liberal”.
Sure, according to me and of course not everyone on the planet. Just as your view is yours and not everyone’s. I would have hoped these sort of things go without saying.I don’t know why people post statements like this? Should we all have a ten page disclaimer after every post stating all sorts of caveats But whatever makes you happy - rant over.
Regardless, even if time is not running out, maybe because you have discovered the elixir of life, I would suggest you think about being pragmatic and my other thoughts.
I think we need to take into account OPs location and lifestyle. I would agree with you 100% if OP lived abroad. But living in Pakistan, and coming from a very conservative family, unfortunately OPs age should concern her. Finding a guy on her own doesn’t seem like a viable option for OP if her family is conservative so she must go through the arranged route. And unfortunately, living in Pakistan, by the time she hits 28/29…the # rishtas she gets will start decreasing as many mother will be searching for younger bahus for their sons. It’s not fair and all but that’s just the reality for a woman living in Pakistan who is dependent on the arranged route to get married. It doesn’t mean she won’t get married at all…just that things will get much harder after 27/28.
OP should definitely wait for a guy who she thinks she will be compatible with. However, at almost 25, for her to even refuse to see the guys in person b/c of his looks FB pics, or education level (if he has a good job despite the education) or b/c she doesn’t feel a “spark” when looking at their picture seems a bit ridiculous.
^ This. There was 0 spark when I saw/met my husband for the first time (not arranged). If I hadn’t given him a chance despite that, I would’ve lost out on a good man.
I understand that you may not be able to go to a diff. room and talk to the guy when he comes over with his family…but will you not be not allowed to talk to the guy even on the phone or chat online after that? Do your parents expect you to say “yes” to a rishta without ever having a personal conversation with the guy?
Listen guys, I’d say you both are right in a way.
I have seen some girls who married ‘late’ (according to society’s standards) and are very happy. I have also seen girls who got married at 18 and hate their life now because they couldn’t complete their education. I have seen girls who got married early and completed their education after marriage but are still frustrated because they got so many responsibilities at such an early age and couldnt enjoy the care free stage of their lives.
Many of you guys think I belong to a conservative family, well not really. I’ll say we are somewhere in between and I don’t think they will stop me from talking to him, but I’ll feel too shy asking them to let me talk to him.
There were other reasons too. For instance, one mom said she wont allow me to work after marriage. Another mom was throwing a lot of tantrums even before she came, and after we said no, she got all sweet and easy going. Basically I am a pretty straight forward person, and I really dont want to get stuck with such hypocrites.
I have seen cousins and friends who got married just for the sake of getting married, and a lot of them are unhappy. I fear ending up like that. That’s why I am being so picky. But I agree that this isnt very mature or practical of me.
I really dont know what do. After rejecting the last rishta, I was even scolded a lot and I was depressed, but even after that I am sure he was not the one. I hope you guys understand.
I have a very stupid question but what makes a girl desirable even after, say, 26. I know beauty counts. For instance, which guy here wont prefer Katrina Kaif over an average younger girl?
I think you need to be forthright with your family. When my bro was getting engaged, he only ever looked at my sister in law and finally talked to her after they got engaged. Because that’s just how things were on her side of the family. They didn’t want her to talk to him and i think she was super shy anyway. My bro however, wanted to get to know her. So I helped him out. My bro and i are very close so he was quite open with me about what he wanted in a girl. So every time we would go to their house or they would come over, i would purposely sit next to my bro, opposite to her and chat away from ACROSS the room. haha. I’d ask her all the stuff he wanted to ask her, career, goals, what she liked, disliked…basic stuff that you can normally ask people. That way, he could look at her answering my questions normally without coming across all weird and got to know her slightly as well. He understood the fact that he could never really know her completely without talking to her himself so he just wanted to know the basic stuff. Point being, why don’t you get one of your siblings to do that if you can’t talk to your parents about it? Like if you feel shy or you think your parents might not be comfortable to the fact that you should talk to them, find a way.
Besides, just looking at them and hoping to feel something is not the best way to go about it. That “spark” could be ANYTHING. for example, for me, looks aren’t the most important thing as long as he looks decent. It’s his nature, characteristics, his as we say, uthna bethna and sense of humor.. that’s my spark. Guy’s gotta have charm to sweep me off my feet. You can’t asses charm without talking to someone or at least getting to know someone. Don’t reject them out right. Give people a chance Best of luck with it, Inshallah.
You mean you want a guy that didn’t notice that you existed at all first, and then he gets married, gets his first wife killed, and then all of a sudden he’s head over heels with you because you dress and act a bit more girly and oh also you’re sorta kinda engaged to an actual good guy? Umm maybe you shouldn’t be looking for this guy in the first place.
Her brains. No point in having a drop dead gorgeous girl who also happens to cook like Julia Child if she can’t hold a proper conversation. Unless some guys are actually into that stuff. shrugs
Unfortunately, my brothers arent like that. I can discuss the beauty of hamza ali abbasi all I want with them, but when it comes to my future husband, I dont think they will be comfortable discussing this topic with me.
Umm where did I say that? My only point is that some people above said , and I have noticed too, that rishtas stop coming when you are 27 or above. Even if the guy is 30 above, 27 is consider old. Which is obviously stupid and unfair. So I was only asking how can a girl still remain desirable at, say, 27? I mean I dont want to rush into marriage just because my time is running out. And I have a question for guys. If there is a girl who is 21, 22 but pretty average and on the other hand there is an older girl who you find attractive, who will you marry?
Best of luck with it, Inshallah.