What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

Here is some food for thought for the SAHM/housewives:

This evening I left work and my branch manager (Anglo, male, late 40s) and I happened to get into the same lift. He mentioned that he was heading home but that each night when he gets home he is responsible for giving his kids dinner as well as bathing them and putting them to bed (2 kids aged under 5). My BM is at work 7:30am every day and I only rarely see him leave work at 5pm. His wife is a SAHM. My point being that IF he can work a 8 plus hour day everyday AND go home and do things for the kids then a housewife has nothing to complain about as many people, both men and women, juggle both roles. And especially if THAT is all a housewife is doing.

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Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?

Lol apparently. In the same way cooking a handi and doing the dishes should be praised like there is no tomorrow.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

I dont think the OP is demanding a medal for being a SAHM. it's more about how her inlaws think that shes extremely lucky to have a husband like their son, meanwhile they don't acknowledge what she contributes to her family.

in my experience, you can give your kidneys to your MIL, she will still not appreciate you. so my advise to OP is, do whatever you can for your family. as long as your husband appreciates your efforts, and you appreciate his, the rest don't matter.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

^ I think it's wrong to say that a MIL will never appreciate her DIL. My MIL (and FIL) and I have the most fantastic relationship MashAllah. It is what you make it. I am lucky enough that they love their son unbelievably much and have extended that love to me, his wife. At the same time though I love them the same way I do my own parents and hubby accords that love to MY parents and in the end you have one very big happy family.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

This is the tone I am talking about. You don't have kids. Are you even married? Stop judging.

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Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?

I don’t think the non-appreciative attitude from most MILs could be explained better than this :k:

107

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

Guess I am pretty lucky then. My MIL is a gem. She hugged me the day I cooked Saalan! I don't do anything at home. There are always exceptions.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

Yes I'm married. No I don't have kids. And no one is judging. It's MY personal opinion which I am certainly entitled to and THAT opinion is that cooking a handi isn't a big deal. And if you had bothered to read my posts properly you would realize that I am differentiating between SAHM and housewives.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

It all basically boils down to this. Everybody is ready to judge, but nobody wants to be judged.

Every situation is different, whether one is a SAHM, a housewife, working plus household, a fulltime career person, or a pink elephant. Nobody should decide for others what is normal in terms of balancing and managing everything. As long the other isn't bothering you, then just mind your own business.
If you can manage to finish a certain chore in a certain timespan, then it doesn't make it absolute and the norm for others.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

Right behn, it's only judging when somebody else does it, jab banda khud karay it's called 'my personal opinion'.

The way you are stating it now, and the way you stated it before are two very different things.

111

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

Another person who clearly engages in selective reading. I never stopped anyone from expressing their views. I am the one who is being told not to judge when I never did- I merely expressed my opinion. There is a difference.

112

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

I'm glad my post has generated a lot of discussion, albeit perhaps for the wrong reasons. Just in case it's not clear from the quotes below, my point was not that I want praise from the world for my day to day duties as a housewife; ironically I was postulating the EXACT OPPOSITE by implying that I acknowledge day-to-day housewife duties are not applauded, and hence me asking what could I do beyond the scope of these duties which **would **warrant praise from the in-laws. Luckily, I'm not going mad, as the below posters seem to understand what I was asking :)

mzprincess: I wasn't complaining. Actually, I think I've explained my point rather clearly above, and if you continue to choose to ignore it, then that's your prerogative. If you want to comment on how housewives and SAHMs should not expect praise, then I suggest you start another thread, because your comments here are a) off-topic, and b) not answering my original question.

As to my original question: as I alluded to in my first post, and as a few people have pointed out already, some in-laws will never appreciate what you do. I have stated that my husband and I appreciate each other for what we do, so I have accepted the situation with in-laws and I am happily getting on with my life.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

That is what I said, in your latest post you did indeed express your opinion.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

You clearly compared breast feeding to cooking a haandi as if you know what it's like to bread feed. That is the condescending tone I was pointing to.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

To mzprincess88:

You're not married...as in living with your in-laws to know if you really do have an amazing relationship with them. Distance can make your enemies look like angels...since you have no real experience in the matter I don't think its a good way to prove your point. Having a good relationship in THEORY is much different than actually having one. The woulda, coulda, shouda goes flying out the window when you're in a real predicament.

You don't have kids...since you've never run a home, had children or even realize what women and men actually have to contribute to mold their kids into well rounded human beings...I am not sure you should be on a public forum judging women who come from different walks of life with varying situations. I know a few working moms too...all of them have their own families and in-laws close by to help them out. One mom I know was back at work 3 months after her delivery...amazing right???!!! It is amazing...because her mom was taking care of the baby while she worked. The couple could not afford daycare nor an extended stay for her at home to be with the baby.

A mother is a mother...no matter if she works or not. At the end of the day, she should be appreciated for everything she does...same goes for Dad. My mom was a working mom and SAHM. I realize how much my parents have given me and done for me...how enraging to know that her work was being trivialized while my mom was home because the perception is working moms have it tougher according to you. You don't know much about either side of this but are choosing one because you admire your national manager who can definitely afford to keep her husband home since she's raking in the dough. And even in that situation, you're ignoring something...one parent IS home. The dad or the mom...one IS home. Why don't you have a chat with this manager of yours and tell her..."yeah I know your hubby's home and all with the kids but I personally think working dads are sooooo much better".

Appreciation for your loved ones IS important...just because its their "job" doesn't mean they should be ignored or brushed off. Thanking your SO, doing something to make them happy because they care for you...since when is that wrong?

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

And as for in-laws...they're not your best friends people...the name of the game is in-laws...meaning by law they're now related to you. Not by choice, happiness, fun, etc...by law. If you do something nice, do it because it'll make your husband happy. Not because you're expecting wah-wah from the saas.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

^With all due respect, mzprincess did answer your question here:

She basically stated that, in her opinion, there is probably nothing you can do that would warrant praise from your in-laws. As you are a housewife and do not work outside the home, it is possible that your inlaws view everything you do as an extension your "housewife duties" and as something you should be doing anyway. This may or may not be the truth but it is a valid possibility and her opinion on the matter, which you asked for.

If you didn't like the answer that she gave it's one thing and quite understandable as we're all entitled to our own opinions and are equally entitled to like or dislike any opinion we see fit. However, I think it's quite disingenuous to say that she didn't answer the question.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

WOW Reha, so you can use your sister’s examples, your friends example to make up your opinion about things, but no one else can.

The example where you used your working friend returning to work 3 months after delivery IS AMAZING, i had to do the same thing. I could afford a daycare but asked my mother to take care of the LO. Once i got home i didn't let my mother do anything else...stayed up late if i had to with the baby and didn't let my mother take care of the LO during the night...since that was the only time i got with the baby. MY friends who are SAHM are always asking me how do i do so much. They don't even get a chance to cook a meal most of the time. BUT do have time for yoga, shopping etc.

I am no saying that they have it easier, but they sure don't have it as hard as working moms. And it really seems like your opinion is it....so i won't argue with you since its useless.

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Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

Again your opinion, but my MIL loves and says wah-wah to anything i do thats wah worthy. I understand thats very rare, but not impossible.

I also think its wrong to give advice such as your regarding the inlaws...not parents. OP never mentioned her inlaws being evil, or MIL being evil. WHY not treat them like your parents and maybe they will treat you like a daughter. Again, my own expereince has shown me this.
Secondly, I do things for my FIL, MIL, SILs and in return my husband is happy with me. Why wouldn't a levelheaded son be happy that his wife is doing something nice for family.

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Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?

LOL, i was about to say the ssamthing…:k: