Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
.
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
In my opinion I think SAHM of young kids get the short end of the stick. Yes they stay home to perform their duties which they choose to do but... I choose to work, and yes work is also tough but one of the biggest factors for job satisfaction for me is positive feedback, appreciation and being valued in my organization. Every time those areas have suffered I have looked for opportunities elsewhere because they are part of what motivates me to work. There's no way I'd be pulling 40-60 hour work weeks and working my ass of unless I was being recognized for it.
So I can't imagine what it would be like to do all that SAHM's do and receive no appreciation for it because its expected of them. Unfortunately that is the case, people don't think of what SAHM's do as extraordinary because as far as they're concerned it's nothing more than what they're supposed to do. Which is fine, they've chosen to accept that role but that shouldn't mean that it should be a thankless role. How hard is it to appreciate those efforts and vocally recognize them every once in a while.
I have immense respect for SAHM, because although I don't have kids right now, when I do i'll choose to continue working because dedicating your life to raising your kids exclusively, with basically no appreciation, etc., day in and day out is quite the sacrifice in my opinion. At least with working I get to interact with adults, I get to use my mind, have conversations, apply myself. SAHM don't have that luxury when the kids are young.
So to the OP kudos for what you do. I'm sorry you don't get the appreciation you deserve, maybe one day people will start viewing all that goes into what you do for your family as 'impressive'. Hopefully your children's and husbands love make up for what other people think.
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
^With all due respect, mzprincess did answer your question here:
She basically stated that, in her opinion, there is probably nothing you can do that would warrant praise from your in-laws. As you are a housewife and do not work outside the home, it is possible that your inlaws view everything you do as an extension your "housewife duties" and as something you should be doing anyway. This may or may not be the truth but it is a valid possibility and her opinion on the matter, which you asked for.
If you didn't like the answer that she gave it's one thing and quite understandable as we're all entitled to our own opinions and are equally entitled to like or dislike any opinion we see fit. However, I think it's quite disingenuous to say that she didn't answer the question.
And I noted you made the exact same comment earlier. Fair enough you can argue she answered the question... but in contrast to the number of posts she has made slating housewives for whining and whinging about the lack of praise they get for their day-to-day duties, which is not what I was claiming originally, I think it's fair to say I can make this comment as it's getting a bit much. Carefully selecting one off-chance post is not going to change the general vibe of her posts, and you know it lol.
As somebody else has pointed out, the entire thread has turned into how SAHMs should be praised for the work they do, and it's mainly instigated by the above poster - again, clearly not what I was after now, was it?
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
And I noted you made the exact same comment earlier. Fair enough you can argue she answered the question... but in contrast to the number of posts she has made slating housewives for whining and whinging about the lack of praise they get for their day-to-day duties, which is not what I was claiming originally, I think it's fair to say I can make this comment as it's getting a bit much. Carefully selecting one off-chance post is not going to change the general vibe of her posts, and you know it lol.
As somebody else has pointed out, the entire thread has turned into how SAHMs should be praised for the work they do, and it's mainly instigated by the above poster - again, clearly not what I was after now, was it?
^Yes, I did make a similar comment earlier as loads of people keep harping on the "oh, but you never answered the question" bit simply because they disagree with what she is saying. If you and other posters find her tone bitter/hostile/condescending/whatever it is or disagree with with the manner in which she made her comments, why not blatantly say so rather than harping on "you never answered the question?"
I agree that the thread did turn into a comparison of housewives and working women and I understand what you are saying in that respect.
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
WOW Reha, so you can use your sister’s examples, your friends example to make up your opinion about things, but no one else can.
The example where you used your working friend returning to work 3 months after delivery IS AMAZING, i had to do the same thing. I could afford a daycare but asked my mother to take care of the LO. Once i got home i didn't let my mother do anything else...stayed up late if i had to with the baby and didn't let my mother take care of the LO during the night...since that was the only time i got with the baby. MY friends who are SAHM are always asking me how do i do so much. They don't even get a chance to cook a meal most of the time. BUT do have time for yoga, shopping etc.
I am no saying that they have it easier, but they sure don't have it as hard as working moms. And it really seems like your opinion is it....so i won't argue with you since its useless.
No, they don't have it easier and neither do you. Please stop comparing the two and pretending as if there's any reason to put yourself on a pedestal if you think no one else deserves recognition. The things you did when you came home from work...SAHM moms do the same...they also stay up late with their children. The work your mom did to take care of your child, a SAHM does herself.
It seems as if the general attitude is "poor me" for the working women but when a SAHM says "poor me", you want to shout foul. If you think they women who are home have it easy because they're home...they can say the same for you. You have it easier because you have someone to help you. If you believe a mother who is home with her kids is doing nothing amazing - then by default neither are you.
You can have all the double standards you want but at least be blunt about them.
Again your opinion, but my MIL loves and says wah-wah to anything i do thats wah worthy. I understand thats very rare, but not impossible.
I also think its wrong to give advice such as your regarding the inlaws...not parents. OP never mentioned her inlaws being evil, or MIL being evil. WHY not treat them like your parents and maybe they will treat you like a daughter. Again, my own expereince has shown me this. Secondly, I do things for my FIL, MIL, SILs and in return my husband is happy with me. Why wouldn't a levelheaded son be happy that his wife is doing something nice for family.
Hunh?
I never mentioned her in-laws are evil either so kindly stop making things up. I never said not to treat them well or do good for them. In fact, its ridiculous in my opinion to expect wah wah...as if you need that in order to function healthily with in-laws.
What I said is - stop expecting a pat on the back or a cookie every single time you do something nice because its not for them you do it...you do these things to make your SO happy.
This post of your was pointless.
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
Reha, like i said you seem to argue with anybody who has a different opinion thn yours. I do not have doublestandards just a different opinion thn you. I also don't have "poor me," thinking...i have great respect for stay home mothers, but in MY opinion they have it easier then working mothers....if i could i would pick to stay home...but for me thats not an option right now.
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
^Yes, I did make a similar comment earlier as loads of people keep harping on the "oh, but you never answered the question" bit simply because they disagree with what she is saying. If you and other posters find her tone bitter/hostile/condescending/whatever it is or disagree with with the manner in which she made her comments, why not blatantly say so rather than harping on "you never answered the question?"
I agree that the thread did turn into a comparison of housewives and working women and I understand what you are saying in that respect.
Mezghan - it's not harping on about whether or not the question is answered, if it really isn't answered! As I said, you selectively chose one phrase of hers which **may **have hinted to **possibly **answering the question, but to be honest I think you filled in a lot of the gaps to try to show that mzprincess was directly responding to what I asked!
And as to whether or not I agree with her - well, due to the fact that I am indicating that day-to-day housewife duties are NOT commended, ironically I actually DO agree with her! I don't see a reason why you should be applauded for doing every day tasks. And if you or anyone else for that matter read the OP properly, you would see that I was saying my husband gets commended by my in-laws for doing things OTHER than his day-to-day job, not punching in between 9-5. So yes, I agree with her points in theory (though I would've left the negativity out if I was commenting) but they're completely not necessary here.
So yes, that gives me the right to 'harp on' about why she isn't answering the question!
Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?
Ufff - too many arguments going on to keep up. Can’t we all just get along? 
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
Reha, like i said you seem to argue with anybody who has a different opinion thn yours. I do not have doublestandards just a different opinion thn you. I also don't have "poor me," thinking...i have great respect for stay home mothers, but in MY opinion they have it easier then working mothers....if i could i would pick to stay home...but for me thats not an option right now.
This is a discussion...if you would like for us to consider your post as the ruling opinion here...I am afraid that might not happen. I have an opinion different from yours and you seem to think its wrong...I don't mind at all. Fair enough. I also never posted anything evil about in-laws but you came up with a strange post suggesting that...ummm...okay. No problem.
In my opinion, every family has different circumstances and to think SAHM moms have it easy is not accurate. Many of these SAHM moms live within a joint family system and don't just take care of their own children and watch dramas. They also tend to other duties as well. Similarly, many working women live in a joint family system and have the advantage of their in-laws helping out with their children's chores when they're at work. I've seen this first hand...I know a working mom of two who's also in school and her in-laws are not the easiest to live with either. The benefit she has is even though they're difficult her MIL takes care of her kids, cooks and cleans when she's attending classes in the evenings or working during the day. I'd say she has it easier considering all the help she's got.
Then you have other examples like one of my sisters: SAHM mom of two kids...husband travels...full time student...no family around. My BFF...SAHM mom of four kids with a traveling husband...part time student. Another close friend...full time working mom and a sick husband.
Who has it easier? Who's efforts do you want to trivialize and turn into "Whatever...I could do that backwards...in my sleep".
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
Life gets tough for everyone...the minimum we should do for our loves ones is appreciate them. It encourages them to know this..they don't NEED it...but its nice to hear. It promotes goodwill, kindness, etc.
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
And as for in-laws...they're not your best friends people...the name of the game is in-laws...meaning by law they're now related to you. Not by choice, happiness, fun, etc...by law. If you do something nice, do it because it'll make your husband happy. Not because you're expecting wah-wah from the saas.
How come in-laws are not related to you by choice? you decide to marry into a particular family by choice, don't you.
in fact, its our own parents we don't have any control or chance of choosing, but in-laws we can .
Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?
Chris Rock agrees with you. Here is a perfect response to those who want special credit for fulfilling their basic human duties as a parent. Warning he uses harsh language to make his point.
Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?
THIS:k:
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
^^^ that doesn't even make sense. She is arguing with Reha because Reha's opinion is different to hers - so the same can be said for her too!
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
^She is not arguing. Everyone know here who argue here the most. theare are 2 ppl on GS. don't wnat to name here. u know better. opinion thosnae ka bohot shuk hai dosroo par.
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
^ NO i didn't argue with Reha! Reha seem to consider her expereinces to be valid, but not mxprincess88's experinces (or my own.) Even when i said I DO agree with that stay at home mom work hard...and i respect that....Reha continues to think that i am forcing my opinion.
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
[quote="rabia3983, post:17, topic:308375"]
Again your opinion, but my MIL loves and says wah-wah to anything i do thats wah worthy. I understand thats very rare, but not impossible.
OP never mentioned her inlaws being evil, or MIL being evil. QUOTE]
Reha please read what i wrote above. I said OP never..., I never said Reha said they are evil.
Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?
I don’t!
Guess I am too bholi for that 
Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?
^oh yea, and who is asking here to applaud u with the things u do at home,cooking, cleaning, taking care of husband.. u r not that bholi :p
Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?
^^^Not meeee! I was asking what I can do OTHER than cook cleaning taking care of husband to make susraal happy! But it’s true I’m no longer bholi after marriage - halaat badal jaati hai and you have to learn chalakian 