What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

@Muzna

You might consider doing some charitable work like volunteering for a local library, hospital or senior's center. I can't imagine anyone that wouldn't consider that impressive.

Or perhaps take on a part-time job that will help you put some cash away for a secret vacation or gift like the ones that your husband gets you.

At the end of the day I don't think that it should be a competition at all. His 9-5 job really can't be compared to your duties within the home since neither operating independently would constitute a family.

I think that you should figure out who you need to impress and whose comments can be "in one ear and out the other".

Canadians always advise to volunteer :D

[X2]

@nnabid

So. What counts as ‘extra’?

Gozongas.

[system]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

yanna rascala

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

This is why I didn't care to become domesticated growing up.

It's completely under appreciated and taken advantage of in our community and the number of married couples where husband doesn't give a crap about his wife was high in our community. It was so obvious about abundant marital discord at dawats growin up.

Although now with how messy and disorganized I can get at home woulda been nice developing some good habits growing up...

But yeah. People won't appreciate you. Your susral might not and maybe even your husband.

It's really pathetic. Go to pay for cooking and cleaning services and the bill adds up. These women don't get paid.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

What do you need to do in order to go "above and beyond" and get recognition?

Nothing. The fact that you're raising his kids and keeping his home clean and keeping everyone warm and fed is absolutely excellent.

People need to appreciate that more - not that women like you need to go out of their way to do more to be recognized.

[X2]

What's this bullcrap about SAHM and 113K and all. Fine even if we buy the numbers, then someone who has a career and also runs a home runs circles around those who are 100% SAHM. Once the kids are going to school, I am not sure there is a lot to do 8-9 hours a day every weekday...

[Sara516]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

Breast milk can be placed in bottles nowadays. Our firm's national manager has 4 kids, her husband stays at home while she works.

Your sister is the exception, not the rule. As you noted above, it appears she was assisting you with business. She therefore was working inside and outside the home and didn't expect to be applauded for just taking on one set of duties - multiple duties, yes but not just one set.

well...your national manager is an exception too......I mean....really? At least people are using their own families as examples.....and you're using someone who's home life you have absolutely no idea about to make your point?

I don't know about most of you people but everyone wants some kind of appreciation/love from** their spouse.** The outside world can say whatever, but only when your own spouse thinks you do nothing or are nothing.....well that's not great. You all seem to think that women want 24/7 ass kissing but that's not it at all.

@X2

What's this bullcrap about SAHM and 113K and all. Fine even if we buy the numbers, then someone who has a career and also runs a home runs circles around those who are 100% SAHM. Once the kids are going to school, I am not sure there is a lot to do 8-9 hours a day every weekday...

Ya know....good question. I hear about it all the time, women with young kids and how busy their life is. And I get it. but.....what about those whose kids who are much older or in college? Never hear about what does SAHM with older kids do all day long while they're in school? I think I have yet to hear about that, whether on GS or other social media.

[khattichic]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

@mzprincess88

You are right Mezhgan and, as I've noted earlier, I personally believe it stems from an internal inadequacy which they have iv def noticed it with some friends who are housewives. It's like they have to continuously justify to everyone that they are changing the world.

And I hate hearing the whole "you get paid to work, we don't get paid to do kitchen duty". Well yes, but I CHOOSE not to laze around at home, I CHOOSE to go out and work hard and make a career so yes I do get paid. If I lounged around at home, no I wouldn't expect a salary either.

This is not really fair..."laze around at home"..reallly?

@X2

What's this bullcrap about SAHM and 113K and all. Fine even if we buy the numbers, then someone who has a career and also runs a home runs circles around those who are 100% SAHM. Once the kids are going to school, I am not sure there is a lot to do 8-9 hours a day every weekday...

Agree.

I've been on every end of this spectrum...Fulltime student while part time working the first year of my marriage.....Full time job years 2-5....STAHM after having 3 kids in under 2 years from years 6 to around 10'ish....and now working from home (which sometimes is a full time load, other times part time depending on the season and my client load)....and yes, now that my kids are almost 9 & 11, I don't have a whole lot to do around the house. Cleaning takes me 1-2 hrs tops, and cooking another maybe 1 hour. The rest of my day, if I don't have any work appointments, are free to do as I please...usually taking continuing ed classes....I volunteer extensively at the kids school, and with 2 other charities which are near and dear to my heart, days are also spent running errands for my husband, gym etc. In the afternoon, I get busy again with the kids activities (tutoring, music class, quran classes, sports etc). As they grow older, it gets a little easier as they are now able to do much of their own chores and cleaning.

I CHOSE a career/line of work where I could be available for my kids 24/7. On friday for example..within 10 minutes of dropping them off at school, I got a phone call that the eldest puked all over the hallway...had to turn right back around to go get home lol. It's nice not worrying about having to call in sick to work myself or scrambling to find somebody to watch him.

well...your national manager is an exception too......I mean....really? At least people are using their own families as examples.....and you're using someone who's home life you have absolutely no idea about to make your point?

I don't know about most of you people but everyone wants some kind of appreciation/love from** their spouse.** The outside world can say whatever, but only when your own spouse thinks you do nothing or are nothing.....well that's not great. You all seem to think that women want 24/7 ass kissing but that's not it at all.

Ya know....good question. I hear about it all the time, women with young kids and how busy their life is. And I get it. but.....what about those whose kids who are much older or in college? Never hear about what does SAHM with older kids do all day long while they're in school? I think I have yet to hear about that, whether on GS or other social media.

Answered that above for you lol! :D

Breast milk can be placed in bottles nowadays. Our firm's national manager has 4 kids, her husband stays at home while she works.

I know you don't have any personal experience with this, but let me clue you in on something...it's not like turning a faucet on and off. Breastfeeding and pumping is not easy WORK. Please don't brush it off as no big deal. From the outside it may seem like your national manager does it with ease, but I guarantee you have no idea what she or any other women, either working or SAHM goes through to breastfeed and/or pump.

[pwner]

Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?

Breastfeeding their own kids is made to sound like doing ehsaan on the whole mankind

[gul_khan]

Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?

some guys really think that women aren’t humans but superhumans or some kind of machines & should be multi talented/tasking while men should only provide financially …
the worst part is “some” ladies think the same way too …

[Mezhgan]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

Cleaning takes me 1-2 hrs tops, and cooking another maybe 1 hour. The rest of my day, if I don't have any work appointments, are free to do as I please...usually taking continuing ed classes....I volunteer extensively at the kids school, and with 2 other charities which are near and dear to my heart, days are also spent running errands for my husband, gym etc. In the afternoon, I get busy again with the kids activities (tutoring, music class, quran classes, sports etc). As they grow older, it gets a little easier as they are now able to do much of their own chores and cleaning.

I CHOSE a career/line of work where I could be available for my kids 24/7. On friday for example..within 10 minutes of dropping them off at school, I got a phone call that the eldest puked all over the hallway...had to turn right back around to go get home lol. **It's nice not worrying about having to call in sick to work myself or scrambling to find somebody to watch him. **

It seems that khatti is the only person on here who was completely honest. Doing the housework does not take hours and hours and SAHMs and women who work from home have a bit more flexibility in their jobs than people with traditional jobs outside the home. I think that's all that most people on here were trying to say about SAHMs. Loads of people on here made it sound as if being a SAHM or housewife was nothing but drudgery all 24 hours of the day.

[khattichic]

Re: What counts as ‘impressive’ for a girl?

@pwner

Breastfeeding their own kids is made to sound like doing ehsaan on the whole mankind

Kisna kaha ke ehsaan kiya jaara hai puray duniya pay? Please keep the eye rolling to a minimum…people shouldn’t comment on things of which they have no knowledge.

It’s not easy, does require extraordinary effort and is not something all women can do. I am lucky I was able to not only nurse my eldest, but premature twins as well, exclusively and full time. That doesn’t make me a superhero or any better or worse than my husband who goes everyday to support our family, and works long hours himself, but as any mother or father can tell you, heck yes it was something that deserved acknowledgement.

Samajdhar married couples support each other in their efforts over all things. The problem comes when one or the other starts feeling resentments. That shows a breakdown in communication. And like S02 pointed out earlier, you shouldn’t look to others outside the marriage to validate your efforts.

[khattichic]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

It seems that khatti is the only person on here who was completely honest. Doing the housework does not take hours and hours and SAHMs and women who work from home have a bit more flexibility in their jobs than people with traditional jobs outside the home. I think that's all that most people on here were trying to say about SAHMs. Loads of people on here made it sound as if being a SAHM or housewife was nothing but drudgery all 24 hours of the day.

Let me share the flip side, of the "early days"....My eldest was less than two years old when my twins were born, about 2 months premature. After extended stays in the NICU, and a couple of surgeries for one of the twins, I had 3 kids in diapers, nursing preemie twins, triple the laundry, weekly dr appts for the twins since they required special vaccinations for their lungs, plus the usual cooking and cleaning. I had no maid, nanny or live in house help. My in laws, despite living in the same city, did not pitch in to help at all. My mother helped out by taking my eldest when she could, but it was basically my husband and I doing it all on our own. I still cooked myself. There were days I didn't even remember if I had showered, much less brushed my teeth or changed my clothes. The first 2 years are a complete blur. I then had 3 toddlers on my hand at the same time. Potty trained them all about the same time. Sleep trained them all about the same time. When my eldest started part time pre k, it gave me a few hours break a couple of days a week. Once he entered KG, it got easier. Then the twins started pre K and I had more time to get myself together. Once all 3 were in the same school for the whole day, I started working again (albeit from home).

So yea, when kids are under the age of 5, a SAHM has a harder time then when the kids are older. The older they get, the easier it gets. I have plans for myself and my career which are on the backburner for another 3 years or so. Once all 3 of my kids are in middle school/high school, I definitely plan to advance to a more traditional full time position outside of the house because honestly, there will be no reason for me to be at home.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

If someone wants to work by cooking and cleaning for 2-3 hrs a day, and spend the rest of the day spending time with their kids and spouse, then power to them.

[X2]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

If someone wants to work by cooking and cleaning for 2-3 hrs a day, and spend the rest of the day spending time with their kids and spouse, then power to them.

if the spouse and kids are home the rest of the day that is...

someone whose husband is out of the home at work all day and kids are at school all day can have all the power to them, but lets be honest about the amount of time it takes to run a household

if someone needs 8-9 solid hours a day to run a home, then they need better training.

No one is saying its easy, but everyone manages, whether they are working professionals or not working.

The idiotic reports that show SAHM working insane hours conveniently forget that their working counterparts do the same, plus put in 40-60 hours of time at the office.

These things also assume that the men in the house do nothing to contribute towards the household, and that may be true with some neandrathal cavemen, but men help out quite a bit, but there are no studies full of jack assery that say that what I do at home is worth another 100K a year or some crap like that.

[mzprincess88]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

@Theorist

You almost seem resentful for having to work outside. Just because women CHOOSE to be SAHMs doesn't mean they also chose to laze around at home before they got married. I have nothing but respect for women who choose to stay at home to raise kids. One of the most important jobs in this world is raising good human beings. They should be appreciated! Imagine you have to quit your job and stay at home to do boring house chores, run around after your kid, and get no sleep. Wouldn't you then say I wish I got paid for this because this is more exhausting than having a career?

I am not a mother by choice because I know I am not responsible enough to raise good kids. I know my job in IT is much easier than being a SAHM. Again, being a housewife without kids and being a SAHM are very different.

I seem resentful? Your powers of observation are amazing...amazingly wrong. Kindly note the following:

1) I currently CHOOSE to have a career. It is MY choice as I dont have kids at the moment and I don't see the value in wasting my time at home.

2) When I have kids, it is inevitable that I will be a SAHM.

3) I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a SAHM or even being a housewife- all I have repeatedly stated is that it's becoming an old story to hear women who do this whinging, complaining and making out like they do SO MUCH when many women manage the house, kids AND work.

[mzprincess88]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

well...your national manager is an exception too......I mean....really? At least people are using their own families as examples.....and you're using someone who's home life you have absolutely no idea about to make your point?

What's the problem? I am using the example of a well educated and SUCCESSFUL woman who is successful both in and out of the house. But of course housewives don't like hearing that it's possible to do both. Or SAHM either.

[mzprincess88]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

@X2

What's this bullcrap about SAHM and 113K and all. Fine even if we buy the numbers, then someone who has a career and also runs a home runs circles around those who are 100% SAHM. Once the kids are going to school, I am not sure there is a lot to do 8-9 hours a day every weekday...

This is what I am trying to understand and not one argument put forward in this thread has convinced me that it takes 8-9 hours to do housework everyday, 7 days a week (for housewives , this excludes SAHM).

[Mezhgan]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

^I can see why that would be the case if someone has small children as they can be rather messy, but I'm not terribly convinced it takes 8-9 hours everyday to do housework if someone doesn't have children yet or who has older children. To each his own, I suppose.

[Theorist]

Re: What counts as 'impressive' for a girl?

I seem resentful? Your powers of observation are amazing...amazingly wrong. Kindly note the following:

1) I currently CHOOSE to have a career. It is MY choice as I dont have kids at the moment and I don't see the value in wasting my time at home.

2) When I have kids, it is inevitable that I will be a SAHM.

3) I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a SAHM or even being a housewife- all I have repeatedly stated is that it's becoming an old story to hear women who do this whinging, complaining and making out like they do SO MUCH when many women manage the house, kids AND work.

We are both saying the same thing. Your tone just seems angry? anyway, I apologize for assuming. I agree with you. Like I said before, housewives with no kids is a completely different story than those who have little kids.