What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Numb, First of all why did you even start this topic/thread asking people to give the reasons in their opinons, for delaying or not having kids if you were then not going to take their opinions as valid...
you don't have to agree with the reasons, but you can atleast recognize them as their opinions...infact thats the pretence under which you start the thread that you wanna hear reasons for delaying kids in other peoples opinions, and when ppl do write down reasons you get all emotional about each and every single one of the reasons...

^ and why are you so worried about looking bad in the eyes of gupshup users and why are u complaining about other users making you look bad

and in my *personal opinion* (and my husband's), waiting for graduation and finishing studying is the number one and perhaps the only Good reason to delay to have kids (remember i said my personal opinion)... getting to know or enjoying husband alone after marriage, having a certain salary or financial standing before baby arrives, owning a nice sized house before baby arrives as opposed to renting a small place etc, in **my personal opinion** (and my husband's) are not good enough reasons to delay things* too much* (remember i said my personal opinion, others could indeed very well think that it is good enough reason for them)...
so to see you state that even that reason (of finishing studies) was not valid reason and was just an excuse kinda gives me an idea how other ppl must be feeling, where they are answering your original post sincerely and honestly and you are being highly argumentative about them and about their own personal opinions after having asked for these opinions yourself under false pretences

Zameenain meree har soobay may hoteen
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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

^

and it's okay to marry while you are studying, right? Then you don't have expenses, right? You only have expenses when a thir human being comes in to the game, but all in all I really do not care as I have learnt to accept your views. It is ok, what can I say? I don't want to say anything...I said lame excuses, it was a mistake.

I just aked why waiting more than 3 years? 3 years aren't enought to know your spouse as it seems to me. How will it be enough if both are busy in studies and don't have time like a couple which has brought all behind them and then opt for a marriage. What a stupid excuse. I never said to have babies straight away.

If you were that High Educated couldn't you tell me in a polite manner, you are wrong? I think that is what High Education is expecting of you, but NO, A Rollercoaster rode over me with false accusations.

Did I ANYWHERE say that people who have a normal life aren't DEENI? I only said that High Education should not stand between a potential new born. You want to be like man, then face the concenques. You can study your whole life as Islam encourages you to study your whole life and nowhere did I say that you are baby making machines or did?

Anywayh this is done for me as you seem to be more Educated to me and I don't want to face a rollercoaster of false accusations again.

May Allah be pleased with you

Us ki kaali Aankhon me hain.
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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

^ Numb, you dont understand what we are saying because you have not been through it yourself. You are ill-equipped to argue about this topic. Some people can empathize and put themselves in another's shoes...you are having trouble doing that. This is why your ideas are being rejected...

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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

^

you don't understand what I try to say. You haven't answered my questions, but I don't want them to be answered anyway, I mean who the hell am I to interfere in your lives?

It's just not leaving my mind that people can marry while they are studying, forget the expenses, but when a third human being comes into the game, ALL of sudden, the expenses rise to the Moon.

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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

^ It wont leave your mind because you have no idea what it takes. When people marry during studies, they can go to school and then go to work to support themselves. Very rarely can both parties work full time or make enough to have money left over. This is during college.

When you have a third party, sometimes one person has to give up their job/work and stay home. Daycare is EXPENSIVE. I know families who spend almost $800/month on daycare.

Like I said, you will not understand this. Most of us have tried to explain this to you. Its not a WOMAN ONLY decision. MOST COUPLES ARE MAKING THESE DECISIONS TOGETHER. They want to wait until the appropriate time to have children.

Besides which, its their business and right.

Why dont you start contributing to the global population first? Set the examples! Go back to school, send your wife back to school, tell her to get a job, you work full time as well and during all this have a couple of babies....show us how its done!

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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

^

oh you work also fulltime? 24 hours? :konfused:

Who is by the way saying that both sould go to work? I never said it is a only WOMAN DECISION. WHO NEEDS DAYCARE? YOU MATURED PEEPS NEED DAYCARE!

If I have shown you how it is done, will you follow me then? Even you don’t buy that!
I’m already in the Uni, have a wife and insha’allah soon a baby. I will set the example, don’t tell me IMPOSSIBLE, nothing is IMPOSSIBLE, it is you who makes it impossible by setting up the bar so HIGH to the MOON.

Islam has given the duty to the mother and the father to raise the child, not to send it to day care.
Where is the need of a child if you BOTH even want to work fulltime when the child has reached the elementary school age? lol…

Ask those who never had parents, parents who wanted to give their kids materialism instead of LOVE.
Parents who wanted to give their kids everything on the Earth by working their ass off except LOVE.

Thread done!

147

Numb, all Im saying to you is please consider other peoples’ circumstances before you make assumptions or judge them. There are couples living far away from familial support and can only rely on themselves. There is nothing wrong with working hard and saving money to be prepared for baby’s arrival. The alternative is welfare and destitution for some. Its expensive to have kids! Raising a child in the US is underestimated. Again, my eyes only opened up after my baby niece came into the picture. I used to think how expensive could a tiny person be? Baby clothes are so cheap! But no, its not about clothes and shoes. Its a lot more than that.
**
I know you want to be right here…but there is a possibility you might be wrong. Please think about it.

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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

I guess everyone tells the story by their experience. If you ask me, I can not think of a valid reason for not wanting a child other than a health problem.

Financial instability sounds quite lame to me because you should not get married in first place if you are not financially stable. If you are waiting to get "financially stable" before having kids, let me tell you, this is never gonna happen. No matter how much you earn, if you don't feel responsibility and doest not spend sensibly, you will never be stable. Having kids speed up the process of becoming a responsible person. You start thinking, you start saving and stop wasting

Above all that unless you have kids, you will never know what it feels like to be a parent. Your fatigue vanishes when you get a kiss from them or when your 2.5 years old princess tell you "baba....r u tired...i make pizza for u" (in her toy microwave off course) :)

149

Cute story.

Everyone has their reasons...people should have kids when they are able to...their reasons are not our business.

150

Mubarak ho.

I used to think the exact same way. before i got married :@: but still...circumstances can change after hte marriage. plus har aik ki marzi hai...that's all. its not up to us to pass judgement on why someone doesnt want to be pregnant a month after their wedding.

151

[quote]

bebo:

Yes, you are right, these people should stay on that path and earn doonya-daari, let's see how far that brings them in the eyes of God.

[/quote]

What? So God will be angry at ppl for not having kids? Tats a new one.

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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

AND THAT is the point of this whole thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you believe it???!!!

Mera ehsas mat cheeno!!!!
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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

well im not having kids yet once he is ere..i want to have them early tho i say 2 years after marriage.we shall discuss it and plan it when he cums

a) not ready ( scared realli seen women go thru the pain is terrifyin)
b) not financally stable
c) he is nt ere so it takes 2 to tango lol

154

i find it really funny and ridiculously absurd how this mr.numb person is using up so much of his energy and getting so worked up because some muslim newly weds do not want to have babies right away.

LOL!!

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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

Maybe he thinks we are stopping the Ummah from growing? In that case, why is he waiting? I dont understand how he can say this when he doesnt have kids himself!

I think he should take advantage of modern medicine by having quintuplets...

As long as Mr. Numb can promise to pay for everything: clothes, shoes, milk, diapers, food, college education, etc etc etc, we should all have kids RIGHT AWAY!

Timepass-July 2012
156

Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

You know what PSquared,

the funny things is, I'd really love to have quintuplets :CareBear:

Once again,

I never said that you should have babies straight away or are 3 years straight away? Ok fine, if it is, I have learnt another wonderful thing. Thank you :)

GS has twisted your mind and with that mine has been 2.

Waiting more than 3 years? What does it mean? Having kids straight away or trying to have kids after 2-3 years? I go for the last opt. Wanting no kids, well if you don't want, then you don't, keep in mind that the second important task of marriage is to keep alive mankind, but if you don't believe me, go, open the Qur'an and read it for yourself if your LIFESTYLE you have applied allows you to spend time on Religion, Allah.

Anway, I had a vision, the auntiyan are waiting with a jaroo, I better take my legs in my arms and run away...

This thread is done for me, if you want to talk, you can, VIA PM, oyee meyn to bagh geyaa thaa, phir ageyaa...

157

Numb,

Put your money where your mouth is...I want to see 5 kids in 9 months flat. Otherwise, please dont come on these forums and pretend as if you are delivering some sort of message of Allah. You're not...you're preaching bevaqoofi and then blaming us for not listening to your bevaqoofi.

What if a woman is not able to have children? Let me know what judgement you are ready to pass on her because you believe mankind's only purpose is to reproduce. I'd really be interested in your theories on that...Im sure you have them too. You're quite the imaginative character from what I see.

If you are trying to imply that my lifestyle is not one that allows for religion and Allah (swt) because I dont want to have kids right away, then I have one word for you: pendu.

Numb bhai sahab, jharoo uspe uthai jati hai jisko sudhara jasake...aur aap sudharne valon mein se nahin ho.

Har do din kehte ho ke "ab mein vapas nahin aonga" aur har do din yaheen tashreef le aate ho.

Jao jake ummat ko barhane ki tarkeebein socho

158

why the hell is this topic still opened!!!! its my life and i decide not to have babies till i m ready or have enjoyed my freedom and independence to the MAX! i m 25 and married since almost 3 years.. i m ready for a baby now! i dun understand why this thread is not being blocked when the thread starter is not tolerant and open minded of others opinions!

159

TUMHARI TARKEEBON SE TO KABHI NAHEEN BARHAI GEE, LEKIN I PRAY FOR YOUR INNOCENT SOUL.

Have a nice one…

Ab tou serkain pakki hain
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Re: What are the REASONS for wanting no childs or waiting more than 3 years?

I have no idea why you keep coming back here when you have a responsibility towards the Ummah...

BTW, I hope you dont think having children is the only way of increasing the Ummat. Hm? Maybe adopting a child or two and raising them as Muslims? Doing some good old Dawah here and there?

Im sure you will be back in another two days or so. :)