Since we got married (about a year ago) my husband has been wanting me to change my last name to what his last name is. I ofcourse will not do it.
Firstly, when my mom got married, she kept her name. And us kids took on my dad’s last name (which is the family’s last name).
So when we got married I said firstly, I don’t believe in changing my last name. Secondly, there’s no way in hell I’m gonna go thru the hassle of changing my name legally. It would be very weird cuz it would feel like a completely different identity and also because my degrees/awards would have one name on it and now I’d have a different name.
So he agreed that changing it legally would be a hassle and then the stubborn kid in him comes out and says ‘well why dont u change it on facebook.’
If there are any guys out there reading this, answer me this, Was he serious?!?!?
He then goes on to ask me to just be recognized in our circles with his last name. And again I told him, I’m not changing my name for anyone and the only way someone can address me with ur last name is when they are sending out wedding invites and they dont know any better, then they can write ‘Mr. & Mrs. XYZ.’
So basically the issue comes down to this, I will NEVER change my name from what it is now. He on the other hand feels offended that I will not take on his last name. He also says that once we have a family, he wants everyone to have the same last name because he doesnt want our kids asking ‘why mommy doesnt have the same last name? and is she really our mommy?’ (I think now he’s just trying to come up with excuses and dumb arguments to try to get me to change my name). He brings up this discussion every now and then when something prompts him and it aggravates me. He also thinks I’m not taking on his last name because I don’t like it and basically feels offended that I won’t take it on specially since allll the women in his family take their husband’s first name as their last name!
Has anyone been in this situation? if so, what did u say to ur husband to stop him from asking u to change it?!
p.s. if you are about to try to convince me that women should change their name after marriage then please shoot urself instead of posting a comment here. thanks!
my husband and i had several discussions over this issue, he wanted me to change my name, and I always told him that changing my name would mean I am your daughter..not your wife..i mean our children would take his name...and thats how it should be, since they will identify with him as his offspring...
Not just legally, but psychologically it would take a toll on me..i am known as ___ and now all of a sudden I have to change my name just because i am married??
Hypothetically speaking if a woman gets married 2 or 3 times in her life...will she be required to change her name again and again?? its not right...she doesnt have to identify herself with her partner by eradicating traces of her own identity!
All the women in my hubby's family take on their husband's last name after marriage. When we were getting married, my hubby did ask me if I could change mine and I said we are Muslims so we aren't required and neither do I think it is an outward sign of our union. He didn't insist anymore. I'm so glad because if I had to change my last name(which I wasn't going to do no matter what!) I would feel that a part of me is gone.
i don't believe a wife should have to change her last name. this was the identity our parents gave us. islamically we must keep our surnames after marriage. although i have no written source to confirm this right now. islam has no such requirements. in this life we are known by our father's name.
islam places high value on a child's father's name which is why you cannot even change the name of an adopted child!! so women, do not lose your identity.
no husband has the right to force you to do such a thing either. your surname is you...it represents your family lineage
my father did not allow my mum to change her last name, even though she wanted to. he explained that it was her identity which she must keep. none of us kids ever asked our parents why their surnames were difference and it has made no difference to us whatsoever!
I talked to my fiance about it using Islam…I dont think its a matter of name change not being ‘required,’ but rather, doing so (to the best of my knowledge) is actually forbidden in Islam. i think chanda kh said this in another thread word for word, but on the day of Judgement, you will be called “Sumorani, daughter of (your father’s name).” this changing of our last names to our husbands’ names came about with western culture.
Besides, your paternity can never change while people could potentially marry over and over again. It becomes even MORE confusing in our culture when our husbands sometimes have their father’s first name as their last name…thats just gross. I think I would also in a way be disrespecting my father by changing my last name because our parents put so much effort in raising us, and all of a sudden, you disassociate yourself by changing your name the minute you get married? In our religion and culture, so much important is given to your parents…to the point where even adopted children must be recognized by the name of their biological father.
Also, sumorani, you could easily use your family as an example when explaining this to the hubby…did you ever ask your father “why does mommy have a different last name, is she even our mommy?” i doubt it! and you’ve lived that experience firsthand with your mom not changing her last name (and i think its a great example) so his concern there could be eliminated.
I dont think its just a matter of Islam, but somehow the feminist in me takes great offense to the idea of changing my name and thus, identity, just cause I’m getting married.
I dont think its just a matter of Islam, but somehow the feminist in me takes great offense to the idea of changing my name and thus, identity, just cause I'm getting married.
sumo I can see where ur hubby is coming from, because in the western world ppl assume you are not married/kids not his etc etc if u have diff surnames - and by everyone having the surname means 'we are a family'. but in Pakistan my relatives haven't changed their surnames and kids have the husbands first name - i think its a problem in the western world. and maybe he doesn't know the reasoning behind it?
Sumo, you shouldn't feel pressured to strip a part of you... I didn't change my surname.... it's my identity that my father passed on to me.
BTW, Mr Maroush took my surname... i'd like to see anyone who can beat that! :p
My friend's husband did the same.
My husband had his fathers first name as his surname previously, so I asked him to add my surname (a proper family surname) to the end of his existing full name. So now our surnames are the same :)
Oh dear I'm confused now, I'm a revert and took my husbands surname because I wanted a muslim name, I wonder if I should change it back to my English one or just pick a totally different muslim one.
Does a name really make you much less of a Muslim than someone else? =/
Not really but I wanted people who saw my name before they see me to know I am a Muslim. I used to do talks at conferences and I used to get a lot of funny looks been introduced on stage with a hijab on and a blatant English name.
i dont think id change my surname cos its KHAN and i like it it defines who i am...and its who i have been for all my life...i wouldnt change it for anyone..and a common surname can open many doors (well thats what im told)...my middle name is my dads name...and i wouldnt drop that either...and the tradition is to have ur husbands FIRST name...especially in the western world that weird...lol..