The longer you leave it to tell your father, the harder it will be. Tell him sooner rather than later. Make du'a like MagoTango advised and try when you find you father on a calm day, tell him just have something you want to say to him and sit him down. Tell him that what you are about to tell him his hard enough to say so he should listen to you outright. Then explain what you're feeling and tell him that you can no longer go through with this. Tell him not to try and change your mind as it is made up and if you care about my happiness you will at least try to undertand my reasons and accept my decision.
Be adamant, firm and be prepared for some harsh words/difficult times.
Before you speak to him, get clear in your mind what you want to say and the points you want to get across..
well done on being strong and coming to a decision wonderz :)
When you plan on telling your dad, remembe to stay calm and not be too emotional, and be strong and firm on what you are saying, dont ask him, tell him and explain to him exactly why you have come to the decision you made. Also get your sister to call and explain the situation to him. If he doesnt understand the first time, leave it for a while so he can think it through and maybe explain again or maybe he will come to you.
Dont argue or fight. Strongly say you have made up your mind and keep strong. He may try to emotionally blackmail you or force you but make sure you stick to your guns and try and keep a clear head and stay calm.
You said your dad wont throw you out, BUT if any point you dont feel safe go and stay with your friend or book a hotel for a night.
Make sure you have your friend free by incase you need some emotional support.
Pray namaaz like some above said and be strong honey.
you are in my prayers and let us know what happened.
honey, everything will be fine InshaALLAH Taala.. why don't muslims do istikhara before nikkah?? istikhara kiya hota to sukoon mein hoteen naa abhi.. now make duas - breaking the marriage is the worst thing :( i wouldn't suggest you to do that .. trust ALLAH and trust yourself that you'll make it work and win his heart and love him as he's your husband :)
OH! Sorry, i didn't read this last post by wonderz1... if you think you've decided right for yourself then "best of luck"...sorry to hear about that but.. :(
Wonderz, I’m proud of you for developing a more firmer resolve regarding your future. As Halwa and others have mentioned…it’s going to be tough to change this guy. And you’ve tried expressing your concerns to him already and didn’t seem to change anything. His parents are OLDER. They must be in their 50s or 60s. They have had 50-60 years of being the people that they are. It’s going to be tough to change them too.
The only one you CAN change is YOU. The only situation you CAN change is YOURS. They only person you can control is YOU. You can’t make others see your way of thinking. But you certainly have the ABILITY…the POWER…and most importantly…you have the CHOICE to grab control of your life and steer in a more positive direction. No other person can do that for you…because no person (not even your dad) knows YOU as well as YOU do.
Wonderz u sound like a very sensibly and intelligent girl as u seem to be looking at various points and seem to have taken into account the impact of ur decision on various people and if at the end, it feels like d right decision then I am sure it is the right decision. Im sure it will come at a cost but that doesn't mean its d not the right thing to do. Also, from what you have told us here, It doesn't sound like the guy would change, more like he would get worse n then lprobably leave you and your parents in more pain. Trust your intuition. Sometimes we have to take the short term loss for the long term benefit. You sound very sensible and im sure u will be happy in the long term without him.
Hey guys..... well for a day or two ive been thinking and thinking and thinking and finally got the guts to talk to my dad..... I told him that I tried talking to my husband but he told me he wont quit and that I cant spend my entire life with someone like him...... what actually happened was that my BIL knows that he drinks too because hes seen him around and my BIL called my dad and told him that hes not a good guy...... that he drinks and parties 24/7!!! so that made things easier for me too, thats when I was like I have a reason to stand up and I did, right after my BIL talked to my dad I started crying and my dad called my chachu and told him everything, and my dad was like why didnt you find out things about the guy before the nikkah and he was like I did, but I asked people who were around his job and stuff...... and people who knew them! My dad told my chachu to find out more things about the guy and tell him..... so after all that I talked to my dad and told him that you can talk to anyone you want you can talk to my husband his parents your parents I dont care Ive made up my decision and Im sticking to it....... I dont care if you need more proof because him telling me himself is enough proof for me! and well just cried cried and cried and my dad hugged me and told me everything is gona be ok........ dont be happy for me yet guys because the hard part has just begun...... I know for sure my dad will do anything possible for me to patch things up.... and thats when ill have be strong and just stick to what I have to stay! Well for right now he said that we'll do whatever you want and if you want to end this then you can..... but we'll seee... so please guys just pray for me!!!!!
wonderz1 wont be happy for you like you said but remember,
NEVER LOOK BACK OR YOU WILL TURN TO STONE!
God has helped you with the bil and all.....he is showing you the way...I dont know why but this was azmaish for you...and trust me what matters is that rukhsati has not happened...
You will InshAllah find a person worthy of you now....yes the road is going to be a bit tricky with the khula but InshAlllah.....and did you get yourself right of Khula in the Nikah???
It will work even if not but it just makes things a bit easier.
Stay strong!!!!!!!
Wonderz1, this is amazing. I know it's not all settled, but the fact that you've stood up to make a change is incredibly brave and deserves a lot of respect. Well done.
wonderz1 wont be happy for you like you said but remember,
NEVER LOOK BACK OR YOU WILL TURN TO STONE!
God has helped you with the bil and all.....he is showing you the way...I dont know why but this was azmaish for you...and trust me what matters is that rukhsati has not happened...
You will InshAllah find a person worthy of you now....yes the road is going to be a bit tricky with the khula but InshAlllah.....and did you get yourself right of Khula in the Nikah???
It will work even if not but it just makes things a bit easier.
Stay strong!!!!!!!
What will she have to do if the right of khula was taken away from her (without her approval) on the nikkah papers?
he shud stop drinkin immediately.. all bad habits.. and plead to u n make sure he never repeats n repents stuff.. then u can accept him back..otherwise show hime exit..