Re: Severe Accent
As picky as it may seem sometimes the little things can really get on ones nerves. I was eating dinner somewhere and the person in front of me was making a lot of noise while eating. I thought I could tolerate it but the end of the dinner I wanted to head butt the .
:LOL: you seem to have anger management issues.
Re: Severe Accent
It’s only unislamic when guys do it. Larhkiya tau cute si hoti hain, woh kar sakti hain.
Re: Severe Accent
If you're having such a hard time communicating with him, how do you know that he's a nice guy other than his accent?
Actions speak louder than words.
He put his sisters through school, while he worked and went to school part time. Took him about 10 years to complete his undergraduate engineering degree, but he did it with odd jobs since he wasn't qualified for anything else. He made his sister into a doc, and the other one into a mba grad. He put his education second to them.
He helped them move, set up their apartments for their training/education. His cousins went through schooling, and he helped them move as well for their training - he has a line of cousins who are doctors.
His cousin was married to a dude from dubai who was working their as a laborer. He pulled that guy up, setting him up with work, and encouraging him to do college part time and now that guy is stable too.
In all this, his parents who have zero education, did menial labor jobs to pay for expenses, and he has carried them as well. He still takes care of them, now his income being the main one to support the family.
I dunno, I think that's pretty impressive.
At first I was like 10 years to complete a bachelors degree - WHAAAAA????, but he admitted, that it just took him time since he had to take a low course load and do it slowly since he didn't have much time for studying while he was working, and he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.
Poor guy.
I dunno, but then I hear everyone else's story and I easily get sympathetic so maybe I'm the moron here.
Re: Severe Accent
I asked him why he isn't taken already since he seems like a good catch. He says it's because he's only a bachelors educated guy, and that the girls' families in the local area all want someone who is either a doc (since the girl or the girl's dad is likely a doctor), or they want someone with masters minimum.
I didn't know a guy with a bachelors degree and a steady job had it so hard.
Re: Severe Accent
^^It is impressive but it's less important than the fact that you need to get on with him and like him in terms of a husband/wife relationship..
Re: Severe Accent
I know. It's not easy though. I've had a couple of bad experiences with guys now and I'm emotionally dead from inside. I think even if prince charming from cinderella came to my door, I'd probably say "meh" and shut the door on him.
Re: Severe Accent
You don't want that guy
even if it wasn't for the accent
He has a habbit of supporting his immediate family
That doesn't sit well with wives 99% of the time.
Better safe than sorry
Re: Severe Accent
As long as he can say Qubool Hai three times clearly, (besides being nice) he should be good for any girl.
After marriage he will be quiet for the rest of the life anyways.:)
Re: Severe Accent
I asked him why he isn't taken already since he seems like a good catch. He says it's because he's only a bachelors educated guy, and that the girls' families in the local area all want someone who is either a doc (since the girl or the girl's dad is likely a doctor), or they want someone with masters minimum.
I didn't know a guy with a bachelors degree and a steady job had it so hard.
I think the fact that he's supporting his family financially might be a turn off for most girls. The responsibility for his family is on his shoulders and that's something that most girls/families are uncomfortable with nowadays
Re: Severe Accent
^ Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with a guy helping out his family, especially if they need it. If a guy knew that his family needed help and he was able to help them but didn't, it would diminish him significantly in my eyes as it implies he:
(a) Is rather self centered and unempathetic
(b) Does not care about his family
(c) Is not keen on having responsibility or commitment
(d) All of the above
That said, helping family should be within reason, within one's means and there should be a balance. A guy should not ignore his responsibilities towards his children (you know, the ones he brought into the world) because all of his money is going towards supporting his siblings, nieces, nephews, and long lost second cousin from Brazil.
Re: Severe Accent
^ Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with a guy helping out his family, especially if they need it. If a guy knew that his family needed help and he was able to help them but didn't, it would diminish him significantly in my eyes as it implies he: (a) Is rather self centered and unempathetic (b) Does not care about his family (c) Is not keen on having responsibility or commitment (d) All of the above
That said, helping family should be within reason, within one's means and there should be a balance. A guy should not ignore his responsibilities toards his children (you know, the ones he brought into the world) because all of his money is going towards supporting his siblings, nieces, nephews, and his long lost second cousin from Brazil.
Ditto!
Re: Severe Accent
I wouldn’t mind.. as long as we could actually afford it and it wasn’t a case of having to go without so they could have a new car, new model laptop etc
I think that’s what irks girls in those situations.. I have an Indian friend whose parents struggled to pay their mortgage whilst dad’s family was living a life of luxury back home because it was ‘expected’ 
Re: Severe Accent
OP i am afraid you might soon fall into depression.
Be a bit more positive.
if you see so many 'problems' in the back-home born candidates then completly cut them out of your 'potentials'. Stop wasting your time analysing them, you wont accept them at all it seems, so why bother? Spend your time praising the brits/america born desis rather than complaining about the back-home born...
i have a french accent (im from belgium) and also a desi accent as i initially started to learn english from my parents and bollywood films lol.
my fiance has a very pakistani accent when he speaks english and in fact he isnt even fluent whereas i am conpletly fluent by now and my accent come out occasionally so people notice after few weeks that i am not british.
this has never bothered me because from experience i can tell that it is always the 'desis' that makes fun of someone freshy accent and never the non desi. For the english, a french, chineese ,pakistani or welsh accent is all the same...an accent and nothing beyond that.
Re: Severe Accent
Accent shouldn't be a big deal. A few years of marriage will shut him up for good. But you do have to worry about the kids. What if they inherit it?
Re: Severe Accent
Well I haven't met him in person yet so I don't know if he gave himself a 10 year long bachelors degree so that his parents could rock luxury cars. I'm not sure about all that - will find out how humble their life is when I see their home.
Re: Severe Accent
It seems like you guys talked about a lot of things, did you spend the whole conversation wanting to punch him for the accent or were you engaged enough in what he was telling you? I wouldn't cut him out just yet because of the accent, speak to him a few more times and it'll be very easy to tell if the annoying accent continues to supersede any good qualities you start finding in him, then you know he's not for you.
Also I would ask him about the balance thing, while helping out his siblings and parents is completely justified, when helping out his cousins did he sacrifice his own lifestyle and education, and was that really necessary?
Re: Severe Accent
90% of the talks have been on text. I think I spoke to him a total of 3 times, had to excuse myself the last time, couldn't deal with the accent.
I'll see him in person, I think that will help.
Re: Severe Accent
He’s the first guy that I think my mom spoke to and she spoke to his mom, and I didn’t sense reluctance or annoyance in her. She thinks they’re nice straightforward people, and when I bring up the accent, my mom says she doesn’t notice any harsh awful accent.
That’s progress for my mom, hence why I want to give this a chance. So far she has shot everyone down, including guys that I did like.
Which is what also makes this hard for me. I really detest that when I LIKED someone, that was pushed aside, and wasn’t important for my mom. She put weight on things that didn’t matter to me like age, divorces, etc. IT guy had a better IT job than this guy, but at that time, she didn’t understand what IT was and thought it was the dude that you call for tech support to figure out how to turn your computer on. 
Now she is settling for a guy who probably makes half of what IT guy makes, and has way less potential of moving up because of his language skills.
My mom makes no sense.
I guess maybe I’m not over past relationships. 
Re: Severe Accent
She is settling or do you feel that you are settling? Your mum is not going to be living with this gentleman or spending her life with him. YOU are. If the job and salary bit bother YOU to the extent that you feel that you will be comparing, you should give it more thought before proceeding with him. It is quite unfair to give this new gentleman a chance while having “IT guy made twice as much, had a better job, etc.” in the back of your mind.
Re: Severe Accent
first you need to get over IT guy pcg ...