Re: Severe Accent
^ I need to get over a lot of things first.
Re: Severe Accent
Doesn't seem like you are meeting this guy with an open mind. Get over things in your past and give him a fair chance.
Re: Severe Accent
Contact guys yourself. Go over profiles on those internet sites you are registered on and email the ones who you like, profile wise. If you wait to see who emails you, you won't get as good prospects as you deserve. Get out there and see. Regarding this guy, I don't think you really like him enough to marry him. You are highly educated and still young, go for it.
Re: Severe Accent
I try to contact nearly every profile, have invested in accounts on various websites. This gets expensive. The websites are FULL of jerks, tharki old men, and folks looking for a lucky green card.
It’s just a ridiculous search. I post sometimes about the ridiculous conversations I have with people.
Also, and I think it’s because it’s the internet attracts people who otherwise in real life are having difficulty finding someone, these websites ARE FULL of guys with divorces/shady histories, and what’s most ridiculous - 30 something year old men who are STILL NOT done with their education.
I still talk to them. There is a memon guy who contacted me, and he’s working in a hospital in menial labor work, and he’s putting himself through school to get a psychology degree (undergraduate).
I’m like good grief, 1) what job are you gonna get with that and 2) you need to do a masters to get a real psychologist’s job - which is NOT a bad gig…but if you’re so poorly disciplined that it’s taking you 10 frikkin years to do a bachelors degree, how the heck are you gonna do a masters degree???
Girls in our community, I maintain, are way more educated and ahead of the game than men. I’m seeing a lot of marriages where the girl is really accomplished, and the guy did a bachelors in 5-6 years (not because of financial stress, or being an immigrant and new to our system, but being a flat out lazy butt who was born here, and had every opportunity to do well at school, but his dear amma could simply not discipline him - meanwhile his 5 sisters are all doctors.)
So tired of these guys who can’t seem to get their sh*** together.
Re: Severe Accent
^That’s partly why some mums say it’s good not to be “too clever” or “too educated”
Re: Severe Accent
Highly cringeworthy
Re: Severe Accent
Also, and I think it's because it's the internet attracts people who otherwise in real life are having difficulty finding someone, these websites ARE FULL of guys with divorces/shady histories, and what's most ridiculous - 30 something year old men who are STILL NOT done with their education.
Have you considered not looking online? From my observation, it's easier to discern bad apples right away when meeting in person and you can send them on their way without investing too much time.
Re: Severe Accent
What about brothers of all these girls who are very educated and stuff?
How about finding some girl profile - strike up a conversation - and ask about the brother ??
Give that a try.
Re: Severe Accent
What about brothers of all these girls who are very educated and stuff? How about finding some girl profile - strike up a conversation - and ask about the brother ?? Give that a try.
I like your out of the box thinking. May be slightly awkward initially but could have good long term potential.
Re: Severe Accent
I like your out of the box thinking. May be slightly awkward initially but could have good long term potential.
Yea but it is based on the assumption that such girls will have brothers who are similar too.
If, on the other hand, the sisters are good and brothers are douchebags - then thats a different ballgame.
I would like to know from pcg and/or others about the sisters of these douchebags - are the sisters also douchbags or the sisters are ok ??
Re: Severe Accent
Yea but it is based on the assumption that such girls will have brothers who are similar too.
If, on the other hand, the sisters are good and brothers are douchebags - then thats a different ballgame.
I would like to know from pcg and/or others about the sisters of these douchebags - are the sisters also douchbags or the sisters are ok ??
The brothers may have hidden behaviour. They may pretend to be perfect gentleman in front of children and may be their real selves with others. Or maybe the sisters are in denial about their actual behaviour. The boys may be spoilt. Or the sisters could also be spoilt.
Re: Severe Accent
Now what purpose does this statement really serve?
We know there are all sorts of possiblities - the question is what is more prevalent.
Re: Severe Accent
I was talking about all different possibilities. Not sure what is more prevalent.
Re: Severe Accent
Have you considered not looking online? From my observation, it's easier to discern bad apples right away when meeting in person and you can send them on their way without investing too much time.
Apart from one ISNA event a year, that too difficult to get to at times, what other opportunities are there? There are other groups like YPN, and Atlanta Muslim Professionals, and CAIR, and Thakat Org, and some other groups where people can intermingle. But you need to be in such a big city, or at least time to fly back and forth for events.
Re: Severe Accent
I don’t know why. People I know have found great people through these websites. And no, they were not 25 year olds. Of course there were compromises to be made but still. One friend married at 36, BA from Pakistan, non citizen in fact illegal status in US. Married citizen guy, bachelors in Computer science and worked a relevant IT job. And she is quite dark complexioned which was proving hard for her when she tried the arrange marriage route. Guy was 2 years older and easy on the eyes. It’s been 8 years now and going strong after one kid.
Lady 2, fair but under5 feet, Pakistani masters degree and lived in an undesirable residential area in Pakistan. Got married for the first time to a divorcee with a kid. The guy isn’t good looking but has an MBA from the US and is the same age as she is which at the time of marriage of 40 plus. Was hard to bring her here in terms of how long it took but she has been here since 2009 and he treats her very well. Has left it up to her she wants to work or not etc.
Lady 3 , divorcee, did not get married to any one (yet) but got very nice rishtas. She herself is an MBA from Northwestern, good looking and stylish but 40 plus and got rishta from a cardiologist divorcee who was only a few years older and good looking. The only reason she did not marry him was because he wanted her to work and although she wanted to work wanted to marry a guy who was ok either ways. The other rishtas she got were from Hedge fu d managers, another cardiologist, IT people, engineers etc who were making good money in the US, she did not speak to anyone making less than 100.000. It did not work out with them but these people were out there on the web.
Try Qiran.com it’s a good site.
I mean, ok, you know maybe I could handle a Pakistani accent, something where you're obviously from Karachi or Lahore, or some convent school or something where you have an accent but good grammar. Fine.
This is like dude says a sentence and out of every 2-3 sentence, I have to stop him and ask him WHAT ARE YOU SAYING????
And he reminds me of south indians I have worked with in the past, that I have PTSD from because those south indians.
Enroll him in accent reduction classes and meanwhile just text each other :-)
Re: Severe Accent
accent reduction classes...are those real classes?
I'm getting slowly more used to his accent. And he's been super good humored about it too, he admits that his accent is thick, whereas his sisters (younger) have gotten rid of their accents more than him. He realizes it's because he only works with south indians, and doesn't get as much chance to talk to regular Americans. He's trying to talk slowly for me, and repeats himself when I say huh?
Patient guy. Maybe the right person for the hot head that I am. We'll see. Pray for me guys.
Yes, and are used often by expats with multinationals who come to English speaking countries. Actors use them too but less for accent reduction and more to learn to speak in a different accent.
Now they even have web based interactive tools, and individual trainer led remote sessions too so proximity and schedule is less of a concern also.
Re: Severe Accent
OK, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I'm with PCG on this. How someone talks is pretty up there on my list too. Some accents and ways of talking and even mannerisms just grind on my nerves. If you're going to have to listen/observe this for the rest of your life, you too might think twice. PCG, I'd say that if it bothers you then move on unless you think you can help him get rid of his accent.
Re: Severe Accent
accent reduction classes...are those real classes?
I'm getting slowly more used to his accent. And he's been super good humored about it too, he admits that his accent is thick, whereas his sisters (younger) have gotten rid of their accents more than him. He realizes it's because he only works with south indians, and doesn't get as much chance to talk to regular Americans. He's trying to talk slowly for me, and repeats himself when I say huh?
Patient guy. Maybe the right person for the hot head that I am. We'll see. Pray for me guys.
more you talk to him, more he is going to correct his accent. Many pronunciation are just habits rather then limitations.