Second Marriage?

[redvelvet]

Re: Second Marriage?

@canadiandesigirl

RV - ur so lucky of all things OP responded to you

Haaaiii rabba.

[_Passionate]

Re: Second Marriage?

@redvelvet

Haaaiii rabba.

watch out RV, he’s allowed four.

[NaMaan]

Re: Second Marriage?

I am very much offended by the fact that here on GS we have so many right age , right shakal , right seerat , right figure PAKISTANI ladies available and he is in love with some fazool se russian . . . tubah tubah astaghfaar .

[Hmmna]

Re: Second Marriage?

@_Passionate

watch out RV, he’s allowed four.

he will probably care for all 4 equally

[redvelvet]

Re: Second Marriage?

^You guys scared him with all this talk about 3rd and fourth wives. Now he’s logged off.

[Hmmna]

Re: Second Marriage?

Dnt worry, RV the desperation of mid life crisis knows no bounds.

[lahoretolondon]

Re: Second Marriage?

@taqlee

how much did you told her? did you told her you have a kid?

I’ve told her about my son.

[canadiandesigirl]

Re: Second Marriage?

…and did you tell her about your 1st loving and caring wife?

[redvelvet]

Re: Second Marriage?

^And did’jya do it in a loving and caring way?

[lahoretolondon]

Re: Second Marriage?

@NaMaan

I am very much offended by the fact that here on GS we have so many right age , right shakal , right seerat , right figure PAKISTANI ladies available and he is in love with some fazool se russian . . . tubah tubah astaghfaar .

I hope you don’t mean that in the literal sense, Russian Muslims are very devout and respectable people.

[redvelvet]

Re: Second Marriage?

LTL, I had asked whether or not you felt that you’ve given your current marriage your best shot? You had mentioned that you and your wife would go for walks/watch movies…and obviously having a baby would make it harder to spend one-on-one time together. Have you tried to connect with her…like make time for just the two of you…or helping her out with chores at home so it gives you both greater time together? You do realize that at times boredom will set into ANY marriage…even the one with the Russian woman? And if you don’t answer my questions…I’ll just think you’re avoiding them…which will make me think that you haven’t really thought all of this through.

[Hmmna]

Re: Second Marriage?

@redvelvet

LTL, I had asked whether or not you felt that you’ve given your current marriage your best shot? You had mentioned that you and your wife would go for walks/watch movies…and obviously having a baby would make it harder to spend one-on-one time together. Have you tried to connect with her…like make time for just the two of you…or helping her out with chores at home so it gives you both greater time together? You do realize that at times boredom will set into ANY marriage…even the one with the Russian woman? And if you don’t answer my questions…I’ll just think you’re avoiding them…which will make me think that you haven’t really thought all of this through.

He was probably too busy lamenting his *wasted *youth to find time to connect, but not too busy to not get her pregnant. A lot of, in fact majority of girls, like your wife, marry at a very young age and in an arranged set up but they grow up

[redvelvet]

Re: Second Marriage?

I REALLY want him to answer my questions. I want to know whether or not he TRULY believes he’s given his marriage his all. He was young…and he also had to deal with completing his education…and the pressures of growing up. You have your studies…perhaps a job (if he was also working during that time)…plus the process of adolescence/growing up/finding your identity…that’s a lot to deal with and maybe these things prevented him from forming a deeper connection with his wife? I just want him to think about all these factors before making a final decision.

[taqlee]

Re: Second Marriage?

@lahoretolondon

I’ve told her about my son.

she is ok with it? how much/long do you know her anyway?

[lahoretolondon]

Re: Second Marriage?

@redvelvet

LTL, I had asked whether or not you felt that you’ve given your current marriage your best shot? You had mentioned that you and your wife would go for walks/watch movies…and obviously having a baby would make it harder to spend one-on-one time together. Have you tried to connect with her…like make time for just the two of you…or helping her out with chores at home so it gives you both greater time together?

Your very persistent so I’ll explain it. I can’t help her with chores for 6 months of the year as I’m not home, but when I am home I do everything I can. My wife is wonderful, but she bottles everything up, I’ve tried talking to her about the strain, discussing the stress we had when we got married, the nights I heard her cry silently and I would ask what’s wrong and she would cheer up and say nothing, I gave everything to try and make it work, I’ll always keep trying. I wanted her to realize the problems we have but she pretends to think everything is perfect.

[_Passionate]

Re: Second Marriage?

@lahoretolondon

Your very persistent so I’ll explain it. I can’t help her with chores for 6 months of the year as I’m not home, but when I am home I do everything I can. My wife is wonderful, but she bottles everything up, I’ve tried talking to her about the strain, discussing the stress we had when we got married, the nights I heard her cry silently and I would ask what’s wrong and she would cheer up and say nothing, I gave everything to try and make it work, I’ll always keep trying. I wanted her to realize the problems we have but she pretends to think everything is perfect.

what problems do you have?

[Hmmna]

Re: Second Marriage?

**I’ll always keep trying

**Marrying another woman may not b such a good idea then

[lahoretolondon]

Re: Second Marriage?

@PyariCgudia

Yeah, cuz a woman like her would even be able to get remarried. No job, prolly no education, a kid in tow, an ex-husband who married WHILE she was still married to him..do you know that she’ll be seen as someone who couldn’t satisfy her husband, and someone who is damaged goods.

Her future is GONE.

I hope you really don’t want me to go to hell, it’s not easy to explain all the problems in the marriage, I’m not going to divorce her and if she does want a divorce allah ke kasam I’ll continue to be their for her emotionally, financially, and in any other way possible.

[redvelvet]

Re: Second Marriage?

@lahoretolondon

Your very persistent so I’ll explain it. I can’t help her with chores for 6 months of the year as I’m not home, but when I am home I do everything I can. My wife is wonderful, but she bottles everything up, I’ve tried talking to her about the strain, discussing the stress we had when we got married, the nights I heard her cry silently and I would ask what’s wrong and she would cheer up and say nothing, I gave everything to try and make it work, I’ll always keep trying. I wanted her to realize the problems we have but she pretends to think everything is perfect.

Yes, I am persistent. But you have to understand that without telling us this information…it would have just made you appear flaky. Have you tried telling her in a very straightforward way (don’t sugar-coat it)…something along the lines of “I’m find it difficult to connect with you because you don’t open up to me. You don’t share your thoughts/feelings/whatever. And it’s making me feel frustrated with this marriage.” You try that?

Cuz if you’re ONLY asking her “what’s wrong?” and not letting her know how her behavior is making you feel…then she probably thinks it’s no big deal …that it’s ONLY her problem and that it has no effect on you…and that pretending to be happy will make things better for the both of you.

If you ALREADY sense that she’s hurting in some way (the crying during the middle of the night, the pretending everything is perfect, etc)…then …unless she doesn’t feel much for you…wouldn’t it hurt her even more if you spring a second marriage on her?

Have you tried asking her family members to help you out?

[AngelEyess]

Re: Second Marriage?

@Chicken_Biryani

well now that you have made up your mind, then no point going round and round like a jalebi, just walk upto your wife and tell her how you really feel about your marriage … just like how you have the right to marry again, she has the right to walk out of a loveless marriage and refuse to be taken as a commodity. A woman’s life is not jsut about raising kids but about being loved as well …Please note “loved” is the word I used and not just “cared”

Who knows , once she moves away from you, she might find someone who will truely value her for who she is and love her in a much better way as compared to you.

Waise , i totally believe in the fact that a man who hasnt been able to love a woman who gave him so much support and love .. you will hardly be able to love this other woman for long too

^Exactly!

Ye achi baat hai, shadi karo, begum se khidmatain karwao, bachay paida karo aur phir kaho i dont love her, shadi bus pressure main akar kar li thi, i feel a strain. If you did not want her in the first place, why go for having kids? Abb khud to mazay se shadi karlo ge aur biwi ke paas bacha chor do ge, uski zindagi to kardi na barbaad. Pathetic!

OMG…i guess i am too hormonal today! urghhhh but reading OP’s thread just made me mad! I meant each word that i said. You dont deserve your first wife!