I was born in Pakistan, raised in Lahore and London, and now work in Moscow. I got a married at a young age (it was an arranged marriage/rishta), I was 19 when I got married, she was 18. I was pressured into getting married, the family of my wife were in a hostile situation in Pak. My dad was good friends with her dad and thus the solution was for me to marry his daughter. Marriage was rough for the first month, she was very giving and never complained, she’s always felt indebted because I helped get her family to England. Our relationship got better over the following months but I always felt a strain. I was upset that my twenties would be wasted, no fun, no partying with friends, I was having a midlife crisis at age 20. But she was always there for me, always with a sweet comforting smile and unlimited love to give to me. We had a son a few months after I turned 21, I was finishing up graduate school, and she had done a year of uni with me but had to drop out after the baby. The stress of the baby on me was immense, I love the little guy but I wasn’t ready for a child, she handled it with ease. I would never get up at nights when the baby would cry and instead just nudge my wife, who again would go on without complaining. She never complained, she was complacent with everything, I treated her with the utmost respect and before the baby we would go out on weekends, go for walks on dank afternoons and watched movies when it rained, I cared for her deeply. I never loved her, I just cared for her.
After couple of years I landed a job in Moscow, it’s a decent job for an oil corp. I spend 6 months out of the year in Moscow, the other six I get to work in London. My wife and son can’t come to Russia as the immigration only applies to me the bread bearer and as I don’t live year round in Moscow my family cannot live with me here. I love my son and give my utmost to my wife, I care for both of them and will always continue to care for them no matter what. I met a muslim girl in Moscow whom I fell in love with, she works for the same company I do and we have a good relationship, I told her about my family in London and that I would like to marry her, she said yes. I now have to break the news to my wife in London, I’m not divorcing her, nor am I abandoning her, I will care for the same even after the second marriage.
At the same times yes i would say that all the blame for this mess goes to your parents and you; equally. Them for pressuring you and you for giving in to pressure. See, we all face these kind of situations in life but we have to be strong and make a good decision. A good decision is one where you are not only thinking about the present but also keeping your future in mind.
No wonder why divorce rate is going so up nowadays…i blame rushing into marriage is the main cause. Nowadays people are so fed up of lack of rishtas that they get their kids esp daughters married to anyone who agrees to it and in the end their are clashes cuz he is not someone she had wanted or vice versa. Khair, i don’t know what i can suggest you other than just telling you to atleast this time make a wise decision and do keep your future and your family’s future in mind before jumping into 2nd marriage.
Does she have any indication that you're planning to marry again? Is she living independently or with your parents (and/or looking after them)?
What do you think her reaction will be? Do you reckon she'll accept the situation, want a divorce or be upset but come round and be ok with it in the long run? Obviously you need to think about your son as well..
Really you should have been firm and not married her in the first place if you knew you wouldn't be satisfied with the relationship but I guess that's easier said than done when your family are pressurising or forcing..
Does she have any indication that you're planning to marry again? Is she living independently or with your parents (and/or looking after them)?
What do you think her reaction will be? Do you reckon she'll accept the situation, want a divorce or be upset but come round and be ok with it in the long run?
No
My Wife and Son live in a flat in London, I own the flat and live their when during my 6 month stint in London.
I don't know.
Well she's never been very upset at any point of the marriage, but I guess nothings really come up that should upset her, I don't know how she'll take the news, she seems to bottle up her emotions.
I wish she had never been nice to you. It's BECAUSE she loved you SOOOO MUCH, that you think it's ok now to go break her heart, right?? If you were not into the marriage, I dont care if you were some 19 yr old punk, you could have the courage to tell her NO, so she didn't go believing she was in a loving marriage.
You are NOT doing anything right by her, I HOPE you understand someday.
You have, over your greed, over your little ding a ling down there and your own urges, have now DESTROYED the life of the mother of your child.
Do you have ANY IDEA what it means to destroy someone's life???
You should open with a knock knock joke. It'll make the bad news easier to bear.
Be absolutely sure of your feelings because things will sometimes become "boring/dull" even in your marriage to this other woman that you've met....relationships come with ups and downs and dry spells. This decision will impact so many people, including your son. So, figure out whether you can truly handle all the consequences....or whether you want to try and work on your marriage with your first wife. You kept talking about how loving and sacrificing and compromising and supportive she was.....but you didn't mention your own efforts and I found that interesting. Do you think you've given it your best shot? If you got bogged down with responsibilities at a young age.....so did she. She may have had other plans for her life as well.....plans that did not include a hasty marriage, an incomplete education, and early motherhood. I guess sometimes guys think that they can be fair with the amount of money and time they spend on multiple wives.....but it's the emotional consequences that I imagine hurt more.......the feelings of self-doubt/rejection, of comparing yourself to the other woman, etc.....those feelings stay with you and they have a huge impact on your self-esteem/attitude/day-to-day activities. Did you even miss your wife when you were away from her? Are the issues in your marriage not at all workable? There is so much that you need to consider. I don't know if taking a break from BOTH women and reflecting over your feelings will help sort them out.
As for how to "break" it to her.......I kinda find the question a bit strange. You explain to her how you've been feeling (be 100% SURE of those feelings first, think everything through) and tell her about the woman you've met and what your plans are. Getting married behind her back would be the other option and while you don't require her permission....there's an honorable way to go about doing things and a disrespectful/hurtful way to do it.
Do you think your marriage with the girl from Moscow would work out? Its a huge step. I get it, you are in love. But you have a son as well. Whatever step you are about to take is going to involve him as well.
I wish you weren't forced in a marriage. But you were 18. U knew what you were getting into.
I feel sorry for the wife since she has done everything she could do in her power to have a successful marriage with you. But hey why do you want to bring another woman in your life? O wait, because you couldn't fall in love with your wife.
There's plain NOTHING honorable about marrying another woman WHILE you are married to another woman, especially if the first woman has given you NOTHING but every ounce of love in her.
How HEINOUS. Oh my lord, Allah, aise larkon se tho please bachao - I'd gladly end up an old maid than married to a guy like this. Toba toba. What is the world coming to.
Now excuse me. I'm going to go blow some steam at the gym. My heart goes out to your present wife. That SWEET SWEET child...it's like we all know there is a car about to hit a deer, and we're all just gonna stand here and be unable to do anything about it.
well now that you have made up your mind, then no point going round and round like a jalebi, just walk upto your wife and tell her how you really feel about your marriage ... just like how you have the right to marry again, she has the right to walk out of a loveless marriage and refuse to be taken as a commodity. A woman's life is not jsut about raising kids but about being loved as well ...Please note "loved" is the word I used and not just "cared"
Who knows , once she moves away from you, she might find someone who will truely value her for who she is and love her in a much better way as compared to you.
Waise , i totally believe in the fact that a man who hasnt been able to love a woman who gave him so much support and love .. you will hardly be able to love this other woman for long too
well now that you have made up your mind, then no point going round and round like a jalebi, just walk upto your wife and tell her how you really feel about your marriage ... just like how you have the right to marry again, she has the right to walk out of a loveless marriage and refuse to be taken as a commodity. A woman's life is not jsut about raising kids but about being loved as well ...Please note "loved" is the word I used and not just "cared"
Who knows , once she moves away from you, she might find someone who will truely value her for who she is and love her in a much better way as compared to you.
Waise , i totally believe in the fact that a man who hasnt been able to love a woman who gave him so much support and love .. you will hardly be able to love this other woman for long too
I agree, what a buzzkill, the guy who can't even appreciate the love he's received. Lannat hai, yaar, aise larkon par.
Is your wife religious? Maybe she will understand.
Because RELIGION condones this? You dont engage in polygamy cuz you have no interest in the woman who bore you a child and you've now gotten bored and want something new to play with.
Seriously, of all the bull. u r a huge coward. if u were so immature u shd have said no to ur parents. and now u have saddled ur wife with a baby too. there is something called birth control. i hope she has the financial independence to leave u.
. Uska kya kasoor hai?