quesion for ladies

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: quesion for ladies

TLK is right ... mere yehe mutlub tha

or mera sawal is main cover hota hai .. i ll be reply tomorrow InshAllah

abhi damagh bohat thak gaya hai : )

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Re: quesion for ladies

I don't think my husband would ask me if he could marry someone like PG asked in her first post. He doesn't seem to be the type of guy who could handle 2 wives. People who are God-fearing also know that along with the marriage comes responsibility of maintaining that marriage, and in this case, 2 marriages.

But let's say he asked me, I'd obviously say no. I'm not such a naik farishta.

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Re: quesion for ladies

Mainay sahi kaha tha na?? NOT A SINGLE ONE..

Yes I agree too....'Shadi' as opposed to the BF/GF is for saving oneself from Haram (But only if one thinks at a little Philosophical...and beyond the Weddind dress,Lehenga,Sharara, Mehandi, Function, Bari,Jewellery n stuff)..

.. you can get all the other emotional/commitment stuff in BF/GF relationship too.....and Zina is offcourse very easy to do....

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Re: quesion for ladies

if my husband said that to me, I would tell him, there are other things to get you sawab in life, other than marrying another woman. Go pray nafl, keep extra roza, give more zakat (than is required of you), read Quran, learn more about Islam.

Lame excuse by OP's husband!

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Re: quesion for ladies

Ahem, OP is not talking about herself. She is not even married.

46

Re: quesion for ladies

Waisay just for discussion…i heard that all muslim men should aspire to be like the “Prophet SAW”..that means believe whatever he did to be the perfect example…
(meaning that He was equal to his wifes, which we may necessarily not be, but whatever he did was the perfect example regardless)

and that women should aspire to be like the Wife of Prophet SAW (so far as they acted in accordance with his teachings)…which means that they should ‘believe’ the wifes to be the ‘perfect’ role models …which inturn included tolerating/accepting 2nd,3rd,4th wife…are you girls refusing that?? :hmmm:

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Re: quesion for ladies

Individuals in a relationship are insecure, be it a man or a woman and sharing the attention and loyalty of their spouse with other competing relationships carries with it some fear, whether or not that fear in founded in reality or not.

In the situation described, despite the husband's avowed loyalty to the first wife and his claims that he is only marrying for sawab and naiki, if he marries the other woman, the husband now has a moral and religious obligation to ensure that she (2nd wife) is happy and cared for and that includes providing her with his companionship. If he denies her his companionship, he is failing in his obligation to the second wife - to phir kahan ki naiki aur kahan ka sawaab?

If he splits his time between both wives, that's cause for conflict based on the insecurity mentioned above - it doesn't matter how equitable a man claims to be or in fact is - the fear which is natural makes the situation contentious.

So, since the outcome is sharing the husband's attention, love and companionship with another woman - no, not many woman would be okay with it or permit their husband to marry the other woman, regardless of his motivation.

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Re: quesion for ladies

Just him thinking to marry another woman with a lame excuse of wanting sawab would leave me thinking that there is something seriously wrong with our marriage.

But if that is how he feels, it would shock me but I wouldn't want to stay with him after that. Who am I to stop him from earning his 'sawab.' I would smile at him and tell him he can marry her and to do so hurriedly! And after he does, I'll go my own way and find my happiness elsewhere.

I know Islam allows men to marry up to 4 wives if they can treat them with equal justice - but I reckon that is simply near impossible for any man to do, which is why I simply don't accept this.

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Re: quesion for ladies

*This situation is a very veru difficult one, It can have many outcomes. in a way i think i would be able to say yes when i think of another women that is alone and has a child and has no man and how hard it is for a women to be with a little child and not have a husband, but then again it's natural for all womens to feel selfish. If i was the wife A i seriously dunnu what to do .. my first impression would obviously be " what are u talking about" like seriously i'd lose my mind. If he really wants to help her, he can help her financially which i would never mind at all, But when it comes to the point where he wants to help her by marrying her , It's Really hard to say yes, cuz It's a really really hard to share someone you love a lot. lets say even if i say yes just think about the little kid when he/she grows up would that kid be happy? And it's Impossible to not have any fights between the 3, cuz theres usally a few fights already between a normal single hus/wife relationship, so just think about it having another person into the relationship make it any easier? ... and as far as sawab goes ,, and i agree with many ppl here who said that there are many other ways of geting sawab that's not the only way. How is it possible for a man to be equal to both , 1st of all i have never seen a guy be equal to both wifes usally he's more towards the 2nd one. I mean i'm just sayin by doing this one sawab YOur probably getting 100 gunahs back , like even if the guy is totally equal to both, But the two ladies can never be equal and nice in any way they would alwayzz fight and alwayz create problems ... and both of them would end up bein Unhappy soo, what sawab did the guy seriously GET like seriously? ... I myself am a women and seriously womens can't just can't share their husband IT's a very very very hard thing to do, and i've heard of a few womens and i swear they have really big hearts ... seriously to even think of it kills me ( an i'm just 16 right now, No where near gettin married)....But I don't think i would be abale to say yes ... i can share everything in this world ... BUt i can never think of sharin my husband. yes it is a selfish thought BUT i think this is one situation where it's 100% Fine to be selfish ( trust me i'm not near selfish person in any other way). But when u come to think of it , it's a relationship where u have alwayz thought of beein just u and him and that's all. *

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Re: quesion for ladies

and who’s going to guarantee that the men will behave like prophet(pbuh) with regards to equality in wives.

religion ki aik yehi baat yaad rehti hai, baaqi sub bhool jaata hai. If the wives remain in the house & dont earn/jobs etc (like they used to in olden times), you’ll label her as gold digger, whats she bringing to the table etc etc

if you wanna follow the prophet (pbuh), follow him completely. Dont pick n choose whatever favours you

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Re: quesion for ladies

^ Totally agree with you on that!!!

I'll never allow it..if he wants it then he can divorce me and do what ever he want!

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Re: quesion for ladies

Before he goes and marries another woman in the hopes of trying to be like our beloved Prophet SAW, i think there are many, many, many other things that he needs to do to follow in our Prophets (SAW) footsteps. That should not be the first on his to-do list!

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Re: quesion for ladies

LOL, my bad! Well whoever she is talking about, they have one lame excuse!

54

Re: quesion for ladies

No. . . .

Leave her or leave me . . . .

55

Re: quesion for ladies

A definite :nahi: and my hubby would know tht better than me :cb:

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Re: quesion for ladies

:k:

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Re: quesion for ladies

If the husband wants to marry the divorcee/widow because he wants to protect himself from zina, then there are a whole bunch of other issues at hand and the wife needs to reconsider this marriage that she has to the husband. Allegations of cheating can arise very easily in such a situation and so does she want to be with such a man, who claims the marriage is happy one yet wants to marry someone else just so he doesn't sin?

Also, why is the widow/divorcee so desperate to marry such a man? Isn't she considering the future and welfare of her child if she is with a manipulator like that man, who is willing to use any words just so he can get what he wants?

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Re: quesion for ladies

we r just normal human beings & Hazrat Mohammad SAW is ALLAHs last Prophet … we, as normal human beings, can only TRY to follow Prophet SAW footsteps…we cant be like them as they were perfect & we r not but what we can do is ONLY TRY to be like them … & Hazrat Mohammad SAWs wives was tolerating & accepting 2nd,3rd,4th wife as they all Prophet SAWs wives & was not ordinary like us…

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Re: quesion for ladies

Is she hot? Can she cook? Can I send her out to work?

I kid. I'd be a little worried at the limited extent of the husband's thought process. It would seem to me the most important issue in this scenario is providing help to a person in need.

How you help someone is very important, and I'd like to think that there are enough options available today so as to ensure that women don't need to marry out of majboori.

Think of it from the widowed/divorced woman's perspective. Most people are khudar to some extent, and given a choice over being married to someone as a 'charity' case; playing second fiddle to his first wife, having your child live and grow up in an awkward situation OR be given the support to help you stand on your own two feet and take responsibility for your decisions, I know which I'd pick.

Also, the whole Sawab thing confuses me somewhat. If you believe strongly that something is the right thing to do, then it should be done without thought to reward.

[QUOTE]
what will be your reaction ?

[/QUOTE]

If he came to me with the marriage for Sawab option, I'd probably roll my eyes and try to hear him out without collapsing into laughter.

If he came to me and said 'Begum, there is a woman in need. We are going to help her get organized, and provide financial and moral support so that she can build for herself the kind of life she wants for her and her child. In return we want nothing.' Then, well, heck,* I'd* reward him.

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Re: quesion for ladies

I was not talking about the Man's role....i was talking about the woman's role.....and my question is hypothetical...meaning that whether you accept that to be something righteous (as opposed to doing it).....I accept that Prophet SAW was perfect....i may not be able to do all he did..but i still accept that fact........and my question was similarly do woment 'accept the role played by his wifes'??

Follow the prophet completely?? So since i can't be like him.......so i should stop doing whatever good i am trying to do?? i should start doing zina,drink alcohol and all.......because i am not following few things islamically?

Same as i said before.....the question is about women accepting the 'righteousness' of the wifes who acted the way they did.....nothing about doing it practically.

You did seem to understand my question........since they were not ordinary like us we shouldn't try to be like them? to whatever extent we can?