quesion for ladies

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: quesion for ladies

i dont want to deviate from the topic, but to answer your question.....

having a second wife and being equal in both the wives' right are two things.....its easy to do the first one but being humans its very difficult to follow the second one....thats what i meant by following him completely
Most people only tend to remember that they have a right to four wives but ignore the second part

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Re: quesion for ladies

we should try to be like them but all we can do is just TRY thats it & even after trying we cant be like em............ as i said we r normal human beings & they were extra ordinary & perfect thats why we can just ONLY TRY to be like em which is sometimes impossible for us to do ..........as far as 2nd,3rd & 4th wives matter is concerned we r not having that much pateince in us as they had ...........

63

Re: quesion for ladies

let me clear sum points ..

when i said your husband want to marry other women (divorced or widow ..who has a baby from her husband too)

so there is very less chance that you think your husband makes lame excuses like earning sawab or help .. coz no one wants to take extra reponsiblities in thier lives .... insaan Assanioon ko dhoondta hai .. its really difficult when someone decied to take responsibilties( like accepting baby of that women ) of other person ..is it easy task ?

second

when i said you know your husband loyalty with you... so its simply means that when your husband says that his intention towards this marriage decision just for helping that women or her family not for any sex desires So u should trust on him .(well again i said its all depends how much u know your husband's nature ) ..

*third *

when he asking to your support or permission doesnt it show that he will be care full in future about Rights of both wives ?

listen girls

and what i mean by SAWAB .. your huband loves you ..he living complete life.. he doesnt feel any need to marry with other women ... his life is so smooth calm and happy

.
app k husband us family ko personally jaantay hain ..or un k masaail k i noyet aysee he hai k agar woh us khatoon say shaadi ker lain to

madad ho saktee hai ..to yeh NAIK neyat he kehlaye gee ?

well

ab yeh bat kehna k sawaab kamaanay k bohat say tareeqay hain namaz perho roza rakho ....yeh alag behas hai.. yahan sawab kamaanay kay tareqoon per discussion nahi ..sirf yeh bata maqsad hay k is ammal main NEyat kia hai

sum one said in this thread ..kissi k naik iraday main madad kernay main app ka bhi utna hee hisa hay jitnay kernay walay ka ..ab yeh app ki sooch hai k app is ko benefit samjhain ya nahi

ab yeh to her insaan ka apna zarf hai k woh ker payee ya nahi !is main koi zabadastee nahi ..

thanks for all replies.. : )

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Re: quesion for ladies

the guy can support her financially, why does he need to marry her? Nowadays it's really hard for men to be equally fair to both wives, and to make sure neither feels jealous or less favored. My mumani was widowed when she was only 1 month pregnant with her son. She was offered marriage proposals too but she never married because she didn't want some ghair aadmi living with her and her kids. So this uncle (married with kids) who her husband worked for, offered to pay her her husbands salaray every year until her son got a degree and was working. She's happy, her kids are happy. :)
Moral of the story, insaaniyat dikhaanay ke bohat saaray raastay hotay hain. I understand the husband feels bad, and might even feel obligated to help her out, but one shouldn't take a decision in which others wouldn't be happy with.

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Re: quesion for ladies

No matter how good a man is and no matter how pure his intentions are, if conjugal relations were not a part of second marriages, he would not marry her. His goodwill would extend only to help such a woman with money. Like you said, no one wants to take extra responsibilites (such as marriage or fatherhood) without getting something in return. He may not be marrying for sexual desires PRIMARILY, but he sure as hell knows that he will get some. Har aadmi andar se yehi sonch ke khush hoga: mujhe sawab ka sawab mil jayega aur extra desire bhi poora ho jayega.

Insan kuch bhi justify karna chahein to kar le sakta hai.

I'm not against those women who want to be second wives or those men who want to have two wives. But I sure have a problem when people euphemize the reality.

Aur waise bhi, pehli biwi ko takleef dekar apna ghar kya basana. Itni himmat mujhme to nahi chahein mere halaat kitne bhi bure kyun na ho aur chahein uski pehli biwi kitni bhi achhi aur kitna bhi khuda ka khauf kyun na rakhti ho.

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Re: quesion for ladies

P_G.. I am surprised at the woman who will want to marry a married man knowing no woman in the world is comfortable sharing her husband (sawab or not doesn't matter) why can't she marry a widower or a divorced man (children or not) and they can all live happily ever after???

Any husband who is having second thoughts marrying another woman with whatever intentions he has is just not considered loyal, to me and to lots of other women!!

I am more upset with the woman who is actually willing to marry a married man no matter what her situation is.. kisi ka ghar kharab kar ke apna ghar basanay ka kiya faida!!!

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Re: quesion for ladies

P_G by your last post, it's very clear that you don't know men, and their fitrat.

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Re: quesion for ladies

ab is main ghar kahan kharab ho raha hai ? app kay husband app kay haqooq main kissi terah kaami nahi kertay ..woh dosre anay walee khatoon app k ley koi negetive jazba bhi na rakhain ....to kon sa gher kharab hoa ?

ik cheez jaisay shreiyat jaaiz keh rahee hai ..ik ammal jis per shreiyat kissi ko gunahgaar nahi keh rahee

to phir yeh faisla kis terah hoa k yeh KAHARAB Ammal hai ?

even shriyat Husband kay is Ammal ko protect ker rahee hai

lakin First Wife k NA maan'nay ko ya ..us ki yeh sooch k us dosre awrat nay us ka ghar kharab kia us k shohar say shadi ker k is bat ki shreiyat main koi haysiyat nahi ....

agar app ka husband app say na insaafi keray ya woh dosree anay walee app k ley mushkilaat create keray tub app yeh baat kerain

lakin 2nd marriage ko her haal main GHAR KHARAB kerna kehna is sooch ko ISLAM support nahi kerta

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Re: quesion for ladies

filhal to mujhay khawateen ki soorch per hayrat hai ..jo kissi ki mushkilaat ko samjhna hee nahi chahteen..

or un ka nazdeek kissi bhikaare ki terah paisay day ker jaan churaana sub say behtreen Hal hai

...un k ley apnay jazbaat itnay aham hain k woh baghair kisi solid reason k is bat per fatwa jare ker chukeen hain ... jis admi nay second marriage ka soocha or jis awrat nay aysay aadmi say shadi ker lee ... woh dono hee zalim hain ....ya yeh k yeh cheez kabhi sahee result day hee nahi saktee

mera maqsad is topis say yeh nahi hai k ..2nd marriage zaroor ho ..

lakin sirf ummat-e-muslima ki khawateen ki sooch ki wusa'at ko jaanna hai ..zindgee main 100 terah k imtyhan atay hain ... Azmaaish aate hai ...ayse Aazmaish jub app ko apnee zaat say hat ker sochna perta hai
is waqt ik muslim awrat k dosre muslim awrat k ley kia jazbaat honay chaeyen....yeh observe kerna hai

husband ya us ki muhabbat app k ley us k dil main App ka Zaati kamal nahi hay ..Woh Allah ki zat hai jis nay app ki dil app kay husband ki teraf or app k husband k dil ko app ki teraf mora ...

ik naik maqsad k ley app ka esaar per mabni faisla dosray muslman k ley jo is waqt mushkil main hay app ko Allah kay haan buland derjaat hee dilaaye ga

app kaysay soochteen hain k app KA ghar kharaab ho ga ?

app k Ammal say Allah raazi hai ..or jub Allah ki raza app kay faisloon main shamil ho jaye to hamara itna imaan to mazboot hona cheye k phir koi Kharabi app ki zindgee main nahi aatee ....

khair

her ik apne nazar say daikhta hay ..apnee dagar per soochta hai ....

koi phool hota hai kis terah ..koi dhool hota hay kis terah
yeh waqt waqt ki bat hai ..tujhay zindgee bataye gee !

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Re: quesion for ladies

since when two women have happily shared a husband? a woman by nature is jealous and I am not sure if you know this or not but umhat ul momineen used to be jealous of each otehr as well, yes the wives of our holy prophet (saw) so you cant condemn jealousy in a woman!!!aur haqooq main kami kiun nahin ati.. he has to islamically spend equal time with both of them.. so if this isnt for "spending time" together easons then why can't just she take the financial support and let the couple stay married? why does she need to be his wife if she wants to let go of her rights?

jis "amal" pe aap itna zor dey rahi hain us ki ijazat hai sirf us halat main hai jab husband do biwi sey insaaf kar sakay and in the same ayah it says its not possible and is recommended to have one if he believes that he will be unable to do justice to them!!!

well I no longer want to argue with you.. in my opinion second marriage creates imbalance in a perfect healthy marriage thus it's "ghara kharab karna" and Islam doesnt support creating disturbance either!!!

If my husband had such thoughts, he can go ahead, marry the so called needy woman and live with her.. for me he is neither loyal nor worth being married to... that other woman can have him all without any justification or hard feelings!! Peace!

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Re: quesion for ladies

Well there are many women on this planet Earth and loads outta them visit this form , if you marry them - the only thing you gona get out of that relationship is pure Sawab - nothing else am telling ya mates :)

no sex , no food , no comfort :P

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Re: quesion for ladies

P_G, you're making out it's somehow wrong for a woman to not want her husband to take a second wife when we know Prophet Mohammed's (PBUH) own daughter Fatimah was upset when her husband Ali wanted to and her dad took her side and supported her..

Yes, a man has the right to have up to 4 wives if he can treat them equally, but the wife has the right not to be part of that arrangement if she doesn't want to. His first wife also has the right to be treated with respect and have her needs (emotional, physical + sexual) fulfilled as well, it's a two-way thing (and she can also divorce him if those needs aren't met).

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Re: quesion for ladies

^ deeba > app yeh riwyat plz pooray refrence or muhadseen ki is riwyat main kia tashreeh hay us kay sath baat kerain ..or app ko khud he jawab mil jaye ga

or main ik bat kehtay kehtay thak chuke hoon ..k mere topic ki condition yehe hay k jub app ko is bat ki surity ho kay app kay husband haqooq main balance kerain gay

yeh to understood cheez hay ...werna woh dosre awrat bhi pagal to nahi hay jo pehlay he ik jahanum say guzar rahe hay aysay na ahal admi say shadi ker k apnee zindge mushkil main dalay

baaqe rahee jealouse ki bat to woh insaan ka ikhtyare ammal hai woh chahy to is ko rok bhi sakta hai ...ummhat ul momneen main thee to un ko wahee kay zreye tanbeeh bhi kee gaye thee..or un ka yeh hasad kam say kam un ka GHER nahi kharb ker raha tha

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Re: quesion for ladies

^ P_G, if you are in this situation right now, and you were looking for advice, you are not going to get the support you were looking for here. My recommendation for you: let your husband marry that woman, and in 2 months, we will see you back here complaining about how your husband is sleeping with the other wife, and giving her more attention cause she is the "new model".

No one here is going to agree to your points.

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Re: quesion for ladies

I think she is in the other position or knows someone who is in the other woman's position. I apologize if I'm wrong.

P_G, aap insaano se kuch zyada hi ummeed kar rahi hai. Jealousy koi aisi cheez nahi hai jiske baarein mein faisla karke rok di ja sakti hai. Aap kuch zyada hi practical ho rahi hai baar baar balanced haqooq ki baat kar ke(Islamically) aur jazbaat ko nazarandaaz kar rahi hai. Jab tak aapke paas option hai aur aap dead-end par nahi hai, jaan booj kar kisi ka dil nahi dukhana chahiye. Har practical faisla sukoon nahi deta- aur sirf apne sukoon ke baarein mein nahi sonchna chahiye.

Chahein kitna bhi haqooq ka balance ho, the doosri aurat (I'm sorry to use this word) changes the first one's full-time partner and companion into a part-time husband. I would hate my husband if he put me and my kids through his torture.

Khair, apni apni marzi hai.

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Re: quesion for ladies

^ new model ...lolzzz yaar ...main koi advice nahi ley rahee ....mere khiyal main advice hamesha us shakhs say lo jo deen ka ilm or duniya ka tajurba rakhta ho

yahan sub mere ya mujh ay bhi chote age ki lerkian hain ..main sirf is muamlay main ik awrat kitne lachak rakhtee hay sirf yeh janna chahtee hoon

....

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Re: quesion for ladies

mere topic ik general condition hain ..us ko usee per rakhain ...mere opper na laain k main kis position per hoon ..: )

ok i m stop posting now ..kaheen mere posts say bhi app logoon ka Chota sa Dil hurt na ho jayee !

78

Re: quesion for ladies

In this whole thread, we are debating under the assumption that a man can never do such thing (second shadi) only with the intention of naiki. This assumption (or generalization) is wrong to begin with. I know that the majority of men would only go for second marriage because of sexual pleasure, but believe it or not, there are few who would do that because they see it as a solid way of supporting or helping another person (a widow/divorced woman with a child). Why is this the only way? Because that is the only long lasting way, that is a guy become a supporter of a woman for the rest of life. Honestly guys, in this day and age, you need to be related to that person to support that person.

See, I said that its easy to see this whole thing from the POV of the first wife, but any of us or our family member could get into the position of second woman. A woman with no long term support system who is divorced/widow and has a small child.

Its so easy to criticize and stop your hubby to marry such woman (as a second marriage) and I totally understand why, but would you ask your single brother to go and marry her. No, you want an untouched single woman for your brother or son or cousin or any other male family member. So finding a match for herself is now a burden of that second woman now. We as society are only going to criticize, we are not going to offer her any help. When I said help, please remember that she may have physical needs also, not just financial and emotional.

I am not sure who has double standards in our society, men ... or women who rule those men (be them their wives or mothers or sisters)

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Re: quesion for ladies

if the first wife accepts the second wife, then go for it.

80

Re: quesion for ladies

Agreed...

Allah has 'DISLIKED' the act of divorce and 'ALLOWED' second marriage (when conditions are fulfilled,and intentions are pure)

so all those ladies saying they would get a divorce ...they should think twice before throwing 'islamic rights' whenever it suits them in any condition..