Re: Physical Involvement
What is the guarantee of trust?
A clean slate person with no past can also break trust.
Trust does not gain by simply knowing the past of person. There are many things which help in building trust and most importantly behavior.
Re: Physical Involvement
Lol i would stop promoting this–it’ll be used by us (men and women) to justify our sins. You know how we are, all of us pick and choose which sins are worse than others and try to justify it to ourselves and make us feel better–its human nature. For some sexually related sins are worse than lying or cheating and vice versa. We often categorize and rank sins based on our own priorities, values and convenience.
“Allah has concealed it so no need to tell the truth to my future husband or wife because it’s hidden”–its using religion to self serve, basically finding loopholes or interpretations to fit the narrative we want to hear. You know how some of our people are some of the worst at showing an ounce of humanity but sit behind the false notion that “Islam is best religion so I don’t have to put in any effort in being a decent human being besides following the 5 pillars”–focusing on keeping a beard but you know neglecting other important practical day to day values like not lying or being deceitful, or cheating or using others, not gossiping or putting others down.
My point is we as humans have justifications for everything. No one is perfect, if made a mistake the sensible thing to do is just own up to it instead of purposefully hiding it–just to avoid any perception of deceit. If a guy or girl breaks an engagement because of it then it’s good you don’t want to marry such a person anyways and it’s good it happened before the marriage.
Re: Physical Involvement
sex is overrated. Haya is not. Get over it
Re: Physical Involvement
I think people should choose their partners with the same level of experience as them. All the girls I know who were dating before marriage married guys they were dating but this is not true for guys. Nothing annoys me more than dudes who have a billion girlfriends then end up marrying some decent girl. Like I can’t even congratulate the girls who’re married to them because all I want to do is blurt out that your husband is a ho, what were you thinking, girl!
Re: Physical Involvement
If you believe that Islam gives us room to twist then that is your call. What I wrote doesn’t JUSTIFY anything. It tells us to keep our sins to ourselves…to still repent but keep them to ourselves. There is a huge difference.
Also, owning up that mistake is not something that needs to be done in front of another human being unless it directly impacts them. The forgiver and ultimate judge is Allah. Not you. Owning up in front of others is not needed.
Re: Physical Involvement
establishing trust and looking past it (in the initial stages: (marriage or the rishta process))? easier said than done.. not every guy out there is the same… especially if you are going the arranged marriage route. i have seen guys get away after saying the darnest ****…can we do the same?? (as much as i wanna try it out..my mum will surely wring my neck) - i dont think so.
you are not cheating..you are not lying - it is the past and that is where it should be..behind you. not haunting your present and screwing your future up!
if the guy leaves you after 3727 years in marriage and kids over something that he had found about the girls past (no. of men (1) she had slept with or whatever) ..then idk that’s really mature of him.. if he truly loves you he will not let that detail get in between the relationship..
..and yes it different with white girls lol toning it down wouldn’t really do us any good nor dodging the details. it is a pandora box!
Re: Physical Involvement
The thing is that brown girls or muslim girls are “expected” to abstain from sex outside wedlock. Hence its difficult for them to disclose, white girls are expected to have done it in school or colledge, so its no big deal for them. A muslim man marrying a white woman will accept her sex life b4 marriage but will not accept it from a brown/muslim girl.
Re: Physical Involvement
Ji JI…kabhi ghuroor nahin kiya 
Re: Physical Involvement
I’m not talking about what Islam actually says. I’m talking about human nature and what happens in reality, regardless of what religion says. The reality is society is filled with vices, and especially in our culture, deceit and dishonesty are rampant from the maids to the police to the political leaders. Every one is deceiving another. Every one acts nice in public, but its hard to find genuine people.
Forgiveness is not required neither are you repenting when disclosing a past, repenting is between you and Allah. It’s about portraying your true genuine self to your future husband and wife–both the good and bad.
Rishta process has become like a job interview–only present yourself in best possible light, making sure not to reveal any true weaknesses or past mistakes. That’s not best way to make life altering decisions because those weaknesses and/or past mistakes will likely come to light eventually. Be genuine from beginning.
Re: Physical Involvement
That’s not always the case.
Re: Physical Involvement
I totally understand it. Coming forward doesn’t go well for a muslim girl. Not that but even if they were married halal way and got divorce, they have a hard time finding a guy who see them as damaged goods. Its sad but its true. But still lying about it to a potential guy doesn’t seem right to me. And needless to say, it goes both ways.
Re: Physical Involvement
I agree but who you are today is what you should be judged on by your spouse - not by your mistakes made years ago that you’ve already repented for.
Reality is that Allah swt knows human nature and that is why these laws and rules have come about. You’re telling me Islam is out of touch with reality and its not meant to be practiced by realistic people such as yourself? So you have a much better grip on how society functions versus the Creator Himself? I don’t think so.
Make a choice…either you believe in Islam or not…practicing is a different thing altogether but its not right to reject Islam’s ideas altogether.
Re: Physical Involvement
aaah… to be young and idealist!!
Re: Physical Involvement
I don’t think marrying is that hard for divorcees now, though I do know of people who are prejudiced against them. Couple of years ago a man 45 years old, never married, asked for help to find rishta. One of my friends him told of a 30 year old, beautiful, well educated, who was married for like 2 weeks and then divorced bcoz the guy had totally lied about his family and job etc. This 45 yr old complained to me about my friend that he told him of rishta of a divorcee, really pissed me off.
Re: Physical Involvement
If you are ok with your significant other having past relationships then fine, good for you. However, if someone who treaded on the narrow path and wants someone who did the same, what’s wrong with it? Some of you guys are implying that complete honesty is not permissible because of religion, wtf? Really? Folks, just let people decide for themselves what they want or need.
Re: Physical Involvement
are you really practicing Islam word for word Reha? Probably not. Then it means I can say you are not a Muslim? Thats BS. Another thing that pisses me off when people can decide who is and is not a muslim.
And premarital sex is not just a ‘mistake’ its a huge sin in Islam. You don’t seem to give it much importance being Islamic and all. Just sayin
Re: Physical Involvement
I give pre-marital sex quite a bit of importance…its a **huge **sin no doubt. I don’t give importance to ANYONE who thinks they have the right to question anyone else about it. If Allah swt gives us the right to not disclose - then who is anyone else to question it?
Re: Physical Involvement
Lots of things piss me off…lol…but that’s besides the point.
Re: Physical Involvement
Premarital sex is overrated, you reach a point after the first 20 women where you feel hollow and wish you hadn’t eaten the forbidden fruit.
Re: Physical Involvement
I agree that people change over time and through experience. And that’s why I’ve been saying isolated mistakes should not be used to judge, but rather trends in behavior over a long period of time are a better measure. However, to purposefully hide to paint yourself in a better light is deceiving.
Listen, what are you saying–I’m not saying Allah or Islam is wrong or that I have a better touch than Allah. I’m not even criticizing Islam or saying it’s out of touch. I’m criticizing HUMAN BEINGS. I’m saying our own Islamic society does not always follow those laws or rules prescribed by our religion. I’m not blaming Islam, I’m blaming human beings. Just look at the Muslim world, you really think we as human beings are doing right in our society. Islam is great, we as Muslims and humans are not. Two different things.
I personally know a guy who prays 5x a day, eats halal only, fasts, goes on Hajj but has used and had sexual relationships with several Pakistani women, including a married woman and a divorcee. He used to drink and go to strip clubs all while praying 5x a day. Guess who he ended up marrying? A really decent hijabi. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know his past but sees him following religion so he must be a great guy. I find that extremely deceitful and disturbing. It’s false advertising. Now imagine how hurt and deceived she will be if she ever finds out especially since several people are aware of this guy’s transgressions.