So what's the verdict?
Re: Pakistani women, more possessive?
The verdict is that guys like attention and you women should give it.
I actually agree with you. Asian women in the west are more insecure. Reason? I could write an essay on this. I think it depends on lifestyle, but in the west, when there are small communities of Asians/Pakistani's together, strong Pakistani mentality that comes to surface - a mentality that existed in Pakistan when parents generation left Pakistan. New immigrants (our parents) from Pakistan would be here and attempt to impose a Pakistani lifestyle within their kids in all aspects. Pakistani girls in the west are taught "dont wear this, so and so will start talking if you go there, dont hang around white people, wear your hair like this, dont talk to boys" etc etc this leads to confusion, because kids are living in two different cultures - Pakistani at home, where they have their 'security' in their family and values. But then they look out to the western culture and see elements of it that they want to incorporate into their life, like girls being able to go out and work and get an education etc etc. I am not saying that Pakistani culture rejects a girl following education or going to work, I am saying that this was probably the case at the time that parents had left their homeland. Pakistan, in the meantime has advanced to such a level that sometimes you can say that they are more advanced in Pakistan then here!! I dont know about other Pakistani families, but my family was VERY strict. Some Pakistani families in the west still do not allow their girls to go out and get a job or even continue their education and those who do, have to fight for it. This is again because of the Pakistani mentality and values that exist within the parents that were derived from cultural practises that existed in Pakistan at the time that parents gerneration left Pakistan. Family have other plans, like sending them to Pakistan and getting them married off. There is nothing wrong with that, but if the girl decides to get a job and postpone getting married, she sacrifices the happiness of her family and eventually her family could even reject her for making her own choices in life. This is where the insecuritiy comes from. A lot of girls do in fact follow on with what they want to do, even when they come from strict families and a consequence of this is that they loose the support system of their family. In Pakistan today - the support system of family is always there, whereas in the west the support system of a family isnt required. There are thousands and thousands of Muslims/Pakistani/Asians and non Asians who live away from their family .i.e not in the same household as their parents, whilst still unmarried. This is the biggest source of insecurity. If a girl who is a Muslim Pakistani, living in the west, lives away from her parents to pursue what she wanted to do in her life, doing things that her family probably didnt agree with (study, work etc ) and then she wants to get married - the potential husbands family would question 'why' her family didnt give her the support, or "what did she do wrong?" Its always 'strange' to see a Pakistani girl livng on her own, without her family and potential in laws would question that. This always boils down to the fact that "there must be something wrong with the girl...." But this all depends on the kind of family the girl comes from. Not all people and families are the same. This is insecurity. I would be interested to know your thought behind your post, kimble.
Great post. Very accurate representation of the Pakistani society in the West.
So what's the verdict?
*Asian women in the west are more insecure. *--bunnyhoney
**
^ Is that because majority of the men in the West come across as "players"
CM, women need attention as well..so all the men shud get off their behinds stop watching their silly matches and praise us flutters her eyelashes
WHY do men like sports anyway? Watching 10-12 more men play...bully/fight/run how exciting!?
I actually agree with you. Asian women in the west are more insecure. .......Pakistani girls in the west are taught "dont wear this, so and so will start talking if you go there, dont hang around white people, wear your hair like this, dont talk to boys" etc etc this leads to confusion, because kids are living in two different cultures - **........
......if the girl decides to get a job and postpone getting married, she sacrifices the happiness of her family and eventually her family could even reject her for making her own choices in life. This is where the insecuritiy comes from.**
I respectfully disagree. I think that the essence of a successful and worthy life lies in the everyday struggle of trying to figure out who you are and what your values should be. Exposure to both cultures makes them stronger and more aware. I dont see how it would make one more insecure. Does such confusion about values lead to insecurity? I dont think so. To me confusion about values should only lead a sane person to question and to question is the way to self-discovery.
A** lot of girls do in fact follow on with what they want to do**, even when they come from strict families and a consequence of this is that they loose the support system of their family. In Pakistan today - the support system of family is always there, whereas in the west the support system of a family isnt required. There are thousands and thousands of Muslims/Pakistani/Asians and non Asians who live away from their family .i.e not in the same household as their parents, whilst still unmarried. This is the biggest source of insecurity. I
You say they have moved out on their own...they follow what they want. It would seem that they are strong and independent individuals rather than insecure ones to move out and support themselves despite no family support? so again...if you acknowledge they have moved out on their own and are independent women...then it follows they wouldnt be possessive of husbands (sticking to the topic). because i think a woman who needs family support would hesitate to move out in the first place.
Not all five finger are the same but then ofcourse every player says that. In the end it is one’s actions that speaks louder then his words. 
- There are bad apples but to some extent its a perception issue as well. There are players outside of Pakistani community. And Pakistan itself is not much different either but we are always quick to point out Desies in the West because we are easy targets. Same goes for the girls.
**I guess because its still much more exciting then getting bullied/fighting/running away from the same wife everyday. **:biggthumb
**P.s No offense
**
Re: Pakistani women, more possessive?
Gina - Women earn what they deserve!! A happy mean means a happy woman!
Re: Pakistani women, more possessive?
If somone isn't possesive AT ALL, doesn't that imply that you don't care at all either.
I don't mind my significant other socializing with the opposite sex but there are lines that need to be drawn.
CM pesh! Men much rathar play their PS3 than take women out shopping! Men much rathar watch an old cricket match then to help women clean-up, Men can sit and do nothing for hours when they can atleast drive us around? Men are always on the lookout for a more perfect face and body, instead of praising what they have!
silly them!
And then when u're fone rings, they ask "who is it?" "what did they want" "why is he calling u"
And when u go out, "who all was there?" "where are u now"
Re: Pakistani women, more possessive?
that's bunch of bollywood stuff^ and those who are mad about it.
Re: Pakistani women, more possessive?
Nope, if men didnt stop paying attention to women, women wouldnt stop paying attention to men!
WOW! Its A AMazing. Someone actually agreed with me in this forum? That is some record. I usually get boulders thrown at me. Thanks Buddy....
Great post. Very accurate representation of the Pakistani society in the West.
*Asian women in the west are more insecure. *--bunnyhoney **
Re: Pakistani women, more possessive?
i think all those women and men who dont trust their partners need to re-evaluate their relationships. my husband and i have a very understandinf relationship. i dont question where he goes and why and vice versa and when we get back we talk openly about what happened etc rather than hide little things like there were guys there or girls there.
if u are with someone u need to learn to trust them, being possesive will only drive them away rather than bring um closer to u. they'l just try harder to hide things. wudnt it be easier for everyone to live and let live.
ps: i wudnt agree with the fact that women in the west are more possesive than women abroad, based on the fact of lifestyle here that has determined that. each person is different and each relationship is different. i know more girls from pakistan that indirectly control their husbands every move and dont even let them sit alone with their own parents incase somat is said about the wife, but because theyre so clever about it the guys never realise, but on the other hand most of the girls i know from here, married to guys from here have trustin relationships and dont question where their husband might be every step of the way.
there are also alot of guys that are extremely possesive, some more than the women
[quote="“shweetdreamz, post:25, topic:185057"”]
I respectfully disagree. I think that the essence of a successful and worthy life lies in the everyday struggle of trying to figure out who you are and what your values should be. Exposure to both cultures makes them stronger and more aware. I dont see how it would make one more insecure. Does such confusion about values lead to insecurity? I dont think so. To me confusion about values should only lead a sane person to question and to question is the way to self-discovery.
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Haha. I spoke too soon. I dont know whether you are a man or a women, however I am talking from the perspective of a girl. Yes, you are right exposure to two cultures does make a person strong, but its about compatibility. Pakistani culture isnt compatible with western culture, like the western culture can be compatible with the Eastern European culture. Its all well and good being “steong” whilst living in the western society - this “strength” is what you show those Pakistani elders living here - to show them that you can “do it”. That in itself makes you rejected by them. I have heard elders so many times times saying to girls “besharam, girl living on her own with her parents not watchng her. God knows what she gets upto…” The consequences of having “two” cultures means that you have to undermine your Pakistani culture. Example: I am a person of both cultures. I go back to Pakistan and people there would see me as being an an educated person, who is very “forward”, “modern” etc etc. all “strong points”… the consequences of them seeing you this way is that they also have the assumption that you also have the bad traits of western culture, .i.e, you dont follow your deen, you have gone out with boys, you nightclub all night, there is a risk that you have possibly drank alcohol and fallen into the “wrong” crowd and done stuff before marriage. Pakistani elders living in the west think this. With Pakistanis living in Pakistan, you can only imagine the scrutiny they would give you, especially if you wanted to marry one or their sons. They would certainly question “Why are you on your own?”. A Pakistani girl, no matter where she lives always has the backup of her family, if not then there is the assumption that there is something wrong with the girl. They ideally want a naive girl for their son, who can serve the family, stay can home and cook chappatis all day. I am talking about the standard issue Pakistani - not the educated, rich ones, living in Karachi mansions.
Pakistani culture doesnt recognise a womens independence. In Pakistan culture, it is opposite, girl are dependednt on them.
[QUOTE=]
You say they have moved out on their own…they follow what they want. It would seem that they are strong and independent individuals rather than insecure ones to move out and support themselves despite no family support? so again…if you acknowledge they have moved out on their own and are independent women…then it follows they wouldnt be possessive of husbands (sticking to the topic). because i think a woman who needs family support would hesitate to move out in the first place.
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I think it does depend on why the girl moves out.
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They want the freedom associated with western culture and they cannot have that at home, so they move out - in this case, they reject their Pakistani culture and baisically have nothing to do with Pakistan anymore. i.e they dont want to marry there. For these people, there is no issue of strandling two values or cultures because they dont need the Pakistani one.
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Then there are the girl who leaves home to study, i.e they move to a dorm. This si regarded as OK and pretty much the same as the girl living at home. This identifies her family being modern, wants their chldren to be wel educated citizens etc. They give their full suport on all aspects of their childrens life
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Lastly, there is the girl who is forced to leave the house, i.e domestic violence, forced arranged marriages etc etc -
There is the assumption in this category that these girl are “bad”, when its not true. These are the ones who have the real problems, these are the ones who want to keep their Pakistani identity but are structinized in the future, if they want to marry in Pakistan or have some connection with it, because of course, going back to what i said before - they will be questioned. The concept of domestic violence in Pakistani doesnt really exist - the girl there just lives with it, they have no other option. Here, we do - we have help and support avaiable to those who suffer violence and they are helped to leave a violent relationship. There is government support. In Pakistan, this is not encouraged or available. Instead the girl is labelled This is an example of where Pakistani culture and western culture is not compatible.
I have first hand experience of all this. Trust me. I have been living alone since the age of 16/17 years old and I have suffered in a bad way and it wasnt my fault.
Women question. men suffocate!
-------------------------- The End -----------------------
Re: Pakistani women, more possessive?
haha.
We get in trouble for paying too much attention to women! Come on that cute blonde waitress deserved that little extra! :D
buunyhoney im gonna reply to you in detail later…right now im just too upset by this…
Re: Pakistani women, more possessive?
Desi women raised in the west are not more possessive. It's totally the other way around. Neither are we insecure.
Women back home freak out if their husbands talk to anyone else except them. They probably would get annoyed if their husband had a female manager and were going on business trips together!
I think people think girls in the west are more possessive because we are honestly more aware about things - it's not that easy to fool us. We know when things go from being courteous to absolutely wrong. We don't get fooled when he is working long hours every single day, including Sundays. I can go on but I think it's obvious where I am going with this: we are not insecure, we're smart.