I would like Kashmiris to have a chance to determine their own fate but let's face it: India will never allow such a vote.
I don't think you care about Kashmiri self determination, so let's not even go there. Now to discuss your arguments one by one:
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No country would allow a vote on secession. Would Pakistan allow Baluchistan or Wazirstan to hold such a vote? Canada did but then said if even if Quebec voted to secede it would not be allowed to leave Canada.**
You're mistakenly comparing secessionist movements with a faulty colonial partition where the rights of the Kashmiri peoples ability to decide their fate were usurped. Furthermore, the UN resolutions brought to the table by India, i might add, bring a historical precedence nd is an internationally recognized disputed territory.
No comparison with Baluchistan, Waziristan or even Quebec.
In theory the international community could pressure India to hold a vote through sanctions but that is both unlikely to happen and unlikely to work. Countries will not cede land. Besides, the UN would never impose such sanctions because of the precedent that would set. If India must be forced to allow a vote on secession what about the others of Russia and China that want to secede (which means an automatic veto from both nations, end of the issue at the UN)? What about Baluchistan in Pakistan, the Kurdish areas in Iran, Iraq, and Turkey, South Ossetia in Georgia, the Basque region in Spain and so on. Would the UN then impose sanctions to hold votes in all these places? I doubt it. Anyway, Russia and China would veto any such resolution so there is no hope of forcing India to hold a vote.
Again I don't hold a crystal ball but the international community successfully pressurizing India seems remote, but that does not mean that we Pakistanis (Not YOU) give up on the issue. It is our moral responsibility to continue to bring the issue on the table and continue to fight the good (diplomatic) fight.
On the flip side, you must concede that Kashmir is never and will never truly be a part of India. As the only Muslim majority state with a distinct culture that is more similar to Tibet, Pakistan's Northern Areas, Pakhtunkhwa..Kashmiris will never truly be a part of India. India will HAVE To continue to pour military and developmental resources to convince (coerece?) Kashmiris into becoming Indians with no sucess. Indian economic and political trajectory is hampered and will continue to be hampered by this regional issue.
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The other option is to take it with force. This is impossible. India is far stronger than Pakistan. Its military budget is $33 billion, Pakistan's is $8 billion. It has a far larger economy, far more resources, far more people, etc. There is no way Pakistan can beat India in a conventional war. Suppose that by some miracle Pakistan did beat India and take Kashmir. Is that worth the risk of nuclear retaliation by India? Is Kashmir worth losing Karachi, Lahore, Islamabad, etc.?**
Geopolitics is a curious animal. There werent many people who though Pakistan would be reality in 1942, yet Pakistan came into existance in 1947. While conevntionally the military match up there is no comparison, however lets not forget the winds of politics, future competition between India and China and various internal weaknesses within the Indian Union. Pakistan lost a great opportunity in '62, don't you forget it.
Also, your hypothetical does not include the fact that India does have no first use policy when it comes to the Nukes. If that is set aside during times of war, surely you can expect an equally brutal Pakistani retaliation that will annihilate the nation known as India. No one wants to go nuclear and if by any sad circumstance it does happen, you can expect atleast 1/6 of humanity of wiped out.