Re: Is this Normal?
The short answer is no. This is most certainly not normal. My 2 cents worth. Get out now, if he cant respect ur family now then how will he ever respect u the in the future.
Best Wishes
Re: Is this Normal?
its not normal...sari zindagi ki masibat...aise se acha hai shaadi na kerna behter hai:)
Re: Is this Normal?
Yes! its very normal. There is a spirit of positive, and spirit of negative (good and bad) in everything including humans. The world is running on this formula.
If you leave this person because of his negatives, you may pretty soon find yourself in a similar situation with a different person.
When two people get married, they accept each other with all the flaws and all the qualities. And then together they grow, and heal, and bring out the positive in each other.
Moreover, if you want to suppress negative and cultivate positive in your spouse or any person, you can try anything -- force, reward, counter-attack, revenge, punishment. But take my word for this one .. The Only thing that has The power to bring about any change, it's Love. This particular word is all over the place, so many people talk about it, yet it is so undiscovered.
Sun and air are two things that purify the earth each day, just like that love purifies and cleanse the soul. The beauty of true love is that it brings more joy to the person who is giving it than the person who is recieving it. I am not talking about passion here. Passion is, but another form of love.
You may ask me what is Love. I dont know if I can give you a very good defination, because I am Tifl-e-Maktab myself.
Love has many dimensions, many forms, many colors. It's an ocean with many wonders. It's the fuel required for living life. Love brings pure tranquility. It's the Only source of sheer joy and serenity. It starts with selflessness, dont focus on the return. Just imagine, it's one-way traffic. Though you Will get the return and it'll be manyfold, but dont make it your motivation and intention.
when he does bad to you, take it convert it to good, and send it back his way.
Re: Is this Normal?
^you don't think that this abuse will get worse?
are most desi men or men in general abusive like this and they need to be in control thinking what they say and do is always right? i'm guessing that's why the abuse starts when the rightness of what they did/said is questioned
Re: Is this Normal?
Yes! its very normal. There is a spirit of positive, and spirit of negative (good and bad) in everything including humans. The world is running on this formula. If you leave this person because of his negatives, you may pretty soon find yourself in a similar situation with a different person.
When two people get married, they accept each other with all the flaws and all the qualities. And then together they grow, and heal, and bring out the positive in each other.
Moreover, if you want to suppress negative and cultivate positive in your spouse or any person, you can try anything -- force, reward, counter-attack, revenge, punishment. But take my word for this one .. The Only thing that has The power to bring about any change, it's Love. This particular word is all over the place, so many people talk about it, yet it is so undiscovered.
Sun and air are two things that purify the earth each day, just like that love purifies and cleanse the soul. The beauty of true love is that it brings more joy to the person who is giving it than the person who is recieving it. I am not talking about passion here. Passion is, but another form of love.
You may ask me what is Love. I dont know if I can give you a very good defination, because I am Tifl-e-Maktab myself.
Love has many dimensions, many forms, many colors. It's an ocean with many wonders. It's the fuel required for living life. Love brings pure tranquility. It's the Only source of sheer joy and serenity. It starts with selflessness, dont focus on the return. Just imagine, it's one-way traffic. Though you Will get the return and it'll be manyfold, but dont make it your motivation and intention.
when he does bad to you, take it convert it to good, and send it back his way.
Excellent!
Re: Is this Normal?
Just tell him to relax and your concern over his anger nicely.
Have a thick skin. Make fun of his anger some day when he is in good mood.
Tease him and say it is not good for him to be angry without checking the facts.
*Women should know how to diffuse ocassional anger of their men *
making fun of a person's anger will bring back those feelings of anger, i don't understand how that would make things better or get a man to see why what he is doing is wrong and hurtful
logically, how exactly does a woman diffuse occasional anger of a man?
Re: Is this Normal?
^
Listen carefully when he is angry.
If he is correct, don't drag it. Try to be apologetic without having an ego.
Find out why he is angry. If he is wrong, then mention it calmly or wait for a better time.
Make a nice meal with sweet dish and say casually, I know you were angry but you were not correct because of x, y, z reasons. Let him finish the meal first.
Lastly, give him a nice massage. ;)
Wise women have many ways to work that out. Happens all the time in many families. No new concept.
And if he has apologized then no need to make a big issue and be a nag.
Re: Is this Normal?
funny how diwana keeps repeating in his posts that only "SMART" and "WISE" women can handle aggressive psychopaths. i lol'd.
Re: Is this Normal?
men are pigs…i thought you knew that..didn’t you? 
Re: Is this Normal?
Lol.
Diwana…are u even married? 
Re: Is this Normal?
you’re the one generalizing here by calling all men pigs, all i was asking was the reason most all the men here seem to think this behavior is perfectly fine, is it b/c most all men are like this. in no way is it a reason to end the relationship but the only neutral answer i saw from some of the men is the anger management classes or a need for him to improve himself but what part of repeated abuse is ok and totally normal whether it’s a man or a woman doing it?
Re: Is this Normal?
i gues men eat lik a pig yeh tou suna thaa ap ne tou sab ko he bna diya or ap khud bbb shaid …
Re: Is this Normal?
wow DK, you’re such a douche! Wait, I shouldn’t be surprisd 
Re: Is this Normal?
Khumar is always rgt listen herrrrrrrrrrr… happy now 
Re: Is this Normal?
How about you just shut your yap 
Re: Is this Normal?
Peace :mirch:
Re: Is this Normal?
Neha ....I will link your other thread with this one..............did something bad happened to this guy when he was a kid ? abuse or a major loss .....anything that was painful emotionally ? he sounds insecure with low self esteem. I can tell you that he is saying sorry right now shaadi kay baad sorry bhi nahi bolay ga.
Re: Is this Normal?
you're the one generalizing here by calling all men pigs, all i was asking was the reason most all the men here seem to think this behavior is perfectly fine, is it b/c most all men are like this. in no way is it a reason to end the relationship but the only neutral answer i saw from some of the men is the anger management classes or a need for him to improve himself but what part of repeated abuse is ok and totally normal whether it's a man or a woman doing it?
i didn't see any poster saying its perfectly fine...all i meant,and probably others, was that its not fine **and needs to be addressed and seriously considered....but its not a reason enough to break the rishta** as most women are advising her to do........breaking rishta is not something very easy...
all of you can go home and enjoy yourselves but the one whose rishta is broken has to deal with a lot of 'repercussions' and issues which nobody is warning her about...
you tell me is it fair to advise her that?? shouldn't she first think long and hard, discuss with the guy, and assess his commitment and stuff instead of just "break the rishta"??
there is nothing perfect in this world, and if you people keep advising her to 'break the rishta' when will it end? you can always find a reason to break a rishta...but its not wise to advise someone that...
Re: Is this Normal?
funny how diwana keeps repeating in his posts that only "SMART" and "WISE" women can handle aggressive psychopaths. i lol'd.
Have we proven the guy is psychopath? Or anyone (specially a man) who shows anger occasionally is psychopath in your book of wisdom? :D
Re: Is this Normal?
Nomica, i personally never said that she should break away from her fiance, maybe prolong the engagement? we all have flaws.
looking at the other comments, most of the female comments were saying that this is definitely not normal or ok and is something to be alert about before going to the advanced step of marriage.
i'm just scared that it might get worse and towards physical/more emotional abuse and there is a cycle of it, abuse, sorry, pent up anger explodes, abuse again, sorry/flowers and the cycle keeps going like that until the abuser realizes he/she needs to make the effort to genuinely change this hurtful behavior on his own.
does an abusive person change? i remember talking to a psychologist friend of mine in college who had said that 99% of abusers don't change or don't realize what they are doing is harmful but there is hope for the 1% that might take the major effort and steps to change/improve.