Is this Normal?

[TLK]

Re: Is this Normal?

If the anger is on the same kind of issues [your family related] then I have 2 questions:

1. Are you parents perhap stepping over their boundaries repeatedly that he is getting ticked off but instead of handling it with grace, he gets upset?
2. If no to the above, then issues like this can aggravate into bigger issues such as: I don't want you meeting your parents too much or I don't want them visiting us...etc.

You need to find out if he has anger control problems or if it's a particular problem that triggers that anger.

Also, TLK, if someone puts himself in a situation where every 3-4 months he is apologizing, be it with the most sincerity, then he obviously lacks respect for the other person's feelings and cannot control himself. Apology is no justification for consistent repetition of the same mistake. It becomes a habit.

neha kee mangnee ko shayad abhi 6 months bhee nahi hu'ai. How could it happen repeatedly every 3-4 months? I bet it happened only 2 times.

Neha, baat ka batangar nahi banaa'ain please .. :ASA:

[NomiCA]

Re: Is this Normal?

@Puchi_Kuchi

Not normal. He’s either insecure or very jelous and generally not content with his own life.

wow…just wow… from a post by someone you can psychoanalyse a person??

[Mirch]

Re: Is this Normal?

@NomiCA

wow…just wow… from a post by someone you can psychoanalyse a person??

It is called ESP . Some of us do have ESP.

[neha]

Re: Is this Normal?

@UZ

Neha google it Domestic violence. And my cousin had the same case she got engaged and guy was control freak it made her life hell until she was out of it. One more thing people kill and then say sorry its not right.

ok i will..

@TLK

and there is your answer. If he apologized for his behavior then he knows his right from his wrong, only that ** he is little reactive in nature, and that should not be the reason for you to finish this rishta**.

people around me say he would stop apologizing after marriage..he gets emotional over small things and starts saying rude words which are difficult to forget..and this was the second time he said something bad abt my family..

@P_G

neha …app pehlay khud ka bataain …kia app ki neture aysee hay k …in batoon per tahammul say kam ley or bad main dil say is ko bhool jaain jub agla muafee mang lay ..

aysay couples main ik fareeq ka bohaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat bara dil ho.. tabhe gaaree chaltee hai

shaadi k baad yeh cheezain or zyada feel hoteen hain ..kay shytaan uncle bhi poore terah active hotay hain husband wife k larayee main

well i seriously dunno if i can bear that or not..at times i do listen whatever he says while sometimes i get angry/sad over his rude behavior…plus i know one partner has to be patient but i dunno if this is normal or he has some problem..

@n7111

Run away before it’s too late!!!

not that easy…

@TLK

PG, shadi ke baad husband ko apnay susral ko smajhnay ka aur moqa milta hai.** Abhi neha ke mangetar ghalat fehmi kaa shikaar ho jaatai hain lekin shadi ke baad imkaan hai ke aisa nahi hogaa**.

actually in my case,i will have to live with my in-laws(without my husband) for sometime after rukhsati before i get the visa..i fear ye misunderstandings baar baar na hoti rahain..

@Niksik

If the anger is on the same kind of issues [your family related] then I have 2 questions:

1. Are you parents perhap stepping over their boundaries repeatedly that he is getting ticked off but instead of handling it with grace, he gets upset?
2. If no to the above, then issues like this can aggravate into bigger issues such as: I don’t want you meeting your parents too much or I don’t want them visiting us…etc.

You need to find out if he has anger control problems or if it’s a particular problem that triggers that anger.

Also, TLK, if someone puts himself in a situation where every 3-4 months he is apologizing, be it with the most sincerity, then he obviously lacks respect for the other person’s feelings and cannot control himself. Apology is no justification for consistent repetition of the same mistake. It becomes a habit.

my family had quite a decent talk over dinner with his parents but my MIL deliberately miscommunicated everything to my fiance,he got angry and started yelling at me..

@Decent_6Chora

Yes this is NORMAL with lose temper people. Biggest thing is that he realize it and apologizes later on. Not many people have courage to say sorry. It should be YOUR decision if you can take this every 3-4 months or not. He may need anger management classes but thats should not be a reason to break the rishta.

does it get better with time?

@NomiCA

if the person is good for 3-4 months…how can you negate all that goodness for a single quarterly event..for which he apologised too??

normally i dun make issues out of small things and i try to forget as i know itz important if i want to have a successful relation,but this time it was about my family and i cant erase all that out of my mind at once…

@Maham

**After reading about the scenario and knowing neha is still not wanting to let go, it only makes me wonder if its really as bad as maybe how it is worded?!. **

Neha, you are the best judge here. You know what you can handle and you should have a good talk with him on this subject and let him know your apprehensions.

just bcoz my post isn’t of 2000 words and 10 long paragraphs, the situation seems less miserable i know..plus y dun u people understand letting go is not the solution to every problem:smack:..

@Mirch

Very wise advise. Also get him enrolled in anger management classes.

unfortunately i can’t tell my fiance that he needs those classes..

@Puchi_Kuchi

Not normal. He’s either insecure or very jelous and generally not content with his own life.

[TLK]

Re: Is this Normal?

people around me say he would stop apologizing after marriage..he gets emotional over small things and starts saying rude words which are difficult to forget..and this was the second time he said something bad abt my family..

how do they know that he would stop apologizing?

I suggest that you talk to him when he is in calm state of mind and share your fears openly with him.

[blackforest_360]

Re: Is this Normal?

How old is said child er fiance?

[CherryBlossom]

Re: Is this Normal?

neha, if you marry this angry guy he will become more aggressive after marriage, verbally and physically abusive. remember my words.

[diwana]

Re: Is this Normal?

Just tell him to relax and your concern over his anger nicely.

Have a thick skin.
Make fun of his anger some day when he is in good mood.

Tease him and say it is not good for him to be angry without checking the facts.

*Women should know how to diffuse ocassional anger of their men. Only smart women know how. *;)

[firenze]

Re: Is this Normal?

1) If he have enough guts to say sorry, well you are lucky thats a rare quality specially from male to female.

2) Maybe your parents crossing the boundaries ... or some other family issues?

3) This is not a reason to even remotely think of ending the relationship.

[Nisha25]

Re: Is this Normal?

neha, if you marry this angry guy he will become more aggressive after marriage, verbally and physically abusive. remember my words.

very true

what value is the apology if it's for pain he keeps causing over and over again though. if it's followed by steps he himself realizes he needs to take to improve himself, then there's hope and no extreme step to end the relationship should be taken but it's no use if he doesn't realize that he needs help, he'll keep repeating the same behavior

[farrah]

Re: Is this Normal?

abhi bhai sahab "mian shareef" banay nahi, aur log admi ko control kernay ki baat ker rahay hain. first of all ... jo banda shadi say pehlay ... jab uska tum per koi official haq nahi hai .. jahan tum abhi bhi peechay hutt sakti ho ... iss situation mein wo is tarha ker raha hai ... to jab tum uski ho jao gi, aur uska tum per poora poora official haq hoga ... tab wo kya karay ga ... sochiye ... aur ghaur fermaiye ...

and neha .. why exactly cant you ask him to get anger management classes when that in fact is the ground reality? her kisi ko apnay maan baap pyaray hotay hain .. imagine if the situation was the the other way around ... you being abusive towards his parents and then saying sorry ... taubah taubah ..

[Reha]

Re: Is this Normal?

Neha,

You need to speak to him when he is calm. You need to tell him that him insulting your family and you insulting his family is absolutely unacceptable.

In every relationship, there are ground rules. Things you just do not do. I feel maybe you two havent set your ground rules yet and thats why he keeps crossing the line.

Be straightforward and tell him you want to respect him but if he continues to disrespect your family, you are not responsible for the image he will be creating in your mind or the examples he is setting for the future.

This is a big deal...he needs to train himself to NOT say everything that comes into his mind...at the very least.

[DiTzY]

Re: Is this Normal?

^ Good approach but I'm sure she has done all of that and got no where, that's why she is here now looking for public opinion.. It's obvious that the guy is repeating the same mistake over and over again and it's nothing but an emotional abuse. So Neha, you be the judge, If you can tolerate his insults then go ahead with this rishta but it'll get tougher and tougher as time goes by.

[Sara516]

Re: Is this Normal?

its funny how

the guys are saying that whatever he's doing is alright and to let it go.

and the women are saying this behavior is unacceptable.

[Mirch]

Re: Is this Normal?

@Sara516

its funny how

the guys are saying that whatever he’s doing is alright and to let it go.

and the women are saying this behavior is unacceptable.

I am a guy and I said that he needs to control him self and needs anger management training.

[Nisha25]

Re: Is this Normal?

i guess most do come to the point where they might make the mistake of saying hurtful things over and over again some women might do that too. they are human so maybe that's why most of the men here are saying what neha's man is doing is ok and nothing to worry about even after marriage.

[LondonsFinest]

Re: Is this Normal?

@neha

Your fiance is angry and he says all the bad things to u about ur family like ur family is insensible bla bla and then after two days he realizes he did bad and says sorry...and this happens like after every 3-4 months..he does not know what he is saying when he is angry,he gets out of senses(may be)..is this normal?..and would u get along with this type of rishta?

bit of a nutcase

[NomiCA]

Re: Is this Normal?

@Sara516

its funny how

the guys are saying that whatever he’s doing is alright and to let it go.

and the women are saying this behavior is unacceptable.

hmm…nicely pointed out…

Breaking of relations shouldn’t be consider something very trivial…it does carry lots of repurcussions…hence advises of men about trying to reconsider the thing serously instead of just “he is crazy, leave him”…if she has a problem again..she posts here and then women will say again “oh..this is crazy too…leave him”… it would be better if the same women also give her advises NOW about what to do when she leaves this, and there is whole lot of issues in the house, then finding another guy and then leaving him too, and then on and on…its very easy to tell some one “leave him”..

you can’t go throug life by just keeping this attitude “discomfort,difficulty…leave him/her”

P.S

[FusionMiddleware]

Re: Is this Normal?

leave him or dosriii larkiyoon ki tarah ghar baith jao … jasai baqi sab beithe howe hainnn , trust me dont listen to old ladies, achay rishtai rozana nhi miltai

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Is this Normal?

does it get better with time?

Totally depends on how you handle it. most of the cases gets better with time after marriage.