Re: I'm offended and angry, how do I communicate it to my husband
this thread is useless without pictures. don't be selfish... share the love please.
@ Muzna: No, I was not ticked off when he showed me the pics. I got mad cuz when I said this one pic is really inappropriate, he laughed it off and then uploaded that pic alongwith the others, he could have skipped that one since it was kind of obscene.
@ aahmed: He knows how much I trust him thats why he showed me the pics, why else would he show me. And I do trust him, I just didn't like him laughing it off, then uploading that pic. He disregarded my feelings when I commented on it and when he has a wife, he shouldn't even have let that girl pose in that way... whether that girl was drunk or not. He could have just laughed and said my wife's not gonna like that, could you just stand here with me instead of whatever she was doing. Its like the more leeway i'm giving him and trusting him, he's flaunting it in my face. There has to be a limit and I'm going to establish that from now on. I'm going to all his office parties from now on and I'll see how he reacts when his co-workers come and hug me, he will probably not ask me to come anymore and then I won't let him go either. Tough Love's gotta work, no?
good job. I'd do the same. He should not flaunt the pics when he knows you're annoyed with them. Just promise to be more careful, to your wife. How hard is that?
White girls do do some whacky things during picture taking. Its not because they have the hots for your man. Its because for some odd reason white girls have this weird urge to do something whacky infront of a camera.
Re: I'm offended and angry, how do I communicate it to my husband
I think you should let it go without saying anything for now.
Next time when there is an event coming up, get yourself a nice outfit and go with him. When you're there, try to mingle and get to know his friends. You know what they say right? Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer.
Do not be overbearing or overly critical right now either...it will only cause problems.
^ So in your world, your husbands female friends are enemies OR you dont know what this phrase means and how its used. oot patang mashwara center is in full swing again i c.
wait... don't start yet... just let me get the popcorn...
Re: I'm offended and angry, how do I communicate it to my husband
Create a big trouble now an u'll save ur self more trouble in the future.....
^ So in your world, your husbands female friends are enemies OR you dont know what this phrase means and how its used. oot patang mashwara center is in full swing again i c.
^ Hmmmm...I smell idiocy. You poor sad little soul.
You should always know your spouse's friends and make sure they realize your presence as more then just a wedding picture on their colleague's desk.
Re: I'm offended and angry, how do I communicate it to my husband
^ "smell idiocy"...........LOL............LOVE IT!
@ Muzna: No, I was not ticked off when he showed me the pics. I got mad cuz when I said this one pic is really inappropriate, he laughed it off and then uploaded that pic alongwith the others, he could have skipped that one since it was kind of obscene.
If I am to take your description of this photo to be precise then all I can say is that the man that would publicize photos of himself in such a compromising post lacks good judgement. Sorry....don't mean to offend you by suggesting that about your significant other but either you are over exaggerating or he is not wise.
@ aahmed: He knows how much I trust him thats why he showed me the pics, why else would he show me.
Maybe he showed you because you are the closest person in the world to him and he should feel comfortable sharing everything with you.
Maybe he showed you because he saw no harm in what was happening in the pic because the participants were just acting for the camera.
The only reason he would not show you would be if he had something to hide.....if there was guilt associated. But there wasn't. You should trust him and believe that.
And I do trust him, I just didn't like him laughing it off, then uploading that pic. He disregarded my feelings when I commented on it and when he has a wife, he shouldn't even have let that girl pose in that way... whether that girl was drunk or not.
These are feelings that you need to share with him. Just tell him that you feel hurt that he dismissed your feelings. What's the difficulty in that?
Are you afraid that he's gonna think you don't trust him? If he does bring that up then reassure him but tell him that there is such a thing as "too close for comfort" and that pic helped you to understand where that boundary is for you.
@ He could have just laughed and said my wife's not gonna like that, could you just stand here with me instead of whatever she was doing.
LOL. Yeah.
I can see that happening!!!!!
@ I'm going to all his office parties from now on and I'll see how he reacts when his co-workers come and hug me, he will probably not ask me to come anymore and then I won't let him go either. Tough Love's gotta work, no?
Good luck with the tit for tat approach.
Let me know how it works out.
Again, you either dont know what the phrase "keep your enemies closer" means or have never seen it used appropriately. Failed english 101 like other FOBS?
^ Hmmmm...I smell idiocy. You poor sad little soul.
You should always know your spouse's friends and make sure they realize your presence as more then just a wedding picture on their colleague's desk.
Re: I'm offended and angry, how do I communicate it to my husband
^ okay dude...chill...
Again, you either dont know what the phrase "keep your enemies closer" means or have never seen it used appropriately. Failed english 101 like other FOBS?
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Quotations are often worded in a broad enough way to apply to a variety of situations. They're usually open to interpretation.
The "friend" in this situation could even be the husband. After all..........isn't a spouse like a friend? I would say so. So you keep your husband close to you. And you keep his friends close to you. His friends are not necessarily the wife's enemies.........BUT........she can get to learn more about HIM from his friends. After all.......some friends may have been in your life before your spouse ever showed up.
And the "enemies" or "competitors" in this scenario.................would be the flirtatious coworkers. You keep them "closer"........so that you're more aware of what is going on. So that THEY can see, as Psquared suggested, that the wife is more than just a framed picture on his desk. So........that they can see.........UP CLOSE............that she DOES INDEED exist in flesh and blood. And by going to future parties............you keep the enemies within eye and ear shot to see how their actions can affect you.
Again, you either dont know what the phrase "keep your enemies closer" means or have never seen it used appropriately. Failed english 101 like other FOBS?
Ohmigosh...are you seriously asking for me to explain this expression to you and how it applies here?
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Quotations are often worded in a broad enough way to apply to a variety of situations. They're usually open to interpretation.
The "friend" in this situation could even be the husband. After all..........isn't a spouse like a friend? I would say so. So you keep your husband close to you. And you keep his friends close to you. His friends are not necessarily the wife's enemies.........BUT........she can get to learn more about HIM from his friends. After all.......some friends may have been in your life before your spouse ever showed up.
And the "enemies" or "competitors" in this scenario.................would be the flirtatious coworkers. You keep them "closer"........so that you're more aware of what is going on. So that THEY can see, as Psquared suggested, that the wife is more than just a framed picture on his desk. So........that they can see.........UP CLOSE............that she DOES INDEED exist in flesh and blood. And by going to future parties............you keep the enemies within eye and ear shot to see how their actions can affect you.
Thank you RV...this is exactly what I meant.
Aqal mand ke liye ishara kafi hota hai...so true. Bad aqalon ke liye...we have to write down what we meant and how we meant it.
Notice how no one else needed this explanation.
Re: I'm offended and angry, how do I communicate it to my husband
This post is already 4 pages long but, heck, I will post anyway.
It is not an easy situation. You want your husband to act in a way you are molded; He may want you to blend in the way he has molded himself. Both things cannot happen at the same time and an abrupt change will break things here. This is where the concept of compromise jumps in but compromise works bilaterally. In current situation, if you ask him to change, he won't see it as a compromise as he will be at the giving end only. If you push the issue hard, a few lights for you in his heart will fuse out. This is how the sparks of marriage start to die. Be part of his life where he wants you to be and guide changes from there.
PSquared, I would have picked the lesser of two evils and gone with the "i dont know how to use phrases because english is my secondary language excuse. But not to be. You chose the former, husband's friends are your enemies. Great. Pretty much inline with other oot patang mashwaray you give out.
RV, i refuse to read your long posts. sorry.
Re: I'm offended and angry, how do I communicate it to my husband
I think you are right to feel jealous. Perhaps you can speak to him a little later, where you are not as emotional. Think out what you would want to say and have a talk.
I don't think it is necessary to go and mingle with his work colleagues to get the point across. A simple talk should suffice, you can tell him that I do not appreciate other females touching you, and I am sure you would not appreciate other men touching me.
Simplicity is key here.
Re: I'm offended and angry, how do I communicate it to my husband
bigdaddy and psq,
Really there is no reason to go all offensive in this discussion.
I see it from both of your viewpoints......
psq is saying that if you perceive your husband's office colleagues as foes then get out there and be in their faces so that you can understand them and they can respect your relationship with your husband......hence the "keep your friends close and your enemies closer".....
let's keep in mind that phrases like this one are not meant to be taken literally.
My husband went to a Halloween party Saturday night thrown at his co-worker's house, most of the people there were his co-workers. He showed me the pics the next day, a couple of which I found really offensive. In one, this girl is really chipkofied with him and she's posing in a really obscene manner. I asked him what the hell is this? He just laughed and said well, she was supposed to be a vampire so she's posing and I went quiet, I was very pissed off though. In a couple more, girls have their hands on his shoulders and standing very close to him and stuff.
Anyways, I told him I didn't like this and he just laughed and said, you dont have to worry, they're just co-workers and its just like being with friends, its harmless fun. I though to myself "oh well, whats done is done. At least he's not hiding them from me, etc".
And then he goes and uploads them all on his work-related Facebook profile (he doesn't have family and our friends on it). And now I'm even more angry, but I dont want to fight over this. I just want to communicate my displeasure and show him that I'm offended. I outrightly said I'm offended but that didn't work on him and I'm not the type to give my husband the cold-shoulder and let him figure it out by himself. So, what do I do? I'm very upset about this whole thing :(
He will probably just make fun of me again and say I'm too uptight and doing 'shak' on him. How would anyone else tackle this issue? I'm really mad at him and I want to show him that I'm mad at him beacuse of his be-sharmi, he could have at least asked them to pose appropriately.
I share your anger. Your hubby has shown total disrespect for you. I would never do that to my wife. You need to go see a marriage counsellor.
Because my wife does not like me hugging other women, I do not do it even though their husbands are free to hug my wife.
PSquared, I would have picked the lesser of two evils and gone with the "i dont know how to use phrases because english is my secondary language excuse. But not to be. You chose the former, husband's friends are your enemies. Great. Pretty much inline with other oot patang mashwaray you give out.
RV, i refuse to read your long posts. sorry.
I have to explain what this expression means to you now so you can stay with the discussion? Um, no.
Like I said...you poor sad little soul.
bigdaddy and psq,
Really there is no reason to go all offensive in this discussion. I see it from both of your viewpoints......
psq is saying that if you perceive your husband's office colleagues as foes then get out there and be in their faces so that you can understand them and they can respect your relationship with your husband......hence the "keep your friends close and your enemies closer".....
let's keep in mind that phrases like this one are not meant to be taken literally.
This is all I meant.