Re: Huge fight with husband
I find you strange Iconoclast!
the feeling is mutual
Re: Huge fight with husband
Those of you who are bringing Islam as their argument i might remind you, that wife cannot work without the permission of her husband. OP's husband islamically can prevent her to work and support her parents.
And what is wrong with telling the husband about financial situation of parents. Even men who are sole earners in the family shud share their financial situation with wives, why can't she do that.
And frankly if the parents are so ashamed of letting damaad know what they are getting from their daughter, they shud not accept anything from her.
Wrong again. Ever heard of Bibi Khadija (RA)?
Re: Huge fight with husband
LucyMay,
I agree with everything but the bold bit.
Reha I based the suggestion from my own experience. My parents aren't too well off either and we sisters have to help them from time to time. My husband knows their financial situation and is completely okay with me helping them out.
I don't see why their financial situation must be kept hidden from the husband. In fact if he knows and understands the facts, he will likely also understand the need to help them out. Won't it be completely bewildering for him if he thinks his in laws are doing just fine, yet his wife continues to give them money every month? Why keep secrets between husband and wife? It only leads to misunderstanding and needless drama.
Plus the damaad knowing about his in-laws money issues doesn't automatically mean he will humiliate them at every opportunity. In fact he may become more sympathetic to them.
Re: Huge fight with husband
umm I'm all about being to open with one's husband BUT the man has a problem with the money his wife made BEFORE the got married. How is that any of his business? He was hoping she would've saved the money for him to use after they got married. How do some people not see that as a problem? What is the poor girls fault in all this? I didn't know girls were suppose to sav every penny so their future husband could mooch off of them. If a girl isn't married and lives at home with her parents why wouldn't she help out at home financially? Sometimes GS worries me. :(
Re: Huge fight with husband
CDG - I agree. He has no say over how his wife spent her money before marriage. AND it is wrong of him to dictate how his wife's family should pay for the marriage.
I was commenting on what can be done now - giving him a clear picture about her parents' financial situation may be of some help.
Re: Huge fight with husband
I have nothing else to contribute but money is the route to all evil.
Re: Huge fight with husband
IMO, There is nothing wrong in sharing parents financial information with husband.
I am sure if husband secretly dishing out $2000 every month to parents in need, wife will ask sooner than later "aisi kia zaroorat hai? pata tu chaley". That does not mean that she is asking you to stop she is just rightfully asking for a reason (same is true other way round). Of course if you do not want to, you can keep micro details but give spouse top level idea.
Taking spouse into confidence is way to solve issues. Hiding things only give rise to unnecessary suspicions and that sometimes can snowball into larger issues.
Re: Huge fight with husband
CDG - I agree. He has no say over how his wife spent her money before marriage. AND it is wrong of him to dictate how his wife's family should pay for the marriage. I was commenting on what can be done now - giving him a clear picture about her parents' financial situation may be of some help.
Oh my post wasn't in response to you directly. I agree they need to sit down and clear things up.
Re: Huge fight with husband
Wrong again. Ever heard of Bibi Khadija (RA)?
Yes what about Bibi Khadija RA that makes u question the fact Islam doesn't allow a woman to work without her husband's permission.
Re: Huge fight with husband
I’m not going to get into a religious debate with you here. We obviously have two very different interpertations of what a wife’s duties, roles and financial rights are. I find it really funny how all the men who keep harping on what a wife can and cannot do without a husband’s permission very rarely emulate the beloved Propher SAWS.
Re: Huge fight with husband
thanks everyone . people have made suggestions to talk to him about my parents financial situation. well first of all i dont want to discuss my family private matters with him. second i dont help my parents every month i help them rarely every 3 to 4v months and not by much. he doesnt know how much money i have so he assumes i have nothing saved. teh big issue is the money that i spent when i wasnt married. like seriously why does he care abt that . and my other sisters are young in schools so they cant help, and he also tells me that teh way i have helped my parents they have to make my other sisters work and help them too, like seriously is that any of his business. such a cheap mentality.ahhh :( .. and the person who is saying " who takes money from their daughters" sorry to say but you must be heartless person who dont want to help his/her parents.
Re: Huge fight with husband
thanks everyone . people have made suggestions to talk to him about my parents financial situation. well first of all i dont want to discuss my family private matters with him. second i dont help my parents every month i help them rarely every 3 to 4v months and not by much. he doesnt know how much money i have so he assumes i have nothing saved. teh big issue is the money that i spent when i wasnt married. like seriously why does he care abt that . and my other sisters are young in schools so they cant help, and he also tells me that teh way i have helped my parents they have to make my other sisters work and help them too, like seriously is that any of his business. such a cheap mentality.ahhh :( .. and the person who is saying " who takes money from their daughters" sorry to say but you must be heartless person who dont want to help his/her parents.
He is wrong to ask you about money you made before marriage. But now, you two are partners in everything and you shud not be hiding from him how much you have or how much you contribute to ur parents.
Re: Huge fight with husband
thanks everyone . people have made suggestions to talk to him about my parents financial situation. well first of all i dont want to discuss my family private matters with him. second i dont help my parents every month i help them rarely every 3 to 4v months and not by much. he doesnt know how much money i have so he assumes i have nothing saved. teh big issue is the money that i spent when i wasnt married. like seriously why does he care abt that . and my other sisters are young in schools so they cant help, and he also tells me that teh way i have helped my parents they have to make my other sisters work and help them too, like seriously is that any of his business. such a cheap mentality.ahhh :( .. and the person who is saying " who takes money from their daughters" sorry to say but you must be heartless person who dont want to help his/her parents.
I agree with everything except the bold part. Although Islamically your money is yours you should talk to your husband about how much money you have just like you would want to know how much money your husband has.
Re: Huge fight with husband
I am sorry but did your husband marry you keeping in mind you are a working lady so would help him financially? If it is so, he is getting hurt to see bucks is going away from his hand 
Re: Huge fight with husband
^
hitman trying to counsel on fight b/w husband and wife - height of optimism :D
Re: Huge fight with husband
The crux of the issue is , My money, his money, my parents, his parents.
When you get married, the attitude should change from my to ours.
Re: Huge fight with husband
^ yehi bt main ne ki thi pr apnay lfzon main
Re: Huge fight with husband
you are very nice and sensitive girl, it is right to support your parents but as your husband don´t agree with you, you can talk to him or make him clear that it is useless to fight over this issue as i am not going to leave them to suffer. if you were me what would you do
or hide your exact pay;)
kidding
Re: Huge fight with husband
thank u bs kbi garoor nei kia
Re: Huge fight with husband
The crux of the issue is , My money, his money, my parents, his parents. When you get married, the attitude should change from my to ours.
I think bebo hit the nail in the head,
the lady who started thread is only sharing one side of the story, that's her viewpoint not the husbands. while agree the wife doesn't have to give him any money to her husband. if they are living hand to mouth. it doesn't hurt her by saying look weirdo my parents need my help ill help them. why don't we set a budget this much i can help you with and this much ill give it to my parents they need it. before marriage stuff he is very wrong on that's not his business, but after marriage i think he is every right to know what's going on? she works she takes time out of her married life to work but husband doesn't know what's going on with the money? it's not his or her life it's their life and they should share ideas