I have been reading the posts, and I find you guys give good advice to people. I am also in need of some advice and support. I was reading the post about who misses being single. Well i am a single, but the only thing on my mind is to get married. It seems as if that’s the only hope, happiness in life for me. Well so far my parents are searching for a match for me, but it’s so hard to find a good guy these days. Even though i have been brought up in the west, but i am more like a pakistani girl. So i am leaving the choice of finding some one for me up to my parents. But the issue is that since they can’t find anyone. I feel it’s getting too late. I am in mid 20s. What would happen to me if my parents dont find any one. I will become a burden for my parents for the rest of my life. Ofcourse my siblings will probably get married, so they probably won’t want to support me either. Well I done my bachelors in cis, and i graduated couple of years ago. but i never worked, and now i dont even remember much. Plus i dont have any work experience at all. So when i think about my future, that if i dont get married, i dont want to become a burden on my family. So i should get a job. But I dont know how to get a job, where to apply, and dont even remember. All these thoughts make me depressed.
So am i thinkining right? What can i do to enjoy my life regardless of marriage and also not be a burden? what can i do for my future
What the heck is wrong with your culture? Too many girls your age thinking this way (myself included).
What type of sick group of people lets its girls get upset over not getting a rishta by mid-twenties???
You keep studying/working, whatever. Keep an eye out, and talk to guys. I think the days of prince charmings knocking on your door are fast disappearing. Many guys are being sweeped up by non-Pakistani girls they meet or Pakistani girls that are gutsy enough to look for themselves. shrugs Or they're off marrying girls in Pakistan who watch too much Zee TV and live in la-la land.
Its perfectly fine if you are concerned. Of course we all want to get married at some point. Our culture makes it worse somewhat by putting pressure of getting married. You'll find someone when you least expect it. In the mean while focus on your career. You worked so hard to get that degree so you should work definitely. Even when you get married you have that experience and if required you can work. Why waste time right!
If you have forgot what you studied...then go back to school!! That's a great way to meet people..and it will keep you busy....and this time remember what you studied lol and maybe try to get into a co-op program that way you get work experince as your going through school!! And mid 20's isn't to late so don't worry!
hey barbiedoll ... don't get so dishearted ... mid 20s is rseally not that late ... but yeah i agree with malikaa ... u shld go back to uni .. thats the best place to meet ppl ... talk to guys and grls both ... i'm not askin u to date anyone or even suggest but thats how things move ... u meet people and they know someone or they themselves are looking and thats how u meet someone rite ... do a bit of networking ... and don't get stressed over this trust me ur not that old
U should talk to people. dont reply on ur parents to find u a decent rishta.. most ppl these days just meet someone on their own and take it from there. Ur not old at all so dont sweat. Take ur time and meet new ppl, get to know them, share ur interests. I am sure u r going to find someone who ur gonna love and he will love u back. Also, dont let ur years of hard work and money go to waste. Use that degree to advance in school to open up more options for urself or try n settle for a career in ur field. Dont lose hope. Good luck with everything! :)
Try to do some refresher courses and try to get a job. Don't wait for anybody to come around , how much time can you afford to loose by waiting for someone ? in my opinion u have already wasted much time .........married or not a woman needs to be financialy independent......
Try to do some refresher courses and try to get a job. Don't wait for anybody to come around , how much time can you afford to loose by waiting for someone ? in my opinion u have already wasted much time .........married or not a woman needs to be financialy independent......
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y do u think a girl needs to be independent??**
totally understand your concern, but it sounds like you are worrying too much about what you perceive to be the "right" way or sequence of things, but life isn't about following a blueprint! you're young, educated.. just find it in yourself to accept that what you really want deep down is happiness itself.. focus on the destination more than the path; i.e. don't consider marriage as a means to an end.. it happens when it happens iA and you shouldn't overly dwell on it.
so when some difficult times comes on any woman (God forbid) she may be able to take care of herself , without becoming a burden on any one (the word poster has used). many women bear hardships and zulm in their lives just bcuz they are not financialy independent. I have always always idolized Hazrat Khadija ( wife of our Holy Prophet PBUH) in those time too she was a business woman making her own living wow !!
Thanxs everyone for your advice. The option of finding someone myself isn't going to work. I am not very social, and nor would this be accepted in my family. It's really looked down, and even if i do find someone myself and get married. I dont want to live the rest of my life with my family wanting to break all ties with me and people labeling me as "buri larki" So i am leaving that up to my parents. As far as getting myself independent, i feel i dont remember much what will i do at work. So maybe i should continue my education probably get a masters because for sure i dont want to repeat my BA. so my question is do i get masters in the same subject as my BA or can i change? Or is there any hope of me finding a job at this point?
As far as getting myself independent, i feel i dont remember much what will i do at work. ............... Or is there any hope of me finding a job at this point?
Yes, there is hope. Start applying for jobs. You do NOT need to "remember" all that you studied in college to start a new job. Education only prepares you to handle situations at work.
Also, apply to grad schools for something that you feel like studying. If you don't find a reasonable job within 3 months then start grad school and continue the job search.
If your parents and extended family come in the way of your job/higher education, then report back here.
Barbie man you're taking this whole thing the wrong way ... obviously if you go to uni you're gonna meet poeple and IF someone likes you ... you don't have to date them or anything just be like my parents are the ones to decide who i'm gonna be with and thats how its done in my family and if you're really serious then send your parents over and work it the proper way ... i kno a couple of frnds of mine where this happend and both those guys sent hteir parents over and now they're nikahofied ... so i mean don't have a closed mind about things ... and yeah you might not be very social but try to be a lil out going and make frnds .. not just because u wanna get married but because social networking is very imp these days
Hi baribiedoll, u dont need a masters degree just to get a job. Maybe u can do an internship at a company and gain some experience that way or do work experience for a few months, unpaid to get urself on ur feet and used to a working environment. As for the marriage stuff im not really sure what to say to be honest since u dont want to look for someone urself and it wont be accepted in ur family... just dont wait around forever for ur parents to find someone.
Girls waiting for rishtas can learn a lot from the Sleeping Beauty.
hear hear!
to the original poster: seriously woman, you need to stop stressing. the moer you will stress, the more white hair you will get, and no one wants to marry a girl who looks buddhi. jokes aside, what is meant to happen, will happen at its own time. there is no way you can speed thigns up. this whole logic about being a burden and this and that, were you planning on being a burden on your husband too? like someone said, a woman needs to be independant, she needs to have the financial independant. what will happen if god forbids something happens to you future marital status? you'd be back here, saying stuff like you're a burden on your parents and family because of that reason.
go out, live a little. stop worrying about things. the right rishta will come along when you least expect it, be it your own choice or someone from your parents. get a job, hang out with your friends, experience everything this world has to offer. parents worry abotu theri daughters from the moment they are born, so you can't do anything about it.
Thanxs everyone for your advice. The option of finding someone myself isn't going to work. I am not very social, and nor would this be accepted in my family. It's really looked down, and even if i do find someone myself and get married. I dont want to live the rest of my life with my family wanting to break all ties with me and people labeling me as "buri larki" So i am leaving that up to my parents. As far as getting myself independent, i feel i dont remember much what will i do at work. So maybe i should continue my education probably get a masters because for sure i dont want to repeat my BA. so my question is do i get masters in the same subject as my BA or can i change? Or is there any hope of me finding a job at this point?
either your family finds you the right person for you, and if they cant you should.
as far as people calling you burri larki..who cares about generic people, would you rather be happy living a life with someone you like and have some random ppl call you burri larki than being alone, mad that your folks did not find someone for you sad that you were not able to go and find someone, and the same ppl who would otherwise be calling u burri larki saying there must be something wrong with you and thats why you did not get married.
and yes as others mentioned, the objective is to meet people, its not some ashiqi mashiqi thing goint, get involved in things u like doing and there you may run into guys who share the same interests, rest can all occur through 'proper channels'
I would like to begin with saying that may Allah be with you. And there is insha'llah some one out there for you. I would strongly suggest that there are non-profit government institution where you can find guidance about getting back to work etc. May be start something small like get a job in some customer service field and interact with people. You know when people say they aren't social, this is not how it should be like. I think everyone is social one way or another. Also, do networking insha'allah.