Re: Getting a place of your own
When a guy gets married he wants to be the man of his own castle too. It's very very natural. Guys have hopes, and dreams and aspirations as well. He starts planning for his own kids and making changes.
No he doesn't. Men don't have a mind of their own. All their decisions are made for them by their selfish wives. :)
Re: Getting a place of your own
I am not married but old enough to know that a man and woman get intimate after marriage, thank you very much for enlightening me though. But anyways I get what you are saying.
There is a difference between holding someone responsible for something, and blaming them. And thank you for letting me know that wanting to have your ageing parents around after marriage is a practice that needs to be eradicated from our culture.
Re: Getting a place of your own
Why would an unmarried person leave their parents? When a guy gets married he wants to be the man of his own castle too. It's very very natural. Guys have hopes, and dreams and aspirations as well. He starts planning for his own kids and making changes. Every change he wants to make in his parents house will always be difficult and he might even be scared to displease his parents by doing the exact opposite of his parents.
Isnt it ironic that when his father is alive, a son wants a castle of his own, but when his father dies, he happily inherits his share of property, because you know all that belonged to his father belongs to him :)
Re: Getting a place of your own
I know I should stop feeding the troll here, but what can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment.
OP, you again, are assuming WAY too much and are pretty much just stirring the pot. I can’t wait for the threads that you’ll come back with (after making a multi of course!) complaining about your inlaws and living situation. #watchforit](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=watchforit) #disneyprincess](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=disneyprincess) #hindsightis2020](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=hindsightis2020)
Re: Getting a place of your own
WOW. Real mature. Anyways, thanks for being a well wisher.
Re: Getting a place of your own
Speaking of glutton, that is what Bakasura called Bhimasena, but didn't live too long after that.
Re: Getting a place of your own
Nai, kyun koi rishta hai kya?
JK. Nope, like I mentioned above, I was just wondering what will I do if I find myself in a similar situation in the future, thats why I posted this question.
UNTIL you actually get married, there's no way anyone can explain these things to you. And there's a very small chance you'll understand.
Marriage changes everything. A man is not just a son, he is now a husband. And since no one forces him to sign the dotted line, he has responsibilities he has to fulfill towards his wife. If he has issues with those responsibilities, he should not get married.
In regards to moving out and why are all Bahus apni saas ki jaan ki dushman and want to move out...growing up is a natural progression of life. Growing up means buying your own home, paying your own bills and running it yourself. Learning how to live as responsible adults...not kids that are moving in to mommy daddy's house. You may counter by saying why can't this happen with in-laws and all that. But in reality, it cannot happen with in-laws.
People need space, privacy, ability to live the way they want. I know I do and so did our parents.
I heard about my cousin recently...he's in Dubai but got married in Pakistan. His mother insisted that she wants to keep her Bahu with her. What was my mumani's stance: aray...itnay din ke baad bahu aye hai...kuch humari khidmat karegi to pata to chalega ke ghar mein bahu hai. They also have a special needs son. That poor girl (Bahu) lived with my over-demanding mumani, manu and took care of their special needs son for 2 years and cooked, cleaned, took care of their other 2 sons as well. Until my cousin lost it and demanded they send her to him in Dubai NOW. Even then she was refusing to send her...ke humne is liye shaadi nahin ki hai ke ye tumharay saat rahay. Humein kaun dekhega. Sharam nahin aati hai tum logon ko. I feel like I am listening to some paindu drama when I hear these stories.
You may think ke ye kaunsi bari baat hai.
Lekin jo log apne bachon ki tarbiyat achi nahin karpatay hein vo doosron ki achi betiyon ko lakay abuse karte hein. Jo kaam apne khud ke bachay mar kay bhi na karein vo kisi aur ki beti se karwayengay. Shaadi in our culture really is barbaadi at times. Insaan single hi acha hai aise muashray mein.
Once you're married...apni saasu maa aur sasur ji ke saat rehne ke khwaab pooray karlena. Tab tak, please don't just the rest of us mere mortals who are not even half as angelic or self-righteous.
Re: Getting a place of your own
^ That's very flawed logic - it's tradition in India to kill female children... their mothers did it, grandmothers did... son's are not called burhapay ka sahaara for no reason! Kill those baby girls.
Some traditions and cultural practices are stupid and ridiculous. They should be eradicated. One of the most prevalent in South Asians is the idea that a girl must leave behind her own family and be her ILs/husbands thru and thru. Each human being has rights and responsibilties to EVERY relationship in their life. Spousal and parental dutis are first and foremost. Then comes everything else. If we expect the son to be his parents sahara and companion in old age... a daughter has the same responsibility to her parents. Maternal grandparents can become just as lonely without their grandkids. It goes both ways.
On the other hand, it's also understood that a man can't live with his wifes family bcos essentially he takes over for her well-being etc frm her parents (Islamically speaking). But we take it a million steps further and shove this joint family system, DIL-guilt on every women and justify is using Islam. Islam preaches balance and justice. Why don't we start their rather than "husband is majazi khuda" or "burhapay ka sahara". Will do leaps and bounds of good for our crappy society.
Sorry for the long post.
Confused about your first sentence. There are several traditions in India, but this doesn't appear to be an Indian tradition.
Granted, some people do it. But to say it is an Indian tradition is like saying terrorism is a Pakistani tradition. Both wouod he wrong.
Re: Getting a place of your own
Isnt it ironic that when his father is alive, a son wants a castle of his own, but when his father dies, he happily inherits his share of property, because you know all that belonged to his father belongs to him :)
So you'll reject your parent's property when they die? Giving everything up to a edhi charity? How kind of you. Since you are not going to keep ties with them I think it would look mighty suspicious when you turn up at their door in the end.
Re: Getting a place of your own
I don't think any son or daughter deserves a dime if they show up to claim inheritance because they were too busy with their in-laws. But they do.
Re: Getting a place of your own
You keep ignoring our culture. Do you think most son in laws will be respectful towards their in laws if they move in with them? Let alone respect, do you think they will even let them move in?
Oh My God. Do u not get it? The point is it's not a big deal! If we can deal with it when it comes to girls leaving their parents we should deal with it when comes to men leavng them as well!! Why u ask?!? BCOS BOTH OF THEM HAVE THE SAME DUTIES TO THEIR PARENTS. U cannot pull the culture card every single time cos as many posters have said it's entirely doable for the mother of a son to have a life beyond her kid. And the son can keep up all his duties without living under their nose. Capiche?
No one is advocating that a man shun his parents forever... but the reality, pointed out by some ppl, is that we expect daughters to do that. Why? It's wrong. Daughters and sons should take care of their own parents/maintain their bonds, with the same level of involvement as anyone else AND have independent lives... and YES that includes moving out. And nowhere have i said that a man should live with his in-laws.. id where ur getting that from.
It's not that hard.
Re: Getting a place of your own
Well its a tradition that girls leave their family after getting married. Their mothers did the same, their grand mothers did the same. Guys are called burhapay ka sahara for a reason!
Its mentality like this that even in this day and age, people still prefer boys over girls! There is nothing wrong with adopting a culture but we must weed out things like this from it.
Re: Getting a place of your own
wah wah, itne dino baad ek entertaining thread parhne ko mili hai 
sigh you guys have a lot of patience. kudos to those who responded more than once.
Re: Getting a place of your own
UNTIL you actually get married, there's no way anyone can explain these things to you. And there's a very small chance you'll understand.
Marriage changes everything. A man is not just a son, he is now a husband. And since no one forces him to sign the dotted line, he has responsibilities he has to fulfill towards his wife. If he has issues with those responsibilities, he should not get married.
In regards to moving out and why are all Bahus apni saas ki jaan ki dushman and want to move out...growing up is a natural progression of life. Growing up means buying your own home, paying your own bills and running it yourself. Learning how to live as responsible adults...not kids that are moving in to mommy daddy's house. You may counter by saying why can't this happen with in-laws and all that. But in reality, it cannot happen with in-laws.
People need space, privacy, ability to live the way they want. I know I do and so did our parents.
I heard about my cousin recently...he's in Dubai but got married in Pakistan. His mother insisted that she wants to keep her Bahu with her. What was my mumani's stance: aray...itnay din ke baad bahu aye hai...kuch humari khidmat karegi to pata to chalega ke ghar mein bahu hai. They also have a special needs son. That poor girl (Bahu) lived with my over-demanding mumani, manu and took care of their special needs son for 2 years and cooked, cleaned, took care of their other 2 sons as well. Until my cousin lost it and demanded they send her to him in Dubai NOW. Even then she was refusing to send her...ke humne is liye shaadi nahin ki hai ke ye tumharay saat rahay. Humein kaun dekhega. Sharam nahin aati hai tum logon ko. I feel like I am listening to some paindu drama when I hear these stories.
You may think ke ye kaunsi bari baat hai.
Lekin jo log apne bachon ki tarbiyat achi nahin karpatay hein vo doosron ki achi betiyon ko lakay abuse karte hein. Jo kaam apne khud ke bachay mar kay bhi na karein vo kisi aur ki beti se karwayengay. Shaadi in our culture really is barbaadi at times. Insaan single hi acha hai aise muashray mein.
Once you're married...apni saasu maa aur sasur ji ke saat rehne ke khwaab pooray karlena. Tab tak, please don't just the rest of us mere mortals who are not even half as angelic or self-righteous.
Reha, you are married, its quiet obvious that you know more about this than I do, no arguments there. But that doesnt mean I cant have any views on this topic, especially after having witnessed a couple of lone parents.
I have said this a thousand times, I UNDERSTAND why someone would move away if in laws are irrational, I UNDERSTAND that people would want to leave if there are privacy issues (i.e the house is small, there are too many people, you dont have a separate floor to yourself etc).
If you get married, you will have more responsibilities, your wife and kids will be your responsibility, but that doesnt absolve you from the responsibilities you have towards your parents.
Just handing some cash to your parents (if they need it), and dropping by once or twice a month to check on them isnt enough.
And I am pretty sure you all are much better human beings than I am. Apologies if I sound self righteous or something.
Re: Getting a place of your own
So you'll reject your parent's property when they die? Giving everything up to a edhi charity? How kind of you. Since you are not going to keep ties with them I think it would look mighty suspicious when you turn up at their door in the end.
So we are resorting to personal attacks now, eh? Real mature.
But anyways, you make sure you go and grab everything your parents leave behind after your parents die, even if you and your brothers didnt spend anytime with them, because you were too busy building your own lives.
Re: Getting a place of your own
Oh My God. Do u not get it? The point is it's not a big deal! If we can deal with it when it comes to girls leaving their parents we should deal with it when comes to men leavng them as well!! Why u ask?!? BCOS BOTH OF THEM HAVE THE SAME DUTIES TO THEIR PARENTS. U cannot pull the culture card every single time cos as many posters have said it's entirely doable for the mother of a son to have a life beyond her kid. And the son can keep up all his duties without living under their nose. Capiche?
No one is advocating that a man shun his parents forever... but the reality, pointed out by some ppl, is that we expect daughters to do that. Why? It's wrong. Daughters and sons should take care of their own parents/maintain their bonds, with the same level of involvement as anyone else AND have independent lives... and YES that includes moving out. And nowhere have i said that a man should live with his in-laws.. id where ur getting that from.
It's not that hard.
First and foremost, stop being defensive. This is just an argument, and I respect your viewpoint.
Yes you are absolutely right both sons and daughters have the same duties towards their parents. And yes, you didnt mention that a men should move in with his in laws or vice versa. But you were proposing equality, I am just asking how will it work out? A DIL usually doesnt mind if MIL and FIL live with her (UNLESS THERE ARE PROBLEMS, OF COURSE). But do you think sons in law will be that accommodating of their in laws?
And whats with this whole **'If we can deal with it when it comes to girls leaving their parents we should deal with it when comes to men leavng them as well' **BS? Just because they had to swallow that bitter pill, you want to shove one more down their throat ? Its like telling them 'you let your daughters go, now let your sons go too'. BS.
Re: Getting a place of your own
Its mentality like this that even in this day and age, people still prefer boys over girls! There is nothing wrong with adopting a culture but we must weed out things like this from it.
Do let me know how many daughters will be able to come and look after their parents in their old age? How many will be allowed to do that, given the mindset of the susraalis?
You are right, boys shouldnt be preferred over girls, absolutely right. But you cannot change everything all at once. Right now this is how it is, deal with it.
Nvm.
Do let me know how many daughters will be able to come and look after their parents in their old age? How many will be allowed to do that, given the mindset of the susraalis?
You are right, boys shouldnt be preferred over girls, absolutely right. But you cannot change everything all at once. Right now this is how it is, deal with it.
U shall make an interesting susraali for some poor girl and her family.
Reha, you are married, its quiet obvious that you know more about this than I do, no arguments there. But that doesnt mean I cant have any views on this topic, especially after having witnessed a couple of lone parents.
I have said this a thousand times, I UNDERSTAND why someone would move away if in laws are irrational, I UNDERSTAND that people would want to leave if there are privacy issues (i.e the house is small, there are too many people, you dont have a separate floor to yourself etc).
**If you get married, you will have more responsibilities, your wife and kids will be your responsibility, but that doesnt absolve you from the responsibilities you have towards your parents.
Just handing some cash to your parents (if they need it), and dropping by once or twice a month to check on them isnt enough. **
And I am pretty sure you all are much better human beings than I am. Apologies if I sound self righteous or something.
Omg i can't stop myself..
The part in the bold.. does it not apply to women? It does, right? They handle it quite well for the most part, as do their parents. What's stopping a man & his parents from doing the same?