Re: Getting a place of your own
Reha, you are married, its quiet obvious that you know more about this than I do, no arguments there. But that doesnt mean I cant have any views on this topic, especially after having witnessed a couple of lone parents.
I have said this a thousand times, I UNDERSTAND why someone would move away if in laws are irrational, I UNDERSTAND that people would want to leave if there are privacy issues (i.e the house is small, there are too many people, you dont have a separate floor to yourself etc).
If you get married, you will have more responsibilities, your wife and kids will be your responsibility, but that doesnt absolve you from the responsibilities you have towards your parents.
Just handing some cash to your parents (if they need it), and dropping by once or twice a month to check on them isnt enough.
And I am pretty sure you all are much better human beings than I am. Apologies if I sound self righteous or something.
I don't know anyone who hands their parents cash and sees them once a month. I am a woman and I don't even do that. WHO does that? And if they do then it has nothing to do with the bahu because its NOT her problem. Its her husband's issue and will fall squarely on his shoulders because they are HIS parents. Taking care of them is HIS job and if HE does not want to then he has no right to impose them on his wife. Simple. This has nothing to do with women - it has to do with men stepping up.
Once you're married you'll understand how this actually works. I understand where you're coming from because I was also there once and felt the same way. I felt bad for my own parents and never wanted to see the day I left them.
But Alhumdulillah...they're better now than they were when I was there. When I was there, they were worried about me. Now, they are invited to our places. They don't have to cook or entertain. They are entertained. They go to their kids' places and stay for a while. They are independent and you DO want that for your parents. You want them to be independent and strong for as long as possible because its necessary for us as human beings to be able to function.
How would you feel if you had to ask someone to do every little thing for you? How would you feel if you could not go places, take care of yourself, etc without the help of someone else?
Dependence is NOT to be confused with Khidmat.
Do let me know how many daughters will be able to come and look after their parents in their old age? How many will be allowed to do that, given the mindset of the susraalis?
You are right, boys shouldnt be preferred over girls, absolutely right. But you cannot change everything all at once. Right now this is how it is, deal with it.
I do. I look after my parents. After I got married, I saw them no less than 2-3 times a week just to check up on them. I called them every single day...sometimes twice a day if there was something important. I just moved out of state and guess what? I am moving my mom in 2-3 months here. She will have her own place but I won't just leave her alone even if she does have 3 other daughters. Sabki zimmidari hoti hai...not just the son's. If you have a brother and you feel that since he's a boy it absolves YOU from taking care of your parents, you're wrong. You have a responsibility towards them no matter what.
My nana (may Allah swt rest his soul in peace) used to bathe and feed his mother himself in her old age because he didn't think it was anyone else's job but his own. Yes, he had sisters and yes my nani lived with her saas.
If you have an issue with them system - change it. BE the change you want to see. And if you cannot find the courage to be that change, then you have no right to complain.
