Do you think its ok for a girl to make her husband leave his parents house? From a religious point of view, there is no sin on you if you live separately. From the society’s point of view, this is something that is still frowned upon. From the girl’s point of view, well she left her parents too and she married the guy, not his family, and she deserves some space and privacy.
A friend of mine recently shifted from her in laws home, who are also her relatives. She just had a baby too. Her MIL is really sad, even though she knew long ago that ultimately her son and dil will leave. Her MIL is really loving and caring. What should one do in such a situation without feeling like crap?
Do you think its ok for a girl to make her husband leave his parents house? From a religious point of view, there is no sin on you if you live separately. From the society's point of view, this is something that is still frowned upon. From the girl's point of view, well she left her parents too and she married the guy, not his family, and she deserves some space and privacy.
A friend of mine recently shifted from her in laws home, who are also her relatives. She just had a baby too. Her MIL is really sad, even though she knew long ago that ultimately her son and dil will leave. Her MIL is really loving and caring. What should one do in such a situation without feeling like crap?
Depends on how old the parents are? Can they fend for themselves?
If so I'm sure they will understand but you also need to understand and make your husband aware that you will be willing to move back when they are older and need help.
Firstly, no-one should be making anyone do anything imo
Secondly, if a person can’t leave their Mummy and Daddy perhaps they shouldn’t be getting married in the first place
MIL is sad, she should get over it.. Was she this sad when her daughter left home?
(Disclaimer: elderly, ill and lonely parents and inlaws are a different matter and a better idea is for them to move in with the couple if possible.. the dynamics are very different then as well)
If you are always going to worry about what the "society" thinks, then you are never going to be happy. Make your own rules. Do people consult with you before making their decisions?
Stupid. Kids should always move out and live on their own for at least some time in their lives. It teaches u responsibility and at the very least kids gain WAY more respect/appreciation for their own parents and the sacrifices their parents made. I've seen this consistently in couples who stay w/parents after shaadi vs those who move out..
In-laws, if they need help in any way or miss their family, should be willing to move in with their kid/s. Not Baghban-style obvs.. lol but anyhow.. kids should take up responsibility when married. And it's not really possible when u live in the house ur parents built w/all major decisions taken by ur parents.
One of the question that i am always confuse to pick which side.
At one point, I think that why should girl compromise all the time ? If she can leave her family then why can't a guy leave his family ?
At the other hand, I can't think of leaving my parents, who needs me in this point of their life the most.
I guess, it all comes down to your family and the age of your parents. I wouldn't worry about them much if i have other siblings to take care of them and they aren't that old/sick that they need me. However, if the parents need their child (regardless if its my parents or my to be wife parent) they should stay with them. Parents have the most rights on you over anyone else.
Most Mils in my family don't even want their Dils around so they pack them away pronto. They didn't move out on their own to get stuffed back into a joint family system because they have sons.
I do think if the mahol is oppressive wise people will do whatever it is to maintain peace... Even if its living apart. It's important to be a loving family and there are millions of household who live together but are not happy at all. So faida kya itni unity ka if there are no happy memories.
And houses are not built for super sized families. In an average 4 bedroom house even if there are 3 sons and they have 3 kids each so where will they sleep. It was another time and place folks slept on the floor but can we see that happening now?
MIL is sad, she should get over it.. Was she this sad when her daughter left home?
(Disclaimer: elderly, ill and lonely parents and inlaws are a different matter and a better idea is for them to move in with the couple if possible.. the dynamics are very different then as well)
Depends on how old the parents are? Can they fend for themselves?
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FYI her MIL doesnt have any daughter, and she looked after my friend like a mother looks after her daughter. Didnt even make her do any house work for like 4 years after her marriage (they live in US).
So you guys are saying parents only need you when they are sick/elderly/weak/frail? Dont they deserve to enjoy their grand kids? Dont they deserve to be around their family?
Most Mils in my family don't even want their Dils around so they pack them away pronto. They didn't move out on their own to get stuffed back into a joint family system because they have sons.
I do think if the mahol is oppressive wise people will do whatever it is to maintain peace... Even if its living apart. It's important to be a loving family and there are millions of household who live together but are not happy at all. So faida kya itni unity ka if there are no happy memories.
And houses are not built for super sized families. In an average 4 bedroom house even if there are 3 sons and they have 3 kids each so where will they sleep. It was another time and place folks slept on the floor but can we see that happening now?
You have a point there, no point living under the same room when you hate each other lol.
Its not always about the physical space though. My friend's in laws' house was pretty big, but she needed 'space'.
You have a point there, no point living under the same room when you hate each other lol.
Its not always about the physical space though. My friend's in laws' house was pretty big, but she needed 'space'.
Maybe all she needs is a vacation. Permanent fixes for temporary problems can wreck havoc on relationships.
I used to be a strong advocate of leaving parents and setting up your own life. But I guess it depends on the situation. My stance changed over time. I won't leave them unless there are fights and problems with my SO or if my parents try to control/regulate what my SO can and can't do.
At most I would do is get a house across from them or get a huge house so everyone has their personal space.
My parents has even said that I could move out after marriage if I want, they won't really care but I know they would get so lonely. They are getting old and least I could do is be around them in their last few decades. I don't have any brother and my sisters are all married and busy with their lives so it kinda make me responsible. I would sleep better at night knowing they are under the same roof.
And as much as I dislike my dad, I would do the same for him.
I guess this is one of the reasons I am not too fond of getting married. Its funny how views change so suddenly. If you would have asked me couple of years ago, I would be excited to leave my parents and marry. God knows what BS will pop in my mind in future
And Yea FUUck society. I don't give a crap about society or what people think. I don't visit any relatives anyways
As though that's something huge to be grateful for lol.. the dil shouldn't be expected to do any more in the house than anyone else anyway..
You don't all need to be sleeping under the same roof to enjoy each others' company.. You can usually socialise and help out perfectly well without literally living in your parents/inlaws house the way we do.. 99% of the world seem to have grasped the idea just fine..
I have stayed with my in laws in Pakistan on 2 occasions for a total of about 4-5 months following marriage. Hubby's parents home is humongous...it's a haveli type set up so the grounds are huge as well, and all quarters are separate. I didn't have to do anything (cooking, cleaning etc- my only job was to literally get up whenever I wanted, 1,2,3pm etc and just get ready) but, despite all that, I still prefer to have my separate space with my husband. His parents don't interfere in our lives at all but I just feel more comfortable knowing I have my own space where I won't be bombarded by people. Given that we live abroad anyway and his parents are in Pakistan, living with them right now isn't on the agenda BUT in the event that they ever need us with them, I would still be after a scenario where I could have my own place (even if it's next door etc).
On the other hand, a cousin of mine...her in laws also live in Pakistan in a flat in Karachi and no joke there are literally 15 people living there. And whenever she visits she loves it and couldn't even dream of living separately.
Out west though...unless you get your own house built I don't see how a joint system could effectively work. An average four bedroom house with 1-2 bathrooms won't cut it for MIL/FIL and, say, 3 brothers and their respective wives and children. What are the wives who don't have their own en suite supposed to do? Run out in their robe/dressing gown, hurry through a shower, morning routine etc just because someone else needs to use the bathroom next? Ugh.
My view is that, isn't it better to live separate and get on fabulously, as opposed to living together and not on good terms? My parents recently had a new house built which is huge and could certainly cater my brother and his family when he gets married but, my mom prefers that he buy his own place nearby just to avoid any conflict. So it's not always about space.
I think it comes down to also how tolerant the individual is. While no one bothers me, I am just a private person and like my space. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Dont they deserve to enjoy their grand kids? Dont they deserve to be around their family?
What about the bahu's parents? Don't they also deserve to enjoy their grandkids and be around their biological daughter?
I understand that the MIL is sad. But surely the bahu's own mother is also sad that her daughter moved away after marriage..even though she always knew it would happen someday (just like the MIL). Does the bahu feel like crap for leaving her own parents behind?
Totally…Gemini…
They have every right to enjoy ur company…and grandchildren too… My grandparents are the most loneliest people in the world with bcz of same separation stuff…my mum takes five hrs. Ride each month to help them when she herself is working… Its sad to go there…and see how “Baai” (my nani) always tries to learn Hindi from me or sis…so she could just spend her time someway, reading or hindi movies… But she just sits there…with her sore knees… Nd ..its bad…
People are different..issues are everywhere..how long can one possibly run from stuff thats not the way they wish… Settling and enjoying a experienced and loving hand over you…is a better thing…I can’t possibly understand the word “privacy”… Cz there has to be a limit to privacy…
And as for sick/frail/weak…I don’t think..people who can’t stay at happier times can stay when elders are erratic and needy…
Unless…In laws are actually bad…like they show in stupid drams..sbzi mein namak dalun …saari fadun types…I don’t think there is any need for being suars..
…yay…
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