Is it naive or normal to expect ‘sterotypical’ love (ie the most loving relationship with the strongest feelings you’ll ever experience) from your partner in an arranged marriage?
I’m not asking if it’s right or wrong cos after all some people don’t even want/need that kind of love and would be happy to have straight up companionship, kindness and loyalty.. Also, obviously many couples in arranged marriages do end up falling in love in that sterotypical sense..
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
I think it is normal to expect so. At the end of the day, once you are married it is the most solid foundation on which such a relationship with such feelings should be based on.
Just my opinion :)
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
i want it, but i am very skeptical about getting it from an arranged marriage.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
well i had think it is quite obvious that once u get married there wl be some romance unless u 2 were forced into the marriage! 
actually i’d like to believe that the romance would be even more special in an arranged married cuz unlike love marriage, u have not been there done all that romance b4.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
^Of course there will be some sort of romance but do girls and guys in these situations expect to have the most special and intimate form of relationship possible or is it more about being partners who care and look out for one another..
Starberry, are u having or have u had an arranged marriage?
Inspi, for some couples it defo does happen.. I guess I'm cynical as well but I don't doubt it's possible..
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
^Of course there will be some sort of romance but do girls and guys in these situations expect to have the most special and intimate form of relationship possible or is it more about being partners who care and look out for one another..
are you talking about type B physical intimacy?
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
this is one of the biggest misconcetions.
Why would a love marriage not have romance once you got married? do you think somehow it all just fizzles away as soon as we sign the nikkahnama?
I just dont get this notion… and this justification for people who are pro-arranged marriage…
please enlighten me?
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
cuz unlike love marriage, u have not been there done all that romance b4.
Like vut, yaar? Singing and sharmaaying behind a tree...then charging into each others arms from opposite ends of a meadow......whilst it rains and a bevy of village women jump out of the bushes with their water gourds and cheer you on with their background vocals and thumkay?
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
or is it more about being partners who care and look out for one another..
.
Those who have had love marriages also desire a caring partner who looks out for them. This, too, can fall under the broad category of intimacy. Romance isn't only limited to sizzling passion.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
From experience with friends, I notice a HUGE difference in the relationships between spouses (arranged) between them and the older generation. I think the "caring and looking out for each other" without the romance was accepted and prevalent in the past, especially since parents (well I can only really speak for my own and our social circles adults) didn't have a chance to really talk / establish much of a relationship before they were nikkah-fied and living together. Nowadays, with longer times between engagements, the active participation of both boy/girl even in arranged marriage allows for them to get to know each other better. Also, I think the idea of "compatibility" nowadays means MUCH MUCH MORE than job/family/class/$$$; a couple is "compatible" in an arranged setting if they have some chemistry/attraction/liking for each other. so no, I don't think it's unrealistic to expect romantic love. It might not be love at first sight and develop a little slower but it should still be there. --At least I hope so for my future sake. lol
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
Is it naive or normal to expect 'sterotypical' love (ie the most loving relationship with the strongest feelings you'll ever experience) from your partner in an arranged marriage?
I've seen mixed reactions out of the people I've known personally who've had mixed marriage. There is nothing wrong with someone "expecting" the stereotypical romance in an totally arranged marriage. BUT its naive to think that it will happen for sure. When two people enter an arranged marriage...a situation where they have never dated and don't know each other's personality very well......they really don't know for sure whether or not they're compatible as a couple. In many arranged situation....the girl may not be the "type" of girl that guy is generally attracted to physically (or vice versa).....but the marriage happen b/c at the end, the families wanted it and the guy didn't think the girl was ugly (or vice versa).
Its normal for everyone to expect that married life (especially in the beginning) will be full of passion/romance. But in an arranged situation, the parties should not be surprised if that doesn't happen due to incompatibilities that are discovered after marriage.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
Firstly, keep in mind that in an arranged marriage, you really don’t know whether or not there will be romance after the marriage. You don’t know if you two are compatible as a couple. All of a sudden you’re sharing daily life with a person who you really don’t know. Adjusting to living together takes times…and if as a girl you had to move away from your own family…adjusting to dealing with in-laws…all of that is stressful. And god forbid you find out after marriage that there are juts too many personality differences between you and husband…I guarantee you that will effect what goes on in the bedroom.
Secondly, I have no idea why you think that in love marriages, the romance somehow becomes less special as soon as the nikahnama is signed. If nothing else, the passion/romance increases in a love marriage that the couple has absolutely no doubts that they’re compatible as life partners. They already know each other and there is less apprehension about living with a person who you already know. Being recognized as an “official” couple after months or years of dating…being able to be finally live life openly with the person you love…this only increases the passion/romance.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
this is one of the biggest misconcetions.
Why would a love marriage not have romance once you got married? do you think somehow it all just fizzles away as soon as we sign the nikkahnama?
I just dont get this notion... and this justification for people who are pro-arranged marriage...
please enlighten me?
Like vut, yaar? Singing and sharmaaying behind a tree...then charging into each others arms from opposite ends of a meadow......whilst it rains and a bevy of village women jump out of the bushes with their water gourds and cheer you on with their background vocals and thumkay?
I don't think you guys understand what Zareen is saying.
Sadzz. No where did Zareen say that romance in a love marriage lessens after the wedding. She's simply saying that its more exciting because its your first time.
The Last Straw. Your obvious troll response does not deserve a reply, but; she just means all the first times that come within an intimate situation including (but not limited to) having a member of the opposite sex care for you and look after you like no other has.
No puns intended.
I too want it and have my doubts with it from an arrange marriage. Regardless though, if there is a spark, I'm sure it can be turned into a passionate flame.
Again no pun intended.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
Deeba1234 I am engaged, arranged setting.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
I don't think you guys understand what Zareen is saying.
Sadzz. No where did Zareen say that romance in a love marriage lessens after the wedding. She's simply saying that its more exciting because its your first time.
The Last Straw. Your obvious troll response does not deserve a reply, but; she just means all the first times that come within an intimate situation including (but not limited to) having a member of the opposite sex care for you and look after you like no other has.
No puns intended.
You know, If somebody has a different opinion, we get mad. Us no likey.
We will turn and twist and mock.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
Is it naive or normal to expect 'sterotypical' love (ie the most loving relationship with the strongest feelings you'll ever experience) from your partner in an arranged marriage?
I'm not asking if it's right or wrong cos after all some people don't even want/need that kind of love and would be happy to have straight up companionship, kindness and loyalty.. Also, obviously many couples in arranged marriages do end up falling in love in that sterotypical sense..
Few things here,
First, what is stereotypical love exactly?
Secondly, no it is not naive. You should ask people who are in aan arranged setting. They can answer it better.
Thirdly, I have seen people from arranged marriage flopping and equal numbers of love marriages which flopped.
So it really depends on the person/couple.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
What is romance anyway? Calling your spouse “jaan”? I know few desi couples who call eachother jaans. I find it so cheesy. 
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
I would put it like that: Those who had romance before marriage will not find any romance after arranged marriage, those who never had romance before will definitely find it even after arranged marriage.
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
What is romance anyway?
whatever hollywood, bollywood, and our local tv channels dish out in the name of loveria, no?
Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
love or arranged... the real test begins 3/4 months after the wedding :P