Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

Bollywood has most impact on desis.

lmao, i know so many people who think they are living in a bollywood film.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

I think it is naive to suggest that "bollywood" romance in any way is "stereotypical" or even "real" per se ... I do however believe that arranged marriage can reach the heights of love marriages - but I do not believe love marriages or any type of marriages are truly reflected by the cliche' romantic stories. They must have been a dime a dozen related events in history gaining fame through being told and retold - but to call them "stereotypical" infers they the marriages themselves are common rather than the stories that are told about them.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

Thank you both of you for answering for me! I don't think there is a need for further clarification! those who are meant to find keeray in a contrasting opinion will remain doing so and i shall gladly let them do it :D.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

agree or not but arrange marriages some how has a charm in it...and i have seen most endup in a romantic,caring,loving companionship,rather then love marriages....

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

It really doesn't matter how you get married (love or arranged), once the nikkahnama is signed, its' up to the parties to make it work, to be romantic, and love each other.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

^ Pretty much. The foundation of love in an arranged setting gets going the instant marriage has been done and dealt with. How would it to turn out to be say three years down the line, would totally depend on the amount of efforts the two themselves put in to develop the so called triangle of love. Totally depends on their description/definition of model marriage and the essential ingredients they choose to crush in.

.2cents

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

I have seen/ heard couples in an arranged marriage to be very romantic... so yeah romantic love is possible in an arranged marriage and it all depends on the people involved. Every couple's way of showing love to each other is different and depends on their maturity levels (irrespective of whether it was a love marriage or arranged). Some couples can be overly romantic (PDAs and filmi type of love) while others can be mature and decent in their love to their spouses. For girl who have never been involved in any relationship prior to marriage, expecting romantic love from the arranged marriage is a very normal thing. Their expectations may or may not be fulfilled but eventually the spouses can learn to love each other if they want their marriage to work.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

I think its funny when people think just because someone had a love marriage that its all “been there and done that” now.

Its a very…naive way of though.

How would they know?

:cb:

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

It really is the same as some people think that in an arranged marriage the love can never meet up to the standard of the love that is in a love marriage.

It’s a very…naive way of thought.

How would they know?

And the circle is round.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

I couldn't agree with you more.

I know people that fell in love and got married and people who were not in love before marriage but fell in love after.

They're crazy in love now and that's all that matters.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

True :k:

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

Nobody said lower standard did they??

Love in arranged marriages is often talked about being a different **type of love by elders, isn't it.. I mean you're often not expected to see each other as 'soulmates' - or as close to that as possible - being **as **emotionally close or even closer to them than your parents (something which **is sometimes looked down on in arranged marriages)..

This is not about showing your romantic side or Bollywood type behaviour.. I'm talking about the feelings of love between two married people which aren't about companionship or being together for practical reasons..

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

Those who mentioned the 'spark' when you meet someone in an arranged situation, am sure that would be enough for strong feelings to develop for many people..

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

Relax, shaanti, zen.

My comment was not referred to you.

I meant in general. Just like there are misconceptions about love marriages, the same there are misconceptions about arranged marriages.

The bold part par example is a misconception. Yes there will be elders who have such a mind, but I have not met them yet personally.

Your last line, I did not get it.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

:k: ROTFLOL!

That was quite a “karak” …jawab :slight_smile: ;).

I just can’t believe some people. They talk about being all “open minded” and how desis back home are so backward and what not but seriously atleast reading the stuff most of the “foreign” desis write, i am just left thinking that they are quite narrow minded. It’s just so damn hard for them to take a contrasting opinion and its not like they will be up for a good argument, for them their opinion= the truth and everything else is nonsense. And i must say they are great in assuming things, reading between the lines and eventually taking just negativity out of whatever is being said. I don’t think i owe anyone any explaination because my post was pretty explainatory but i guess we have alot of duffers here on this forum so maybe reposting my post will help them understand it better;

I am sure if you are in love/relationship before marriage, there would be romance between the two of you hence my ^ comment based on it. There is no rocket sciene needed to figure this out! And i am sure the ones who have been married, they would understand it even better but i guess some people just like being dumb :teary1:.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

^Wow Zareen.. At least most us foreign-born desis can see the pros and cons of BOTH love and arranged marriages and a lot of us are open to either option.. If anyone is making out only one of them works or must be the right way for everyboy it's usually not us.. like this gem - 'if there is love before marriage there won't be after'.. Now THAT is an attitude I would actually called narrow-minded..

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

You just proved me right again! You guys either don’t read the posts carefuly or just read it wanting to get something negative out of it! :slight_smile:

WHEN AND WHERE did i say that there was anything wrong with love marriage or that there can’t be love post love marriage? LOL! I was only answering the damn question. If you read my post again and maybe carefuly this time around, you can clearly see that i only said that i had like to believe that chances of romance will be “more” in an arrange marriage. I am sure we all understand what “more” means :bummer: You guys are making it sound as if i have said that love marriages mean once you are wed, the love will fly out of the window.

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

this is like saying, im glad i didnt learn to drive until i bought my car. :halo:

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

:k:

Thank you…talk about nonsense and narrow minded

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Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?

:cb: