Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
I think I would be very stubborn if my inlaws wanted to name my son "shaukat" or "Ashraf" or "fakhar". I have every right to be stubborn in that case.
yeah but at least you're involving them in the process.....im talking about being so stubborn to not even let the person have any input..if they suggested a name that you did like, you would take it...right?
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
Gaylord Fakhar
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
I think I would be very stubborn if my inlaws wanted to name my son "shaukat" or "Ashraf" or "fakhar". I have every right to be stubborn in that case.
ahh c'mon hareem, you can respectfully decline some names and discuss why you dislike some of them. I'm sure they'd suggest more and it's always a mutual process. We're not saying name the kids on one name that your in-laws/parents decide. Of course, its your kid and the final decision is yours... you're just getting them involved in the process / consulting them. The contrary to having weird suggestions may be that you'll come across a fabulous name that you didn't even think of.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
you don’t even need a gora firstname… only a very common desi last name with that first name - but I digress… there was a whole thread on this in All Views a couple of years back.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
^That's why I said do they have to have sons to have this desire fulfilled?
There are plenty of families where the kids are named by their nana, nani, pupho, mamoo, taya, chacha...etc. Its her OP's husband that wants his mother to name his child, not the MIL herself (as far as we know). I'm sure the MIL would be very happy to name her daughter's kids as well. My mum as a nani chose my nephew's name, though my sister and BIL had the final say. Its all about stricking a balance in certain family set ups, instead of choosing my way high way, because that can be very destructive.
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what if they don't have sons like my parents? Is it fair to favor my husband's Parents over my own?
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Oh I'm getting depressed now.
Look I'm not here to decide who gets to name your baby or not. You can go ahead and favour your own parents over you husband's, you'll become a beacon of justice for all the billion of oppressed women who get to hear their wretched MIL's choice of names for their babies.
We can all write essays on hypothetical scenarios, but truth of the matter is, if you have a good a good elationship with MIL, you won't have a such trouble her *suggesting *the names for your baby.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
ahh c'mon hareem, you can respectfully decline some names and discuss why you dislike some of them. I'm sure they'd suggest more and it's always a mutual process. We're not saying name the kids on one name that your in-laws/parents decide. Of course, its your kid and the final decision is yours... you're just getting them involved in the process / consulting them. The contrary to having weird suggestions may be that you'll come across a fabulous name that you didn't even think of.
Yeah well I agree with that.
When my cousin's first baby was born she took suggestions from everyone, her inlaws (FIL) wanted to name the kid Mateen but my cousin rejected it and there was a big fight and in the end end they had to name it Mateen to make the FIL happy.
I don't know but I have seen so much injustices taking place with DILs that it has made me a little bias perhaps.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
On serious note:
Consultation with both parents and getting them involved in the process should be the way to go. Final decision should always rest on parents though. Just being stubborn and giving statement "they dont have any right to" is just pathetic and confrontational.
"ammi aap bhi bataeen achey naaam, hum loog list bana rahey hain naamoon ki" goes miles in building good relationship....
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
If you read my posts, I've been consistently saying "his" and "her" parents and also alluded to the fact that my parents named us through consultations from my dad's as well as my mom's side. There's no favoring one side over the other... nani nani have as much rights over their grandkids as dada dadi - esp. in today's family configurations where the couple is probably not even living with the guy's parents. Of course, in situations where you live with your in-laws and the guy's parents are going to be more involved in providing care for the kids, they naturally expect you to proffer a little more respect to them - again, nothing wrong with this due to the nature of your cohabitation and their involvement with your child's upbringing.
It's one thing to say something that sounds fair but its a very different story when one has to live through it. What you are saying sounds perfectly alrigt but we all know the reality is far from it. One way or the other guy does end up favoring his parents over his wife's parents and there could be million reasons for it, not having any support system by her side. She has to give in to her husband's demands because she lives with you and your parents. She have to live through this everyday unlike the husband. This is regardless of her having a career or not. If she's living with inlaws she has to abide by their rules or she will be labeled $&$$:@
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
you don't even need a gora firstname... **only a very common desi last name **with that first name - but I digress... there was a whole thread on this in All Views a couple of years back.
Depends on what the "very common desi last name" is. Something like Fakhar Butt...not so much. :p
I was only kidding earlier, relax. :)
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
I think sometimes the parents not involving anyone and naming the kid as soon as he/she's born may save a lot of hassles.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
On serious note:
Consultation with both parents and getting them involved in the process should be the way to go. Final decision should always rest on parents though. Just being stubborn and giving statement "they dont have any right to" is just pathetic and confrontational.
ditto! - it's the blatant shut-them-out attitude that I have a problem with. Most of the time it's only going to be a suggestion and not an imposition.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
Depends on what the very common desi last name is. Something like Fakhar Butt...not so much. :p
I was only kidding earlier, relax. :)
Bingo! that's what I meant... a name like Fakhar Butt , Seema Butt or Amina Butt can be very traumatizing in the western world :D - of course, no disrespect to that last name - I have many dear friends who are Butts.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
I think sometimes the parents not involving anyone and naming the kid as soon as he/she's born may save a lot of hassles.
Or create problems because the parents are regarded as not having respect for their elders. And I can see where they are coming from, as it'll be nice to ask the grandparents. Another thing is that when it suits the parents they ask the grandparents to mind their children, etc, and when it suits them, they shut them out. WHY????
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
^lmao!!!@Lucid_Chaotic
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
i think imma die laughing
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
Off course she has, how dumb is this question ?
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
In my case, turns out a lot. =/ Kinda' annoying the heck out of me as I am one of those girls that has planned out everything, including names. Now I find out how my MIL MUST get a say in naming my kids (according to the Mr.) because "she never got a single say her entire life and she deserves this much respect".
I understand all that but naming kids? I mean, seriously? Is there no other way to show respect to your Mother?
My MIL named my older daughter in the way that everyone was suggesting names, we liked what she suggested and stuck to it. She had also suggested another name which the hubby and I didn't like so we rejected that.
Now, in some families there are traditions that such and such elder will name the child...and while I don't particularly understand why such traditions are there in the first place, they are there nevertheless. But in your case, it seems like it's a matter of ego so what I'd recommend instead of getting too mad about it, is you and your husband pick out 3-4 names you really like and tell your MIL that you'd like to give her the honor of selcting the best name out of those 4 you picked. If that doesn't work, then may Allah be with you.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
What do you mean by "have any say"?
Of course the grandparents should be able to offer suggestions. Their reactions should also be considered to suggested names. And then the final say is the parents'.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
lol very chalak niksik lol.
thank god my inlaws are not like this.
my sister's inlaws wanted to name my nephew, but my sister already chosen the name. They were pretty upset for a while and then got over it.
Just like how your own family and friends suggest names, what's the harm if the MIL does...like Sahar said, at the end of the day, its you and your hubby that has the final say.
Just say haan theek hai...dont stress yourself while pregnant and dont get into a tiff with the hubby/MIL over this.
Re: Does a MIL have any say in naming your child?
I named my baby. I asked my MIL and all my husband's family if they like the name I picked or do they like something of their own. I gave my MIL the respect... I asked her several times if she wanted to name my son something different. I asked her for meaning of the name etc. She said she loves the name I picked. Point is, I really got her involved in all of this.. we are all happy.
This is how it should be :) If you give respect to elders they wont disrespect your rights either.
My brother had a son few months back and they asked my dad to name the child but my Abu said whatever the mother likes that is also my choice. So you see if you give respect and honor to people, they wont disappoint you either. Lets not make it all a matter of ego.
No the age where grown up women did not act like 10 year old girls.
;)
Lols!