I think this problem can be resolved by involving them in the process. Ask their suggestion as well if they are interested... may be they have some really nice suggestions. you can discuss your favorite names as well with them...
My eldest sister had differnet problem.. she had a problem with her husband... he wanted to name his son Hasan (It was his favorite name) but hasan is already our cousin's son name so my sister literally had to fight with him (means arguments) over this name.. he was stubborn that "kia howa tmhri khala k nawasy ka hi naam hai na, dur ka rishta ha" and y sister replied with name from his family "tu hum yeh naam kyn na rakh lein" :p.. but at the end they agreed on some other name.
My another sister selected some name and took them to her mother in law to finalize the name from the list. Her mother in law suggested few names as well... but she rejetecd them with good logics.. one name she like from her list as welll......... but she gave her all the name (her choice and MIL choice) to verify these names and their meaning from some good Molvi... and made her MIL so happy and excited. Finally they selected my sister's choice name.
So its all about mutual understanding and give and get respect.
Personally i think the parents should name the child and have the final decision with suggestions from family members. After all mil's named their own kids and i would not interfere in anyone naming their child unless i was asked.
Okay, whoa. There are too many posts to reply to directly here but some were saying that my opinion is derived from watching TV shows. Um, what?! I was simply asking whether it was THAT important to let the MIL decide completely rater than take her opinion on it and decide TOGETHER. Of course I think it's important to get their (MIL & FIL) opinion, I just dont think it's a MUST in order to show respect.
My parents named all of us siblings and thats how it was done, just because they named their kids what they wanted to doesnt mean they disrespected their parents, that is just backwards in every way. I mean, if my kids were having kids I would expect them to depend on me to name their kids, it's their call if they want my opinion but I wouldn't feel "disrespected" if they didnt, in fact I'd want them to name their kids themselves.
Also, this has nothing to do with being insecure or trying to "compete" with MILs and cutting them out of it b/c of the whole "Evil Desi In-laws" theory. I love his mom, possibly the best woman I know and an amazing MIL.
^Instead of getting all dogmatic and making trollish posts on internet, you should be lecturing all this to your husband, since he's the one who wants his mother to name their child, not the members of this forum!
Every family has its own dynamics, in some households, the world doesn't come to end if an elder member chooses the name the baby. You are no one to tell them that its a great injustice and a backward practice as long as the parents are completely happy with it. Its not written in stone or any where in the Quran that grandparents should or shouldn't have "any say" in naming their grandchildren (if that was what you were looking for), heck if I'm not wrong either Hazrat Hassan or Hussain or both of them were named by Prophet Muhammad pbuh himself. Now in your eyes that must be the be the height of backwardness and great injustice done to Hazrat Ali and Fatima by the hands of Prophet Muhammad pbuh the grandfather ? (Nauzubillah)
And if you think your MIL is an amazing woman, then whats wrong with hearing names suggested by her? Surely an all amazing and the best MIL would be all willing to consider her DIL choices and ideas and respect her wish to have the final say? Something tells me that its a just storm in a teacup or a troll moment.
In my case, turns out a lot. =/ Kinda' annoying the heck out of me as I am one of those girls that has planned out everything, including names. Now I find out how my MIL MUST get a say in naming my kids (according to the Mr.) because "she never got a single say her entire life and she deserves this much respect".
I understand all that but naming kids? I mean, seriously? Is there no other way to show respect to your Mother?
I kinda glanced through the 5 pages of replies so I apologize if something I say here has been said already.
I understand you have names picked out. But what about middle names? Is there a chance that you pick the 1st name, they have their dad's last name (I assume), and your MIL can choose the middle name? This way, both you and the MIL gets to pick a name...and you and her can call the child by either name you want.
Think about this....you're making one HUGE assumption...and that assumption is that your MIL will not like the names you have already chosen. I'm assuming you(or your fiance) have not discussed your children's names with her....lol. Once you become pregnant and this becomes an issue....who knows....your MIL might love the names you have chosen. In that case there would not be any problem at all. :) Also this is the fiance telling you that he wants this out of respect....you don't know how the mother actually feels. When you're pregnant....she MIGHT actually choose not to get involved at all. My point is you don't know for a fact how **SHE **feels about the names you have chosen....or about having a say in your child's name. So your husband can say whatever he wants....at the end, your reaction on this should really depend on how the MIL feels.
I gather from some of the posts that you're not even married yet. Honestly, I think this is something that should be brought up again when you and your hubby decide to start trying for a baby. There really is no reason for you to get upset about this right now. Get married....working on building a positive relationship with you MIL. Let this become an issue when you're actually pregnant. :)
LOL. OP, just get everyone to write their name on a short slip of paper, wad the paper up, toss it in a container. Give things a good shuffle and then draw a name out. Leave everything up to chance or fate or destiny…whatever you want to call it. Can’t argue with fate now.
Why the hell do some GS members think they are so self-righteous and always on point and some real-life Dr. Phils? Saying I'm trolling and jumping to conclusions? Maybe I wasn't able to articulate myself but I was in no way asking for advice, simply whether the MIL should have the right to full-on name a kid and the mother get none whatsoever. It was a hypothetical question and I would never bring my personal issues and seek advice on public forums.
simply whether the MIL should have the right to full-on name a kid and mother get no say.
.
To answer that question then....IMO.....the MIL has the "right" to suggest names as other relatives and close friends do....but she does not have the ultimate say in naming the child....as that belongs to the parents of the child...who would need to compromise upon a name.
Now I find out how my MIL MUST get a say in naming my kids (according to the Mr.) because "she never got a single say her entire life and she deserves this much respect".
This issue needs to be addressed, it's what soooo many women in past generations went thru and imo can turn them a bit loopy when they get older.. and the cycle carries on..
Do agree that inlaws should have input but defo not the final say.. The middle name thing would be a decent compromise I suppose..
"She deserves at least this much respect"??? It's the "at least this much" that bugs me. There are other ways that a guy can show respect to his mother....why does respect have to end with just one event (the naming of a child)....it should be continuous.
I agree with Deeba that the cycle needs to be broken. And you can't "break" a cycle by giving someone the ultimate right/say in a matter....when that right doesn't belong to them.....and when it can also transgress the rights of others....such as the direct parent of the child. It can lead to the DIL feeling offended and can result in negative feelings between her and the MIL. And one of the root causes behind this cycle of abuse is that people don't respect or show consideration for boundaries/limits/rights to begin with. The in-laws have the right to suggest names....but they don't have the ultimate say....that belongs to the parents of the child.
Now there are ways to work around the matter. You might like the names suggested by the MIL. MIL might be supportive of your choices. You can keep one of her names as a middle name for the child. If MIL like a name with a certain meaning....you can work together to find other names with a similar meaning. There are ways to smooth things out.
I just don't agree with the whole concept of lemme compensate for the lack of respect you endured all your life (no excuse for that in the first place) by giving you the ultimate right to do something......that for one doesn't belong to you.....and secondly would entail disrespecting the rights of another person in the family. Can't compensate unfairness with unfairness and disrespect with disrespect.
Why the hell do some GS members think they are so self-righteous and always on point and some real-life Dr. Phils? Saying I'm trolling and jumping to conclusions? Maybe I wasn't able to articulate myself but I was in no way asking for advice, simply whether the MIL should have the right to full-on name a kid and the mother get none whatsoever. It was a hypothetical question and I would never bring my personal issues and seek advice on public forums.
Once again, thanks to everyone who gave their ¢2.
If you read your original post you will see that why people assumed you were asking for advice and why they assumed it was not hypothetical. Don't jump all over people for taking you at your word.
