Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

See the edits I made to that post. The question directed to S02 - you can answer it.

What i find appalling is that the views of random people are being seen as great but at no point is there any indication that the OP should discuss this further with her husband.

42

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

Well my feelings get hurt only when you hand me out points for disagreeing with you.

I am all for empowerment of women; only saying that empowerment, as you call it, shouldn’t come at the price of suffering of relationship with the person she is marrying…just because random ‘empowerers’ say so.

43

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

^Sure, where did anyone suggest she ruin her relationship?

44

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

I am feeling southiness here :no: I rather leave

45

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

Because it's inconceivable that a husband might not actually mind his wife working?

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Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

I worked full time till I had my first kid, then I was in a shock as I thought having a baby was nothing compared to working, but I was wrong, while working you work 8 hours but with a baby, young kid you work 24 a day. Not to scare you but I love working and I need "my" money, I dont ask my husband for money and I contribute at home, so not working is not an option for me, but luckily I can work part time now as I have 3, so I can happily say I have it both, I enjoy my work, I feel productive outside of home, I get the feeling of achievement and I also feel like I am a housewife as I can cook fresh everday, I am home when kid from school comes home, I give time to family and I am not tired everyday!!

just wanted to show you how u can have both, u dont need to choice one and another plus point of working is that for bad times, you have a job and will not be dependent as u never know what circumstances u can be in.

47

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

You are only in first year of nursing. Nursing itself is a very promising career path. I suggest you finish your schooling and try to get your foot in the door. If you are least have even 1 year of practical work experience before you have kids, not only will you get maternity leave benefits, but it will be easier to get back in the work force later in life (whenever you decide to go back). You are probably still fairly young (I'm guessing early 20s)? In that case, you have plenty of time to have kids.

Also, if you are worried about loss of financial independence, then working a few years before having kids makes sense. You will have some savings that you can dip into for your own personal expenses so you don't always have to ask the hubby for money.

I worked my butt of for several years before having a baby. Now I am a SAHM and love it. I don't plan on going back to work until I'm done having all my kids and the youngest is at least 3-4, so I may be home for another 5-10 years but because I worked enough, I feel more comfortable making this choice.

48

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

What if the husband wants kid a bit early?

oops...he doesn't get to say anything, right?

49

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

^ That is between her and her hubby. If he feels so strongly about having a kid right off the bat, that he wants her to put everything on hold (schooling, work etc.) and she is ok with going along with his wishes then that is what they will do.

If there is some room for negotiation, then perhaps she can explain the benefits of completing her schooling etc. Today's workforce is extremely competitive. If she wants a career at some point in her life (even if its AFTER she's done having kids) it makes sense to at least finish your schooling (she is already done first year) so why put it on hold? Why not just finish what you started?

50

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

Then he can be a SAHD. Given she makes enough to support the family. You want, you pay! Isn't that how we play hasban-wife here?

51

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

having ovaries means your opinions, views, ambitions,goals, education,career, doesn’t matter. you should know this by now. :halo:

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Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

Yep. There are only two extremes in the world. Getting oppressed or oppressing others. No middle ground.

53

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

That is not what I meant. I point out double standards. It has almost become my part time Job because there are so many to point out.

54

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

it was a joke. seems to me that most guys who are posting on this thread seem very threatened by the idea that a woman can make her own decisions and working automatically equals neglecting ones spouse.

55

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

Incredible that for so many motherhood in itself is less important than work, and the real satisfaction is only to be derived from work.

All this talk of financial independence gives one an idea of a war between husband and wife - find a man who'll respect you and whose money will be yours.

Most mothers in the UK prefer part-times jobs, which seems ideal. The mother can do justice to her responsibilities as a mother and go out and derive pleasure for other contributions to society as well.

56

Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

in what world does a married desi woman make decisions about her family, especially kids, on HER own?! yeh kaunsi dunya hai jiska mujhe nahin patha... please enlighten me (and no, GS does not count).

Seriously Zafra, and pwner. Really? You really think we have explicitly left the husband out of her decision making? In fact, when was it HER decision making? I thought it was a "their" decision. But, something for her to think about and discuss with her hubby-to-be.

Where in my post did I imply that the husband was not included in the decisions? Had I said, he showed me the path, would that have helped?

I dont understand why people need to be so uptight about this stuff. Shouldn't it be a given that in any healthy, loving, and working marriage/relationship, there are no explicit decision makers. That, the decisions are made together. In fact, in our case, they are merely trials. Trials to see what works for us, what works for the people that matter to us most.

So, if you were having a dig at me for saying I work for my kids and family. DONT.

Dont have a dig at me and my priorities, which in fact are set out by both the husband and I. And they are called COMMON SENSE.

Believe it or not, most of us working women do work for the sake of our family. At the end of the day, it's for them. And a little bit of self satisfaction for ourselves.

I am not going to go all out and praise my husband here. I dont need to.

It is a given, that we work as a team. And that does not mean I go out and try to win him over, or set our tactics to get him to agree with me. It's called open communication.

I am sick of this "poor me" mentality. "oh why didnt the husband get a mention". "why wasn't the wife consulted"

poor poor me.

No.

A marriage is a team of two. A family, is a team of the two+the brood. Everyone's opinion counts. There is no one decision maker.

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Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

no one is saying a job is more important than motherhood, but for many women, working is necessary to provide for their kids. even if your husband gives you all his money, is there a guarantee he will always be able to? he can get ill, get fired or laid off, or die. i how many women become widows and then have to ask others for money? its good to have some sort of financial security in case something unexpected happens and you don't become dependent on others.
Raising a child is not just a mothers responsibility, the father should also play a role. fathers role shouldn't be limited to paying bills. how many fathers work so much that they don't really spend too much time with their children? i know plenty of fathers who work alot and travel all the time, only see their kids on weekends or sometimes not even that. why doesn't anyone point a finger at those fathers? people always say oh what a hardworking man. such double standards.

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Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

I fail to see where someone has implied this?! could you please be more explicit maybe

[quote]

All this talk of financial independence gives one an idea of a war between husband and wife - find a man who'll respect you and whose money will be yours.
[/quote]

and working women have their own money? Really? So you're advocating that women go out and find a hubby to have "his" money. Instead of educating women and men that in a marriage there is no such thing. When you're working together to better the future for yourselves and children, there is no room for "yours" and "mine". It's called "ours" (until the loan lenders get to it first :( )

[quote]

Most mothers in the UK prefer part-times jobs, which seems ideal. The mother can do justice to her responsibilities as a mother and go out and derive pleasure for other contributions to society as well.
[/QUOTE]

Depends on the profession.

In the profession I am in, it entirely depends on your employer and the culture. A lot of places here are working towards flexible hours. Plus, parents with under school age going kids are entitled to flexible hour arrangements. Having said that, it is still hard to get part-time straight away, if you've moved jobs (like me)

Khair, it's not just most mothers who prefer part-time. Anyone would

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Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

I'm not sure why so many people are so keen to make everything a "desi issue." Most married couples, desi or otherwise, make important decisions together. I've never come across this "my money" and "his money" issue in real life. Most women I know view contributing to the household as the natural thing to do as marriage is a partnership. GS is the only place where I've come across this mentality of "mine" and "yours." I don't think it's a coincidence that many of the people espousing this mentality are either unmarried and have no real life experience in this area or married and constantly posting about marital problems.

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Re: Conflicted: Housewife or Working Woman

I was going to say something very similar. i have never come across 'my money' vs 'yours' in any non desi couples either. most of my friends are non desis and they don't have this concept. my husband never says its his money (im not working currently). the day he married me, it was understood that whats his would be mine and vice versa.