I'm not sure why so many people are so keen to make everything a "desi issue." Most married couples, desi or otherwise, make important decisions together. I've never come across this "my money" and "his money" issue in real life. Most women I know view contributing to the household as the natural thing to do as marriage is a partnership. GS is the only place where I've come across this mentality of "mine" and "yours." I don't think it's a coincidence that many of the people espousing this mentality are either unmarried and have no real life experience in this area or married and constantly posting about marital problems.
I should apologise... I thought twice about putting the word "desi" in there... i shouldn't have
^ Oh no, that was not directed at you. I apologise. It was more directed at the people who are constantly whinging that "desi women this" or "desi guys that" when, in reality, a bit of common sense would go quite a long way and likely sort out most of the issues people have. :)
To be fair the his/her money was mentioned by the OP.
And it is also true that several times on this forum, there has been talk about 'training', 'teaching', 'changing' , 'coaching' etc of husbands. That is not how a team works. That bit comes across as devious and deceptive. If all the married women here have a team like relationship with their husbands, it is because of the open communication lines. Then why dispense advice about changing husbands' behavior? Why not ask them to manage the situation in a more overt way?
To be fair the his/her money was mentioned by the OP.
And it is also true that several times on this forum, there has been talk about 'training', 'teaching', 'changing' , 'coaching' etc of husbands.?
I've observed a pattern in this. The type of women on here who talk about about training, teaching, changing, or coaching their husbands tend to be a bit immature, have a flair for theatrics and are likely the sort who believe that dramas are representative of real life. Surprise, surprise, they are also the ones who post about problem after problem with their spouse.
I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk about "training" their husband in real life either. I've heard people talk about "working towards changing xyz behaviour," which is fine as it implies mutual consent and effort.
What your husband means is that he has no problem with you working, so long as you don't come home overwhelmed to the point that you can't devote much time to the family and don't know what's going on with the kids, etc etc. Of course, your husband should hopefully help out with the home and kids too.
With our parents...the relationship is such that we are very dependent on them. They pay for our needs and wants and mom might take care if the cooking and cleaning. Basically they are not as dependent on us as we are on them. Your marriage will not be the same equation as the parent-child relationship. Let's say that you decide to take a break from work to take care of your baby.....you will be dependent upon your husband for money, but he will also be dependent on you for cooking, taking care of the home and fulfilling the nurturing needs of your child that only a mother can. So, it's a mutually dependent relationship. You wouldn't be a dead weight because you're also contributing to the maintenance of the marriage and the home and the family. And Alhumdolillah it seems that your husband realizes this.
Folks, they're baiting you to make this thread degenerate into the same boring SAHM vs working mom or men vs women debate. No need to defend yourself against that silliness.
I've observed a pattern in this. The type of women on here who talk about about training, teaching, changing, or coaching their husbands tend to be a bit immature, have a flair for theatrics and are likely the sort who believe that dramas are representative of real life. Surprise, surprise, they are also the ones who post about problem after problem with their spouse.
I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk about "training" their husband in real life either. I've heard people talk about "working towards changing xyz behaviour," which is fine as it implies mutual consent and effort.
I was actually advised many times by people how to train my to-be-husband during engagement days and even after we got married. But then these ladies are similar to the ones you have observed on here... the ones who thrive on drama and theatrics. Lol
To be fair the his/her money was mentioned by the OP.
And it is also true that several times on this forum, there has been talk about 'training', 'teaching', 'changing' , 'coaching' etc of husbands. That is not how a team works. That bit comes across as devious and deceptive. If all the married women here have a team like relationship with their husbands, it is because of the open communication lines. Then why dispense advice about changing husbands' behavior? Why not ask them to manage the situation in a more overt way?
I believe most of us did point out to the OP that it shouldn't be about his or your money... that's where this all came about from
Folks, they're baiting you to make this thread degenerate into the same boring SAHM vs working mom or men vs women debate. No need to defend yourself against that silliness.
Hilarious, ain't it? They do it themselves then cry foul. Same posters too who always b!*** about how much women posters complain.
Finish your degree and then see what the circumstances are. Work if it makes sense; stay at home if it makes sense. And yes you and your husband need to determine this together.
Folks,** they're** baiting you to make this thread degenerate into the same boring SAHM vs working mom or men vs women debate. No need to defend yourself against that silliness.
The irony!
But you are right. We seem to debate for the sake of debating and not to find common ground.
Talk about how you want to raise your kids. Being a sahm or a working woman, both have their pros and cons. Discuss these and decide what would be best for you. Ask about your husbands expectations. Tell him your expectations.
It really depends on you guys and what your expectations are. If you guys can discuss this now and raise any issues that you foresee, you will be able to handle these problems with much more ease.
As for sammi4ever, work before you have kids, stop after kids - concentrate on them. It’s a great pleasure - ask your husband and in-laws and parents to help. Take some time off to look after yourself too, but children should come first. Don’t fall for the Western nonsense of deriving most pleasure and satisfaction from work. But don’t forget to look after yourself too. Being a great mom doesn’t mean you can’t ask your husband/parents to help and go out without your kid to relax. Then return to the workforce when your kids are of a school going age. You could do this even beforehand if you have your parents or in-laws who could help with kids.
Why all this focus on having your own money - your husband is doing you a great favour by earning. You both need each other. Why see not earning yourself as a weakness? It isn’t.
He seems to be a very intelligent guy. If he wants to spend more time with the family, and not be work obsessed, you’ll be in one blessed marriage.
Obviously this all assumes that there are no financial issues. Good luck.