Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

that should come from your MIL.. not from him
but seriously, how could you do it?... like wake up at 11/12... do cleaning or dishes 'sometimes' and no no to cooking like u mentioned .... and then again sleep for additional 2-3hrs on top of sleeping at night? u r just lazy then. watelse do u do throughout your day?

...
oh.. how long u have been married?

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

Okay so I've read most of the replies and I have to say I'm surprised at some people's respond, anyhow. I'm not married, nor planning to get in the near future hehe .. Azadi zindabad :p jk

Anywayz to your question: No PIL will never be like your parents. Cuz in your lil manipulated heart YOUR parents are always the best. The one who doesnt make any mistakes, who never scold you, who pamper you the most. your PIL on the other hand are just so evil and rude, asking you to cook, how dare they?!

I can only say one thing to u girl: GROW up! You are married. Its not even a forced marriage. Its a marriage of love. If you are ready to marry a man, you are ready to cook and clean dishes too and that has nothing to do with how pampered you were at your parents or not. This is not your parents home. This is your husbands home and you have a responsiblity unless your daddy send a maid with your doli :p

Now to a personal story which may enlight you a bit. I have a SIL. She is married to my elder brother which means she is 6 years older than me. She got married to my bro 5 yrs ago and moved to Europe with us. Prior to the Rukhsati we had nikkah and my parents told her parents clearly tht in Europe people do their own stuff. No maids and servants here peeps. Now when my bhabhi came here, she lived with us for 1,5 yr.

Did she ever clean the house? NO. She spend the day sleeping. I was in my senior year in graduation and I was the one doing the cleaning. (My mum has a blood preassure problem so she cant do much before she is exaushted.)

Did she ever make dinner? NO! I was making the dinner, salan, roti whatever. She only cooked rice, because she loved them and I didnt know how to cook them. (I was 18 yrs) Did I ever ask her to do the cooking? No I never did and nor did i ever complain to my parents. I was cooking before she came in our family, and I continued to do so. It made no difference to me. But yes today when I look back at this time I ask myself how she could be so selfish and not help me out one bit, when she was at home all day along saying she was bored and bla bla and watching the same movies over and over!

Did she ever hoover the house or even her room. Did she wash her clothes and her husbands? NO she did none.

She never did anything. Nor did my mother ever ask her to do anything. My mum thought she would have the manners to help out eventually with time. We were wrong and time went on. And when one gets used to a certain habit, its very difficult to change the habit. After an yr living with us my mum asked her to hoover the livingroom and my bhabhi said "no". And its when my mum decided they need their own home now. When my brother was told she didnt do housework, his reaction was "why not?" and my bhabhies respond was "no one ever asked me to do it" .. so my dear friend its for the best of urs tht ur mil is already hinting so tht u have no misunderstanding tht yes u have to cook for the entire family.

63

Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

^what happened when she moved on her own then? whats the situation like 6 years later now?

PLZ COME N CONGATS HIM...
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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

Oh.. well everything got settled very peacefully. My parents told my brother that it was for his and his wifes best if they had their own place, so they moved. And while they were moving (it took some time to buy furniture and stuff na) we learned too that my bhabhi wasnt that helpless as she was acting. You know she used to say "oh i never did tht at home, so i dont know how to" .. but when she got her own place she suddenly in a night knew how to do everything surprisely:p .. Oh well .. my own theory is she just wanted her own place so she was acting lazybone here ;)

Today everything is fine, she has her place, we have ours.

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

Arghh omg...i hope i dont end up like one such girl. LOL, i say this cuz i cant understand how any1 can do this yet all of them end up doing this....Why can't they think of their husband's home n his family as their own. I think it happens in evry home :(....

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

lolz relax Maham :p

I think the key forward is; Be like you wish others to be with you. Dont take advantage of someone else just because they dont say anything. :)

And the key forward in a joint family is def. Compromise. If you cant compromise, you are def. in troubles na. Patience and be openminded. Dont think like "oh they are my inlaws, why should I do cooking/cleaning for them. I'm not their servant." Plz no one is anyones servant in todays world. Its such a narrowminded thinking ...

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

When you were bringing you bhabhi did you think that you were bringing a maid from Pakistan?

Girls don't get married for washing dishes and vaccuming the house. They have dream and ambitions.

India's FIRST run of AC Double Decker Train
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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

wohoooooo…what abt the bhabhi? did she think she was going to be spending her life in a 5-star hotel where she wl get everything ready forher 2 use and she wl oder food and it wl also be ready for her?..:halo:

is this this still pakistan?"US citizenships given to children without consent: Niar"
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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

Do you mean her bhabhi? or my bhabhi. Plz be specific.

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

By the way, it makes sense that she does all the stuff after moving out, thats her house, but she shudn't be expected to cook for the whole family.

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

i was talkin abt Sweetmoi's bhabi!

What do u mean "her house"? so your husband's house or his n his family's house cant be her house?...what kind of a stupid logic is that?. I hope atleast you feel the same for your bhabhi and would be happy if she doesnt think of your parents house as her own.

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

Ofcourse i feel the same about my bhabhi, she doesn't do anything even in her own house, lol.

Husband's family house cannot be your house, coz you live by someone else's rules.

► Tamam Loog Kaan Khool kar Sun Lain ◄
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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

i dont think one should feel like that...thats the sad part na that nowadays girls have this thinking even b4 they get married so when they go 2 their new home married they r only planning how and when 2 get out of the house and get their hubby 2 buy a seperate home. thats sad...one must atleast give it a try without any preconcieved ideas that oh this wl happen n that wl happen...as for rules? dont the girls live by their parents rules? i know our parents pamper us and we get away doing things our way but at the end of the day its nice 2 have the elders make some rules...n thats coming from me who is one hell of a pampered girl but i still feel this way...so what happened 2 u achi bachien-LOL...just kidding!

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

^While when the girls are growing up, they keep dreaming when they will get married and won't have to live by their parents rules.

And i am not bachi, i am bacha.

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

Sweetmoi - smart bhabi - I wonder if that tactic will work on my in-laws... I guess we're waaay too late for that.

I think in a joint family situation, the work should be equally divided, i.e., the sisters and mother should be doing exactly as much as the bahu, unless the mother is physically unable. I am sick and tired of people who believe that when the bahu comes it's vacation time.

My in-laws are visiting, and last night I didn't come home from work until 8:30. My husband made it home just before me, only to find that there was no food and the house was not clean, but PTV was on! My youngest was STILL at a friend's house, because FIL decided not to pick her up at 6:00, as I asked, the oldest was at soccer practice, and my middles, who were going to make dinner, were told by my MIL that they were not allowed to because it was my job. When I walked in the door, the first words out of MIL's mouth were to inform my husband that I was not taking care of them. I nearly packed the woman's suitcase and drove her to the airport then and there. I did tell them, and not very nicely, that they didn't need to change the dates on their tickets, I don't need to work more than full-time, take classes, raise a family, and then babysit adult who are fully capable of helping out once in awhile. They certainly had no problems wandering around Macy's all morning.

Joint family living situations DO NOT work, plain and simple, unless and if EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the house is willing to pitch in and do an equal amount of work, from the older children to the capable elders.

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

^^I love my inlaws but I know for a fact that if I had to live with them, even though I will be extremely happy and what not, but STILL would not feel as comforable as I would in my own house. It's THEIR house, simple as that. My parents in law are the ones who chose it, bought it, paid thousands and thousands for it. My MIL is the one who rules the house and rightly so. Every woman's house is her own castle. Every setting, every small thing in the house is their choice and belongs to them. In a similar way, I would want my OWN home too.

My MIL is the sweetest person ever. She doesn't even let me lift a finger and does everything on her own when I visit. I stand by her, keep her company and at my insistence, the most she makes me do is set the table. She has pampered all her sons and does the exact same to me. I know that if I was to live with her when I get married, I will be not be treated any differently because when I tell her that why don't you let me work now.. let me get used to it so I can do it regularly when I am married and to that she always tells me no.. you're my daughter, I will not let you do anything. So even though it will be this ideal 'hotel lifestyle', I still would want to have a place of my own for which my hubby and I would pay and call it our own. The inlaws house RIGHTLY belongs to them because they have worked really hard to make something and I will feel very awkward because I'll constantly feel like I am taking over someone else's space.

Besides all that, there are also some practical issues involved. Everyone wants their freedom and their space. Everyone keeps calling Mano420 lazy because she sleeps alot.. it's not about how much you sleep or when you sleep- the point is she should have the right to WHENEVER she wants without someone telling what she can or can't do- she's an adult for god's sake. We grow up obeying parents rules so what is so wrong if we want to live our lives the way WE want when we are older and married? Most of us don't and cannot even share a room with our siblings in our own parents house. WHY? Because we want our own space, our own privacy. When someone cannot even share a ROOM with your own blood relatives, what makes you think so many girls would want to share a house with inlaws they barely know? When they get married, obviously they want to have fun with their hubbys, spend time together, do things, etc etc. I can only imagine what it must be like for them to constantly feel that soo many people are always around. Yes, you do can do whatever you want in your bedroom but what if you want to cuddle with your hubby in the living room and watch tv but you cannot because your inlaws are around. Women may want to roam around freely in their pjs or something casual but cannot always do so because they have to be proper in front of their FIL or BIL. To want your own place isn't a matter of girls not loving or caring for their inlaws or not respecting the inlaws' house as their own, but rather wanting the freedom they deserve.

My MIL already told my hubby to be that we should have our own place because that way both of us will have our married life privacy and she very much understands the fact that I would want things to be my certain way. She has asked us to live close to their house if we want and visit regularly but it's better if we have seperate lifestyles because she doesn't want to burden any of us. I am sure she understands all that because saas bhi kabhi bahu thi :)

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

Wow.
Thats just _____!! Sorry but dayum, i cant believe someone can be so manipulative. Your situatoin might be diff than amana's.... thas the thing, i believe its never always the girl or the susural, its diff from each situation.. so thas why some will say bad things to this girl and some will say bad things abt the in laws. etc

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

sorry off topic but i have to comment.....

sometimes you'll find sons/daughters (ive seen mostly sons do this) that dont do a darn thing in their parents home and when they move into a place of their own they are suddenly taking out the trash, cooking, cleaning etc.

Maybe the same holds true for your bhabi. No one else is there to do it for her now....so she has to do it.

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

Shay.....believe me i know xactly what ur talking about and i agree with you, the beauty of your own home is that u have ur own space..do whatever u want. can't hav that with in laws. But sometimes, for whatever reason, it might nto be possible, whether temporarily or permanently. So if its something u have to deal with, why not make the best of it by compromising?

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Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?

yeah, of course! you have to compromise in EVERY relationship.. my post wasn't about that.. it was about girls wanting their own homes and the logic behind it. some people were saying OH WHY does every girl starts dreaming of her own place when she gets married.. well what i said above are the reasons..