Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
Well said by both of you.
Like my wife said, use this to your advantage. This is the best time for you to make mistakes and learn how to cook so that when you eventually do move into your own place, you are ready to take the bull by the horns.
I hate to be rude, but you are living in their house, you want them to work for YOU and pamper you? You are kidding yourself. Wake up and smell the coffee. You are living in someone else’s house, you have to help them, they are not your real parents that can overlook your shortcomings. I am sure your MIL will help you if you ask her to teach you, in fact, she will probably be glad to help and feel “needed”, and that’s a good thing.
On a side note, mothers who pamper their daughters are not doing justice to them. They should be preparing them for the real world. If they don’t teach them anything, they’ll have no clue what to do when they do get married (whether they live with in-laws or alone).
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
to answer your question....NO your in-laws can never replace, be, or act like your parents. You can however show them the love and respect they deserve for raising a decent son (and i assume he is decent because you married him and love him). Most of all you should treat them kindly because of the love that you have for your husband.
now...
You need to keep in mind that you are no longer that pampered little princess you once were. You are a married woman now and as a wife you have some responsibilties ....one of those responsibilities is to cook. Now I'm not saying this is solely your responsibility (unless it is agreed upon by you and your husband) but it is something that you should learn to do because nobody wants to eat out every single day. So step up to the plate and get started.
As far as your in-laws are concerned you should try and give them the benefit of the doubt because you would want them to do the same for you when you say something they may not like......right? Perhaps they didnt mean anything by it. Maybe they just simply meant that they no longer have to take care of their son because you are here now. That may actually be a good thing u know. :)
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
On a side note, mothers who pamper their daughters are not doing justice to them. They should be preparing them for the real world. If they don't teach them anything, they'll have no clue what to do when they do get married (whether they live with in-laws or alone).
I wanted to say something about this but didn't want the personal attacks..... parents who allow their kids to grow up and move out without teaching them basic life skills do so as a way of making their children overly dependent on them, and are selfish, IMO.
Your mother did you no favors by allowing you to grow up without learning to cook. It is incredibly selfish of you to expect your in-laws to cook for you and wait on you while you are waiting to move out. Who is going to cook for you afterwards? Trust me, I know how difficult it is when in-laws expect the bahu to do everything for them, mine are here now, but you are certainly not in that situation.
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
to answer your question....NO your in-laws can never replace, be, or act like your parents. You can however show them the love and respect they deserve for raising a decent son (and i assume he is decent because you married him and love him). Most of all you should treat them kindly because of the love that you have for your husband.
exactly the lesson im learning!! well said, angel eyes.
your parents are your parents- nobody can replace them and certainly not your in-laws. no matter how kind, loving and understanding they are, you are never really their child, so don't have those expectations of them. in fact, have NO expectations of your inlaws at all.... not without openly discussing them first anyway.
they do things differently in their household and thats where you're living now- learn to compromise and communicate with them in a polite and nice way... if you're welcoming and understanding to their needs, they will be there for you in your need.
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
i agree, i have learnt to polish my cooking skills, even if I won't cook for the first few months at my in laws, my mum says at least if they ask you know what to do! Im not a perfect cook but learnt the basics, ie roti, rice and salans! I wish i had learnt earlier as its another pressure with wedding preps. There are many advantages if living with in law, we dont have a mortgage or pay excessive bills etc, i think you have to balance it all. little things are always happening in households its how we deal with it!
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
but i say the above with not living with them, it could all change...........inshallah i hope not! but if u have a love marriage then u have to understand that u have to accept guys family too!
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
I know your question wasn't about knowing how to cook but this is my advice about the importance of learning how to cook.
My husband and i don't live with the in-laws but you still need to know how to cook. We only live a few roads away from them and when they come round on the weekends etc.. you still have to make dinner or when you go round to their's you might still need to help MIL in the kitchen even if it is for a short while.
Most of all even if your husband says that he doesn't care if you can or cannot cook, i don't believe it. Men love women who can cook and feel proud saying, my wife is a good cook even, if they tell you otherwise. I serously belive the saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" lol
Cooking is what impresses inlaws the most in our culture....that's just the way it is!
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
I don't think she's here to look for sympathies.. she's seeking advice and wants answers to what she's asking. Besides, from what I have seen, Life 1 is one big place to vent and to gather sympathy for many, many people. Alot of the guppans are in this forum to vent out about what's bothering them and I don't see anything wrong with doing so especially when some people do not have anyone to talk to freely about certain things.
and if u have problems or just things u want to vent abt you should vent to your parents or frends, b/c u really won't get very much sympathy and understanding here....
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
I dont think so..even if they are better then anyone else's there does come a time when you realize that no one can treat you or take your nakhras like your own parents...
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
well. u are desi. so its not low desi mentality. it is true that u may get more pampered in your house. but now your wife and BOHU. some parents take that as an honor to have a baho that can take care of personal and family affairs, becuz u need to be strong cuz if u plan to have children u have to be mch more stronger with them. and when you do get married, you cant really imagine life being the same as it was when you were single, obviously you have more duties to take care of. and in there yes there bahu should be vvery sweet soft and able to handle problems... it is a tuff job for bahuss. but think of it this way. God put you on earth for many jobs, not just career wise, and he's not worried of how much money you make or wat a high position you have, its more like how you well you handled your job and if you kept everyone happy.
dont think that ur in laws are coming down at you, its kind of a farz to be a bohu like that
and inlaws cant and can be ur parents. but they shud be equally as much respected as your own parents, if not more
parents raise you and teach you ur morals and then in laws basically fill in the rest of ur life in the morals and values of marriage and motherhood
hope this helps :)
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
nopse.. neither can a DIL be or act like a real daughter nor can PIL be or act like real parents.. those who get along well just happen to be very lucky. good for them!
this one time, my mom scolded me for something that I wasn't doing right when she visited me after shadi (I didn't know how to knead atta before shadi so when my mom saw me adding water and atta over and over to get it right, she got mad at me) I felt like she was "teaching" me how to do things but then I was thinking that if my mil had scolded me for same thing.. I would have been "offended" my fault I know but the reaction would have been very natural. I won't have just laughed about it by saying "aur karain meri shadi" like I did to my mom!!! Big Difference!!!
I tell my mom that you are lucky for not having sons.. you will be a bad mil. :D
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
Most of all even if your husband says that he doesn't care if you can or cannot cook, i don't believe it. Men love women who can cook and feel proud saying, my wife is a good cook even, if they tell you otherwise. I serously belive the saying "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" lol
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
I think it varies and differs from person to person. As for me I am totally blessed to have great in-laws. Everyone is really really nice specially my MIL, she's simply the best, spoils me even more than mom did. I've been married for more than 3 yrs now and she treats me like a princess everyday.
As for you khana pakana issue, if you are a housewife and do nothing, I guess it should be fun to have something to do at hand, be it cooking, rather than sit around and be bored.
But if it is that great an issue for you, try to handle the matter a bit sensibly. I don't think it's that big a deal to have your relationships ruined with the family you are going to spend your life with.
Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
Wana be mum, that's a bit unjust at your MIL's part but I am impressed by your way of handling the situation. Most of the times you gain respect by being sensible and sabir. Hope MIL realizes soon and has better attitude towards you.
