Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
^ you would rather risk those sisters’ healing and force them to see their abuser everyday and them living in constant fear???
Thid yhread is so unbelievable!
OP- if ur father is willing to pay for it and has agreed to send him away then take hm up on that offer ASAP
I know exactly the kind of life your 5 year old sister will have IF she doesn’t get the kind of help she needs. Your sisters are babies and what they have been through will have a huge impact on their future/lives… please take them to a psychologist/psychiatrist.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
It’s good that your dad has talked to your sisters about what has happened but your sisters really do need the right kind of help to get them to deal with what has happened. As for your brother well he really needs to leave the house. How are your sisters supposed to deal with what has happened if he is constantly around and not to mention that he could do it again. Get him to see a professional and don’t just send him to a boarding school because he could still go out and do it to someone else.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
This is one of the reasons why I believe that one of the parents should always be home. Children should always be watched closely. Brother and sisters should not be allowed in each others rooms and left alone even if they are small. If you teach them from a young age then it is easier when they get older. Your sisters and brother need psychological help. He needs to be away from the sisters. I would want to help him as much I can but the sisters need to come first because they were abused. Depending on the country a treatment facility rather than jail and prison would be best. He should not be freed until they determine he is not a threat to society. He should never be alone with the sisters nor come back home until the sisters have left.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Op, I honestly don’t know what to suggest to u I’m not even going to try in that regard. I hope Allah makes things easier for your family.
In a post u said that your dad is just hoping that your sisters will “forget” what happened to them and that he’s not in favor of them getting professional counseling. You also say that your “stupid” brother doesn’t make good decisions, that he’s easily misled, that he doesn’t know which guidance is sound. But what do you say for your dad’s “guidance” about sweeping this under the table and hoping that your sisters will develop amnesia that’ll make them forget about the trauma they went thru? Is your brother the only one who makes poor decisions…what about the head of the household? If dad’s current advice is akin to ignoring and turning a blind eye to what happened…isn’t THIS the exact behavior/carelessness from the parents that led to the abuse in the first place? Maybe your parents’ method of disciplining/guiding didn’t work for your brother. Maybe they were lacking somewhere.
Right now your sisters are very young and they can’t analyze from multiple angles…they can’t think too deeply or too far yet. But as they grow older…and as their thinking abilities broaden…they’re going to start putting the blame on your parents as well. They might resent your parents along with your brother for their lack of vigilance with a son they already knew was troubled and hanging out with bad company. Your parents will have to prepare themselves for this possibility in the future.
I can understand the revulsion that all of you feel toward the brother. But I’m also wondering that could focusing on just the brother and censuring only him… also be a subconscious way for your parents to deflect some of the blame/guilt from themselves? It’s always easier to point the finger at others and not ourselves.
It seems that there is a battle going on in your family as to whether a certain punishment for your brother is too severe or too light. Maybe if everyone (parents especially) reflects upon their own mistakes that led to this mess…it would bring about greater humility and put things in perspective…and help to reach a decision as to what should be done. Decisions based primarily upon strong emotions like disgust/abhorrence tend to be impulsive. Everybody should look at where they failed…it’ll tone down the negative feelings…and maybe lead to the setting of a better consequence.
And no I’m not suggesting that your family go easy on the brother and coddle/pamper him. He deserves to be punished. But at the same time, other parties can’t exempt themselves.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
No. I never said keep him in the same house but sending him to hostel in an isolated environment away from guidance (on his particular behaviour) sn’t the solution.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
where is the third sister in the whole of all this ? why did the girls told you and not her ?
First of all it was very upsetting to read this. May Allah protect your family in this phase.
Something very important that no one had mentioned so far is the girl’s physical check up. To what extent was the abuse is important to know so that medical intervention be made if physical damage along with psychological damage has been made. If you guys are hesitant to take them to a doctor, ask your mother to do a check up to see if they are hurt or bruised or in any other severe pain.
Secondly, please tell your mother to be extra caring and loving to the girls this time. They may not be able to trust the opposite gender that way, even you or your father in that case. They need all the love and care right now.
Thirdly, for your brother. He needs to be clear cut told how horrendous it was. Do scare him that people get jailed, hanged, murdered etc for doing something like this.. Scare him all you can to make sure he changes his self. Also, yes he should NOT be in the same house for a couple of years till things stabilize a bit. Which country do you study in? Can you not get him admission some where near where you can keep an eye on him? If not, boys boarding school is not a bad option. Even sending to another city to a trusted relative who can keep a constant check may seem okay for the time being too!
Just make sure the girls are away from him. Sometimes people do overcome this thinking it was mere curioisty or childishness at the abusers part but that is surely not going to happen while he is loitering in the house while they are there too. They should be kept away from him as long as it can be.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, your mother needs to wake up in this matter. 3 of her kids are in a miserable state and a mother has the power of changing a lot. She really needs to talk a lot out with each of them esp the girls who are looking for support.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
TempA, if you are going to make him read what people are sayin here I wanted to write him something. See below.
You are a brother to young sisters. You know what brother means? It means you are a protector, counsellor, provider in addition to always watching over them so no one ever hurts them and showering them with unconditional love. Did you fulfil any of these duties?
Instead you tarnished them with stains that will never go away. Their whole life they may struggle with trusting men in any role because of what you did. And you shared a sacred relationship with them which you have killed.
Just wake up and chane yourself. Change yourself so much that you can benefit others. Change!
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Innalilah.
Focus your attention more on the sisters. they are the victims and they need your help more then the offender.
if you can afford i would suggest to take him with you, you seem to be mature and inshallah can help him becoming human again(sorry for the word). Boarding school wont do the trick , rather they will spoil the kid as i know many stories of molestation in army boarding schools.
may ALLAH make it easier for you. You attitude is very positive mashallah. You are going though the worst night mare any one can imagine, i think i will not be able to focus on my work after reading all this.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
This thread made me shiver; thought that this nature of crime happens only in Gora countries where sex and pornography is million dollar industry. I can’t imagine what your parent and sisters are going through.
I wonder why your only concern is your little criminal brother. Trust me yours sisters are the most damaged ones not the little brother. Your parents should tackle this phase sensibly. Talk to him to change and get into studies. Get him admitted to a good boarding school. Parents and you can be in touch him and keep track about his .
Simple keep him out of the house for some years. He is 14 years and can understand good or bad.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Thats a very sound advice, you could keep an eye on him more than a relative or a boarding school.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Can I ask you something? Is your mom a step mother to you and your bro?
I am asking because of the way you have written a few things. There could be more problems underlying if that’s the case that is why I m asking.
Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Ian sorry if I offend any of you guys feelings but have to say this! I have only one brother and 2 sisters if my brother ever did anything like this when he was 14 I would have killed him with my own hand and not care about if I was gonna go to jail or not!!! And even if my parents or someone else stopped me from killing him I would than call the police and give him to them even if my parents beg me to not do it! I wouldn’t care about my brothers feelings only Care about my sisters feelings!
I wouldn’t have thought about why he did it or not! Or what HIS feelings was! I would have only thought of my sisters feelings and my brothers feelings could go the darkest place in hell.
I hope I am wrong but it sounds like from the OP that his main Focus is on helping his brother like he using most of his energy on his brother and not his sisters!
My advise would be help your sisters first and than think about your brother!
Can’t understand people are saying stuff like this if it happened in UK that brother would be in jail now!!!
Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Plus the punishment in islam for rapist is dead!
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
It is not about brother’s feelings but making sure he gets the treatment to prevent him from doing more harm to other people around. However, I do agree that he should not be anywhere close to the girls. I also think it is very important to get the girls checked by a physicians for any injuries, they should be taken for therapy. Along with that they need lot of love and assurance that this will never happen again. Karate classes will be quite benefiting for the girls, it will teach them self defence and help them gain some confidence.
The brother is a total jerk but leaving him free will not help anyone. OP, you should contact the agencies suggested by khatti, I am sure you will get lot of helpful information from them.
Also, don’t shut the girls because it is a taboo topic. Let them talk about as many times as they want. Condemn the brother everytime, also everytime teach them the rules of safe touch.
Having a little family meeting, talk about it, condemn the brother, asuure them that they are safe and not in trouble, talk about safe touch as a family, etc will be helpful to them.
Last but not least your parents are equally responsible in what happened. They need get their act together, open their eyes, forget about what people will say, and help these children.
My prayers are with your family.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I understand OP’s sentiments towards his brother…if this was your brother…you wouldn’t just leave him to die. You know he’s sick so you would try to help him - this is what education teaches us. To be able to understand a sickness and treat it rather than just condemn the man to die. That being said…OP: your sisters will NEVER forget what happened to them. NEVER. Please don’t be fooled into thinking time will heal this for them…time will only make it livable. Meaning, an outsider might not be able to tell something horrible happened to them but they will carry these scars for the rest of their lives. These wounds do not heal and the younger the age, the deeper and more permanent they are. If they go untreated, eventually they will either fear or hate the opposite sex for the hurt your brother caused them. Their marriages will not be normal - IF they get married - nor will any relationship they have with a man…be it colleague or friend. Eventually…they will also resent and hate you and your parents for letting this happen to them and furthermore not addressing it properly. Like their lives were not important to you since they’re females. If you really want to fix this…make sure you really fix this. Don’t just put a Band-Aid on things for the time being to quiet everyone.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
OP I want to hear more about the mother…why isn’t she involved in any of htis?
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
^ when something as taboo and horrible as this happens in a desi family, you are more than likely to find the parents shying away from the problem rather than dealing with it head on. back home we simply do not have the education, infrastructure or the support system to deal with such psychological issues in an open-minded way.
you can use this forum as a small-scale representation of our society…look at some of the replies here…some of our members would be happy to see the offender stoned to death, others would hold the OP as co-conspirator and responsible for the damage done to the sisters if he does anything less than handing over his brother to the far less than capable police.
the ones that are offering rehabilitation for the offender and the victims are far fewer…
the same applies to the father and mother in this situation. I can imagine that upon discovery they were probably paralyzed mentally with fear of society, fear of how they will be able to help their children overcome this tragedy and fear of what will come in the months and years to follow…as the OP is working with each party you can see them coming around.
the easy way is to condemn and lock away offenders…the difficult thing to do is to believe that they can be helped and to seek a way to provide them with the support that they need. in this scenario the OP is challenged with playing both sides of the coin…the one where he must protect from further harm the victims and also the one where he must find rehab for his troubled brother.
may the Almighty guide and help him in his efforts, ameen.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
i’m sorry your world is so small 
if you seriously think crimes of this nature don’t happen in asian/muslim countries, you’re deluded. it is probably far worse but is so shunned in society that the victims are too afraid to come forward. just because crimes of this nature are prosecuted in the west and it becomes common knowledge, doesn’t make it more prevalent. as for porn, it’s a multi-billion dollar industry the world over, including pakistan and india.
as to the OP- shunning your brother will resolve nothing. he needs help, counseling, treatment and guidance. what he did was wrong but locking him up and throwing away the key isn’t acknowledging any of his issues that made him do what he did. and he needs that. you need to stay where you are and figure this out because your mother seems absent from these conversations, your father is over-emotional and unable to think logically, and your poor sisters cannot be expected to feel anything but revulsion for him and rightly so. as completely and utterly wrong he was, and as horrific as the situation is, he needs help also, and since you seem to be the only one capable of providing it at the moment, it is your duty to do so instead of going back to school. whatever happens to your brother from here on in, good or bad, is as much your responsibility as it is your parents’.
have you taken any steps to contact therapists, psychologists, or treatment facilities?
redvelvet is absolutely right in her previous post. no one is born with this kind of evil inside them. perhaps he was abused as a child, perhaps he was in the wrong company, none of these justify his actions but its clear he needs help. get him the help he needs, and look after your sisters’ well being too. its a lot of pressure and a lot of work for you but there isn’t anyone else apparently who can step in.