Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

I only ask cz the OP did say that she has a problem being a mother…who knows, maybe there were issues with her parenting her even before all this happened/came to light. If I recall someone (dont rmeember who now) said that if she’d done her job properly, the abuse wouldn’t have happened in the first place (which I think is an extremely unfair assumption/judgment to make)…

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

I figured that’s where you were headed but honestly…is there really any point in degrading the mother more? We can already see that it is unfair to accuse the mother without knowledge of her circumstances and frankly, the fact that there must have been negligence is pretty obvious.

At the end of the day we cannot undo that which has been done. What we can do is guide people in the right direction so that their wounds are able to heal.

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

I did say that I thought that was an unfair assumption to make…I really have no intention or desire to argue or defend my question, I also didnt intend to degrade her role in this. Anyway, we can all agree, that this is an awful thing and I sincerely hope the OP can come to a solution and everyone can find peace.

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

[quote=“TempA, post:12, topic:284683”]

My “sympathy” towards him isn’t causing me to ignore what he has done. Shunning him won’t fix anything. Taking him to the police here won’t fix anything, they’re going to beat him to death. He’s 14, he is at a critical stage. He needs help, hating him is going to turn him into a despicable human being, who might turn into a criminal in his future. I would take him to a sex rehab. center, but I can’t find any here. These incidents are heard of in the country, but it’s difficult to find psychological treatment for the predators.

I AM SURPRISED at your parents reaction, apart from disgust they need to acknowledge that they have a huge problem at hand and they need to deal with it. Pushing your brother out of the house is not a solution, to me your dad (or may be your mom too) doesnt want to deal with the situation. OMG you have such a huge responsibility on your shoulders since the adults are behaving like kids in this matter. Take him to a therapist, search online I guess or go to a reputed hospital psychiatry department and ask for a referral. May allah help you, I will pray for you and your family…you may want to take a break from your studies and fix this mess.

You brother need some good basic Islamic education too but not from a mulla but a good Islamic scholar who understands the human nature and such issues.

I wish Ashfaq Ahmed was alive I would have asked you to go to a person like him. I am so out of touch from Pakistan I havent been back for almost 2 decades. I will see if I can find someone who can honestly and sincerely guide your family.

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

If anyone touched a hair on my daughters head I would kill him. And I mean ANYONE !

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

I would kill him
And hand myself to the police

I have seen similar incidents in my extended family. And people seem.more worried about the criminal than the victims.desi society for u! Sickening jahil morons. Anyone who finds a defence for the boy or even defends the parents actions needs to be shot. Twice.in the eyes.

This thread has made me very angry upset and outraged. May Allah help us all.

87

I totally agree with you! I can’t understand that as a Muslim plus in this holy month ramadan people are saying help him and stuff they are saying help and etc.
in some level I can understand the OP he is only 18 years old afterall plus he is so close to the issue that he can’t think clear or doesn’t have enough knowledge to deal with this problem !
I just can’t understand the parents!
Normally I am against stoning but in this he should be stone to dead! Their isn’t any excuse for that disgusting brother afterall he is 14!!! He is old enough to know that what he did was WRONG and as the OP told us that his brother knew what he was doing was wrong but he couldn’t stop because he was enjoying his sisters!!! Just that should show everyone that he knew he did something wrong and still keep doing it and that’s why he should be killed and not helped!!
any Islamic law or for that western law will give him a punishment but the OP family haven’t really punished him not really!

88

If it was my brother I would kill him with my own hand!

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Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

OPi got a question for u!

Suppose it was Your sister who raped her younger brother(which can happen even if its rare) would you still be coming on this forum and asking for help for her etc?
Be honest

90

Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

Your brother seems to be socially immature and mentally not developed as a 14 year old. I know several boys who are mentally behind their physical age.

Your brother seems to by highly impressionable and has had the wrong type of friends and it seems that your parents are not really parenting. At the age of 14, puberty has kicked in and he is full of hormones and most likely sexual frustration of teenagers and no real outlet.

I would say give another chance to your brother but he needs very strong guidance and mentoring. He also cannot stay in your house and cannot come near your sisters for many years. The best option is a hostel or staying with a close relative that has no females. But the relative needs to be a mentor to him.

Your sisters need parenting support and therapy. It would be best that they do not see your brother for many years.

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

Rape is not simply a product of sexual frustration. It is not about raging hormones. Rape is an abuse of power and is a result of the aggressor not seeing the victim as human or worthy of respect or compassion.

92

Totally agree! Plus every human Beeing goes trough this life stage. I don’t see them(teenagers) raping their sisters! Only sick people does that!
Their is a reason that we girls don’t have pardah infront of our mehrams and that’s because they are suppose to see us as their izzat someone they have to protect not go and rape their sisters!

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

Truly sorry for what happened to your sisters. And for the loss you have suffered - your sisters innocence and the loss of your brother - who was probably a little over 13 when this started.

May God give all of you strength.

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Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

Seriously, at such a crucial time in his life, some of you are on the verge of making things tough for him by saying things against his family which will only upset him further. He is well aware of everyone’s role and how it has been in his house. Its best to stop the shunning and focus on exact solutions to the problem like some of you sent links of rehabilitation centers & NGOs.

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

all this is a lot for most 18 year olds to handle… the OP himself hasn’t been an adult for a long period, and has been put in a position that a lot of adults would fail.

OP: i really think you should take a semester off your studies and tackle the issues at home seeing right now you are the only one being proactive in resolving this issue.

96

Totally agree with you on this! We’re forgetting OP is only 18 himself and some of these comments are just disturbing! It’s so insensitive to say things like ‘I would kill him with my own hands’ etc, this is not the answer to the problem here, if OP wanted to kill him he would have done so already without asking people on a forum for advice! Please just focus on the matter at hand and offer him some serious advice without being judgemental and please consider the effect this whole situation is having on OP himself he doesn’t need further emotional abuse from people on here!

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

I really hope/pray that this is a messed-up guppy who is trolling and no one is in this position or anyone has to go through any of this …

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

i am very sorry to read this.. may Allah make it easy for your family, especially your sisters..

at this point, yes, it is most imp for your sisters to forget the bad experience and get over it, which of course doesn’t happen itself, they need guidance and help too.. please please speak to your parents again, tell them your sisters need to see a pediatric psychiatrist… i understand you fathers point too, but i dont see how taking your sisters to a psychiatrist is going to spread this family issue, its not like the entire city will find out or something.. in the end, its for your sisters’ future!! another thing, which is not to be worried about now, but in future your sisters might face several problems too.. whether it be future sexual relationships, normal conversations with boys or perhaps even the virginity issue, tell your dad its best to deal with the psychological side now whilst they are still young and have plenty of time to get over it and move on INSHALLAH.. if you think they will forget it eventually themselves, then they will also remember it over and over again at later stages of life, which will be of no good to them!!

when it comes to moving your brother out and sending him to some hostel, it will be the best solution temporarily, but long run wise it might make things worse.. firstly because your brother (yes, a rapist maybe but still your 14 year old brother) will feel lost and left alone; his actions deserve being left alone and abandoned maybe but someone has to hold his hand now whilst he still mentally is a child, even if not sexually.. secondly, if your brother gets sent off to some hostel, your sisters and brother will forget things whilst living away from each other, but after some time when they meet again they will recall everything and have flashbacks, which might be more painful then because your sisters will be older and it will all be harder to forget.. it is very wrong to say ‘kill’ or ‘kick out your brother’, its also wrong to let the ‘rapist’ live in the same house as the ‘victims’ , the only wise way out of this is probably what you tell your brother, that is to just focus on education and avoid the social circle you claim to have had an impact on your brothers actions.. and once he is done with his education etc, i know i might sound silly maybe, but in my view it would be safest to marry him off then.. having raped your younger sisters not only shows that your brother gets influenced by his social circle easily, but also that he is sexually ready and not a child anymore.. yes he is 14, but he was 14 whilst that sad incident happened..

yes this is sooo irrelevant, but trust me , sports and new hobbies will definitely change your brother!! sign him up for new sports like tennis or boxing or idk, make sure he doesnt have much time to sit around here and there and get influenced by wrong people..he shouldnt have much time to be around your sisters, this way your brother will live in the same house as your parents and sisters, yet give himself and your sisters the opportunity to forget the horrible incident and get used to living with him.. make sure he doesnt have enough time to even hang around with friends or sit aroung at home.. he should be all busy with sports.. or he could start playing an instrument.. DO NOT TELL ME A RAPIST IS A RAPIST, AND THAT MY ADVICE IS STUPID!! IT IS NOT!! IF HE HAD BEEN BUSY WITH SPORTS AND HOBBIES IN THE FIRST PLACE, HE WOULDNT HAVE RAPED HIS SISTERS OR ROAMED AROUND WITH STUPID NEIGHBORS! help your brother find a new hobby, something he is really interested in, it might be a stupid hobby or a very interesting hobby, just let it be!! he has to live in the same house with you parents, yes, he has done a hugeeeeee mistake and he is not a child.. but hold his hand, he has to live with his parents, what he has done isnt acceptable,not at all, but he still needs his mother and fatheR!! even if his father isnt talking to him or avoiding him, he still needs his father!! sending him away will result in him getting influenced by more people whether it be good or bad changes this time.. but staying with his own father will make him adapt his father’s qualities and habits and views eventually!! growing up next to his own father will make him realise what a wrong mistake he did, whereas sending him away for good will make him a loser and maybe ruin the lives of more women!!

living in the same house but having new interests will INSHALLAH be beneficial in every sense, i promise :slight_smile: your sisters will see the changes in your brother and INSHALLAH move on, and your brother will start seeing your sisters as ‘his sisters’ and ‘izzat’ if he stays in the same house yet has new interests .. also, whilst you are aaway, keep checking up on your brother and call him, DONT JUST SAY THINGS LIKE ‘OHH LISTEN, BE A MAN, DONT BE AN IDIOT’ AND ALL, i am sure you have said enough of this already, just start talking to him like a friend now, make sure he has no friends but you, make sure you have the say over him but still be the one he can trust and talk to always… i do realise you are just 18, and doing all this is wayyyy beyond a brother’s responsibility… but just before you leave, speak to him one last time, speak to him in a very serious manner so he doesnt take your words lightly, then take him out, speak to him outside, give him the feeling that you can be his friend, a friend who will help him improve INSHALLAH :slight_smile:

Allah make it easy for you INSHALLAH, my prayers are with you :slight_smile: you are 18 and very responsible MASHALLAH, may Allah give you more strength and patience :slight_smile:

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

having said about new hobbies for your brother, it would definitely be helpful for your sisters too.. make them play an instrument or take ballet lessons or something girly liek that,.. this way they see many girls their age live a normal life , make new friends , have new hobbies and INSHALLAH forget everything.. they are very young in the end, they will get distracted by things like this and move on INSHALLAH :slight_smile:

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Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?

for those of you that are wishing death/stoning on the offender…consider this:
even the holy prophet pbuh preferred forgiveness and rehabilitation than revenge.
the Almighty is known as the “merciful”, the “Rahman”, the “Benevolent”…judgement and punishment has been promised by Him alone.
who are we to seek vengeance, that too in the holiest of holy months…?