Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
ok some people in the world are like that I'm not arguing that .......but he's been married to the woman for what seven years? If she had a big ego like that he would have discovered it long ago...he wouldn't have been surprised that she acted this way over his "simple" question
Very few people would open up a separate bank account for their wife, who is unemployed. Most couples in which the wife is a housewife, only have a joint bank account. Not only that, you found a way for her to have a source of income... very good, I'm impressed. I'll also commend you because you not only bought her one car, you bought her 2. Some men might give their car to their wife, then buy a new car for themselves, since they are afterall the ones earning the money. She sends money to her parents, and you don't question it, good. I think you have tried your best to provide security and acknowledge that she too has rights and freedoms.
But it seems like money is on your mind: you opened up bank accounts, you took her on all these trips, you have a big home, she went home loaded with gifts for her family, she goes shopping, and she sent $2500 to her mom. For your wife to say, "I don't know if you have any money for me or not"- could mean SEVERAL things.
Maybe your wife thought you were rejecting her trip by saying that it needs to be discussed first? For her to think about buying tickets to Pakistan for only the kids and herself, NOT you, means that maybe there is some distance in the relationship. What is the cause of the distance is what needs to be figured out. Can you think of a reason why she wouldn't want you to travel with her, or why she might think you don't want to go with her? Do you not spend enough time with her that she thinks you would not be interested in going?
One of the things you have to realize is that women have a tendency to give the silent treatment, I do that myself. But that doesn't mean that you should fill out separation papers. Just like that, a woman can argue that the man never understands her. *And why do you feel like ending the relationship?- is it because of the way she handles arguments with you? She isn't abusive. It has to be more than that. *
She knows that if she doesn't cook for you, you can always buy food from outside because you have the money. Tell her that she cooks well, can she pleeease cook tonight, you want her food. If you can't tell her that, then write a note saying that. Tell her that you're her husband, you're responsible for her protection and you need to know the details of the trip.
If you think that you two cannot sort your problems, then go to a marriage counselor or speak to an imam.
Yaar, that is exactly what I am doing. During past one week, I made omelet twice, grilled salmon once, baked fish sticks and steamed some veggies once, brought food home 3 times, had dinner out 2 times, had a fine dinner at a Persian restaurant once.
Did you share this food with her? Did you take her out to dinner.
Most importantly, did you try approaching her, and explaining that you're confused as to why she is angry at you?
Did you share this food with her? Did you take her out to dinner.
why should he?
how was she feeding herself and the kids all those days she didnt bother to cook for him?
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
No I have not offered her food when I cooked or brought home cause I tried to talk to her a couple of times and she did not respond. So I am also not talking to her. I slept in a different room one night and that made absolutely no difference to her. So I started sleeping back in the master bed.
She has been cooking for herself and kids. She has ordered Pizza once or twice as well. She just has not bothered to talk to me or offer any food. When I took food home I fed my kids while I was eating.
I had come to know long after I was married that she pulled similar silent stretches with her own family too before she was married. She did not talk to her own parents for weeks.
Thanks everybody for suggestions and comments. I am not going to go file any separation papers... I will try to break the ice myself tonight or tomorrow.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
Best of luck to you. I hope everything works out well for you. You are doing the right thing by trying to break the ice. One side has to be more mature and take an active stance otherwise things could get worse.
No I have not offered her food when I cooked or brought home cause I tried to talk to her a couple of times and she did not respond. So I am also not talking to her. I slept in a different room one night and that made absolutely no difference to her. So I started sleeping back in the master bed.
She has been cooking for herself and kids. She has ordered Pizza once or twice as well. She just has not bothered to talk to me or offer any food. When I took food home I fed my kids while I was eating.
I had come to know long after I was married that she pulled similar silent stretches with her own family too before she was married. She did not talk to her own parents for weeks.
Thanks everybody for suggestions and comments. I am not going to go file any separation papers... I will try to break the ice myself tonight or tomorrow.
good boy
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
How much do you like your wife? Do you love her, at least did you in the past or was it just you taking care of your responsiblities? BTW I hate peopel giving each other silent treatments. She should talk to you.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
^ honestly, no. Love has not developed in this relationship yet. I do care for her and I know my part of the responsibilities. I am doing more than a fair share of compromise from my end.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
Newsflash: A woman knows when she is in a loveless marriage.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
You're talking like she has unrequited love or something. It could be that neither love the other. They just started off where most couples end up after a few kids anyway.
Newsflash: A woman knows when she is in a loveless marriage.
^ Come on PCG leave him alone, at least he's making an effort. Exactly how many pakistani men would put so much thought into this? At least he's analysing the situation like an educated, mature person would be expected to do so.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
So what should one do in this case? Love has to develop on its own. You can't force love to happen or develop. It's not that I have refrained to fall in love or have held anything back. I have done whatever I could do but it's not happened yet.
I acknowledge her good qualities. She is a good mother and takes good care of our children... She cooks very good and does take care of the household chores well.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
sorry haven't followed the thread properly... but if you don't/didn't love her, why'd you have kids with her?
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
That's sad. I feel sorry for her. No wonder she doesn't want to cook for you.
And also try not be too straight forward. Desi community considers it "mun phatt" It works just fine in Western society but generally not among desis.
Try to be nicer to your wife. Otherwise, desi community considers you to be a jerk. Works fine in Japanese society, but generally not among desis.
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
^ hmmmm I am smelling something burning... wonder what is it! :)
Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
Someone's love life?
Try to be nicer to your wife. Otherwise, desi community considers you to be a jerk. Works fine in Japanese society, but generally not among desis.
I am probably the nicest and most sociable person I know.
Portraying yourself as some angel (not saying god) it seems like. Wonder why do other Pakistanis not socialize with you. Only they can tell...
So what happened to the THE NICEST and MOST SOCIABLE person? Could not take a simple critique? You should watch what you write to others as well. And this proves how sociable and nice you are... No wonder why they keep distance from you :) Take it easy PCG.